Tag: Trust

How to Build Trust

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People will not follow you if you cannot be trusted, it is the foundation for doing ministry. Trust is the critical component for healthy and effective relationships and teams. David Horsager writes, “As trust within an organization increases, so do output, morale, productivity and loyalty” (in his book The Trust Edge).

Horsager suggest eight pillars for building (or rebuilding) trust with the people you lead. Think about how these principles transfer to the church world.

How do you rate in these trust-building qualities:

Clarity: This is straight from Simple Church, the message and process must be clear or people will not get on board. People trust leaders who provide clear communication, whether it’s vision for a new ministry or program goals.

Compassion: This is a lesson straight from Jesus himself, who had compassion people in need. It’s why everyone liked Mother Teresa, but you don’t have to be a saint to show people you care.

Character: This has been defined by Bill Hybels as, “the person you are when no one is looking.” We must do what’s right, not what’s easy. This may be a deal breaker if you don’t show your team biblical integrity. There is a reason I like this quality coming before competency; we so often emphasize competency and training for the task that we sacrifice the quality of character. Jesus invested into his disciples, not only for competency in the task, but also character. We must develop people.

Competency: Training is so important in the ministry; we want people to be successful in what they do, and sometimes just a little training will get them on the right path toward a fruitful ministry. You don’t have to be an expert is everything, but make sure you stay on top of your primary ministry focus. On the negative side, why do people so often resist training?

Contribution: People want to trust that you’ll get the job done, and get it done right. Don’t settle for less than your best. The body of Christ all working together makes “the body” of Christ, never minimize your contribution to the whole; everyone is important.

Commitment: The quickest way to build trust is to make and keep your commitments. Think about all the people you trusted to do what they said they were going to do, now think of those who fell through, failing to keep their commitments.

Connection: As John Maxwell teaches, “everyone communicates, few connect.” It’s all about relationships. Connect with those you lead, as friends, not just as workers accomplishing a task. Volunteers will walk away from a task sooner than they’ll abandon a relationship.

Consistency: It’s why we trust a restaurant franchise; we get the same food in Bangkok as in Birmingham. Leadership consistency lets people know you’re dependable.

DARING PROPOSITION: Ask your team members which of these trust-builders you demonstrate most, and which ones need improvement. Your commitment to trust-building will model this value and create a strong ministry team.

Three Fears of Leaders

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For God to really use you in ministry, you have to be willing and able to get close to people and enjoy real relationships with them. But for most believers around the world, it’s pretty apparent that we’re dying of relational isolation.

Many of our relationship problems are not really relationship problems; they’re personal problems that spill over into relationships. Many of our relationship conflicts, including conflicts with people within the church, are really personal conflicts and internal battles. If you want to have great relationships and therefore be a better leader, you have to start with some changes in yourself first rather than expecting everyone around you to change and fix your internal issues for you.

The Bible says in Romans 12:9, “Love from the center of who you are. Don’t fake it” (MSG). Authenticity is when “what you see” is “what you get.” It’s when you don’t play a role, you don’t wear a mask. Most People are afraid to remove their masks. Here are three reasons why.

We Are Afraid of Being Exposed

The fear of exposure is the fear that people will find out that you’re not really who you say you are. It is the fear of exposure that keeps us from being authentic.

We don’t mind our strengths being exposed. We don’t mind our capabilities being exposed. We don’t mind all the good things about us being exposed. What we don’t want people to find out about us is our weaknesses. We don’t want our insecurities exposed. We don’t want our sense of inadequacy exposed (and all of us have that sense of inadequacy). It’s part of being a human and ministry leaders are not exempt. We don’t want people to know that we don’t have it all together.

The truth is nobody has it all together. So why do we pretend? Why do we fake it? Why do we wear masks? The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 2:11, “No one really knows what anyone else is thinking or what he is really like except that person himself.” The reason it’s easy to wear a mask is because nobody really knows what you’re like on the inside. In the entire universe there is only one person who fully understands you. And, by the way, it’s not you. It’s God. You don’t even understand yourself.

If you really want to build deep, meaningful, satisfactory, intimate relationships you’re going to have to let people see your weaknesses. There is no other way. We can impress the people we lead from a distance but we can only influence people up close. And when we get up close, people see our warts and they see our mistakes and we don’t like that.

So how do you overcome the fear of exposure? You decide to walk in the light. The Bible says in 1 John 1:7 “If we live in the light as God is in the light then we can share fellowship with each other.” Fellowship is soul-to-soul interaction, heart-to-heart. The key to genuine fellowship in a marriage, in a friendship or any other relationship, is to live in the light.

