Author: Scott Chafee

Scott serves on staff at King’s Grant Baptist Church in Virginia Beach.

Seekers Need Believers

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I sensed the need to follow up with the topic from last week, on the warning of Jesus that many false Christs would come. When we look at the seekers of today, or the covers of news magazines, they seem to misunderstand who Jesus is, preferring non-biblical sources and writings over the tested and true authentic documents found in the New Testament. I mentioned the “recent” discoveries of the Gospel of Jesus’ Wife promoted by Harvard Divinity School, or the Gospel of Judas.

The “Jesus’ Wife” fragment is just that, a fragment between the size of a postage stamp and an index card, which has been refuted as a fake. The Gospel of Judas is also quite questionable, casting a sympathetic light on the one whom Satan entered during that Passover meal. The point is, false Christs will come, so what did they or will they look like…

In examining the Thomas and Gundry Harmony of the Gospels, let’s take a look at what Jesus did at this stage with these very first disciples. Consider this, Seekers need a relationship with a believer who knows the Savior!

Jesus Warns of False Christs

  1. Development: They WILL arise – Mark 13:22
  2. Don’t preach ANOTHER Jesus – 2 Corinthians 11:2-4
  3. Deceivers will DENY – 2 John 1:7-8
  4. Dignity: it is a PRIVILEGE to introduce someone to Jesus, which is done in the context of relationship. Jesus invited these guys to hang out with him which provides time for questions & answers (spiritual conversations)

Jesus Built Relationships

  1. Jesus spends a day with two of John’s disciples, going back to where he was staying, John 1:39.
  2. Andrew brings his brother Peter to Jesus, John 1:41-42.
  3. Jesus capitalized on existing circles of friends he had already contacted, John 1:43-44.
  4. Jesus found Philip, then Philip invited Nathaniel to “Come and See.” John 1:45-46.
  5. Jesus took friends to a wedding reception, John 2:1-2.
  6. Jesus spends days with relatives & friends, John 2:12.
  7. Jesus’ disciples attend Passover (a national holiday) with Jesus, John 2:13-22.
  8. The disciples tag along during the meeting with Nicodemus, John 2:23-25, 3:1-10.
  9. Jesus spent time with the disciples in the Judean countryside – John 3:22.
  10. Jesus traveled from Judea to Galilee through Samaria – John 4:3-4, 27.

This is pretty good evidence that Jesus expects us to develop relationships with people who do not yet know the Savior. Here is a great quote from professor Howard Hendricks:

“You can impress people from a distance, you can only impact them up close.” -Howard Hendricks

General Principle: the closer the personal relationship, the greater the potential for impact (Leadership Journal, 1980, p. 104)

Jesus spent time with them (John 3:22), continued (diatribe), meaning “to wear by rubbing.” He intended to rub off their rough edges, by rubbing off on them.

[Based on my classes with Richard D. Leineweber, Jr. c. 2000]

 

Growing Deeper With Jesus

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You may wonder why you do not feel as close as you once did in your relationship with Jesus, or you may not be growing deeper in your relationship.

God has a Purpose:

  • Fact – Jesus wants to be in control of your life, Luke 6:46.
  • Fact – God want your life to be useful and enjoyable, John 15:10-11.
  • Fact – God wants you to live with him in an intimate relationship, 1 John 1:7.
  • Fact – God wants to fill your relationship with his Spirit, Ephesians 5:18.
  • Fact – God wants to get you ready to do is work, 2 Timothy 3:16-17.
  • Fact – When you mess up in your walk with Him, God wants to forgive you and restore your relationship with him, 1 John 1:9.

Our Need:

  • Fact – Personal sin will damage our relationship with God, Isaiah 59:2.
  • Fact – Situations and circumstances in life may require us to seek God even more and to grow deeper in our relationship with him, Romans 12:1-2.

God’s Provision:

  • Fact – God has given us tools to grow deeper in our relationship and to be continually change to buy him.
  • Fact – God uses the Bible to bring Christians to a place where they can be used for His purposes, John 17:17.
  • Fact – Spiritual exercises, such as prayer, Bible study, worship, fasting, sharing Jesus Christ with others, and serving others help us to grow, 1 Timothy 4:7.
  • Fact – Family and home influences may encourage us toward spiritual growth, 2 Timothy 1:5.
  • Fact – The church, as the body of Christ, encourages us to grow deeper in our faith and knowledge of Jesus, Ephesians 4:12-13.
  • Fact – God uses and works in all circumstances of life to make us more like Jesus, Romans 8:28-29.
  • Fact – God disciplines his children to make us more like Jesus, Hebrews 12:10.

