Category: Men of Steel

What if Jesus Took Your Place for a Year?

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Talk about making a difference… Os Hillman wrote an interesting list of changes that might happen if Jesus took your place in the office this year. We might imagine: 

 

  • He would do His work with excellence. He would be known around the office for the great work He did (Exodus 31:2-3).
  • He would develop new ideas for doing things better (Ephesians 3:20).
  • He would hang out with sinners in order to develop a relationship with them in order to speak to them about the Father (Matthew 9:12).
  • He would strategically pray for each worker about their concerns and their needs. He would pray for those who even disliked Him (Matthew 5:44).
  • He would rally the office to support a needy family perhaps during Thanksgiving or Christmas (Jeremiah 22:16).
  • He would offer to pray for those who were sick in the office and see them get healed (Matthew 14:14).
  • He would honor the boss and respect him/her (Titus 2:9).
  • He would consider the boss as His authority in His workplace (Romans 13:1).
  • He would be truthful in all his dealings and never exaggerate for the sake of advancement (Psalm 15:2).
  • He would be concerned about His city (Luke 19:41).
  • He would always have a motive to help others become successful, even at his own expense (Proverbs 16:2).

 

Sounds like some good ideas we could each model, at work and .

 

Men, how can you really make a difference in the office knowing these details listed above? Can we commit to praying diligently for personal boldness…

 

  • To live our lives in a manner worthy of a follower of Jesus?
  • To emphasize the nature of community in our personal faith?
  • To implement our marching orders called the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20)?
  • To put into practice the Great Commandment (Matthew 22:36-40)?
  • To endure the hardships of living out our faith in a practical fashion?

 

You know, we are not promised that the Christian life would be easy! I’m fascinated by the story of the early church in Acts 4. Peter and John have been jailed, flogged, warned not to speak about Jesus or the resurrection, and then released. Following all the threats and persecution of believers, the early church prays. What I find fascinating is that in their prayer, during this threat of persecution, was not a word about God ending the persecution, but that they might boldly speak the Word of God in confidence (Acts 4:29).

 

How can we match there tenacity, confidence and boldness in living out what we say we believe? While the Christian life may not be easy, we are promised that we do not go through this life alone!

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Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

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Have seen the show? Sort of humbling as they ask questions, isn’t it? Think about all of the knowledge that you have acquired over the years, and how much of it has long since been forgotten? But when you think about it, we rarely forget the wis­dom we have gained over the years. In this passage of Scripture, we read about the wisest guy who ever lived. When asked by God, “What should I give you?” (2 Chronicles 1:7), Solomon was smart enough to ask God for both wisdom and knowledge (2 Chronicles 1:10).

 

It Takes Wisdom and Knowledge

Solomon could have asked for anything he wanted, he had a blank check from God… money, power, women, world peace, a fast bass boat… but he showed that he was wise beyond his years when he recognized that he needed both wisdom and knowledge to effectively lead his people. Knowledge was not enough for him and it’s not enough for us either. A wise person uses knowledge to live properly and to live well.

 

These two prerequisites for effective leadership haven’t changed since the time of Solomon. They are timeless and they apply to leadership at any level. Regardless of your job description and title, you are a leader in some way. Leadership is simply the art and science of influencing others. Good sources of knowledge aren’t too hard to come by—you can find out about almost any subject on the Internet and what you don’t find there you can probably read in a book. Finding good sources of wisdom, however, tends to be a little more difficult.

 

Wisdom is more caught than taught. Who are the wise people that you consider your role models? What men do you know that appear to have it together in their marriage, or in raising their children, or in their career? What can you learn from them? Are you teachable? Are you willing to learn from others? How often do you claim to have it all together when just below the surface you are wounded, scared, disappointed and desperate?

 

Wisdom is a Process

When we think of various sources of wisdom, we often think of the “school of hard knocks.” Experience can be a good teacher, but a wise person prefers to learn from the good and bad experi­ences of others rather than having to learn every­thing the “hard way” himself. A wise person also reads the Bible, and when he reads, he asks God to help him truly understand what he’s reading and how to apply it. He asks God to help him see the connections between things, see the bigger picture. In other words, he asks God to make him wise.

 

Remember that wisdom is not out of reach, you just need to go to the right source, to the one who can give it to you. (James 1:5).

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Communication Skills for Men

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Ok, I’m definitely no expert but I have done research and have a desire to help men (including myself) to become the best husbands they can be. This post is about learning to communicate, because without good communication, our wives will feel isolated and misunderstood.

