How to Build Trust

People will not follow you if you cannot be trusted, it is the foundation for doing ministry. Trust is the critical component for healthy and effective relationships and teams. David Horsager writes, “As trust within an organization increases, so do output, morale, productivity and loyalty” (in his book The Trust Edge).

Horsager suggest eight pillars for building (or rebuilding) trust with the people you lead. Think about how these principles transfer to the church world.

How do you rate in these trust-building qualities:

Clarity: This is straight from Simple Church, the message and process must be clear or people will not get on board. People trust leaders who provide clear communication, whether it’s vision for a new ministry or program goals.

Compassion: This is a lesson straight from Jesus himself, who had compassion people in need. It’s why everyone liked Mother Teresa, but you don’t have to be a saint to show people you care.

Character: This has been defined by Bill Hybels as, “the person you are when no one is looking.” We must do what’s right, not what’s easy. This may be a deal breaker if you don’t show your team biblical integrity. There is a reason I like this quality coming before competency; we so often emphasize competency and training for the task that we sacrifice the quality of character. Jesus invested into his disciples, not only for competency in the task, but also character. We must develop people.

Competency: Training is so important in the ministry; we want people to be successful in what they do, and sometimes just a little training will get them on the right path toward a fruitful ministry. You don’t have to be an expert is everything, but make sure you stay on top of your primary ministry focus. On the negative side, why do people so often resist training?

Contribution: People want to trust that you’ll get the job done, and get it done right. Don’t settle for less than your best. The body of Christ all working together makes “the body” of Christ, never minimize your contribution to the whole; everyone is important.

Commitment: The quickest way to build trust is to make and keep your commitments. Think about all the people you trusted to do what they said they were going to do, now think of those who fell through, failing to keep their commitments.

Connection: As John Maxwell teaches, “everyone communicates, few connect.” It’s all about relationships. Connect with those you lead, as friends, not just as workers accomplishing a task. Volunteers will walk away from a task sooner than they’ll abandon a relationship.

Consistency: It’s why we trust a restaurant franchise; we get the same food in Bangkok as in Birmingham. Leadership consistency lets people know you’re dependable.

DARING PROPOSITION: Ask your team members which of these trust-builders you demonstrate most, and which ones need improvement. Your commitment to trust-building will model this value and create a strong ministry team.

We Need to Develop Character

It is good to know the reasons that character development is so important:

1. Because the Image of God in Mankind was Marred at the Fall:

  • Genesis 1:27, God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
  • Colossians 3:10, and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him.

2. Because We are Fallen Human Beings:

  • Genesis 2:15-17, Then the LORD God took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. 16 The LORD God commanded the man, saying, “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; 17 but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.”
  • Genesis 3:4-6, The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! 5 For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil. When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.
  • Romans 5:12, Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned.
  • 1 Corinthians 15:22, For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ all will be made alive.

3. Because We Live in Guilt and Shame:

  • Genesis 3:8-9, They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?”

4. Because We Devise the Wrong Solutions:

  • Cover Up – Genesis 3:7-8, Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings. 8 They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden.
  • Blame – Genesis 3:11b-12, Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” 12 The man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.” 13 Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” And the woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

5. Because We are Not Born with Good Character: Character is developed.

  • Psalm 51:5, Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me.
  • Psalm 58:3, The wicked are estranged from the womb; these who speak lies go astray from birth.
  • Proverbs 22:15, Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

6. Because We are Born with Sin Tendencies:

  • Exodus 20:5-6, You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.

Years ago there were two men, Jonathan Edwards and Max Jukes. These two men lived as contemporaries and their family history was traced for a certain number of generations. Max was a drunken criminal.

  • Max Jukes had 1,026 descendants. 300 were in prison. 190 were prostitutes, and 680 were alcoholics.
  • Jonathan Edwards had 929 descendants by contrast and 430 were ministers of the gospel. 86 university professors, 13 university presidents, 75 wrote good books, 7 elected to congress and 1 a vice-president of the United States.