Our Response:

  • Act – Confess and turn from any known sin, Proverbs 28:13.
  • Act – Recommit your life to the Lord Jesus Christ, John 20:28.
  • Act – Give yourself daily to Jesus and experience the fullness of his life in you as you go deeper, Romans 6:12-13, Galatians 2:20.

My Commitment: As you seek to grow deeper in your relationship with Jesus you will see evidence of the Spirit in your life, Galatians 5:22-23. You may not be able to see evidence of the Spirit in your life as much as you would like. Are you willing to ask God to work in you to help you grow toward the fullness of his life? If so, you may want to pray the following prayer or one like it.

“God, I want to be like Jesus. I commit myself to you and ask you to work in my life to help me develop evidence of the Spirit to work in me.” Amen.

Assurance of Salvation

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Do you ever doubt you really have a relationship with Jesus?

God has a Purpose:

  • Fact – God wants us to know for sure that we have eternal life. The Bible says, “He who has the Son has life, he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life” 1 John 5:12-13.
  • Fact – God wants us to experience the joy that’s bound in a relationship with Jesus Christ, John 15:11.

Our Need: Doubting is not uncommon to Christians. Satan wants us to doubt and even plants doubts in our minds, Genesis 3:1. Even the biblical writers experienced doubts and expressed the need for renewal, Psalm 51:12. There are Four major factors which caused believers to doubt.

  • Fact – You may not have had a good explanation of what happens when you put your trust in Jesus Christ.
  • Fact – You may not have pursued God through prayer, Bible study, and worship.
  • Fact – You may have allowed sin and disobedience to cloud your relationship with Jesus.
  • Fact – You may be going through some problems at home, school, physically, or emotionally which are causing you to doubt your relationship with Jesus Christ.

God’s Provision:

  • Fact – God has promised to complete his work of salvation in us, Philippians 1:6.
  • Fact – Jesus promises assurance of eternal life. “Whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned, he has crossed over from death to life, John 5:24.
  • Fact – Jesus said no one could take the Christian out of his hand, John 10:28.
  • Fact – The Holy Spirit tells us we are children of God, Romans 8:16.

Our Response: We receive God’s insurance by faith and express it through obedience, 1 John 2:3-5. Christians are not to trust their feelings only. We are to walk by faith, trusting in God, not by what we feel or want to see happen, 2 Corinthians 5:7. Four actions can bring us to assurance.

  • Act – Confess all known sin in your life, 1 John 1:9.
  • Act – Commit yourself to the lordship of Jesus Christ, Romans 10:9-10.
  • Act – Claim God’s promise of salvation by faith alone. It is all God, 2 Timothy 1:12.
  • Act – Obey God’s commands in the Bible, John 14:21, John 15:10.

My Commitment: Are you ready to take the four faith actions that will help you make sure about your relationship with Jesus Christ? If so you may want to pray the following prayer or a similar prayer right now.

God, I place my complete faith in you, I confess to you any known sin, I commit myself to the lordship of Jesus, I claim your promise of assurance, and I will live in obedience to your commands. Thank you for the assurance of my relationship with you. Amen.

Church Membership

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Are you a member of a local church? Where? How active are you? Did you know that the church is really not a building? It is really made up of Christians all around the world. Jesus built the church (Matthew 16:18) and willingly died for the benefit of the church (Ephesians 5:25).

God has a Purpose: We can be part of God’s work through the church. “So in Christ we are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others” (Romans 12:5).

  • Fact – As part of the church, we can enjoy God with other Christians, in worship, Hebrews 10:25, Ephesians 5:19-20.
  • Fact – As part of the church, we should tell others about what Christ did for us, Acts 1:8, 2 Corinthians 5:18-20.
  • Fact – As part of the church, we should grow deeper in a relationship with Jesus and allow him to change our lives, 2 Peter 3:18.
  • Fact – As part of the church, we should help each other as Christians, 1 Corinthians 12:12-26.
  • Fact – As part of the church, we should fellowship, or hang out, with each other, Hebrews 10:24-25.