 

There is a problem when men use “guy-to-guy” communication on our wives, we just see things differently! Here are four things we can do to better communicate at home:

 

Learn to Listen

Generally, a lot of men decide what they think before they talk, while many women decide what they think while they are talking. So, for this reason, women need to know that they have been heard. So the wise husband will…

 

  • Seek out his wife when he comes home
  • Ask her about her day
  • Not take it personally if she’s upset
  • Ask questions they let her know that he is engaged

 

Do you hear her, but rarely listen? Do you listen carefully rather than superficially? Think about the things that you hear and can identify. Don’t allow the obligations of everyday life interfere with the treasure you have in your wife.

 

Refuse to Be Mr. Fix-It

When the women shares feelings, most husbands see this as a call to action (drop everything and come to the rescue). But she really just wants to be understood, and problem-solving is a secondary issue. She often wants to talk about the problem rather than solve the problem.

 

Give Reassurance

Silence and withdrawal are often seen as rejection, so stop it! If you have to leave for an appointment, give her a word of reassurance, like, “I’m going out for a while and will be back soon to pick up where we left off.” Simple acts of kindness, like holding her hand in the car or opening the door for her can communicate reassurance.

 

Ask For Her Input

This will definitely help her to stay connected. What do you think about…? How do you feel about…? She is a valued part of your life and she needs to feel that she is important to you.

 

Now, when she’s upset, do not fan the flames! How often is it that she is upset, so you also become upset? Resist the temptation. Keep your cool, allow her to vent. A great verse to follow is James 1:19.

 

Face it, husbands are far less communicative than wives, so it is important that men understand that the strong silent type is not the role model we need. Also, wives connect by sharing feelings, so don’t just seek to find solutions, try to give some understanding and reassurance.

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Minister in Your Workplace

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Perhaps you saw the Mel Gibson movie, The Passion of the Christ. It was all about last twenty-four hours of Jesus’ life. During one flashback scene, Jesus was in his carpentry shop making a table with his mother standing by playfully observing. It was a beautiful scene that reminded me that Jesus was a carpenter for most of his life. In fact, in the eyes of the people, Jesus was more qualified to be a carpenter than the Son of God. Jesus had a history of which they all knew. He was a young working class man from Nazareth.

 

I recently read Os Hillman as he comments on the public life of Jesus:

Consider that in the New Testament of Jesus’ 132 public appearances, 122 were in the marketplace. Of 52 parables Jesus told, 45 had a workplace context. Of 40 miracles in the book of Acts, 39 were in the marketplace. Jesus spent his adult life as a carpenter until age 30 before he went into a preaching ministry in the workplace. And, 54% of Jesus’ reported teaching ministry arose out of issues posed by others in the scope of daily life experience. Saint Bonaventure said, “His doing nothing ‘wonderful’ (his first 30-years) was in itself a kind of wonder.”

Work, in its different forms, is mentioned a lot in the Bible; more than all the words used to express worship, music, praise, and singing combined. God created work and He is a worker Himself (Gen 2:1-2). Adam is given a task way before the fall; he is to work the garden (Gen 2:15). Jesus tells us about the work of the Father, and that He, too, is to be at work (John 5:17).

My point is that the next time you are tempted to minimize your daily work as anything less than a holy calling, remember that Jesus was a minister in the workplace; a carpenter in his community. He has called you and me to reflect His glory in our everyday work.

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Harmony in Your Marriage

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Take a look at 2 Timothy 2:24. Basically we are refrain from quarreling, and be kind to people. Sometimes it’s hard to do that! But in reality, who said the Christian life was easy? What about living this out in your marriage?

 

Quarreling in a marriage can become a problem; I’m not just talking about disagreements. I recently read this observation and illustration:

 

“Women look at the world through pink sun­glasses, while men look at that same world through blue sunglasses—and, believe me, they do not necessarily see the same thing!

 

“My favorite illustration of this is when a wife says, ‘I have nothing to wear,’ she means she has nothing new to wear. When her husband says, ‘I have nothing to wear,’ he means he has nothing clean to wear. Each uses the same words but means something differ­ent based on pink and blue views!”  —Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Cracking the Communication Code.