Tell me that generations are not affected by what we do. You can break the generational curse when you develop character.

[Based on my classes with Richard D. Leineweber, Jr. c. 2000]

Developing Christian Character

How Do People Grow and Develop Character?

What is Spiritual Formation?

Spiritual Formation is the process of developing the character (life skills) and competencies (ministry skills) of Christ in a believer’s life.

What is the Goal of Spiritual Formation?

  • Romans 8:29, For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren;
  • Galatians 4:19, my little children, for whom I am again in the anguish of childbirth until Christ is formed in you!
  • 1 John 2:6, “the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.”
  • 1 Peter 2:21, “For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps,”
  • 1 Cor. 11:1, “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.”
  • Colossians 1:28-29, We proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ. 29 For this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me.
  • 1 Thessalonians 5:23, Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Why is Spiritual Formation (Character Development) so Important in the Church?

There is a character crisis in the church that has led to a leadership vacuum.

  • “If a leader demonstrates competency, genuine concern for others, and admirable character, people will follow.” — T. Richard Chase
  • “T. Richard Chase distills the basic components that followers look for in a leader. Are they competent? Do they really care for people? Do they possess strong character? Everything else is icing on the cake. Followers can endure a wide spectrum of differences in their leaders, but these three elements are non-negotiable.” — John C. Maxwell
  • “An important question for leaders: ‘Am I building people, or building my dream and using people to do it?”‘ — John C. Maxwell
  • Our goal isn’t to build a big church — but to build big people. If we invest in people, and develop them into mission-driven people, we will see our dream for the church accomplished. People quickly ascertain whether we are building them or using them.”— Jack Hayford
  • It’s not enough to just get the job done, but we must become more like Christ in the process.

It’s important that our competence (ministry skills) doesn’t surpass our character (life skills).

Character Competence

What happens when our competence exceeds our character? What do we call the difference? (A disaster, a crisis, a fall from grace, bad ink. The world looks on and says the church is full of hypocrites).

Character is a non-negotiable in ministry. The Apostle Paul put it this way – ‘giving no cause for offense in anything, so that the ministry will not be discredited“— 2 Corinthians 6:3 cp. “above reproach” (1 Timothy 3:2; Titus 1:7)

[Based on my classes with Richard D. Leineweber, Jr. c. 2000]

Our Part in Spiritual Formation

Here are several ways we develop our own character:

1. Take Responsibility for Our Own Spiritual Formation:

  • Philippians 2:12, So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling.
    • You “work out” your salvation, you don’t “work for it.”
    • We must work out our salvation with fear & trembling. (see Ephesians 2:8-9)
  • Once we experience salvation through Christ’s substitutionary death we are responsible to work out this new relationship/position in Christ with “fear & trembling.”  As we face new challenges, problems or temptations we are not to haphazardly devise a solution with little reflection on what God would want us to do. We are to approach this new life in Christ with “a healthy fear of offending God and a righteous awe and respect for Him (cf. Proverbs 1:7; 9:10; Isaiah66:1-2).” MacArthur Study Bible

2. Start From the Outside In:

  • Matthew 23:25-26, Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence. 26You blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also.
  • Legalism – is an External Make-Over

3. Practice the Spiritual Disciplines:

  • 1 Tim.4:7b-8, On the other hand, discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness; 8 for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.
  • Spiritual disciplines (practices, habits) interrupt the flow of normal life in order to be open to God’s work in our lives. Disciplines of the Spirit:
    • Study of the Scriptures – reading, observing, interpreting, applying, meditating
    • Fasting
    • Solitude
    • Praying
    • Silence

