Men of Steel – Page 34 – HeartQuest 101

What Are You Expecting From the Church?

Posted on January 27, 2009 by Scott Chafee

The Men of Steel looked into this topic; this lame man represents all men and the issues we face:

This is part two from the Men of Steel topic on the Lame Man at the Gate (From Acts 3:1-5).

Just why is it that you go to church? Why are you really there? Is this a question that you have ever asked yourself…besides perhaps during a particularly boring guest speaker?

Are you at church so you have the right to tell others they need to be in church?
Are you at church so you can play a role that you feel gives you status in your community?
Are you at church because your family expects you to be there?
Are you at church to keep your wife from nagging and pleading for you to be there?
Are you at church because it is a habit?
Are you at church because you enjoy the company of friends?
Are you at church out of some sense of guilt, or for fire insurance?

This question of expectation is not too far from what Jesus said in Matthew 11:7-15 (Just who did you go out to the wilderness to see?). So, let’s add another question to the list above, Who are you going to church to see and to hear?

It’s not for the choir, not for the preacher, not for the fellowship, not for the business contacts… just as the lame man at the gate, we often go to church looking for the wrong thing (Acts 3:4-5). He sought a handout, not healing.

We also need to take a look at the way in which we see other people around us each day. What do we expect from these encounters? Do we approach people the same way as this lame man did? Are we looking for something that we can get from them, or for what they can do for us? We should be looking for what God wants to do through us or even what God will do in us.

Sometimes we are looking for people to help us get out of some problem in our lives. This guy was looking for what he could take from others; something which would comes to him without effort or responsibility. These types of people are users. They use people and love things, rather than the other way around.

God calls us to see Him when we look at other people. Jesus said that when we do something for the least of these my brothers, you have done it to Me (Matthew 25:45).

So, when you go to church, do you come expecting to encounter God?

Do you expect Him to show you something new out of His Word?
Do you expect Him to work among His people here at King’s Grant?
Do you expect that God will show you the best thing for your life, and heal you from the lameness that keeps us bound and begging?
Do you expect that God is the One to set you free from the bondage that keeps you lame in the first place?
Do you freely pass on that which God has so freely given you (Matthew 10:8)?

Take a few moments right now to identify what you expect from God. Gather with the church this Sunday because it is the right thing to do, and because God deserves your worship. Identify the barriers that are keeping you from being the man of God that He wants you to become.

As Men of Steel, we must constantly be on the lookout for the kryptonite that so easily trips us up (2 Timothy 2:4, Hebrews 12:1, 2 Peter 2:20).

The Lame Man at the Gate

Posted on January 23, 2009 by Scott Chafee

The Men of Steel looked into this topic; this lame man represents all men and the issues we face:

Today I write about a story in the Bible where Peter and John go to church together for prayer time, at around 3:00 in the afternoon. In this story is a lame man who was carried into the Temple and is sitting at the Beautiful Gate (Acts 3:1-2).

Think about the lame guy for a moment. There was nothing wrong with this man in many parts of his body, because he could see, hear, touch and speak. He could move his upper body just fine. There was really only one thing wrong, he could not walk due to his crippled lower legs or feet. But that one weakness was severe enough to affect his entire life. We might say that this one problem was a whole-life problem.

He was handicapped and needed to be carried. He could not support himself, stand on his own or live life on his own. His situation had nothing to do with his character, whether he was a good man in his heart or in his motives. It had to do with having a bad problem.

His problem made him dependent on other people. His problem interfered with the lives of others, being carried to a place to beg and at the end of the day he is carried back home. He could not get to where he wanted to be on his own.

Perhaps this guy felt discouraged or he had a low self-esteem. A man in this situation will feel demeaned and diminished. He is not allowed to participate in activities with other men. Perhaps he does not feel like a real man.

Maybe his physical lameness moved to his emotions and his spirit. This would mean that at the beginning his legs were lame, now he was lame.

I feel that nearly all men are in this position today. We each have a weakness that keeps us from functioning as a whole person. Most of us just deny our lameness. We also pass by others because we do not have the courage or the compassion to stop and help.

This is why I have such a heart for a ministry to men. I may not have all the answers, but my heart bleeds for men who are trapped by their own lameness, many of whom don’t realize or recognize their need.

I hope that the Men of Steel will help all of us to stop fooling ourselves. We need God’s healing power. We need His strength to be the men He has called us to be. We are lame at the gate and we need help.

The good news is that God sends people our way, right to our place at the gate. They help us understand what God has for us. Look out for that person in your life, and let him in to your circle. Remember to be aware that you may be that person to another lame man.

What if Jesus Took Your Place for a Year?

