Leaders Who Are PROVEN

Leaders Who Are PROVEN

There is talk all the time about leadership. Leadership in the government (having just come out of an election year), leadership on the football team (listening to commentators talking about various players each Saturday), leadership in the home (that whole marriage roles conversation), even leadership in the church (like the role and function of a pastor, the staff, deacons, and teachers). Leadership is not necessarily all about control and authority, because leadership expert Dr. John Maxwell says that leadership is influence. When you have influence over a person, group, a company, or a church, you are a leader.

It’s about influence that moves people to do things that they likely could not have done without leadership. I suppose a glaring biblical example of the lack of leadership may be found in the Book of Judges. There are two verses that tells us that everyone did what was right in their own eyes (Judges 17:6, 21:25, it’s even found in Deuteronomy 12:8). By the way, Proverbs offers a little commentary when it comes to people doing what is right in their own eyes… “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes” (Proverbs 12:15) and “Every man’s way is right in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the hearts” (Proverbs 21:2).

In the Titus 1:5-11 passage we read earlier, Paul is coaching Titus on leadership. We can learn much from what we read in Scripture, if we only we take the time to read it, understand it, and seek ways to apply it. Here is how Paul describes church leaders:

Blameless (above reproach) – Their work for the church, as well as their interactions with others outside the church, are to be of such moral quality that they do not bring shame or in any way disgrace the body of Christ or the name of Jesus.

Above reproach, however, does not mean without sin. No Christian lives an entirely sinless life, nor will we until we get to heaven. Above reproach means that the leader’s life is free from sinful habits or behaviors that would hinder his setting the highest Christian standard and model for the church to imitate (Hebrews 13:7; 1 Peter 5:3). Remember that leadership is influence.

In the same way, the leader must not give reasons for those outside the church to challenge its reputation or integrity. Being above reproach means that no one can honestly bring a charge or accusation against the Christian leader (Acts 25:7; 1 Peter 3:16).

Husband of one wife – this does not mean that a church leader must be married, or even male, but probably means the person is faithful to the vows he’s made to his wife, and not a polygamist.

Has children who believe – this does not mean that a church leader must be a father or have children walking with the Lord. How many of us have raised our kids in the church yet they today have nothing to do with the church, maybe even nothing to do with God? At some point all human being must make their own decisions about who they will serve. What I mean is that since children have soul competency before God, their rebellion and wild nature cannot disqualify a church leader from effective service to God and this church.

Paul throws in some negative qualities:

Not accused of dissipation (which is indulgence, immorality, depravity, corruption) or rebellion – basically the leader is not overbearing, quick-tempered, given to drunkenness, violence, dishonest gain.

Then on the plus side:

The leader is hospitable, he or she loves good, is self-controlled, holy, and disciplined, holding firmly to sound teaching and doctrine.

So, as we look at leadership today, leaders are to be PROVEN. I am going to share with your six qualities of PROVEN leaders…

PASSION = Passion of Jesus, his mission, the Great Commandment, and the Great Commission:

Passion is not a word often used in our culture, unless it is in the romantic sense of being passionate with or about your spouse, but the word is very accurate when it comes to our connection with Jesus.

This word passion fits right in with God’s greatest commandment, which is found in Deuteronomy 6:4-5, to love our God with all of our being (heart, mind, soul, and strength). Let me share some guidance from Scripture about how to awaken that in your life:

1) Get to know God. It goes without saying that we cannot love someone we do not know, so the place to start is to get to know God and understand what He has done for you. Before the command to love God is given in Deuteronomy 6:5, the statement is made, “Hear O Israel, The LORD our God is one LORD.”

One aspect of this statement is that the God of the Bible is unique, and the better we get to know what He is like, the easier it will be for us to love Him with our whole being. This also involves getting to know what He has done for us. Again, before the first command is given in Exodus 20:3, God states what He had done for Israel in bringing them out of slavery in Egypt. Likewise, in Romans 12:1-2, the command to offer our lives as living sacrifices is prefaced with the word therefore–a word meant to remind us of all of the mercies of God toward us recorded in the previous chapters.

To grow in love with God, a person needs to get to know Him. God has revealed Himself in nature (read about that in Romans 1), but so much more through His written Word. We need to make daily Bible study a personal habit—as much a part of our lives as eating food every day. It is important to remember that the Bible is more than a book; it is actually God’s love letter to us, revealing himself through the centuries, especially through the ministry of Jesus Christ, His one and only unique Son. We must read the Bible, asking His Holy Spirit to speak to our hearts about what He wants us to learn from it that day.

2) Pray like Jesus did. When we examine the life of Jesus (as well as that of Daniel and others who had a passion for God) we find that prayer was a vital ingredient in their relationships with God. You cannot imagine a man and woman growing in love without communicating, so prayer cannot be neglected without expecting your love for God to grow cold. Prayer is part of the armor we use against our greatest enemies (Ephesians 6:18). We may have a desire to love God, but we will fail in our walk with Christ without prayer (Matthew 26:41).

3) Walk closely with God NOW. Daniel and his three friends chose to obey God and refused to compromise in even the food they ate (Daniel 1). The others who were brought from Judah to Babylon as prisoners with them caved in, and are never mentioned again. When the Jewish prisoners of war had their convictions challenged in a far greater way, it was only these few who stood alone for God (Daniel 3 and 6). In order to ensure that we will be passionate for God LATER, we need to walk with Him NOW and begin to obey Him in the smallest details of life!

Peter learned this the hard way by following God “at a distance,” rather than identifying himself more closely with Christ before his temptation to deny Him (Luke 22:54). God says that where a man’s treasure is, there his heart will be also. As we invest our lives in God through serving Him and being on the receiving end of persecution for Him, our treasure will increasingly be with Him, and so will our hearts (1 Timothy 3:12; Matthew 6:21).

4) Eliminate the competition. Jesus said it is impossible to have two masters (Matthew 6:24). We are always tempted to love the world (those things which please our eyes, make us feel good about ourselves, and gratify our earthly desires – 1 John 2:15-17). James tells us that embracing the world and its friendship is enmity (hatred) toward God and amounts to spiritual adultery (James 4:4). We need to get rid of some things in our lives that compete for our alligience (friends who would lead us the wrong way, things that waste our time and energy and keep us from serving God more faithfully, pursuits of popularity, possessions, and physical and emotional gratifications). God promises that if we pursue Him, He will not only provide for our needs (Matthew 6:33) but will give us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4-5).

So, leaders are to be people who are passionate about Jesus and his mission and spiritual disciples.

RELATIONSHIPS = Relationships resulting in accountability and application in small groups:

A small group at church consists of a handful of believers who are connected by our common faith in Jesus. They meet together for Bible study, service projects, encouragement, prayer, and fellowship. As churches grow larger, these small groups keep people connected with one another. The goal of a biblically faithful church is to create authentic community through our small groups ministry, which fosters discipleship, prayer, connection, and accountability. The number of participants in each small group is generally limited so that deep and long-lasting relationships are cultivated and maintained.

The model for small groups is found in the book of Acts when believers met together in homes to eat, fellowship, and take communion (Acts 2:41–42, 46). They would read the apostles’ letters, discuss them, pray, and challenge each other to keep the faith (Acts 20:7–8). A small group that functions correctly is a little church within a larger congregation.

