Three Fears of Leaders

For God to really use you in ministry, you have to be willing and able to get close to people and enjoy real relationships with them. But for most believers around the world, it’s pretty apparent that we’re dying of relational isolation.

Many of our relationship problems are not really relationship problems; they’re personal problems that spill over into relationships. Many of our relationship conflicts, including conflicts with people within the church, are really personal conflicts and internal battles. If you want to have great relationships and therefore be a better leader, you have to start with some changes in yourself first rather than expecting everyone around you to change and fix your internal issues for you.

The Bible says in Romans 12:9, “Love from the center of who you are. Don’t fake it” (MSG). Authenticity is when “what you see” is “what you get.” It’s when you don’t play a role, you don’t wear a mask. Most People are afraid to remove their masks. Here are three reasons why.

We Are Afraid of Being Exposed

The fear of exposure is the fear that people will find out that you’re not really who you say you are. It is the fear of exposure that keeps us from being authentic.

We don’t mind our strengths being exposed. We don’t mind our capabilities being exposed. We don’t mind all the good things about us being exposed. What we don’t want people to find out about us is our weaknesses. We don’t want our insecurities exposed. We don’t want our sense of inadequacy exposed (and all of us have that sense of inadequacy). It’s part of being a human and ministry leaders are not exempt. We don’t want people to know that we don’t have it all together.

The truth is nobody has it all together. So why do we pretend? Why do we fake it? Why do we wear masks? The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 2:11, “No one really knows what anyone else is thinking or what he is really like except that person himself.” The reason it’s easy to wear a mask is because nobody really knows what you’re like on the inside. In the entire universe there is only one person who fully understands you. And, by the way, it’s not you. It’s God. You don’t even understand yourself.

If you really want to build deep, meaningful, satisfactory, intimate relationships you’re going to have to let people see your weaknesses. There is no other way. We can impress the people we lead from a distance but we can only influence people up close. And when we get up close, people see our warts and they see our mistakes and we don’t like that.

So how do you overcome the fear of exposure? You decide to walk in the light. The Bible says in 1 John 1:7 “If we live in the light as God is in the light then we can share fellowship with each other.” Fellowship is soul-to-soul interaction, heart-to-heart. The key to genuine fellowship in a marriage, in a friendship or any other relationship, is to live in the light.

We Are Afraid of Being Rejected

We don’t want to let people see what we’re really like because we fear disapproval. We fear rejection. Proverbs 29:25 says this “The fear of human opinion disables.” You spend much of your life trying to earn the acceptance of other people. The way you dress, the way you talk, the kind of car you drive and the house you live in. The fear of human opinion disables. But trusting in God protects you from that.

Why do we fear the opinions of other people, often people we don’t even know? Because we all have a deep desire to be loved. In fact, you don’t just have the desire. You need to be loved. You were created by God to be loved by God and by other people It’s one of the basic needs of your life – to be loved. So we spend our entire lives making sure we’re not unloved. And we’ll do anything to make sure we’re not unloved. It drives us to great extremes many, many times.

The antidote to a fear of rejection is to trust in God’s love. Don’t build your self-worth on another person who loves you conditionally. The Bible says in Daniel 10:19, “Don’t be afraid for you are deeply loved by God. Be at peace, take heart and be strong.” And Psalm 56:11 says, “I trust in God so I will not be afraid. What can people do to me?

We Are Afraid of Being Hurt Again

The truth is you will be hurt in life many, many times. This is not heaven. This is earth where people get hurt. And you’re going to be hurt over and over and over. The important issue is what you do with that hurt. If you hold on to that hurt, it’s going to strangle the love out of your life. It’ll all go away. If you hold on to your hurt it will shrink your heart, harden it, and eventually turn it to stone. You’ve got to deal with the hurt so you can get on with your life.

There’s a sad process that goes like this:

  1. The more you have been hurt, the more you become afraid of being hurt again.
  2. The more you’re afraid of being hurt again the more defensive you become and protective.
  3. The more defensive and protective you become the more inauthentic a person you become.

We develop self-protective habits and build defensive walls around our hearts that nobody can get through. We actually push people away by all kinds of behaviors.

What happens to people who give in to the hurt and hold on to it? What happens to the people who don’t know how to let the hurt go? The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 5:17, “All they get are days full of sadness and sorrow and they end up sick, defeated and angry.”

The antidote to the fear of being hurt again is to let God give you a new heart. God is in the heart transplant business. Ezekiel 36:26 says, “I will give you a new heart. I will put a new spirit in you. I will remove your heart of stone.” Have you been on the defense because you have been hurt? Jesus Christ can give you a fresh start. He can move you from phony inauthenticity back into authentic relationships.

If you want to be a more effective leader and shepherd, it means being close to people. Being close to people means taking the risk of being exposed, rejected, and hurt. In the end, it’s a risk well worth taking. Jesus opened Himself up to people and He was rejected and crucified; but He also launched a world-changing movement and became the Way for people to know God and go to heaven.

If you want to lead, you’re going to get hurt, but you just might change the world in the process.

From: 3 Fears That Prevent Leaders from Being Authentic and Influencing People
By Rick Warren

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Praying for Volunteers

If prayer is a regular part of the Christian experience, I had to ask myself a penetrating question: How many volunteers have I asked God for this week?

We all know that prayer should be the foundation of our recruiting efforts. I mean, every leader knows that, right? But often, in our busyness, we forget this important step, or we don’t know where to begin, or we feel presumptuous asking God to help with something so obvious. Whatever the excuse, (I mean, reason) a prayer plan can empower the process to involve more people in ministry.