 

Avoid a Bad Connection

Breakdowns in communication between men and women are not exactly rare. Imagine this, a husband leaving the house may yell in his wife, “Honey, I’m going out to buy a hammer.” Harmless, right? Well, it depends. If it comes after a week of late nights at the office and compounding emotional separa­tion, the wife may actually hear, “Hey, what’s-your-face, I’d rather roam the hardware store instead of be with you.”

 

Conversely, a well-meaning wife may offer her time to spruce up the yard, but the husband hears her words as a backhanded attack on his ability to get things done.

 

Communication between the genders can be com­plex. Men and women process life differently, and our understanding of the conversa­tion or action will often differ dramatically. Most of this meaning-seeking is harmless, but if there are any lingering grudges based on real or imagined prior offenses, the next conversation can go in the wrong direction in a hurry.

 

Strive to Live in Harmony

In 1 Peter 3:8-9, Peter encourages husbands and wives to “be compassionate and humble, not paying back evil for evil or insult for insult but, on the contrary, giving a blessing.” What great advice! Rather than simply fly off the handle at anything that even sounds like it might be the least bit critical, we husbands need to exercise self-control and seek to listen and understand before anything else.

 

Overreacting often leads to marital conflict.

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Communicating With Your Children

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I recently read a story about Ken…

 

“Ken squandered many opportunities to connect deeply with his sons, to communicate things that would have made their lives better. But he is thankful for those times when they did connect more than superficially—the breakfasts before school, the weekend “guy trips,” the bedtime conver­sations and prayers. The love and respect they now have for one another testifies to the effectiveness of those occasions and God’s mercy and grace.”

 

The Bible is full of wisdom when it comes to life and relationships, and Proverbs 5:1 tells us about a father desiring to pass on life insights to his son. Although in context this passage refers to a father warning his son about the temptation and enticement of women, I believe that we can broaden the appeal of this verse to include fathers desiring to pass on wisdom and life lessons to all of our children, not just sons.

 

We want our children to pay attention to our “wisdom” because we don’t want them to go through the same things that we did; the pain, the hurt, the mistakes, the sorrow, many things about which we are not proud (and we keep from telling our kids). But when we share life wisdom, are they listening?

 

The Same Old Story

Much has been written about the conflict between fathers and sons. Throughout history they have often struggled to understand each other, get along with each other, respect each other, accept each other, and even love each other. No national­ity, religion, or generation seems exempt from this struggle.

 

We shouldn’t find it surprising, then, that father-son conflicts are found throughout litera­ture, including the Bible. The tragic relationship between King David and his son Absalom (2 Samuel 13-19) is a classic example. Yet, by the grace of God, some fathers and sons have largely avoided this struggle. How have they done it?

 

Writing Your Own Story

The trite but not-too-surprising answer is usually something like “you need to have good com­munication.” Of course, the time to start working on that is always now, but how to do it may vary based on the age of your kids. Maybe this can help:

  • Put your children on your calendar. If I don’t write it down, it generally will not get done.
  • Block out time for the two of you to be alone. Give yourself time and opportunity to be together.
  • Engage in activities that you both enjoy but also allow for meaning­ful conversation. Sometimes it is the ride to and from the event, or over the lunchtime you shared.
  • Avoid long lectures. Instead, humble yourself and seek to listen as much as you talk.
  • Encourage your kids to ask questions and then answer them tactfully and patiently.

 

Over time, your kids will grow to trust and love you.

 

Pay It Forward

Sir Charles Barkley once said, “I am not a role model.” But dads, you need to be. The “strong, silent type” is not the best role model for your kids, they need to know the real you. Talk with them; spend time with them. Open your heart and your life to them. Share the wisdom that you have, that which cost you so much to gain.

 

Are You Listening to God Firsthand?

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Can you identify with this situation? Let’s listen in on a brief conversation between Bob and Bill during lunch last Tuesday: 

 

  • Bob: I just don’t get it. I listen to the same sermon you do each week but I don’t seem to be growing.
  • Bill: If you only had a weekly, 30-minute conversation with your wife, you wouldn’t expect to be very intimate with her, would you? Are you in the habit of listening to God outside of Sunday morning? If you eat only once a week, it’s little wonder that you’re starving! 

 

ARE YOU REALLY LISTENING?

It’s easy to punch the clock on Sunday mornings in a comfortable pew while listening to the preacher speak for God. After all, he’s been in the Word all week, right? And if he’s “on” he’ll have a passionate message with a joke and a reference to football somewhere in there. But is this the sum total of what it means to hear God speak?