It is within these small groups that the “one anothers” of Scripture take place. When the Bible tells Christians to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), pray for one another (James 5:16), accept one another (Romans 15:7), and forgive one another (Colossians 3:13), it implies that we are in close relationship with other believers. On a practical level, in a church of several hundred, the pastor cannot visit every sick person or take a meal to every new mother. Regardless of how friendly or outgoing a member may be, he or she cannot personally know an entire crowd seen only for an hour on Sunday morning. Community doesn’t happen when we are looking at the back of someone’s head. Community happens in circles, not in rows. So, the pastor and staff rely on small group leaders to take care of the members of their groups. They are the shepherds of the small flock of members who are in their charge.

In many ways, the first-century church was a series of small groups. They all studied the same Scriptures (Acts 17:11), read the same letters from the apostles (Colossians 4:16; 1 Thessalonians 5:27), and obeyed to the same standards for community lifestyle (1 Corinthians 11–14). They met in homes throughout the week (Acts 2:46) and established close, personal relationships with each other (Romans 12:10; 1 Peter 2:17). When modern church groups strive for the same unity (Ephesians 4:3; Psalm 133:1), they are fulfilling the expectations Jesus has for His church (Matthew 16:18).

OBEDIENCE = Obedience to the Commands of Christ and the Teachings of the Bible;

The Bible has a lot to say about obedience. In fact, obedience is an essential part of the Christian faith. Jesus Himself was “obedient unto death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:8). For Christians, the act of taking up our cross and following Christ (Matthew 16:24) means obedience. The Bible says that we show our love for Jesus by obeying Him in all things: “If you love Me, keep My commandments” (John 14:15). A Christian who is not obeying Christ’s commands can rightly be asked, “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?” (Luke 6:46).

Obedience is defined as “dutiful or submissive compliance to the commands of one in authority.” Using this definition, we see the elements of biblical obedience. “Dutiful” means it is our obligation to obey God, just as Jesus fulfilled His duty to the Father by dying on the cross for our sin. “Submissive” indicates that we yield our will to God’s will. “Commands” speak of the Scriptures in which God has clearly presented His instructions, these “commands of Jesus, which I have studied over past decade. These are grammatical imperatives that must be obeyed, because they are not suggestions. The “one in authority” is God Himself, whose authority is total and unmistakable. For the Christian, obedience means complying with everything God has commanded. It is our duty and privilege to do so.

Having said that, it is important to remember that our obedience to God is not solely a matter of duty. We obey Him because we love Him (John 14:23). Also, we understand that the SPIRIT of obedience is as important as the ACT of obedience. We serve the Lord in humility, singleness of heart, and love.

If we love God, we WILL obey Him. We won’t be perfect in our obedience, but our desire is to submit to the Lord and demonstrate our love through good works. When we love God and obey Him, we naturally have love for one another. Obedience to God’s commands will make us light and salt in a dark and tasteless world (Matthew 5:13–16).

VICTORY = Victory over sin through ongoing sanctification and integrity:

The key to victory in our struggles with sin lies not in ourselves, but in God and His faithfulness to us: “The LORD is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth” (Psalm 145:18; see also Psalm 46:1).

There’s no getting around it: we all struggle with sin (Romans 3:23). Even the great apostle Paul grieved over his ongoing struggle with sin in his life (Romans 7:18-20). Paul’s struggle with sin was real; so much so that he cried out, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?” (Romans 7:24).

Yet in the very next breath, he answers his own question, as well as ours: “Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:25a).

Our key to victory in our struggle with sin lies in the promise of God Himself: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13). If God provides a way of escape, it seems to me, that victory over sin is a matter of making better choices with the help of the Holy Spirit, who dwells inside every believer.

The Proven disciple (and the Proven leader) will have this desire to please God in his or her life and victory will come over a lifetime of obedience to God’s Word. When we understand the battle and the enemy’s battle strategy, we can better live victoriously in this fallen world.

ETERNAL FOCUS = Eternal focus resulting in Evangelism and the Example of Jesus:

Personal evangelism appears to be a scary thing for a lot of believers. It is simply the act of a person sharing the gospel, the good news, with someone else. There are many different methods of personal evangelism, and it is a hot topic within Christianity. Books, classes, and seminars are dedicated to the subject of witnessing, soul-winning, and helping others find salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. Not every method is effective or biblically supportable; according to Bible teacher Dr. John MacArthur, “Jesus would have failed personal evangelism class in almost every Bible college and seminary I know.”

According to a 2016 Barna survey, 73 percent of Americans claim to be Christians. However, after applying scriptural tests to those claims, only around 31 percent actually qualify as practicing Christians. The Bible knows no other kind of Christian (Matthew 7:19–21; 1 John 3:7–10). Clearly, what has passed for personal evangelism for the last several generations has not been effective. It’s time for something new. Not a new message, but a new method of reaching people for Jesus.

I’ve shared this before, but I like the BLESS strategy; I call it “How to BLESS your neighbors.”

  • BEGIN with Prayer. Helping someone come to faith in Jesus is a God thing, don’t leave home without prayer.
  • LISTEN to the people around you. Discover their needs, hopes, dreams, cares, problems, frustrations, joys, and desires by simply having a conversation and listening to them.
  • EAT with them, sharing a meal. Find a time to share a meal. People will open up when they are across the table of fellowship.
  • SERVE them in some way, meeting a need. After all this listening to them, how can you make a practical difference in their lives? Serve them.
  • STORY means earning the right to share YOUR story or HIS story. After you have earned the right, find a way to share one of two possible stories: YOUR story, which is your testimony, or HIS story, the plan of salvation in the Bible.

In our personal evangelism, it is good to remember that we are only responsible to God for our obedience, not the results of that obedience. We may present the gospel thoroughly and lovingly, and the person to whom we witness may hear and understand, but still choose to walk away. We are not responsible for that reaction, but only for the level of obedience involved in our presentation. Acts 1:8 tells us that we will be his witnesses, the only choice we have is will we be a good witness or a poor witness?

NURTURING = Nurture others in the faith through example, teaching, and leadership:

As I think about nurturing others, I think about family and parenting. While the Bible has much to say about physical parenting, we are also called to spiritual parenting.

When God led the Israelites out of bondage, He commanded them to teach their children all He had done for them (Deuteronomy 6:6–7; 11:19). He desired that the generations to come would continue to uphold all His commands. When one generation fails to teach God’s laws in the next, a society quickly declines. Parents have not only a responsibility to their children, but an assignment from God to impart His values and truth into their lives.

While the home is primary place for raising children (Sunday School and VBS is not enough) the church is also a place to nurture those around us. And it is not just for kids. Women get together on Tuesdays. Men of Steel gather at Denny’s on Wednesdays and the Noble Men meet in the fellowship on various Saturdays. Leaders are nurtured and actively nurture others. The growth never ends, not until Jesus calls us home.

So, these six characteristics will help us to be a PROVEN leader, and a PROVEN disciple of Jesus. A lost world is watching us, ad waiting for us to prove that we are who we say we are. We expect more out of our leaders. Remember that being above reproach does not mean we are perfect, but that we live in such a way that no one can honestly say that our behavior would bring shame on the name of Jesus or his church.

Maybe you heard something today, and you need to make some changes in your life. We’re here to help, no one does this Christian life thing on their own. At King’s Grant, we are first of all, a community of faith. You can grow into the disciple and leader God desires for you to be, and the church can help, you’re not alone.