Our Need:

  • Fact – We need to identify ourselves with the church, Acts 2:41-42.
  • Fact – We need strength for daily living, which can come through fellowship with other Christians, Hebrews 3:13.
  • Fact – We need to help the church by using our personal talents and spiritual gifts, Romans 12:4-8.

God’s Provision:

  • Fact – God established the church as the body of Christ, Ephesians 4:4, Colossians 1:18.
  • Fact – God wants our church membership to be in the total church, Revelation 22:17.
  • Fact – God wants every Christian to participate in church membership, Hebrews 10:25.
  • Fact – Jesus showed us how important was by his regular attendance at synagogue, Luke 4:16.

Our Response:

  • Act – You can become a member of a local church by telling of your faith in Christ and being baptized, Acts 2:41, 47.
  • Act – You can share in the Fellowship of the local church by becoming a member.
  • Act – Your participation in the local church is crucial for your life to be what God wants it to be.

My Commitment:

If you are already to make the commitment to join a local church, you can do so by stopping by King’s Grant Baptist Church. Pray about your decision and commitment with a sample prayer like this:

“God, thank you for the church and for allowing me to become a part of it. Help me to be faithful and to support my new family at church.” Amen

Christian Baptism

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Have you been baptized since you have received Jesus as Lord and Savior?

Baptism always comes after salvation but its not necessary for salvation. It is a response of obedience to Jesus Christ as Lord (Acts 2:38, 41). Baptism is your first opportunity to publicly tell others that you have given control of your life to Jesus (Matthew 28:19-20).

God has a Purpose:

  • Fact – We declare our new life in Christ through baptism, Acts 2:41, 8:35-38, 16:25-34.
  • Fact – Baptism is a spiritual illustration of Jesus death, burial, and resurrection, Romans 6:3-5.

Our Need:

  • Fact – We need to confess Jesus before others in baptism soon after we receive salvation through Jesus Christ, Matthew 10:32.
  • Fact – We need to obey Jesus’ command, Matthew 28:19.
  • Fact – We need to follow Jesus example, Matthew 3:13-15.
  • Fact – We need to get plugged in and join a local church, Acts 2:41.

God’s Provision:

  • Fact – Jesus began his ministry to others with baptism, Mark 1:9-11.
  • Fact – Jesus demonstrated baptism to us by being baptized, we should follow this biblical example, Mark 1:10.
  • Fact – Jesus told his followers to baptize, Matthew 28:19.

Our Response:

  • Act – You should find a local church to join and have them baptize you.
  • Act – You should be baptized to show that you are a follower of Jesus Christ, Acts 2:41.
  • Act – show others your commitment to your baptism, Acts 16:31-33.

My Commitment: What shall I do now?

  • Trust in Jesus for your salvation, not any good works you try to accomplish.
  • Find a local church to join and have them baptize you.
  • Follow Jesus example of baptism like being immersed in water, showing your identification with Jesus and His Church.
  • If you are willing to take the step of obedience and show others your commitment to Jesus, you can pray the following prayer for one like it.

“God, it is my desire to go pay you in to let others know I have new life in Jesus Christ. I pray that my baptism will show my love for you.” Amen.

Christian Salvation

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I remember learning this presentation years ago…

Jesus came to bring life. He willingly died for us to be able to have a relationship with God. Would you like to have a relationship with God that guarantees life forever with him?

God’s Purpose: God loves us very much and has a purpose for each of us. The Bible says it like this, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). God’s purpose for us is that we have eternal life and enjoy him for ever.

  • Fact – Eternal life is a gift from God, Romans 6:23.
  • Fact – A life of purpose and meaning is available, see John 10:10.
  • Fact – We are guaranteed an eternity with Jesus in heaven, John 14:3.

Our Need: As we search for meaning in this life, we ultimately find out that there is nothing that keeps us from really finding satisfaction. That something is referred to as sin. Sin is what keeps us from finding God’s purpose for our lives.

  • Fact – We mess up and send it by nature and by choice. Romans 3:23
  • Fact – We cannot do anything to save ourselves, Ephesians 2:8-9.
  • Fact – We deserve death and hell. Romans 6:23.

