Tag: Conflict

Jesus is the Prince of War?

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Jesus makes an incredible statement, “I didn’t come to bring peace, but a sword or division” (Luke 12:49-59, Matthew 10:32-39). So, is Jesus the Prince of War?

Introduction and Opening Questions:

  1. What is the title for Jesus that has special meaning for you?
  2. What situation in your life highlighted that title for you?
  3. What emotions does this verse bring into your heart?
  4. How does the cost of following Jesus (Matthew 10:34-39, Luke 12:49-53) reflect what you have experienced in life?
  5. How do you reconcile the two views of Jesus (peace-giver, conflict-starter)?
  6. What has Christ cost you in terms of relationships? Including family, friends, co-workers.

Conflicted Mission? (John 3:16-17)

  1. What was Jesus’ mission all about? His mission was not of condemnation but of salvation. Without salvation, mankind is at war with God, whether we are aware of it or not.
  2. There is a difference between his mission and the effects of his mission: making peace with God can still bring a kind of war in our lives.
  3. Violence is often the by-product of someone who attempts to bring peace.
    1. MLK – peace and equality, but an act of violence ended his life.
    2. Gandhi – non-violence and peace, yet met an assassin’s bullet at age 79.
    3. John Lennon – wrote “give peace a chance” yet killed with a gunshot.

What about YOU?

  1. When you came to faith in Christ, was there a prying loose with any family or friends?
  2. When you connect with Jesus, you must connect with his mission. What stirs us? Are you filled with a sense of purpose?
  3. When you walk with Jesus, you have to be prepared to let some things go: attitude, potty mouth, vengeance, hating enemies, old habits, maybe your girlfriend.

Matthew 10:34–36 describes Jesus telling the disciples that He came not to bring peace to the world, but a sword. Jesus’ sword was never a literal one. In fact, when Peter took up a sword to defend Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus rebuked him and told him to put away his sword, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword” (Matthew 26:52). Why then, did Jesus say, “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.” What kind of sword did Jesus come to bring?

Among the names of Jesus Christ is that of Prince of Peace. Verses like Isaiah 9:6, Luke 2:14 and John 14:27 make it clear that Jesus came to bring peace, but that peace is between the man and God. Those who reject God and the only way of salvation through Jesus (John 4:6) will find themselves perpetually at war with God. But those who come to Him in repentance will find themselves at peace with God. Because of Christ’s sacrifice, we are restored to a relationship of peace with God (Romans 5:1).

Still, it is inevitable that there will be conflict between good and evil, the Christ and the antichrist, the light and the darkness, the children of God (believers) and the children of the devil (those who refuse Christ).

  1. Conflict must arise between the two groups, and this can and does happen within a family in which some are believers and others are not.
  2. We should seek to be at peace with all men but should never forget that Jesus warned we will be hated for His sake. Because those who reject Him hate Him, they will hate His followers as well (John 15:18).

In Matthew 10:34–36, Jesus said He had come at this time not to bring peace to the earth, but a sword, a weapon which divides and severs. As a result of His visit to the earth, some children would be set against parents and a man’s enemies might be those within his own household (from Micah 7:6, which addresses the rebelliousness and strife characteristic of Israel during the time of Ahaz. Just as Israel’s history foreshadows Jesus’ history, its turmoil and strife foreshadow the strife that results from the coming of the Messiah, even to the division of families. Although coming to Christ brings peace to the heart (Matthew 11:29), embracing the gospel also makes life more difficult in some respects, because Jesus demands allegiance that takes priority over the natural ties of life (Matthew 10:37–39).

  1. This is because many who choose to follow Christ are hated by their family members. This may be part of the cost of discipleship, for love of family should not be greater than love for the Lord.
  2. A true disciple must take up his cross and follow Jesus (Matthew 16:24). He must be willing to face not only family hatred, but also death, like a criminal carrying his cross to his own execution.
  3. True followers of Christ must be willing to give up, even to the point of “hating” all that is in our lives, even our own families, if we are to be worthy of Him (Matthew 10:37–39). In so doing, we find our lives in return for having given them up to Jesus Christ.
  4. Jesus is not denying the personal peace which comes to those who have received Christ (Romans 8:6). The history of Christianity has verified the claim of Jesus that men would be divided harshly, even within family units, over the gospel of Christ. No division is any more clearly drawn than that between holiness and sinfulness

John MacArthur says, “Though the ultimate end of the gospel is peace with God (John 14:27; Romans 8:6), the immediate result of the gospel is frequently conflict. Conversion to Christ can result in strained family relationships (Matthew 10:35, 36), persecution, and even martyrdom. Following Christ presupposes a willingness to endure such hardships (Matthew 10:32, 33, 37–39). Though He is called “Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6), Christ will have no one deluded into thinking that He calls believers to a life devoid of all conflict.”

Why People Resist Change

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Change is hard, people will fight to keep things the same, but why? Why is change so difficult? I was reading an article by Lynn Hardaway (with The Bridge Network of Churches) that brings a few key insights.

What can be done when your church’s core values have drifted away from what makes a church healthy? How can a pastor lead people back to Great Commission values? The first step is to understand why people in an established congregation resist change.

1. They do not feel a need to change.
Unless the church is in crisis, most members believe “all is well” and will not be responsive to the pastor’s pleas to adopt different values. An old adage from the farm says, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink; you can, however, mix a little salt with its oats!” Show them the benefits of change and the danger of refusing to change.

2. People prefer the status quo.
It is safe, comfortable and familiar; moving out of that safe zone to a new place risks giving up control and feeling vulnerable. You should lead them to stop looking at what “is” and to start looking at “what can be” and “what should be.”