Let’s talk to God about it…

PRAY: Lord Jesus, this time is yours. You know our hearts, motivation, and attitudes. You know where we fall short better than we know ourselves. May we rekindle our passion for you, your Word, and the mission you have in our lives. Help us to live a life of significance and influence. Help us to know your will and your ways and give us the courage to stand up for the cause of Christ. Lord Jesus, may you be glorified through your PROVEN people. AMEN.

Thank you for being a part of this worship and study time. If we can help you in any way, please reach out to us through the church website (kgbc.us/more). If you live in the Virginia Beach area, we invite you to stop by for a visit on Sundays at 9:30am or 11am or join us for midweek activities on Wednesday evenings (kgbc.us/midweek). Until next time, thanks for joining us. We hope to see you soon.

Identifying with the Apostle Paul

Paul: Apostle of Christ (2018 Film)

Conflict in the church. A member caught in some sinful behavior. Church discipline. What does it mean to forgive? Is church discipline just a self-righteous way to hold a grudge? Or do we have a vendetta against the offender? What about taking the log out of your own eye before you try to remove the speck in the other person’s eye? What about letting the one who is without sin cast the first stone? What about, turn the other cheek? How many times must I forgive my brother, seven times? Jesus said not to judge others, so who are we to judge? He also said to forgive others or the Father won’t forgive you.

  1. In our local context, who are the ones giving the church and the name of Christ a bad name? Can we honestly say that the defenders of truth are giving Jesus a black eye? Or those who are acting ungodly? Are the deacons causing all this conflict by being unforgiving or are they the ones dealing with it? Do we have members masquerading as godly leaders? 
  2. Is the issue our lack of forgiveness of the unrepentant offender? Do we just let it go? Is that the most loving thing to do, just forgive, forget, and move on?
  3. Are we supposed to just accept deception and lying and ungodly behavior in our church leaders?

Why don’t we take a walk through the New Testament to discover what the apostle Paul did when he confronted sinful activity in the church…

What are Paul’s disciplinary steps in Corinth? What did he say about ungodliness? What is the church to do to maintain it’s witness and holiness?

  1. How do we explain 1 Corinthians 5:1-2? Did Paul just tell them to forgive the bad behavior? Are we supposed to rationalize this away as a misunderstanding? Do we just agree that nobody’s perfect? Do we quote Jesus and say, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone?” What other interpretation can there be for the phrase, “remove him from your midst”?
  2. I have already judged this offender (Wait a minute… Jesus said we are NOT to judge [Matthew 7:1]. I don’t sense a holier-than-thou attitude in Paul, we prefer the word “discernment”) – 1 Corinthians 5:3
  3. Deliver that person to Satan (this seems extreme but it is apparently in the realm of possibility) – 1 Corinthians 5:5
  4. Your boasting is not good (do we boast that we are not the leaven of which Paul speaks?) – 1 Corinthians 5:6
  5. A little leaven raises the whole lump (this is a reality that when we give an inch, the enemy will take much more ground. We must stand for the truth and godliness. One principle of relationships is that we become more like those people we pal around with, the same with leaven in dough) – 1 Corinthians 5:6
  6. Clean out the old leaven (we need the new leaven of godliness, positive peer pressure if you will) – 1 Corinthians 5:7
  7. Don’t associate with that immoral person (more than likely, that person will drag you down more than you will help that person to rise up, again, another principle of relationships) – 1 Corinthians 5:9
  8. Don’t even eat with this so-called brother (Paul is emphasizing the “so-called” brother, questioning whether that person has experienced regeneration) – 1 Corinthians 5:11
  9. We are to judge those inside the church (Jesus said NOT to judge, but this refers to dealing [Matthew 7:1] with internal matters inside the body) – 1 Corinthians 5:12
  10. What part of “remove the wicked man from among yourselves” is ambiguous? – 1 Corinthians 5:13
  11. Are there no wise men among you to settle disputes (godly people are called to act in the midst of conflict) – 1 Corinthians 6:5
  12. The unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God (while we love to side with forgiveness and the blessings of everlasting life, the consequences of ungodliness cannot be overlooked) – 1 Corinthians 6:9
  13. The goal of church discipline is godly sorrow that leads to repentance, and restoration (not to kick anyone out of the church) – 2 Corinthians 2:3-4
  14. “Sufficient for such a one is this punishment which was inflicted by the majority.” (they did not just forgive and forget, they dealt with the sin in the camp) – 2 Corinthians 2:6
  15. Forgiveness follows repentance (we can personally let it go without repentance, but leaders need time to recover and rebuild trust) – 2 Corinthians 2:7-8
  16. We are not ignorant of the schemes of Satan (we know who is the real enemy here, and Satan desires to take down church leaders to discredit the gospel and the witness of the local church) – 2 Corinthians 2:11
  17. The gospel is veiled to those who are perishing, (they don’t see how their actions are wrong) – 2 Corinthians 4:3-4
  18. “This fight” may be momentary light affliction, producing an eternal weight of glory (so stand strong in the battle, don’t give in to the darkness) – 2 Corinthians 4:17
  19. In fear of the Lord, we persuade men to leave sinful activity – 2 Corinthians 5:11
  20. Cleanse yourself from all defilement (accountability is a great asset) – 2 Corinthians 7:1
  21. Paul did not regret his letter that brought godly sorrow, (the sinner must be addressed or nothing changes) – 2 Corinthians 7:8-10
  22. We are ready to punish all disobedience (“punish” appears to be quite a strong word) – 2 Corinthians 10:6
  23. Paul acknowledges there are Christian workers who are false apostles, deceitful workers, and even Satan disguises himself as an angel is light, and his servants disguise themselves as servants of righteousness (apparently, this is not a new strategy of the enemy) – 2 Corinthians 11:13-15
  24. Paul does not want to show up in Corinth only to mourn over those who have not repented of their evil, who were still acting like pagans (confrontation is for getting people back on track, moving toward repentance and restoration, it is not for condemnation) – 2 Corinthians 12:20-21
  25. Test yourselves to see if you are even of the faith (for those who so easily exhibit ungodly behavior, Paul’s challenge is to see if you are really saved) – 2 Corinthians 13:5

What about in Romans?