Posted on January 15, 2009 by Scott Chafee

Talk about making a difference… Os Hillman wrote an interesting list of changes that might happen if Jesus took your place in the office this year. We might imagine:

He would do His work with excellence. He would be known around the office for the great work He did (Exodus 31:2-3).
He would develop new ideas for doing things better (Ephesians 3:20).
He would hang out with sinners in order to develop a relationship with them in order to speak to them about the Father (Matthew 9:12).
He would strategically pray for each worker about their concerns and their needs. He would pray for those who even disliked Him (Matthew 5:44).
He would rally the office to support a needy family perhaps during Thanksgiving or Christmas (Jeremiah 22:16).
He would offer to pray for those who were sick in the office and see them get healed (Matthew 14:14).
He would honor the boss and respect him/her (Titus 2:9).
He would consider the boss as His authority in His workplace (Romans 13:1).
He would be truthful in all his dealings and never exaggerate for the sake of advancement (Psalm 15:2).
He would be concerned about His city (Luke 19:41).
He would always have a motive to help others become successful, even at his own expense (Proverbs 16:2).

Sounds like some good ideas we could each model, at work and at home.

Men, how can you really make a difference in the office knowing these details listed above? Can we commit to praying diligently for personal boldness…

To live our lives in a manner worthy of a follower of Jesus?
To emphasize the nature of community in our personal faith?
To implement our marching orders called the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20)?
To put into practice the Great Commandment (Matthew 22:36-40)?
To endure the hardships of living out our faith in a practical fashion?

You know, we are not promised that the Christian life would be easy! I’m fascinated by the story of the early church in Acts 4. Peter and John have been jailed, flogged, warned not to speak about Jesus or the resurrection, and then released. Following all the threats and persecution of believers, the early church prays. What I find fascinating is that in their prayer, during this threat of persecution, was not a word about God ending the persecution, but that they might boldly speak the Word of God in confidence (Acts 4:29).

How can we match there tenacity, confidence and boldness in living out what we say we believe? While the Christian life may not be easy, we are promised that we do not go through this life alone!

Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

Posted on January 13, 2009 by Scott Chafee

Have seen the show? Sort of humbling as they ask questions, isn’t it? Think about all of the knowledge that you have acquired over the years, and how much of it has long since been forgotten? But when you think about it, we rarely forget the wisdom we have gained over the years. In this passage of Scripture, we read about the wisest guy who ever lived. When asked by God, “What should I give you?” (2 Chronicles 1:7), Solomon was smart enough to ask God for both wisdom and knowledge (2 Chronicles 1:10).

It Takes Wisdom and Knowledge

Solomon could have asked for anything he wanted, he had a blank check from God… money, power, women, world peace, a fast bass boat… but he showed that he was wise beyond his years when he recognized that he needed both wisdom and knowledge to effectively lead his people. Knowledge was not enough for him and it’s not enough for us either. A wise person uses knowledge to live properly and to live well.

These two prerequisites for effective leadership haven’t changed since the time of Solomon. They are timeless and they apply to leadership at any level. Regardless of your job description and title, you are a leader in some way. Leadership is simply the art and science of influencing others. Good sources of knowledge aren’t too hard to come by—you can find out about almost any subject on the Internet and what you don’t find there you can probably read in a book. Finding good sources of wisdom, however, tends to be a little more difficult.

Wisdom is more caught than taught. Who are the wise people that you consider your role models? What men do you know that appear to have it together in their marriage, or in raising their children, or in their career? What can you learn from them? Are you teachable? Are you willing to learn from others? How often do you claim to have it all together when just below the surface you are wounded, scared, disappointed and desperate?

Wisdom is a Process

When we think of various sources of wisdom, we often think of the “school of hard knocks.” Experience can be a good teacher, but a wise person prefers to learn from the good and bad experiences of others rather than having to learn everything the “hard way” himself. A wise person also reads the Bible, and when he reads, he asks God to help him truly understand what he’s reading and how to apply it. He asks God to help him see the connections between things, see the bigger picture. In other words, he asks God to make him wise.

Remember that wisdom is not out of reach, you just need to go to the right source, to the one who can give it to you. (James 1:5).

Communication Skills for Men

Posted on January 8, 2009 by Scott Chafee

Ok, I’m definitely no expert but I have done research and have a desire to help men (including myself) to become the best husbands they can be. This post is about learning to communicate, because without good communication, our wives will feel isolated and misunderstood.