This quick (and Scripture-rich) prayer pattern will not only help you pray with more focus and purpose; and it’s a great way to get the entire leadership team involved in praying for new volunteers.

Ask God to send the right people: “… O Lord, you know every heart. Show us which of these… you have chosen” (Acts 1:24)

Pray God would give them a willing heart: “So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do” (2 Thessalonians 1:11)

Believe they will be obedient to God’s call to serve: “I am confident as I write this letter that you will do what I ask and even more!” (Philemon 1:21)

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Volunteering in the Church

I’ve been thinking about volunteers and serving in the church lately… it’s that time of year in the Baptist tradition to enlist and secure capable and willing volunteers to ministries all over the church… teaching classes, serving on committees, nominating new deacons.

The goal is to have people serving in positions lining up with their giftedness. Once we understand how we are wired, we are better able to connection people into places and positions that allow them to accomplish the task with a certain ease and effectiveness. You know what it is like, sometime you have been assigned a task way outside of your strengths, but you were willing, so the job was yours!

Today I hope that you will see that some people in the church have a job while others involve themselves in ministry. What’s the difference?

If you do it just because no one else will… it’s a job!
If you do it to serve God… it’s a ministry!

If you quit because someone criticized you… it’s a job!
If you kept on serving in spite of challenges… it’s a ministry!

If you’ll do it only so long as it doesn’t interfere with other things… it’s a job!
If you’re committed to staying with it, even when it means letting other things go… it’s a ministry!

If you quit because no one ever praised or thanked you… it’s a job!
If you stay even though no one notices your efforts… it’s a ministry!

If you do it because someone else said it needs to be done… it’s a job!
If you do it because you sensed God saying it needs to be done… it’s a ministry!

If you do it because there is a need… it’s a job!
If you do it because it is your passion… it’s a ministry!

It’s hard to get excited about a job.
It’s almost impossible NOT to get excited about a ministry!

I pray that our church is NOT filled with people doing jobs, but ministries! If we desire to be a growing church, we need to be filled with people involved in ministry!

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What Prevents You From Serving?

Volunteerism – nothing much would happen at the church without volunteers, so why is it so difficult getting people to step up and lend a hand? Some studies suggest that people do not serve because they have not been asked? Not sure about how to respond to this one, because what part of the Great Commission are we leaving out? We don’t ask people to sell all they have and move to Africa for the sake of the gospel, we simply need people to set up chairs at 9:00 each Sunday, and care for children and preschoolers at 9:45 or 11:00.

I was reading Andee Mark’s article, The Un-Interview, today. She says we need more than an “interview” with potential volunteers, we need meaningful conversations with them. People will give many excuses for not serving, mostly because we all carry false assumptions (ideas and expectations) about ourselves and about others.

I believe one of the most destructive assumptions is that we are consumers at the church. We won’t admit it but I feel it is totally true. When it’s all about me, I want and expect others to do the work so I can just sit back and enjoy. It’s about customer service, I’m the customer so those around me are here to serve (me).

When people say they don’t have time for volunteering:

As ministry leaders, this is the excuse we most often hear from someone who is unwilling to serve in ministry. Rather than pull our hair in frustration, what if we view this as a clue to what God wants to do in that person’s life, and embrace it as an opportunity to engage in spiritual direction… that is, creating space for this person to grow in their understanding of God? (Andee Marks)

As a leader, we need to recognize wrong assumptions and start addressing them, in our own lives and in the lives of the people we serve with. In doing so, we can help people to grow out their consumer mentality. What about the following false assumptions that people may have about serving in the church?

  1. The church doesn’t need help.
  2. I have nothing of value to offer.
  3. There are other people more qualified to serve than me.
  4. Serving will require time or skills I don’t possess.
  5. I will be asked to serve in an area they don’t enjoy.
  6. I feel that I have already served enough, it’s time to step aside.

Talking about these openly and honestly will help others realize that God may have more in store for them than what they assumed.

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Great Reasons to Volunteer

The church is an organization that is nothing without volunteers. While Jesus calls us to be good stewards of the talents and gifts he has giving to us, that alone does not get people out of the chair and into action.

As a staff member, I have a hard time recruiting volunteers, partly because people are busy enough with everyday life, and partly because I must ask whether their volunteering is in the best interest of THEM or the best interest of ME.

In the back of my mind, I think, “I know how busy people are! How can I expect them to add one more thing to their busy schedules?” I also understand that I am supposed to “equip the saints for the work of service” (Ephesians 4:12) but how can I do this when they are already maxed out?

The last thing I ever want to do is put pressure on someone or make them feel guilty because they don’t serve somewhere in the discipleship ministry. I wonder, though, if we all could look at service differently? What if instead of thinking we are putting a burden on someone, we are giving them the opportunity to enjoy their lives more?

Consider the following: According to a recent survey of people who volunteer *

  • 68% say it makes them feel physically healthier
  • 73% say it lowers their stress level
  • 92% say it enriches their sense of purpose in life

This gives me three great reasons people should volunteer; even with its frustrations and challenges, serving others is fulfilling! This is what we all need to remember. This is what will give us courage when it comes time for recruiting church volunteers, and it’s what gives us endurance when things get stressful.

Nearly all people who serve will feel “enriched in their sense of purpose in life.” That’s a great deal. When you add to that the spiritual rewards that come from serving, we are offering people an amazing opportunity.

*from Success Magazine, 9/10 [print_link] [email_link]

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