  1. Paul rails at those who suppress the truth in unrighteousness – Romans 1:18
  2. God and his truth are self-evident (primarily regarding the existence of God) – Romans 1:19
  3. People (primarily unbelievers) are without excuse and cannot say they have never seen God, didn’t know about him, or know that he is revealed through his creation – Romans 1:20
  4. Their foolish heart was darkened (the light of Christ was not shining. How can a member of God’s forever family walk in such darkness? Well, the short answer is that when someone is in the dark, they figuratively cannot see that they are wrong) – Romans 1:21
  5. Professing to be wise, they became fools (their arrogance was their downfall) – Romans 1:22
  6. They exchanged the truth for a lie (we know that the truth sets us free) – Romans 1:25
  7. God gave them over to a depraved mind (in our stubbornness, sometimes God lets us have our own way, and we suffer the consequences of our poor decisions and actions) – Romans 1:28
  8. They not only participated, they gave hearty approval to those who practice these things (don’t allow yourself to be dragged into the darkness with them) – Romans 1:32
  9. Because of stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath for yourself (Paul thought he was all about God’s work until he had the Damascus Road experience) – Romans 2:5
  10. There will be tribulation and distress for every soul of man who does evil (the issue may not be losing one’s salvation because perhaps, some church people have never experienced regeneration. Check out Matthew 7:21-23) – Romans 2:9
  11. The law is written on their hearts, their conscience bearing witness; we know what is right and true (perhaps this can only be stubbornness in not allowing God total control over our lives) – Romans 2:15
  12. Shall we continue to sin? (Paul’s answer is in 6:2, that we are to live as people who are redeemed, not like the world) – Romans 6:1-2
  13. We are to walk in newness of life (if we are saved, act like it and live like it, or at least are on the road of sanctification; we are to look and talk and act differently than the world) – Romans 6:4
  14. Do not let sin reign in your mortal body, or obey its lusts (exercise discernment, sin is a choice, this reminds me of James 4:8) – Romans 6:12
  15. The mind set of the flesh is death (in addition to “flesh,” we might include other things on which we set our minds, those things become idols in the true sense of the word) – Romans 8:6
  16. The mind set of the flesh is hostile toward God (or any idol that we create and becomes a barrier between God and the church, his people, his flock) – Romans 8:7
  17. Seeking to establish a righteousness of our own, we do not subject ourselves to the righteousness of God 9we discern proper behavior by reading the Bible. We cannot elevate our sanctuary furniture or leadership attire to the level of idolatry) – Romans 10:3
  18. Do not conform to the world’s standard (the Phillips translation: don’t let the world squeeze you into its mold) – Romans 12:1-2
  19. Resisting authority opposes the ordinances of God (the context here is governmental authority, but we are to also live as people under the authority of Christ and his earthly leaders) – Romans 13:2
  20. Let us behave properly as in the day (not living one way at church and another way in the world, on the golf course, or the marketplace) – Romans 13:13
  21. Keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to sound teaching, and turn away from them (this reminds me of Titus 3:10-11, these people are enemies of church unity) – Romans 16:17

How about in Galatia?

  1. Paul is amazed that they are deserting Jesus for some other gospel (much of the problem is Jesus plus something else, like becoming a Jew first. What we might do today is more subtle; saved by grace through faith, plus a pulpit, a choir, pastor in a suit, an American flag in the corner of the sanctuary, a hymnal in the pew – Galatians 1:6
  2. There are some people who are disturbing those in the church and distorting the gospel. Trouble-makers in the church is nothing new – Galatians 1:7
  3. Let that person be “accused” (Strong’s G331 a thing devoted to God without hope of being redeemed, and if an animal, to be slain; therefore a person or thing doomed to destruction, anathema, a (religious) ban or (concretely) excommunicated (thing or person):—accused, curse. In Romans 9:3 (this is equivalent to doomed and so separated from Christ) – Galatians 1:8
  4. By doing the right thing, am I seeking the favor of men or of God? (Peter and John dealt with this before in Acts 4:19-21) – Galatians 1:10
  5. Even Paul had to put up with those who would defame his character and accuse him of lying – Galatians 1:20
  6. False brethren sneaked in to spy out our behavior, but we did not yield to them – Galatians 2:4-5
  7. Paul opposed Peter to his face when he did wrong – Galatians 2:11
  8. The rest of the Jews joined in their hypocrisy (we cannot blindly follow a leader without exercising discernment) – Galatians 2:13
  9. Paul saw they were not straightforward about the truth (of the gospel, some believers can be deceptive) – Galatians 2:14
  10. You foolish Galatians, who has bewitched (deceived) you? (it’s like Paul is telling them that they should know better) – Galatians 3:1
  11. Paul fears for them, that perhaps he has labored in vain – Galatians 4:11
  12. Have I therefore become your enemy by telling you the truth? – Galatians 4:16
  13. Paul wished he could change his tone in their presence, but adds he is perplexed about them – Galatians 4:20
  14. Keep standing firm and don’t give in to compromise – Galatians 5:1
  15. The one who is disturbing you shall bear his judgment – Galatians 5:10
  16. Would those who are troubling you mutilate themselves (the topic at the moment was circumcision) – Galatians 5:12
  17. If you bite and devour one another, take care lest you be consumed by one another (read that verse again) – Galatians 5:15
  18. The deeds of the flesh are evident (immorality, impurity, sensuality, anger, disputes, dissensions, factions) and are not to be tolerated – Galatians 5:19-20
  19. Those who are spiritual are to intervene when someone is caught in sin – Galatians 6:1
  20. Whatever a man sows, he will reap (actions have consequences) – Galatians 6:7
  21. As Paul and Barnabas spoke the truth, devout women of prominence and leading men of the city instigated a persecution against them – Acts 13:50
  22. Jews who were disobedient stirred up the minds of the Gentiles and embittered them against Paul and Barnabas – Acts 14:2
  23. The multitude of the city was divided between the Jews and the apostles (apparently, factions are nothing new) – Acts 14:4
  24. In Lystra, they were accused of being gods, and Paul and Barnabas tore their clothing and had to set them straight (we must confront false teaching and false statements) – Acts 14:12, 14-15
  25. In Antioch, they appointed elders in every church (leaders to protect and strengthen the flock, and further the mission of the church) – Acts 14:23
  26. in Antioch, Paul and Barnabas had such a sharp disagreement, they parted ways – Acts 15:38-40
  27. in Galatia, Priscilla and Aquila heard Apollos teaching errors, and they took him aside to explain the way of God more accurately – Acts 18:26

How about in Ephesus?

  1. Change your behavior, walk in a manner worthy of the calling (this is not optional) – Ephesians 4:1
  2. Be diligent to preserve the unity of the spirit (unity cannot be present when the church has divisive leaders usurping authority and control) – Ephesians 4:3
  3. No longer walk as the Gentiles walk (as believers, we have a new character, desiring to conform to the image of Christ) – Ephesians 4:17
  4. Lost people walk in darkened understanding, excluded from the life of God (as children of the light, we cannot be content to walk in darkness) – Ephesians 4:18
  5. Paul expects better behavior since we are saved, you did not learn Christ this way, if indeed you even know him (as believers, we should know better) – Ephesians 4:20-21
  6. Lay aside all falsehood and speak truth (deception has no place in the congregation) – Ephesians 4:25
  7. Let no unwholesome word proceed out of your mouth (as believers, our speech is different than those in the culture around us) – Ephesians 4:29
  8. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God (this is the result of believers behaving badly and the church gets a black eye from the culture, we are supposed to be different) – Ephesians 4:30
  9. Forgive one another (but that comes after one has repented; never exercising retaliation or vengeance) – Ephesians 4:32
  10. Do not allow impurity or immorality among you (as believers, we can’t just let sinning go on unchallenged) – Ephesians 5:3
  11. Don’t let others deceive you with empty words (many people talk a good game but believers embrace the truth) – Ephesians 5:6
  12. You are of the light, so walk like you’re children of light (live what you say you believe) – Ephesians 5:8
  13. It is disgraceful to even speak of the things done in secret, but need to be exposed to the light (above reproach is not being perfect, but we will not bring shame on the Lord or his church) – Ephesians 5:12-13
  14. Be careful to walk as wise men (let’s not embrace the opposite) – Ephesians 5:15
  15. Our struggle is with the forces of evil more than the other person (the enemy seeks to drag us down, taking the church’s credibility with him) – Ephesians 6:12
  16. The seven sons of Sceva are confronted by an evil spirit, knowing these men were not authentic followers of Jesus (I recognize Jesus and I know about Paul, but who are you?) – Acts 19:15-16
  17. Paul challenged the Ephesians elders to be on guard for the flock (elders or leaders of the congregation have a duty to protect the flock from ungodly influences) – Acts 20:28
  18. Paul tells them that wolves will come in to lead people astray (these wolves came into the congregation and deceived the people, they looked much like the rest of us but were in fact, wolves) – Acts 20:29
  19. Paul tells them men from among themselves will arise, speak perverse things, and drawing others away (our speech can draw people away from the gospel message or the church) – Acts 20:30
  20. Paul did not cease day and night to admonish them (this sounds like a lot of admonishment by Paul) – Acts 20:31

How about in Philippi?