4. Cultivate a Hunger for God’s Word:

  • 1 Peter 2:1, Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander, 2 like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation.
  • Why do some people grow when in the Word and others don’t grow as much?
    • Matthew 13:8 says –”And others fell on the good soil and yielded a crop, some a hundredfold, some sixty, and some thirty.” cp. Mark 4:8; Luke 8:8.
    • The answer to this question is found in Luke 8:15 “As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.”
  • Luke provides the explanation for the different levels of growth and fruitfulness. Luke records Christ giving four steps to being good listeners that maximizes their time in the Word.
    • Step 1 is to have an honest heart. This word “honest” [Gr. kalos ] is the opposite of false-hearted, dishonest about self.
    • Step 2 is to make sure we have a good heart. The word “good” [Gr. agathos] Thayer’s Lexicon says – it means good in the sense of fertile soil, it denotes a soul inclined to goodness and accordingly eager to learn.
    • Step 3 is to “hold it fast” [Gr. katechousin – “cling to” the truths learned]. We are all prone to hear something and then forget it. Jesus is saying we need to hold on to it. For me this requires taking notes if I’m listening to a message, going over those notes during the week, memorizing a key verse from the passage.
    • Step 4 involves bearing “fruit with perseverance.” Fruit bearing takes time and perseverance [Gr. hupomone]. This requires life application, action steps, accountability, prayer and a lot of patience. The degree to which we apply these four steps will determine our fruitfulness.

5. Repent Over Your Sin:

The word repentance [Gr. metanoia] means “a change of mind.” An unbeliever must have a change of mind about their:

  1. “Sin” – Revelation 9:20, 21
  2. “God” – Acts 20:21
  3. “Dead works” – Hebrews 6:1

The biblical concept of repentance involves far more than merely a casual change of thinking. True repentance is always a turning from sin (1 Thessalonians 1:9), and it always results in changed behavior.

  • 2 Corinthians 12:20-21, For I am afraid that perhaps when I come I may find you to be not what I wish and may be found by you to be not what you wish; that perhaps there will be strife, jealousy, angry tempers, disputes, slanders, gossip, arrogance, disturbances; 21 I am afraid that when I come again my God may humiliate me before you, and I may mourn over many of those who have sinned in the past and not repented of the impurity, immorality and sensuality which they have practiced. cf. 2 Corinthians 13:1-5
  • 2 Corinthians 7:9-11, I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God, so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us. 10 For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. 11 For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter.

There are seven marks of a believer that is truly repentant over their sin.

  1. “What earnestness” [Gr. spoude] denotes haste, diligence to try to change things in contrast to previous indifference.
  2. “What vindication of yourselves” [Gr. apologian] denotes an eagerness to clear oneself.
  3. “What indignation” [Gr. aganaktesin] denotes vexation or anger that they have troubled others with their sin
  4. “What fear” [Gr. phobon] denotes fear over God’s displeasure
  5. “What longing” [Gr. epipothesin] denotes yearning to see the matter rectified and relationships restored. Describes a person that will accept all the help he can get.
  6. “What zeal” [Gr. zelos] denotes a fervency or enthusiasm to do what is right.
  7. “What avenging of wrong” [Gr. ekdikesin] denotes a readiness to turn against oneself.

How does godly sorrow differ from worldly sorrow (2 Cor.7:10; Matt.27:3; 26:75)?

  • Judas had worldly sorrow; he felt remorse but it only led to his own suicide (Acts 1:18-20).
  • Peter wept bitterly after he denied the Lord and became extremely vocal about his faith to a lost and dying world.

6. Confess Your Sin & Seek God’s Parental Forgiveness:

  • 1 John 1:9, If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

7. Obey God’s Word as You Learn It:

  • Philippians 2:12, Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,
  • Luke 6:46, Why do you call Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?
  • Luke 8:19-21, Then his mother and his brothers came to him, but they could not reach him because of the crowd. 20 And he was told, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, desiring to see you… 21 But he answered them, “My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.”

8. Replace Old Habits with New Ones:

  • Ephesians 4:22, “…that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, 23 and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.”