There is a problem when men use “guy-to-guy” communication on our wives, we just see things differently! Here are four things we can do to better communicate at home:

Learn to Listen

Generally, a lot of men decide what they think before they talk, while many women decide what they think while they are talking. So, for this reason, women need to know that they have been heard. So the wise husband will…

Seek out his wife when he comes home
Ask her about her day
Not take it personally if she’s upset
Ask questions they let her know that he is engaged

Do you hear her, but rarely listen? Do you listen carefully rather than superficially? Think about the things that you hear and can identify. Don’t allow the obligations of everyday life interfere with the treasure you have in your wife.

Refuse to Be Mr. Fix-It

When the women shares feelings, most husbands see this as a call to action (drop everything and come to the rescue). But she really just wants to be understood, and problem-solving is a secondary issue. She often wants to talk about the problem rather than solve the problem.

Give Reassurance

Silence and withdrawal are often seen as rejection, so stop it! If you have to leave for an appointment, give her a word of reassurance, like, “I’m going out for a while and will be back soon to pick up where we left off.” Simple acts of kindness, like holding her hand in the car or opening the door for her can communicate reassurance.

Ask For Her Input

This will definitely help her to stay connected. What do you think about…? How do you feel about…? She is a valued part of your life and she needs to feel that she is important to you.

Now, when she’s upset, do not fan the flames! How often is it that she is upset, so you also become upset? Resist the temptation. Keep your cool, allow her to vent. A great verse to follow is James 1:19.

Face it, husbands are far less communicative than wives, so it is important that men understand that the strong silent type is not the role model we need. Also, wives connect by sharing feelings, so don’t just seek to find solutions, try to give some understanding and reassurance.

Minister in Your Workplace

Posted on January 8, 2009 by Scott Chafee

Perhaps you saw the Mel Gibson movie, The Passion of the Christ. It was all about last twenty-four hours of Jesus’ life. During one flashback scene, Jesus was in his carpentry shop making a table with his mother standing by playfully observing. It was a beautiful scene that reminded me that Jesus was a carpenter for most of his life. In fact, in the eyes of the people, Jesus was more qualified to be a carpenter than the Son of God. Jesus had a history of which they all knew. He was a young working class man from Nazareth.

I recently read Os Hillman as he comments on the public life of Jesus:

Consider that in the New Testament of Jesus’ 132 public appearances, 122 were in the marketplace. Of 52 parables Jesus told, 45 had a workplace context. Of 40 miracles in the book of Acts, 39 were in the marketplace. Jesus spent his adult life as a carpenter until age 30 before he went into a preaching ministry in the workplace. And, 54% of Jesus’ reported teaching ministry arose out of issues posed by others in the scope of daily life experience. Saint Bonaventure said, “His doing nothing ‘wonderful’ (his first 30-years) was in itself a kind of wonder.”

Work, in its different forms, is mentioned a lot in the Bible; more than all the words used to express worship, music, praise, and singing combined. God created work and He is a worker Himself (Gen 2:1-2). Adam is given a task way before the fall; he is to work the garden (Gen 2:15). Jesus tells us about the work of the Father, and that He, too, is to be at work (John 5:17).

My point is that the next time you are tempted to minimize your daily work as anything less than a holy calling, remember that Jesus was a minister in the workplace; a carpenter in his community. He has called you and me to reflect His glory in our everyday work.

Harmony in Your Marriage

Posted on January 7, 2009 by Scott Chafee

Take a look at 2 Timothy 2:24. Basically we are refrain from quarreling, and be kind to people. Sometimes it’s hard to do that! But in reality, who said the Christian life was easy? What about living this out in your marriage?

Quarreling in a marriage can become a problem; I’m not just talking about disagreements. I recently read this observation and illustration:

“Women look at the world through pink sunglasses, while men look at that same world through blue sunglasses—and, believe me, they do not necessarily see the same thing!

“My favorite illustration of this is when a wife says, ‘I have nothing to wear,’ she means she has nothing new to wear. When her husband says, ‘I have nothing to wear,’ he means he has nothing clean to wear. Each uses the same words but means something different based on pink and blue views!” —Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Cracking the Communication Code.

Avoid a Bad Connection

Breakdowns in communication between men and women are not exactly rare. Imagine this, a husband leaving the house may yell in his wife, “Honey, I’m going out to buy a hammer.” Harmless, right? Well, it depends. If it comes after a week of late nights at the office and compounding emotional separation, the wife may actually hear, “Hey, what’s-your-face, I’d rather roam the hardware store instead of be with you.”

Conversely, a well-meaning wife may offer her time to spruce up the yard, but the husband hears her words as a backhanded attack on his ability to get things done.

Communication between the genders can be complex. Men and women process life differently, and our understanding of the conversation or action will often differ dramatically. Most of this meaning-seeking is harmless, but if there are any lingering grudges based on real or imagined prior offenses, the next conversation can go in the wrong direction in a hurry.