  1. We must help fellow believers progress in sanctification, in being sincere and blameless at the coming of Christ – Philippians 1:10
  2. We are to be filled with the fruit of righteousness – Philippians 1:11
  3. Conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ – Philippians 1:27
  4. Don’t be alarmed at those who oppose you, which is a sign of destruction for them – Philippians 1:28
  5. You should prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation – Philippians 2:15
  6. Beware of the dogs and evil workers with false theology – Philippians 3:2
  7. We press on toward the high calling of Christ – Philippians 3:12, 14
  8. Have this attitude in you, and if you don’t, may God reveal that to you – Philippians 3:15
  9. Those who set their minds on earthly things are enemies of the cross of Christ – Philippians 3:18
  10. The things you have learned, seen, heard, and received, practice these things – Philippians 4:9
  11. Paul confronted and rebuked the slave-girl who was interfering with their ministry and was annoying them – Acts 16:18

How about in Colossi?

  1. Constantly bearing fruit and increasing – Colossians 1:6
  2. Walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, pleasing him in all respects – Colossians 1:10
  3. We are delivered from darkness – Colossians 1:13
  4. We are redeemed so we might be holy and blameless and beyond reproach – Colossians 1:22
  5. Paul says to admonish every man and teach every man that he may be presented complete in Christ – Colossians 1:28
  6. Paul wants no one to delude the church with persuasive arguments – Colossians 2:4
  7. Set your mind on things above – Colossians 3:2
  8. Your body must be dead to sin or expect the wrath of God – Colossians 3:5
  9. Don’t lie to one another – Colossians 3:9
  10. Let the word of Christ richly dwell in you – Colossians 3:16
  11. Whatever you do in word and deed, let it be for the Lord Jesus – Colossians 3:17
  12. He who does wrong will receive the consequences of that wrong – Colossians 3:25
  13. Let your speech always be with grace – Colossians 4:6

How about in Thessalonica?

  1. Our gospel did not come in word only but in power, with full conviction, proving what kind of men we are – 1 Thessalonians 1:5
  2. You became imitators of us and of the Lord – 1 Thessalonians 1:6
  3. You all became an example to all the believers – 1 Thessalonians 1:7
  4. We imparted not only the gospel but our own lives as well – 1 Thessalonians 2:8
  5. We behaved devoutly, uprightly, and blamelessly before you – 1 Thessalonians 2:10
  6. Walk in a manner worthy of the God who called you – 1 Thessalonians 2:12
  7. Paul wants to present these believers holy and blameless to the Lord – 1 Thessalonians 3:13
  8. God’s will is your sanctification, abstaining from sexual immorality – 1 Thessalonians 4:3, 7
  9. If we continue in worldly behavior, we are rejecting the God who gave us the Spirit – 1 Thessalonians 4:8
  10. Protect your heart and mind for when Christ returns – 1 Thessalonians 5:8
  11. Paul urges that we admonish the unruly – 1 Thessalonians 5:14
  12. Examine everything carefully and hold onto what is good – 1 Thessalonians 5:21
  13. Let no one deceive you, the apostasy will come first – 2 Thessalonians 2:3
  14. God will send a deluding influence so they might believe that which is false – 2 Thessalonians 2:11
  15. God chose you for sanctification – 2 Thessalonians 2:13
  16. Stand firm in what you have been taught – 2 Thessalonians 2:15
  17. Keep aloof from any brother who leads an unruly life – 2 Thessalonians 3:6
  18. You know that you are to follow Paul’s example, who did not behave undisciplined – 2 Thessalonians 3:7
  19. If anyone does not obey our instruction, take special note of that person, and do not associate with him, so that he may be put to shame – 2 Thessalonians 3:14
  20. Yet do not regard him as an enemy but admonish him as a brother – 2 Thessalonians 3:15

Paul addresses Timothy and Titus.

  1. Keep the faith with a good conscience – 1 Timothy 1:19
  2. Some believers have rejected and shipwrecked their faith – 1 Timothy 1:19
  3. Paul names two guys that he delivered over to Satan – 1 Timothy 1:20
  4. Paul must have again been accused of lying – 1 Timothy 2:7
  5. Paul gives a standard of conduct and qualities for the church leader – 1 Timothy 3:1-7 (in particular, be above reproach and be of good reputation)
  6. Paul talks about deacons (have a clear conscience, beyond reproach, first tested, dignified, have a high standing in the faith) – 1 Timothy 3:8-13
  7. Some will even fall away from the faith – 1 Timothy 4:1
  8. Some will have a seared conscience – 1 Timothy 4:2
  9. Godliness is always profitable – 1 Timothy 4:8
  10. Accusations against a leader should have 203 witnesses – 1 Timothy 5:19
  11. The sins of some men are quite evident and are not concealed – 1 Timothy 5:24-25
  12. Godliness is a means of great gain – 1 Timothy 6:6
  13. Serve God with a clear conscience – 2 Timothy 1:3
  14. No soldier entangles himself in the affairs of the world – 2 Timothy 2:4
  15. Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed – 2 Timothy 2:15
  16. The walk of some men will spread like gangrene – 2 Timothy 2:17
  17. The Lord knows those who are him – 2 Timothy 2:19
  18. Flee from youthful lusts – 2 Timothy 2:22
  19. Paul desires men to come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil – 2 Timothy 2:26
  20. In the last days, Paul describe those in the church, concluding that they hold on to a form of godliness yet deny its power (so avoid such men as these) – 2 Timothy 3:1-5
  21. Some men will always be learning but do not come to the knowledge of the truth – 2 Timothy 3:7
  22. Timothy followed Paul’s teaching and conduct – 2 Timothy 3:10
  23. Paul tells them that there are some in the church who profess to know God but their deeds deny him, so they are disobedient and detestable and worthless – Titus 1:16
  24. Always show yourself to be an example of good deeds – Titus 2:7
  25. Reject a man who causes factions, after a first and second warning – Titus 3:10-11 (for such a man is perverted and sinning, condemning himself).
  26. Paul in Cyprus: Confrontation with Elymas the magician – “You are full of deceit and fraud, you son of the devil, you enemy of all righteousness” – Acts 13:10

Paul in Jerusalem:

  1. Don’t make it hard for people who are turning to God (like enforcing the traditions of men onto Gentile converts, just abstaining from meat sacrificed to idols, the blood of animals, and engaging in fornication) – Acts 15:19
  2. As believers, we must repent and turn to God, performing deeds appropriate to repentance – Acts 26:20
  3. Paul’s message was not popular but he told Festus that he spoke words of sober truth – Acts 26:25

So, in summary, we forgive personally, because that is what Christians do; but to hold someone accountable for their actions does not mean there is some self-righteous vendetta present. When the sin is against the body of Christ, sinful actions have accountability. We don’t just turn the other cheek, forgive and forget, or keep that person in a position of leadership. We cannot condone that sort of behavior in the church. 