God’s Provision: God is holy and Justin will not tolerate sin. Yet he loves us and provides forgiveness for our sin. Jesus said, “I am the way the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6).

  • Fact – Jesus is 100 God and became 100% man, John 1:1, 14.
  • Fact – Jesus died a horrible death for us on a cross, 1 Peter 3:18.
  • Fact – Jesus was resurrected from the dead, seen by hundreds, and is alive in heaven today, Romans 4:25, 6:9-10, 1 Corinthians 15:3-6.
  • Fact – God, through His Holy Spirit, calls us to himself, John 6:44.

Our Response: The only way Jesus can change our lives is for us to receive him and what he did for us. The Bible says, “Yet to all who received him, to those who believe in his name, he gave the right to become children of God” John 1:12.

  1. Act – We must turn from our sin. Acts 3:19.
    1. Repentance is not feeling sorry for our sins, Acts 26:20.
    2. Repentance is turning from sin toward God in a relationship with Jesus.
  2. Act – We must trust in Jesus. Ephesians 2:8.
    1. Faith is not just believing facts about Jesus, James 2:19.
    2. Faith is trusting in Jesus, Romans 10:11.
  3. Act – We must give Jesus control of our lives. Romans 10:9-10.
    1. Confessing Jesus is Lord is not just saying we give our lives to Him, Matthew 7:21.
    2. Confessing Jesus is Lord is giving Jesus control of our lives.

My Commitment: Giving Jesus control is something each person must do individually. No one else can make this decision for you. Jesus says, “Here I am, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me” Revelation 3:20.

  1. Does this make any sense to you?
  2. Is there any reason you are not ready to receive God’s gift of eternal life?
  3. Are you willing to turn from your sand, place your trust in Jesus, and get him control of your life right now?

If you are willing to receive Jesus into your life right now, you can invite him in by praying a simple prayer. You may want to use the following prayer as an example to help you.

God, thank you for loving me enough to send your one and only Son to die for me. I believe I am a sinner and that Jesus died and was raised to give me complete and eternal life. I want to turn from my way of life and follow Jesus fully and faithfully. I invite Jesus to come into my life and take over. Thank you God for giving me life! In Jesus name, Amen.

Servant Leadership

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There is a lot of talk about leadership, but one resource I have experienced is called, “Lead Like Jesus” by Ken Blanchard. He promotes Jesus as the extreme example of leadership, servant leadership.

Do you have what it takes to be a servant leader? Let’s take a look at John 2:1-11 for a few principles.

In this story we learn of the time when Jesus attended a wedding with his brand new disciples. The host of the wedding ran out of wine. From this story and others from Jesus’ life, we find what it means to be a servant leader.

Servant leaders serve at all times: Even as an honored guest, Jesus was “on the clock” to serve the people around him. When people come to a wedding, they expect to be served! Jesus didn’t come to the wedding expecting to serve, but he served anyway.

Servant leaders take initiative: Even though Mary brought the matter to his attention (John 2:3), Jesus knew what needed to be done to meet the need. Notice in John 2:9 that the wedding host is not present for the miracle; Jesus performs this miraculous event without the wedding manager’s knowledge or consent. Jesus knew what needed to be done, and does it, behind the scenes. When you see something that needs to be done, do you take action or assume someone else will take care of it? Don’t reason within yourself that it is someone else’s job to do it. See the need; meet the need; call for help if your need it (which enlists others into service).

Servant leaders know their resources: When the need arose for more wine at the wedding, Jesus looked around and discovered those six stone jars (John 2:6). A servant leader never has excuses for why something can’t be done, but rather is a problem-solver who looks for ways to use old resources or discovers new ways to meet a need.

Servant leaders serve with excellence: When the banquet master at the wedding feast drank the wine that Jesus had produced, he said it was the best (John 2:10)! There’s no such thing as “good enough” with a servant leader, because this kind of leader is always striving to do his or her very best.

Servant leaders are not concerned with who gets the credit: Jesus was so behind the scenes with this miracle that the host goes to the bridegroom to brag about the quality of this recent discovery of wine (John 2:10). How many of us would have corrected the host to make sure Jesus got the credit? John 2:9 tells us that the other servants knew from where the wine had come (but did not tell the host). I think this happened because servant leaders take joy in the act of service, not who gets the credit.