 

In Exodus 20:18-19, Moses had just come down from Mt. Sinai with the Ten Commandments. It’s like he told the Israelites, “God has been speaking to me, and now He wants to speak to you. C’mon, I know where to find Him.” But the Israelites wanted no part of it. They told Moses: “You speak to us, and we will listen, but don’t let God speak to us, or we will die” (Exodus 20:19).

 

WILL YOU PAY THE PRICE?

I wonder if this is the sentiment of too many American church-going men today, who say, “Study hard, preacher, and make my one hour on Sunday interesting. But don’t expect me to pray or get into the Bible during the week because I’m afraid if I really hear God speak, it will cost me my self-centered life.”

 

You know it’s true. It’s pretty tough to continually hear God’s Word and remain happily unchanged. God wants to speak to this generation of men and He wants to change us through what He says in His Word. So my challenge is to listen up because God is speaking!

 

BOTTOM LINE

Make sure you’re allowing God to speak to you personally through His Word. That will deepen your relationship with Him like nothing else can.

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When Life Goes Unscripted

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In my Bible study class at King’s Grant we are taking a fresh look at the life of Mary. Not a very manly thing to do but the life lessons are very relevant. The first session looked at the topic of “unexpected,” which was certainly what happened to Mary when the angel visited her. The question for each of us is, “How do you respond when unexpected things in life happen to you?” The choices can be as few as two: do you respond in faith or in fear? What’s your story? Loss of a job, marital strife, rebellious kids, health concerns, failure of some kind, home foreclosure, victim of a crime?

 

Now, think about your favorite reality TV show. What do you like best about it? Why are these shows so popular? Answers will obviously vary, but for the most part, we like these shows because they are unpredictable. I read a story about a stage actress who realized no one was watching her perform; their attention was drawn to a cat that wondered onto the stage. Why was the cat suddenly the star of the show? Because no one knew what the cat would do next!

 

Mary had her plans in life; marriage to Joseph, raise a family, influence the community, be a part of the best carpentry shop in Nazareth, who knows? She had her life all scripted out. What happens when we lose the script of our own lives? What are your feelings when life goes unscripted?

 

Take an index card and write out the major events in your life so far: marriage, kids, graduation, career, maybe even some crisis you had to face. Look at your list. Did everything turn out just life you had planned? How did you deal with the surprises? How often did things turn out better than what you had planned?

 

Turn the card over and write out your plans for the next ten years: marriage, children, graduation, a promotion, a new house, retirement? This is act two of your life. When God intervenes, life becomes unscripted. We are moving along at His pace and in His direction rather than our own.

 

What did this unscripted life mean for Mary? She faced divorce, shame, public humiliation, reputation. Nothing was going according to her plans. What did Mary do? She worshiped.

 

Margaret Feinberg writes, “When we make God the center of our lives, we can’t help but worship, no matter what the circumstance. When we don’t worship, we tend to worry. Worship or worry – which do you choose when you’re in a tough situation?”

 

But how can you worship when life is falling apart around you? Margaret says, “Worship is about proclaiming that God is worth more than you. As long as you are able to script your own life, you really don’t need to worship. You are trusting that certain events will give your life meaning. But when those things get taken away … you are forced to acknowledge that God is calling the shots.”

 

Hang in there. God does not promise an easy life, but a guided one! Turn your act two over to God. Verses of encouragement are Proverbs 3:5-6, Matthew 6:33 and Philippians 4:6.

Ten Questions to Ask Your Wife

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Do an Internet search on the “ten questions” and you can find them listed, but here I can add some commentary! I was working at the home office of the International Mission Board when Dr. Tom Elliff came to be the Special Assistant to the President for Spiritual Formation (I doubt that title will even fit on a business card). Tom Elliff  is now former president of the IMB. Tom’s original position was a rewarding one for the staff. I remember hearing quality teaching, not only out of the Bible but also flowing out of his extensive life experiences as a missionary, pastor and teacher. On one occasion, during our Spiritual Emphasis Week, Tom shared these ten questions.