It Comes Down to Mission

This is a repost from my Facebook feed. This is a great statement regarding mission and the church. The church may be the only organization that exists for those whp are not yet members rather than existing for the membership. That truth is difficult to swallow; when we believe church is all about us, wanting our own needs to be met, we lose sight of our purpose on this planet.

Responding to Conflict Biblically

These are my notes from a seminar on resolving conflict, based on a book by Ken Sande, available at Amazon.

The Peacemaker’s Pledge:

  1. Glorify God – instead of focusing on our own wants and desires, let’s focus on seeking to please God and honoring and obeying him.
  2. Get the log out of your own eye – instead of focusing solely on the faults of the other person, focus on my part in all of this and how I might grow and change my attitudes and behavior.
  3. Go and show your brother his fault – instead of pretending the other person does not exist or overlook his offenses, focus on talking directly to the other person in a biblical manner.
  4. Go and be reconciled – instead of accepting premature compromise or allow the relationship to wither, focus on pursuing peace and reconciliation, forgiving as Jesus would.

Understanding Conflict and Our Responses to it:

  1. What is conflict?
    1. A difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires.
    2. In a fallen world, conflict is inevitable and should be expected (Romans 3:10-18, James 4:1-3, Acts 15:1-2, 36-39).
  2. What causes conflict?
    1. Misunderstandings (Acts 15:22-29)
    2. Differences in values, goals, gifts, calling, priorities, expectations, interests, or opinions (1 Corinthians 12:12-31).
    3. Competition over limited resources (Genesis 13:1-12).
    4. Sinful or selfish attitudes and desires that lead to sinful words and actions (James 4:1-3).
  3. God provides a way to deal with conflict.
    1. Many believers have only a devotional theology for conflict resolution.
    2. To be a peacemaker, we need a systematic theology that resolves conflict in a biblical manner.
    3. We are guided by the Peacemaker’s Pledge, the four G’s.
    4. We are inspired and empowered by what God has already done and continues to do for us.
      1. We are powerless in our own strength (Romans 7:15).
      2. The foundation for peacemaking and reconciliation is our justification by God’s grace through faith in Christ (Romans 3:24, John 14:27, 2 Corinthians 5:17-21, Ephesians 2:8-9, Philippians 2:1-4, Colossians 1:20, 3:12-15).
      3. Jesus is our perfect model of a peacemaker: he died for us while we were yet sinner (Romans 5:8, Philippians 2:5-11), he suffered wrongs without retaliation (1 Peter 2:23), he confronted others for their good (John 4:1-26), he loved and forgave even his enemies (Luke 23:34). He promises to work in us so that we may do the same things (Philippians 2:13, Colossians 3:15).
  4. How do we respond to conflict?
    1. Escape response – on one end of the spectrum (designed to get away from the pressure).
      1. Denial – pretend the conflict does not exist or refuse to deal with it properly.
      2. Flight – run away from the person with whom you have conflict (which is appropriate if someone is in danger).
      3. Suicide – which is always the wrong response to conflict.
    2. Attack responses – on the other end of the spectrum (designed to bring pressure on your opponent to defeat them).
      1. Litigation – a matter is taken to civil authorities for a decision.
      2. Assault – use force or intimidation to force submission.
      3. Murder – which is always the wrong response to conflict.
    3. Conciliation responses – on the middle area of the spectrum (designed to find just and mutually agreeable solutions to conflict). The first three are personal, the latter three are communal.
      1. Overlook an offense – walk away and forgive (Proverbs 19:11, 12:16, 17:14, 1 Peter 4:8, Colossians 3:13).
      2. Discussion – personal offenses are resolved through confession or confrontation, leading to forgiveness and reconciliation (Matthew 18:15, 5:23-24, Galatians 6:1-3, Proverbs 28:13).
      3. Negotiation – substantive offenses are resolved through a bargaining process to reach a mutually agreed upon settlement, involving compromise and collaboration (Philippians 3:3-4).
      4. Mediation – one or two others will meet with the parties to improve communication and facilitate a resolution (Matthew 18:16). Solutions can only be suggested.
      5. Arbitration – When the parties cannot come to a voluntary solution, the arbiter has the power to render a binding solution.
      6. Church discipline – When a Christian party refuses to do what is right and just, the church family intervenes to promote repentance and reconciliation (Matthew 18:17-20). Note that relationship is more important than worship (Matthew 5:23-24).

Conflict Provides Opportunities:

  1. To glorify God – show him honor and respect, bring him praise, to be a witness for what he has done in your life.
    1. Trust him (Psalm 37:5-6).
    2. Obey him (John 14:15).
    3. Imitate him (Ephesians 5:1-2).
  2. To serve other people.
    1. Help carry their burdens (Galatians 6:2, 10).
    2. Help them change through constructive confrontation (Galatians 6:1).
    3. Teach and encourage others by example (1 Timothy 4:12, Titus 2:7).
  3. To grow into the image of Christ (Romans 8:28-29, 2 Corinthians 3:18, James 1:3-4, Romans 5:3-4, Hebrews 12:7-13).
    1. Conflict humbles us to remember our need for God (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).
    2. Conflict confronts us to uncover sinful attitudes and habits (Psalm 119:67, 71).
    3. Conflict provides an opportunity of cast off the old self through repentance and faith, and put on the new self created to be like Jesus (Ephesians 4:22-24).
    4. Conflict helps us practice godly habits (1 Timothy 4:7, Hebrews 5:14). Remember the ABC’s (Adversity Builds Character).
  4. Opportunity, leads to Responsibility, which leads to Stewarding (a biblical approach to conflict). Stewarding requires an accurate view of God.
    1. If you believe that God is limited in power or his love is inconsistent, you will find it difficult to trust and obey his commands. Now you will take matters into your own hands.
    2. Since God is omnipotent, omniscient, immutable, and omnipresent, he is unlimited and in charge. (Isaiah 46:10, Daniel 2:20-22, 4:34-37).
    3. God is also all-loving, holy, just, gracious, good, merciful, and faithful. He is for us (Psalm 62:11-12, Isaiah 43:2-3, Matthew 10:30-31).
    4. Therefore, all that happens does not take God by surprise (Matthew 10:29-30, Exodus 4:10-12, Proverbs 16:4-5, Acts 2:23, 1 Thessalonians 3:3, 1 Peter 4:12-19, Genesis 45:5, 50:20, Daniel 3:16-18).
    5. Stewarding means trusting that God is always up to something good, even when his purposes are not clear (Deuteronomy 29:29).
    6. Stewarding views conflict as an assignment, not an unfortunate accident.
    7. Stewarding focuses on faithfulness more than results (Matthew 25:21, Luke 12:42-47, John 12:24-26).

Peacemaking is Not Optional: (Romans 12:18)

  1. Three dimensions of peace.
    1. Peace with God (Colossians 1:19-20, Romans 5:1-2).
    2. Peace with other people (Romans 12:18).
    3. Peace within ourselves (Isaiah 32:17, 48:18, 26:3, Romans 3:20-22, Matthew 22:39).
  2. Jesus’ reputation depends on peace and unity.
    1. The priestly prayer of Jesus (John 17:20-23).
    2. The command of Jesus (John 13:34-35).
    3. The worship of Jesus (Matthew 5:23-24).
  3. Make every effort – Ephesians 4:1-3, Romans 15:5-7, 1 Corinthians 1:10, Galatians 5:19-22, Colossians 3:13, 15, 1 Thessalonians 5:13-15).
  4. Conflict resolution inside the church, not the courts (1 Corinthians 6:1-8).
    1. It’s a bad witness.
    2. It ignores the root problem.
    3. It does not bring peace or reconciliation.
  5. Peacemaking is not optional (Matthew 5:9).