We Are Afraid of Being Rejected

We don’t want to let people see what we’re really like because we fear disapproval. We fear rejection. Proverbs 29:25 says this “The fear of human opinion disables.” You spend much of your life trying to earn the acceptance of other people. The way you dress, the way you talk, the kind of car you drive and the house you live in. The fear of human opinion disables. But trusting in God protects you from that.

Why do we fear the opinions of other people, often people we don’t even know? Because we all have a deep desire to be loved. In fact, you don’t just have the desire. You need to be loved. You were created by God to be loved by God and by other people It’s one of the basic needs of your life – to be loved. So we spend our entire lives making sure we’re not unloved. And we’ll do anything to make sure we’re not unloved. It drives us to great extremes many, many times.

The antidote to a fear of rejection is to trust in God’s love. Don’t build your self-worth on another person who loves you conditionally. The Bible says in Daniel 10:19, “Don’t be afraid for you are deeply loved by God. Be at peace, take heart and be strong.” And Psalm 56:11 says, “I trust in God so I will not be afraid. What can people do to me?”

We Are Afraid of Being Hurt Again

The truth is you will be hurt in life many, many times. This is not heaven. This is earth where people get hurt. And you’re going to be hurt over and over and over. The important issue is what you do with that hurt. If you hold on to that hurt, it’s going to strangle the love out of your life. It’ll all go away. If you hold on to your hurt it will shrink your heart, harden it, and eventually turn it to stone. You’ve got to deal with the hurt so you can get on with your life.

There’s a sad process that goes like this:

  1. The more you have been hurt, the more you become afraid of being hurt again.
  2. The more you’re afraid of being hurt again the more defensive you become and protective.
  3. The more defensive and protective you become the more inauthentic a person you become.

We develop self-protective habits and build defensive walls around our hearts that nobody can get through. We actually push people away by all kinds of behaviors.

What happens to people who give in to the hurt and hold on to it? What happens to the people who don’t know how to let the hurt go? The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 5:17, “All they get are days full of sadness and sorrow and they end up sick, defeated and angry.”

The antidote to the fear of being hurt again is to let God give you a new heart. God is in the heart transplant business. Ezekiel 36:26 says, “I will give you a new heart. I will put a new spirit in you. I will remove your heart of stone.” Have you been on the defense because you have been hurt? Jesus Christ can give you a fresh start. He can move you from phony inauthenticity back into authentic relationships.

If you want to be a more effective leader and shepherd, it means being close to people. Being close to people means taking the risk of being exposed, rejected, and hurt. In the end, it’s a risk well worth taking. Jesus opened Himself up to people and He was rejected and crucified; but He also launched a world-changing movement and became the Way for people to know God and go to heaven.

If you want to lead, you’re going to get hurt, but you just might change the world in the process.

From: 3 Fears That Prevent Leaders from Being Authentic and Influencing People
By Rick Warren

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Why People Resist Change

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Change is hard, people will fight to keep things the same, but why? Why is change so difficult? I was reading an article by Lynn Hardaway (with The Bridge Network of Churches) that brings a few key insights.

What can be done when your church’s core values have drifted away from what makes a church healthy? How can a pastor lead people back to Great Commission values? The first step is to understand why people in an established congregation resist change.

1. They do not feel a need to change.
Unless the church is in crisis, most members believe “all is well” and will not be responsive to the pastor’s pleas to adopt different values. An old adage from the farm says, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink; you can, however, mix a little salt with its oats!” Show them the benefits of change and the danger of refusing to change.

2. People prefer the status quo.
It is safe, comfortable and familiar; moving out of that safe zone to a new place risks giving up control and feeling vulnerable. You should lead them to stop looking at what “is” and to start looking at “what can be” and “what should be.”

3. They have vested interests.
Because some people have been resident members of the congregation for an extended period of time, they have accrued positions of power and influence. You and your ideas for change are new on the scene and, in many churches, you are merely the current pastor who will probably leave within a few years; why should they change their values for a temporary leader? This leads to the next reason people resist change:

4. They do not trust you, yet.
You will need some time and successes to build your credibility in their eyes before they will let you make organizational and behavioral changes. People want to know if you can be trusted, if you know where you are going, and if you are capable of leading them there.

5. Old values and traditions have become sacred to them.
Whether those traditions are grounded in the Scripture or not is irrelevant; they are closely tied to how your people understand and relate to God. We all know pastors who found themselves ostracized because they dared to challenge the “sacred cows” in a congregation. Preach the Word of God compassionately, carefully lead the people to understand the difference between biblical values and cultural forms of worship, and you may be able to lead them away from this unhealthy mindset.