Since the Men of Steel are “in it to win it,” we intend to be the best husbands and fathers we can be, not working in our own strength but in the strength found only through our connection with Christ. The base line challenge today comes out of 1 Peter 3:7 where Peter says,

“…husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

Did you get that? Our relationship with God can be hindered by the way we treat our wives! You know, the Bible records that Jesus asked a lot of questions. So, it might be good for us to ask a few questions as well. These are the 10 questions we should ask our wives every year. Ask, and let her respond. The goal is to know her heart:

  1. What could I do to make you feel more loved and cherished? The emphasis is on feeling and not knowing. Think about verbal affirmation of your love. She knows you love her, but does she feel that you love her?
  2. How can I best demonstrate my appreciation for you, your ideas, and your role as my wife? We may speak to others about our wives being the “better half,” but do they feel that their ideas, concerns and input is really up to half in the relationship? Do you brag about her to others? What do her friends tell her about what they heard you say about her?
  3. What could I do to assure you that I hear and understand your heart? Maybe her answer might be, “Asking me these questions is a good start!” A lot of couples have very little understanding of the other. Often times we build walls around us to protect ourselves from pain or shame. We don’t want our wives to know the truth because deep down we believe they will respect or love us less if they only knew the truth.
  4. What could I do to make you feel absolutely secure? How do you protect your wife? Physically is one way, providing a safe place to live without fear, but how about emotionally, spiritually or even morally? Tom told us a story about a husband who was watching TV and the wife watched him watch TV. The point was, watching a television program is one thing, watching TV (flipping channels looking for stuff) is something else. Can our wives see our moral integrity and the marriage relationship going down for the count?
  5. What can I do to ensure that you have confidence and joy in our future direction? The key word in this question is “our.” Does your wife feel that you are both together looking forward to and building the future, or is she just following you? Each cannot be just “doing their own thing” and living under the same roof.
  6. What attribute or practice would you like me to develop or improve? Is there something in my life you would prefer I eliminated? Face it, life means always seeing the opportunity for improvement.
  7. What attribute would you like me to help you develop in yourself? How can I help you in the best possible way? Not all problems can be solved with words. She can now help you to get the picture! How can you be a true partner with your wife?
  8. What achievement in my life would bring you greatest joy to your heart? The Bible is filled with examples of people whose lives were not over until it was over; like Caleb and Joshua, the spies and the Promised Land. The goal kept these two going through 40 years of wandering. A husband needs clear and positive objectives for the second half of life. Nothing encourages a man more than the privilege of accomplishment.
  9. What would indicate to you that I really desire to be more like Christ? Perhaps a deeper prayer life, full commitment to learning the Word of God, sensitivity to sinful activity, elimination of bad habits, friends, practices, a life marked by the Holy Spirit (bearing fruit – Galatians 5:22-23), that Christ is running the show rather than you.
  10. What mutual goal would you like to see us accomplish? Marriage is not about me, it’s about us. How can we make the most of our time spent on this earth?

Tom and his wife set aside a weekend retreat each year. Will you commit to ask these questions of your wife?

PS: if wives are looking for ten questions to ask her husband, check out what Tom’s wife asks him every year.

Treasure Your Wife

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The Bible has a lot to say about riches and treasure. Jesus actually said more about financial matters than He did about faith, salvation, heaven or hell. Much of it revolves around our attitude toward riches.

One Bible verse jumps out at me when it comes to the proper focus on treasure, Matthew 6:21. Jesus tells us that where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. So think about two things, your treasure and your heart. No one can see into your soul or your heart except you and God, so be honest with yourself. Think about what you value most in life.

For you married guys, I pray that you realize your wife is your greatest treasure. It’s not your job, your kids, or even the skills you have to do something great for humanity. Your wife fills a void that no one else and nothing else can fill. Our wives are designed not only as complete and competent individuals, but to be our suitable helpers as well. After all, God is the one who said it was not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18).

How can you express to your wife that she is the treasure of your life?

  1. Treasure your wife by verbally expressing how much you value her as a person.
  2. Treasure her by telling and showing her how grateful you are that she is in your life.
  3. Treasure her by making your marriage a priority, and helping her to know it.
  4. Treasure her in your thought life, maintaining purity.
  5. Treasure her in prayer by regularly bringing her to God’s throne of grace.
  6. Treasure her by following through with your promises.
  7. Treasure her by serving her, and sacrificing yourself every day.
  8. Treasure her by helping and encouraging her to reach for her personal and professional goals.

This is the day to begin treasuring your wife!

This weekend I was asked, “What day are you on?” regarding the Love Dare book, from the feature film, Fireproof. I quickly realized that I had not followed through with intentionality! It’s time to start over. For your treasure’s sake, recommitted yourself to the challenge. Remember the reason you married her in the first place!

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