Is This Really Worth Fighting Over? (Proverbs 19:11)

  1. Two kinds of “logs” to remove.
    1. A critical negative attitude that leads to unnecessary conflict.
    2. An actual sinful words and actions.
  2. Overlooking minor offenses (Proverbs 12:16, 19:11, 17:14, 1 Peter 4:8, Colossians 3:13).
    1. Why? To imitate the Lord (Psalm 103:8-10)
    2. When? If the offense is not dishonoring to God, if your relationship has not been permanently damaged, if others are not being hurt.
  3. Change your attitude (Philippians 4:2-9).
    1. Rejoice in the Lord always (Philippians 4:4).
    2. Let your gentleness be evident to all (Philippians 4:5).
    3. Replace (cover or control) anxiety with prayer (Philippians 4:6-7).
    4. See things as they truly are (Philippians 4:8).
    5. Practice what you have learned (Philippians 4:9).
  4. Count the cost (Matthew 5:25-26).
  5. Remember the rights and privileges given by God (1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1, Matthew 25:24-27). This R does not stand for rights, but responsibility (to glorify God, serve others, to grow into the likeness of Christ).

Examine Yourself: (Proverbs 28:13)

  1. Take an honest look at yourself (Psalm 139:23-24)
  2. Repentance is more than a feeling.
    1. Mere remorse leads to further grief (2 Corinthians 7:10).
    2. Godly sorrow comes when we see sin for what it is, a personal offense against God (Luke 15:18, Genesis 39:9, Psalm 51:3-4).
    3. Genuine repentance involves a change of heart and a new way of thinking (Luke 15:17, Isaiah 55:7-8).
    4. Genuine repentance leads to changed behavior (Acts 26:20, Matthew 3:8) resulting in confession, repair, and change.
    5. The benefits of confession and genuine repentance.
      1. Clear conscience before God.
      2. The first step toward constructive change.
      3. Sets an example for others to follow.
  3. The seven A’s of confessions – never make a confession just to get a burden off your shoulders.
    1. Address everyone involved (Psalm 41:4, Luke 19:8).
    2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Psalm 51).
    3. Admit specifically what you did.
      1. Sinful attitudes (Matthew 15:19, James 3:13-4:12, 1 John 2:15-17).
      2. Sinful words – reckless words (Proverbs 12:18, 15:1), complaining or grumbling (Philippians 2:14, James 5:9), Deception or twisting (Exodus 20:16, Proverbs 24:28), gossip (Proverbs 11:13, 16:28, 20:19, 26:20, 1 Timothy 5:13), slander (Leviticus 19:16, 2 Timothy 3:3, Titus 2:3), worthless talk (Ephesians 4:29).
      3. Sinful actions – not keeping your word (Matthew 5:37, Psalm 15:1, 4), not respecting authority (Mark 10:42-45, Romans 13:1-7, 1 Peter 2:18-25), not treating others like you want to be treated (Matthew 7:12).
    4. Apologize expressing sincere sorrow for how you affected the other person.
    5. Accept the consequences (Luke 15:19, Numbers 5:5-7, Luke 19:8).
    6. Alter your behavior (Ephesians 4:22-32).
    7. Ask for forgiveness (Genesis 50:17).
    8. Allow time – OK, there’s an eighth A.

When Should You Go and Confront Someone?

  1. When someone has something against you (Matthew 5:21-24)
    1. You may be able to clarify a misunderstanding.
    2. You may learn that you were actually wrong.
    3. You may help to deliver the other person from the bitterness of unforgiveness.
  2. When someone’s sins are too serious to overlook (Matthew 18:15)
    1. Is it dishonoring to God? (Romans 2:21-24).
    2. Is it damaging to your relationship?
    3. Is it hurting other people (including you – Luke 17:2-3, 1 Corinthians 5:6)?
    4. Is it hurting the offender?
  3. Issues of confrontation.
    1. You are not to be a busybody (2 Thessalonians 3:11, 1 Timothy 5:13, 2 Timothy 2:23)
    2. You should not listen to excuses for not confronting someone.
      1. The Bible says not to judge (Matthew 7:1-5)
      2. Isn’t God the one who will show someone they are wrong? (2 Samuel 12:1).
      3. Confrontation is needed when someone is caught in a sin (Galatians 6:1).
      4. The purpose of confrontation is to restore the offender to usefulness to God (Galatians 6:1).
    3. The same principles apply to non-believers (Galatians 6:10).
    4. The same principles apply to persons in authority (2 Samuel 12:1).
  4. Communication skills.
    1. Speak only to build others up (Ephesians 4:29).
    2. Listen carefully – waiting (Proverbs 18:13), concentrating (Matthew 7:12), clarifying (Are you saying? Would you give me an example?), reflecting (From your perspective, I was wrong. You really care about this issue), agreeing (You’re right, I should have… A lot of what you say is true. I understand how you feel).
  5. Elements of effective confrontation (Proverbs 12:18).
    1. Prayer.
    2. Choose the right time and place.
    3. Believe the best about the other person until you have the facts that prove otherwise (1 Corinthians 13:7).
    4. Talk in person whenever possible (Matthew 18:15).
    5. Plan your words.
    6. Use a gracious tone of voice and friendly body language.
    7. Be objective (facts vs. personal opinions or conclusions).
    8. Use the Bible carefully (don’t preach).
    9. Ask for feedback.
  6. Recognize your limitations (Romans 12:18, 2 Timothy 2:24-26).
    1. Your job – speak the truth in love as clearly and persuasively as possible.
    2. God’s job – to change the hearts and minds of other people.

When Should I Involve Other People? (Matthew 18:16)

  1. After you have attempted step one – to overlook minor offenses.
  2. After you have exhausted step two – to talk in private.
  3. Step three: take one or two others with you. The key is “refuses to listen.”
    1. Mutual agreement.
    2. Unilateral request.
    3. What do conciliators do?
      1. They encourage self-control and courtesy.
      2. They ask questions and clarify facts.
      3. They counsel and admonish by God’s Word.
      4. The expand resources.
      5. They observe and report to churches.
    4. What is the opponent is not a believer? (Galatians 6:10).
  4. Step four: tell it to the church (Matthew 18:17).
  5. Step five: treat the other person as a non-believer (Matthew 18:17-20, 1 Corinthians 5:1-6, 2 Corinthians 2:5-11, 2 Thessalonians 3:14-15, Titus 3:10-11).
    1. “As” means a functional decision, not a heart decision.
    2. Treat sinners like Jesus treated sinners – love them enough to tell them the truth.
    3. The purposes of church discipline:
      1. To prevent dishonor to God (Romans 2:23-24).
      2. To protect the purity of the church, preventing the offender from leading others into sin (1 Corinthians 5:1-13, Matthew 18:16).
      3. To restore the offender, leading them toward repentance (Galatians 6:1, Matthew 12:20, Acts 3:19).
    4. When to go to court?
      1. If you have exhausted church remedies (Matthew 18:15-20, 1 Corinthians 6:1-8).
      2. If you are asserting biblically legitimate rights (not all rights are right).
      3. If you have a righteous purpose (so count the cost). Will it glorify God, benefit others, and is it necessary?