6. People prefer the simple over the complex.
When you introduce healthy systems, such as assimilation and evangelism, it can create confusion and frustration in the minds of your members, and they will naturally resist what they do not understand. They do not have the time or expertise to grasp novel concepts, so you must go the extra mile in clarifying and simplifying the process for them.

7. All human beings are basically self-centered.
While Christian people aspire to selflessness, most of us will react to a new value or idea with the question, “How will this affect my life?” You must remind your people regularly that life is not about them; life is about God’s great passion to see lost people become fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ.

Once you understand these seven reasons people resist change, you can begin the process of moving them from unhealthy values to healthy values.

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Loving God and Obedience

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The love of God is so strong that he pursues us in this love relationship, yet it is not supposed to be a one-sided relationship. God desires that we love him back. The verse for this week is one of love, obedience and trust:

He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him. (John 14:21)

When we obey Jesus, we show him that we love him. The reward for obedience is that he will show himself to us. It is not just keeping the letter of the LAW, but keeping the SPIRIT of the Law. Where there is an obedience problem, there is a love problem!

I like to pair two verses together:

For God so loved the world, that He gave His [a]only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. 1 John 3:16)

There are three trustworthy statements regarding the attributes of God (This is a conditional statements):

  1. If God is love, then his ways are always best.
  2. If God is all-knowing, then his directions are always right.
  3. If God is all-powerful, then he can enable you to do his will.

When it comes to God’s commands, they are also an expression of his love. Sometimes we tend to think that God’s rules are there to keep us from having fun or enjoying life, but actually there are two great reasons to obey God’s Word:

  1. God wants to protect us.
  2. God wants to provide the best for us.

Read what God said at the very beginning of the nation of Israel:

He said to them, “Take to your heart all the words with which I am warning you today, which you shall command your sons to observe carefully, even all the words of this law. 47 For it is not an idle word for you; indeed it is your life. And by this word you will prolong your days in the land, which you are about to cross the Jordan to possess. (Deuteronomy 32:26-27)

When your son asks you in time to come, saying, ‘What do the testimonies and the statutes and the judgments mean which the Lord our God commanded you?’ 21 then you shall say to your son, ‘We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt, and the Lord brought us from Egypt with a mighty hand. 22 Moreover, the Lord showed great and distressing signs and wonders before our eyes against Egypt, Pharaoh and all his household; 23 He brought us out from there in order to bring us in, to give us the land which He had sworn to our fathers.’ 24 So the Lord commanded us to observe all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God for our good always and for our survival, as it is today. 25 It will be righteousness for us if we are careful to observe all this commandment before the Lord our God, just as He commanded. (Deuteronomy 6:20-25)

Notice the progression:

  1. When you come to know God by experience, you will be convinced of his love.
  2. When you are convinced of his love, you will believe him.
  3. When you believe him, you will come to trust him.
  4. When you trust him, you will have confidence to obey him.

You would listen to the guy who has the information to avoid land mines in a war zone, so why will we not trust the God who created this world, loves us and wants to protect us and provide the best for us?

God is looking out for your very best, so if you will not obey him, it means you really don’t trust him or love him.

Successful Ministry Partnerships

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Roy Smith of the Norfolk Area Baptist Association wrote this in the NABA newsletter for September 2011:

Doug M. Carter shares some key principles of partnership in his book, Raising More Than Money. Doug is the Senior Vice President of EQUIP, which was founded by John Maxwell. Doug’s book is for everyone who desires to give generously, joyfully, and strategically for maximum kingdom impact. These principles will enable any partnership (or association) to engage in world-impacting ministry.

  1. Partnerships are about multiplication: Partnerships multiply skills, energy, creativity, resources, and results.
  2. Partnerships must be based on trust: To establish and maintain trust, each partner must exhibit both competence and flawless character. Once trust exists, often a handshake will mark the launch of a partnership. Integrity must remain at the heart for any partnership to last.
  3. Partnerships are formed to accomplish a shared goal or mission: They should meet real needs in the lives of the people they serve.
  4. Partnerships are always in process: Building trust and establishing structures and guidelines for ministry together will not happen instantly.
  5. Partnerships are formed around the strengths of each partner: One partner complements the other, bringing needed expertise and/or resources to the table.
  6. Partnerships have conditions: Effective partnerships require long-term commitment, open and regular communication, generosity, flexibility, and a focus on the big picture. The solidity of a partnership is conditional upon a dedication to these issues.

Ministry partners must do five things exceedingly well:

  1. Consecrate – commit to God and one another.
  2. Concentrate – focus on the mission.
  3. Communicate – connect frequently. Silence, not distance, separates us.
  4. Cultivate – invest in the relationship and learn to serve each other.
  5. Celebrate – rejoice with one another, always sharing credit for the victory.

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