Servant leaders serve thankfully, not grudgingly: In another event in the life of Jesus (John 6:11) he took the loaves of bread and gave thanks. He didn’t grab them, sigh heavily, and begin breaking them impatiently. He graciously paused to give thanks to his father. When you serve thankfully, your volunteers and your ministry will be blessed in abundance.

So how do you measure up? Determine which areas need strengthening and what you can do to move forward. Servant-style leadership begins with a spirit of genuine humility. Are you an open vessel ready to be filled with whatever God has for you to build up his kingdom?

A Person Worth Investigating

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After a long series of introductory material, we finally made it to the first section on the earliest commands that Jesus gave his disciples. At this point they were disciples of John the Baptist, but he pointed them toward the Lamb of God who would take away the sin of the world.

Discipleship is a strategy, a process whereby people grow in their faith through various stages. Here is the model I presented yesterday.

Masters Plan - Discipleship Chart

In the chart above, the PGA refers to my Personal Growth and Accountability (PGA) series.

  • BASIC Training (Brothers And Sisters In Christ) is for new believers or seekers, emphasizing the basics, but encouraging those to become a part of the family of God.
  • The PGA series is based on Bill Bright, Campus Crusade, and Navigators short courses on the basics of the Christian faith.
  • OCS Training (Organized Christian Servants) refers to advanced material in how to find and train others to make disciples of others.

As we investigate this man Jesus, my desire is that we all come to a fresh passion to walk as Jesus walked, and to allow the footsteps of Jesus and his first disciples to be OUR footsteps. Those timeless commands are to be OUR commands. Below is simply a short list of the commands and the passages that we will eventually study in depth.

There are SIX Commands at This Level

  1. Come and See Invitation – John 1:35-51
  2. Repent & Believe – Mark 1:14-15, Luke 4:14-15
  3. Fear, a Barrier to Faith – Luke 12:4-12
  4. Greed, a Barrier to Faith – Luke 12:13-21
  5. Baptism – Matthew 28:19-20
  6. Evangelism – John 4:3-42

In this overview, you will notice that three of these six commands fall outside of the early months in the disciples’ faith stages: FEAR / GREED (Luke 12) and BAPTISM (Matthew 28). These three commands fall into the proper place thematically but not chronologically.

The first step for a seeker or a new convert is to understand that Jesus is a person worth investigating, which is just what the early disciples did. At Jesus’ invitation, he told them to “Come and see.” I mentioned a lot of confusion by authors in search of the “historical Jesus.” They have many theories about how Jesus did not believe he was the Messiah or even that he was God (and since they are university professors, why would we doubt them?). We are talking about the Gospel of Thomas, or The Gospel of Jesus’ Wife (recently debunked as a fake).

I mentioned the Gospel of Thomas, which is dated between AD 140-180, which obviously is using Thomas’ name to present his own version of Jesus (you can read more here). As I mentioned, all you have to do is read the book to see why it was rejected by early church leaders. It is strongly anti-female, just read this quote:

Simon Peter said to Him, “Let Mary leave us, for women are not worthy of Life.” Jesus said, “I myself shall lead her in order to make her male, so that she too may become a living spirit resembling you males. For every woman who will make herself male will enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” (114)

That is so against the authentic gospels that affirm women (Gospel of Mark as an example).

Next week we will look more intently into John chapter 1, but also Jesus’ warning about FALSE CHRISTS that would come, and Jesus’ emphasis that seekers need Christian friends.

[Based on my classes with Richard D. Leineweber, Jr. c. 2000]

Languages of Love From Luke

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Once we understand that relationships, not accomplishments, have the deepest meaning in life, our primary goal in communication becomes, “How can I meet the love needs of the other person?” Do you know what specific language fills the emotional needs of those God has placed in your life to love?

Are you aware of the meaningful expressions of affection that fill up your own cup? Selfless behavior and self-disclosure are like sugar and cream, the flavor enhancements to deeper and more intimate communication. Everyone needs one or more of these expressions of sincere love in order for life to “taste good!”

Time: a healthy dose of opportunities for intimate interaction (both quantity and quality of time)

  • Undivided, focused attention: Put the newspaper down
  • Eye contact: “I love you” seen from across the room,
  • Listening without giving advice: No formulas for fixing it, please.
  • Togetherness activities: “Let’s go for a walk.”
  • Physical presence: “I like having you around.”