3. They have vested interests.
Because some people have been resident members of the congregation for an extended period of time, they have accrued positions of power and influence. You and your ideas for change are new on the scene and, in many churches, you are merely the current pastor who will probably leave within a few years; why should they change their values for a temporary leader? This leads to the next reason people resist change:

4. They do not trust you, yet.
You will need some time and successes to build your credibility in their eyes before they will let you make organizational and behavioral changes. People want to know if you can be trusted, if you know where you are going, and if you are capable of leading them there.

5. Old values and traditions have become sacred to them.
Whether those traditions are grounded in the Scripture or not is irrelevant; they are closely tied to how your people understand and relate to God. We all know pastors who found themselves ostracized because they dared to challenge the “sacred cows” in a congregation. Preach the Word of God compassionately, carefully lead the people to understand the difference between biblical values and cultural forms of worship, and you may be able to lead them away from this unhealthy mindset.

6. People prefer the simple over the complex.
When you introduce healthy systems, such as assimilation and evangelism, it can create confusion and frustration in the minds of your members, and they will naturally resist what they do not understand. They do not have the time or expertise to grasp novel concepts, so you must go the extra mile in clarifying and simplifying the process for them.

7. All human beings are basically self-centered.
While Christian people aspire to selflessness, most of us will react to a new value or idea with the question, “How will this affect my life?” You must remind your people regularly that life is not about them; life is about God’s great passion to see lost people become fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ.

Once you understand these seven reasons people resist change, you can begin the process of moving them from unhealthy values to healthy values.

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Dealing with Conflict at Work

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We are involved in relationships all the time, and sometimes it can get messy… at home, at school, the neighborhood and at work. I have read books about how to cope with difficult people but sometimes you just might need a little practical counsel on what to do when conflict arises at work.

When facing a situation at work when people disagree over a project, course of action or decision, we sometimes find ourselves fighting to win. It can become a test of wills.

Rather than digging in the heels and insisting on our own way, an alternative is to stop for a moment and view the potential outcome in terms of what is God’s way, what is best for the organization. That is for whom we are all working, right (Colossians 3:17, 23)?

I recently read a few tips on how we can get to God’s best for the organization:

1. Stop being so defensive: Being overly defensive does not score points. Instead, it makes you look desperate and immature. Usually what is perceived as a personal attack is nothing more than an attempt to make an improvement, or it may possibly even be a legitimate point of view. Remove your ego from the situation, and see if it looks any different when you start to view the facts.

Okay, sometimes it really is a personal attack. But the rest of these tips will still work.

2. Maintain a calm tone of voice: It’s easy to get sucked into the black hole of emotions, especially when the person on the other side begins to raise their voice, use aggressive hand gestures or hostile body language. You will do much better if you can maintain a calm, confident approach, even when you are in the epicenter of outburst. Take a deep breath, say a quick prayer, count to five, and keep your cool. Controlling your voice is the key to controlling the situation. You might be surprised at the respect this will win from the other observers in the room.

3. Don’t retaliate with criticism or personal attack: In your mind, view the experience on a higher, spiritual plane instead of a simple conflict between two alpha-managers. Instead of retaliating, begin to ask probing questions, and get at the heart of the opposing point of view. Turn the conversation towards what is best for the organization, not about who will win.

4. Acknowledge the other person’s idea as legitimate: One of the most counter-intuitive things you can do in the heat of an intimidating argument is to build up the other person by giving them credit for their opinion, even if you strongly disagree. Usually that is what they are after anyway, to soothe their own ego. Try complimenting the other person on the validity of their idea, and it may very well diffuse the negativity and lead to a more productive discussion.

5. Look to God’s outcome for the situation: If God is truly present in your life and in your organization (which He is), then you must trust that he has a purpose and an outcome that is bigger than you or your co-worker. Picture yourself as the conduit for God’s grace and purpose to pour into the situation at hand, and see how that changes your attitude and the outcome.

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Desires of Husbands & Wives

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Although everyone has three God-given inner needs (for love, significance, and security), God designed the husband to have a greater need for significance, while the wife is uniquely created with a deeper need for security. A crucial element in the marriage relationship is becoming aware of your partner’s desires and learning to meet them creatively. Philippians 2:4 says, “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

How Wives Fulfill Their Husbands’ Desires:

  1. Admiration (Proverbs 31:23)
    1. Praise his positive character traits.
    2. Respect his burden of responsibility.
  2. Domestic Support (Proverbs 31:27)
    1. Provide a peaceful home atmosphere.
    2. Manage the home efficiently.
  3. Companionship (Mark 10:8)
    1. Develop mutual interests together.
    2. Learn to talk knowledgeably about your husband’s occupation.
  4. Attractiveness (Proverbs 31:25)
    1. Develop inner beauty that earns respect.
    2. Display inner strength regardless of outward circumstances.
  5. Sexual Fulfillment (1 Corinthians 7:4-5)
    1. Communicate your sexual desires.
    2. Give assurance that your husband is sexually adequate.

How Husbands Fulfill Their Wives’ Desires:

  1. Affection (Song of Solomon 1:2; 2:6)
    1. Give hugs, kisses, cards, flowers, and gifts.
    2. Tell her how much you care for her.
  2. Communication (Ephesians 4:29)
    1. Listen with concern and interest.
    2. Encourage and praise her positive character traits.
  3. Honesty (Proverbs 24:26)
    1. Commit to total truthfulness.
    2. Share your true thoughts, feelings, and desires.
  4. Financial Security (1 Timothy 5:8)
    1. Shoulder the financial responsibility.
    2. Prepare a budget together to plan for the future.
  5. Commitment (Hebrews 13:4)
    1. Schedule quality and quantity time alone with her.
    2. Make your wife and family your highest earthly priority.

This is information I discovered from June Hunt, the founder and CEO of Hope for the Heart.

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