Forgive As God Forgave You (Ephesians 4:32)

  1. Forgiveness is not a feeling, nor forgetting, nor excusing (at first).
  2. Forgiveness is a decision.
    1. The major penalty of sin: personal separation (Isaiah 59:2, Romans 6:23).
    2. Forgiveness releases us from this penalty (Ephesians 2:13, Jeremiah 31:34, Psalm 103:12).
    3. Four promises modeled after God’s forgiveness (Matthew 6:12, Colossians 3:13, Ephesians 4:32, 1 Corinthians 13:5, Psalm 130:3-4).
      1. I promise I will not think about this incident.
      2. I promise I will not bring up this incident and use it against you.
      3. I promise I will not talk to others about this incident.
      4. I promise I will not allow this incident to stand between us hinder our personal relationship.
    4. When you forgive, you tell them the real source of their forgiveness is Jesus Christ, and promised to forgive when we confess (1 John 1:9).
  3. When should you forgive? (Luke 17:3, Mark 11:25, Luke 6:37).
    1. The ideal biblical response to sin: repentance, confession, restitution, and change.
    2. Promise #1 – forgiveness
      1. Conditional – a commitment made to the offender.
      2. Ideally, after repentance and confession.
      3. Minor offenses may be forgiven even if there is no confession or repentance.
      4. Major offenses – these promises may be delayed until the problem is resolved following Matthew 18.
  4. What are the consequences?
    1. There is a time for mercy (Matthew 18:21-25, Luke 15:21-32).
    2. There is a time for consequences (Psalm 99:8, Proverbs 19:19, Numbers 14:20-23) Forgiveness of personal offenses does not necessarily release a person from the material consequences of their actions.
  5. Overcoming unforgiveness.
    1. Unforgiveness will separate you from God (Matthew 18:35, Mark 11:25).
    2. Renounce sinful attitudes and unrealistic expectations (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13).
      1. Expecting the offender to earn or deserve forgiveness.
      2. Desiring to punish the offender.
      3. Demanding a guarantee.
    3. Remember that our baptism into Christ and experience God’s daily forgiveness (Matthew 18:21-35).
    4. Draw on God’s strength (Philippians 2:13).
  6. Reconciliation and the replacement principle.
    1. Reconciliation means that the relationship is restored at least to the condition it was before the conflict arose (Matthew 5:23-24, 6:12, 2 Corinthians 2:5-11, 5:18-21).
    2. Reconciliation usually take deliberate work.
    3. The replacement principle (Luke 6:27-28, Leviticus 19:18, Ephesians 4:22-24).
      1. In thought (Philippians 4:8).
      2. In word (Romans 12:14).
      3. In deed (Romans 12:20).
    4. It’s not forgive and forget, but forgive TO forget.

A Biblical Approach to Negotiating (Philippians 2:1-4)

  1. Cooperative vs. competitive negotiation.
    1. Competing is appropriate in some cases, but neglects the problems and needs, results in inadequate solutions, is inefficient, and damages relationship.
    2. Cooperating is preferred (Matthew 7:12, 1 Corinthians 10:24, 13:4-5, Matthew 22:39).
  2. When you negotiate – PAUSE.
    1. Prepare.
    2. Affirm relationships.
    3. Understand interests.
    4. Search for creative solutions.
    5. Evaluate options objectively and reasonably.
  3. Prepare (Proverbs 14:8, 22) – Pray, get the facts, identify issues and interests, study the Bible, seek godly counsel, anticipate reactions, pick a good time and place, and plan your opening remarks.
  4. Affirm relationship (show respect and concern) – communicate in a courteous manner, spend time on personal issues, exercise authority with restrain, submit to authority in a godly manner, seek to understand the other’s point of view, look out for the interests of others, confront in a gracious manner, allow face saving, and give sincere praise and encouragement.
  5. Understand interests (1 Samuel 25:24-31, 32-35) Issue (an identifiable and concrete question), position (a desired outcome or definable perspective on an issue), and interest (what motivates people and gives rise to positions; a concern, desire, need. limitation, and something the person values).
  6. Search for creative solutions (Proverbs 14:8, Daniel 1:11-13)). When brainstorming, separate inventing from deciding, no idea is out of bounds.
  7. Evaluate options, don’t argue – look for God’s truth (Psalm 19:7, 111:10), get objective facts (Daniel 1:11-16), seek objective opinions from trusted advisors (Proverbs 12:15, Matthew 18:16), look behind the opinions of others and deal wisely with their opinions and objections, and the last resort (Matthew 18:15-20, 1 Corinthians 6:1-8, Romans 12:17-13:7).

Dealing with Unreasonable People (Romans 12:21)

  1. We have supernatural weapons (2 Corinthians 10:3-5, Luke 6:27-28, Ephesians 6:10-18).
  2. Control your tongue (Romans 12:14, 1 Peter 2:15).
  3. Seek godly advisors (identify with others, avoid being isolated – Romans 12:15-16).
  4. Keep doing what is right (Romans 12:17, 1 Peter 2:12, 15, 3:15-16, 1 Samuel 24).
  5. Recognize your limits (Romans 12:18-19).
  6. The ultimate weapon: deliberate, focused love (Romans 12:20-21, Luke 6:27-36).
    1. Demonstrate love (Romans 5:8, 1 John 3:16).
    2. Doing good can protect you from your own bitterness and resentment.
    3. Doing good can help to bring another person to repentance.

The Prophecy of Joel

Part 5 of my Series on Women
[ Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 ]

The prophet Joel predicted that one day the Holy Spirit would be poured out on the church and as a result, “your sons and your daughters will prophesy” (Joel 2:28, Acts 2:17-18). This passage clearly indicates that when the New Testament age began, both men and women would be empowered and commissioned to carry the message of the gospel to the world. God’s Holy Spirit would no longer rest simply on isolated individuals as was the case under the Old Covenant. In the Pentecostal age, all believers—regardless of gender, ethnicity, or social status—would have full access to the graces of the Spirit and would speak the utterances of God.

If preaching were to have been limited to men only, Joel would not have mentioned daughters in his prediction. He would have said instead, “In the last days, I will pour out My Spirit, and your sons will prophesy while your daughters serve quietly in the background and pray for the men.” That is not what the Bible says. It clearly states that women will preach. They will lead. They will be on the front lines of ministry. Like Deborah, they will take the church into enemy territory and watch as the Lord gives victory. Like Esther, they will not keep silent. Like Phoebe, they will co-labor with apostles to establish churches in unevangelized regions.

If this is the clear mandate of Joel 2:28, why do churches that pride themselves on faithful adherence to a literal translation of the Bible reject it? There is no biblical basis for the popular notion that prophesying or preaching is a uniquely masculine act. Both genders have been called to minister in the Holy Spirit’s power, and we grieve Him when we restrict the full release of that power by forbidding women to speak God’s Word or use their talents in His service. We will answer to God for limiting His work by restricting the flow of His Spirit through women who have been called to speak for Him.

Some Christian leaders have emphasized that when a woman speaks in public, she can “share” but she can’t preach. The idea was that if women are put in a place of public ministry and are asked to speak, they must do it meekly (or sheepishly) to somehow demonstrate that they are not being forceful in the presence of men. How ridiculous! Perhaps the men are afraid that the women will preach better?

All of this information is gleaned from – Grady, J Lee. Ten Lies The Church Tells Women: How the Bible Has Been Misused to Keep Women in Spiritual Bondage (pp. 52-53). Charisma House. Kindle Edition.