Biblical Example: Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus (Read Luke 10:38–42).

Talk: compliments and words that affirm or build up

  • Words of affirmation: “Our relationship is important to me.”
  • Verbal compliments: “You did a great job on this meal.”
  • Encouragement: “I’ve noticed that you write thoughtful notes and letters.”
  • Words of appreciation: “I really appreciate your cleaning up the garage.”
  • Words spoken kindly: “I love you. Will you please forgive me?”

Biblical Example: Parable of tree and its fruit (Read Luke 6:43–45).

Tasks: doing things that are meaningful to one another

  • Acts of serving one another: Pitching in when help is needed
  • Doing chores together: Cooking, cleaning, yard work or running errands
  • Recognizing when there is a need: “You’re feeling bad. Let me clean up.”
  • Discerning the “right” things to do: What is most meaningful to the other, not to you?
  • Serving your loved one’s extended family: “I’ll sit with your grandmother in the hospital.”

Biblical Example: The Good Samaritan (Read Luke 10:30–37).

Tokens: giving gifts as visual symbols of love

  • Communicate love and affection through giving gifts.
  • Discern what kind of gifts are most desired, not what you would desire.
  • Gifts should never be used as a bribe or have strings attached.
  • Cost is not the issue unless it is way out of line with the available resources.
  • Tokens of love can also be written notes of admiration and encouragement.

Biblical Example: The widow’s mite (Read Luke 21:1–4).

Touch: tender and loving physical contact

  • Kissing, touching and embracing often
  • Appropriate, playful touching
  • Holding hands
  • Back and foot rubs
  • Hand on the shoulder

Biblical Example: Jesus anointed by a sinful woman (Read Luke 7:36–38).

To discover your love language: ask yourself these questions:

“What complaints do I hear the most in regard to what I am not doing?”
“What am I often requested to do?”
“How does my loved one show love to others?”
“Have I lovingly asked what is most meaningful?”
“Can I respond in another’s language of love, even when I don’t feel like it?”

“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11).

This series is largely based on my reading of Hunt, J. (2008). Biblical Counseling Keys on Communication: The Heart of the Matter. Dallas, TX: Hope For The Heart

[For more info on the Love Languages, go to www.5lovelanguages.com]

The Recipe for Reconciliation

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When life gives you lemons, make lemonade! If you add the right ingredients, the same transformation may occur in your communication with a loved one. Practice following this easy recipe and taste the sweetness of reconciling painful differences.

“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24).

Confront: When one of you feels sour (hurt, frustrated or unjustly treated), don’t hold it in. Communicate feelings (anger or unmet need) by squeezing out the truth in a loving, non-accusatory way.

  • Share the problem using “I” statements. “I’m feeling betrayed. Would you be willing to listen?”
  • Describe only the upsetting words or behavior without criticizing character.
  • Do not accuse, belittle, call names or criticize.

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.… ‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:15, 26).

Comply: The person being confronted indicates a willingness to listen (to receive the rebuke without becoming angry or defensive) and sincerely seeks to hear the other’s pain.

  • Respond with a willingness to give undivided attention. “Yes, I will listen.”
  • Do not interrupt. Hear the problem to the “last drop.”
  • Above all, don’t make excuses or become defensive.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21).

Confirm: The listener now paraphrases the problem back (repeats what is heard) without reacting negatively.

  • Affirm what is being said. “You are saying you felt betrayed last night when I did not defend you? Is this correct?”
  • Agreement with the facts is not necessary.
  • Ask if your understanding of the problem is correct.

“He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise” (Proverbs 15:31).

Change: After feelings have been delivered and received, the hurting one is allowed to request a change in behavior. Willingness to listen and change behavior becomes the sweet ingredient for developing intimacy in the relationship.

  • Injured one makes a request. “When someone criticizes me in front of you, would you be willing to express emotional support by making a comment on my behalf?”
  • Listener identifies some acceptable responses for use in the future.
  • Listener is willing to please the other with a commitment to change.

“A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but fools detest turning from evil” (Proverbs 13:19).

This series is largely based on my reading of Hunt, J. (2008). Biblical Counseling Keys on Communication: The Heart of the Matter. Dallas, TX: Hope For The Heart