Examples

  • Ephesians 4:25, Therefore, laying aside falsehood, SPEAK TRUTH EACH ONE of you WITH HIS NEIGHBOR, for we are members of one another.
  • Ephesians 4:28, He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need.
  • Ephesians 4:29, Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

9. Place Yourself Under the Authority of a Local Church and Soul-Care of a Small Group Leader:

  • Heb.13:17, Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you
  • 1 Thessalonians 3:10, as we night and day keep praying most earnestly that we may see your face, and may complete what is lacking in your faith?

Place ourselves in a “face to face” environment where people are honest about our need to change.

  • Matthew 18:15-20, “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18 Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven. 19 “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. 20 For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.”

You need the “teeth of accountability”

10. Get an Accountability Partner:

  • Hebrews 3:13, But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called “Today,” so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
  • 2 Timothy 2:22, Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

Write out your spiritual growth plan

11. Apply All Diligence in Developing Your Character:

2 Peter 1:5-7, Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, 6 and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, 7 and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love Diligence involves seeing the task of character development as a special assignment from the Lord and using all of your energy to accomplish it. (IBLP adapted)

Spiritual formation is a lifetime task

  • Philippians 3:12-16, Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, ” I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained.
  • It’s a lifetime of work. The Apostle Paul was always pursuing this goal but was very conscious of the fact that he hadn’t arrived.

12. Our Progress Should be Measurable:

  • Ephesians 4:11-13, And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers, 12 for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ; 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.
    • Measurable Outcomes – Is formation occurring? What is your next step?
    • What bench marks have you set to measure your progress?
    • Marked by Love – Love for God & a Love for People
  • 2 Timothy 4:15-16, Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. 16 Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers.

[Based on my classes with Richard D. Leineweber, Jr. c. 2000]

Steps to Developing Character

It’s important to develop a definition of a disciplined person) at each level of disciplemaking. This involves identifying the character qualities and competencies that a disciple needs to develop at each level.

A character quality is developed as we choose to obey a command of Christ habitually despite the difficulties, opposition or circumstances. Long-term habits (good or bad) shape our character.

Character development is a fundamental change in a person’s moral constitution. It involves seeing people who are feeling-oriented become obedience-oriented.

  • Don’t underestimate the challenge of developing a person’s character; it’s a painful process.
  • Paul wrote, “My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you,” Galatians 4:19.
  • Although it may be a painful process, it’s not an impossible task. We can take hope in the fact that the Bible wasn’t just given to us for information but for transformation (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

Rick Warren has written in his book The Purpose Driven Church:

  • Christlike character is the ultimate goal. To settle for anything less is to miss the point of spiritual growth. We are to … “become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ,” (Ephesians 4:13).
  • Developing the character of Christ is life’s most important task because it is the only thing we’ll take with us into eternity. Jesus made it quite clear in his Sermon on the Mount that eternal rewards in heaven would be based on the character we develop and demonstrate here on earth.
  • This means the objective of all our teaching must be to change lives, NOT merely provide information.
  • Character is never built in a classroom; it is built in the circumstances of life. The classroom Bible study is simply the place to identify character qualities and learn how character is developed. When we understand how God uses circumstances to develop character, we can respond correctly when God places us in character-building situations. Character development always involves a choice. When we make the right choice, our character grows more like Christ.

Choices start with thoughts – “Sow a thought and reap an act. Sow an act and reap a habit. Sow a habit and reap a character. Sow a character and reap a destiny.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

THOUGHT + ACT + HABIT = CHARACTER

  • What is character? It is the dynamic orientation toward good or bad.
  • Character is developed through repeated choices that become habits.
  • How do you build character? Building character involves the transformation of the will through repeated choices that become habits that are allowed to shape ones thinking and feelings.

Church consultant Bob Gilliam suggests the following formula can create a sufficient enough commitment in a person’s life that wants to develop life skills (character) or ministry skills (competence).

PRIORITY + DISCIPLINE = COMMITMENT

Discipline is made up of two important dynamics – Relationship and Accountability. If we want to be committed to a habit that will ultimately shape our character then we must have a close relationship with someone that we invite to hold us accountable.

[Based on my classes with Richard D. Leineweber, Jr. c. 2000]