Strive to Live in Harmony

In 1 Peter 3:8-9, Peter encourages husbands and wives to “be compassionate and humble, not paying back evil for evil or insult for insult but, on the contrary, giving a blessing.” What great advice! Rather than simply fly off the handle at anything that even sounds like it might be the least bit critical, we husbands need to exercise self-control and seek to listen and understand before anything else.

Overreacting often leads to marital conflict.

Communicating With Your Children

Posted on January 2, 2009 by Scott Chafee

I recently read a story about Ken…

“Ken squandered many opportunities to connect deeply with his sons, to communicate things that would have made their lives better. But he is thankful for those times when they did connect more than superficially—the breakfasts before school, the weekend “guy trips,” the bedtime conversations and prayers. The love and respect they now have for one another testifies to the effectiveness of those occasions and God’s mercy and grace.”

The Bible is full of wisdom when it comes to life and relationships, and Proverbs 5:1 tells us about a father desiring to pass on life insights to his son. Although in context this passage refers to a father warning his son about the temptation and enticement of women, I believe that we can broaden the appeal of this verse to include fathers desiring to pass on wisdom and life lessons to all of our children, not just sons.

We want our children to pay attention to our “wisdom” because we don’t want them to go through the same things that we did; the pain, the hurt, the mistakes, the sorrow, many things about which we are not proud (and we keep from telling our kids). But when we share life wisdom, are they listening?

The Same Old Story

Much has been written about the conflict between fathers and sons. Throughout history they have often struggled to understand each other, get along with each other, respect each other, accept each other, and even love each other. No nationality, religion, or generation seems exempt from this struggle.

We shouldn’t find it surprising, then, that father-son conflicts are found throughout literature, including the Bible. The tragic relationship between King David and his son Absalom (2 Samuel 13-19) is a classic example. Yet, by the grace of God, some fathers and sons have largely avoided this struggle. How have they done it?

Writing Your Own Story

The trite but not-too-surprising answer is usually something like “you need to have good communication.” Of course, the time to start working on that is always now, but how to do it may vary based on the age of your kids. Maybe this can help:

Put your children on your calendar. If I don’t write it down, it generally will not get done.
Block out time for the two of you to be alone. Give yourself time and opportunity to be together.
Engage in activities that you both enjoy but also allow for meaningful conversation. Sometimes it is the ride to and from the event, or over the lunchtime you shared.
Avoid long lectures. Instead, humble yourself and seek to listen as much as you talk.
Encourage your kids to ask questions and then answer them tactfully and patiently.

Over time, your kids will grow to trust and love you.

Pay It Forward

Sir Charles Barkley once said, “I am not a role model.” But dads, you need to be. The “strong, silent type” is not the best role model for your kids, they need to know the real you. Talk with them; spend time with them. Open your heart and your life to them. Share the wisdom that you have, that which cost you so much to gain.

Are You Listening to God Firsthand?

Posted on December 17, 2008 by Scott Chafee

Can you identify with this situation? Let’s listen in on a brief conversation between Bob and Bill during lunch last Tuesday:

Bob: I just don’t get it. I listen to the same sermon you do each week but I don’t seem to be growing.
Bill: If you only had a weekly, 30-minute conversation with your wife, you wouldn’t expect to be very intimate with her, would you? Are you in the habit of listening to God outside of Sunday morning? If you eat only once a week, it’s little wonder that you’re starving!

ARE YOU REALLY LISTENING?

It’s easy to punch the clock on Sunday mornings in a comfortable pew while listening to the preacher speak for God. After all, he’s been in the Word all week, right? And if he’s “on” he’ll have a passionate message with a joke and a reference to football somewhere in there. But is this the sum total of what it means to hear God speak?

In Exodus 20:18-19, Moses had just come down from Mt. Sinai with the Ten Commandments. It’s like he told the Israelites, “God has been speaking to me, and now He wants to speak to you. C’mon, I know where to find Him.” But the Israelites wanted no part of it. They told Moses: “You speak to us, and we will listen, but don’t let God speak to us, or we will die” (Exodus 20:19).

WILL YOU PAY THE PRICE?

I wonder if this is the sentiment of too many American church-going men today, who say, “Study hard, preacher, and make my one hour on Sunday interesting. But don’t expect me to pray or get into the Bible during the week because I’m afraid if I really hear God speak, it will cost me my self-centered life.”

You know it’s true. It’s pretty tough to continually hear God’s Word and remain happily unchanged. God wants to speak to this generation of men and He wants to change us through what He says in His Word. So my challenge is to listen up because God is speaking!

BOTTOM LINE

Make sure you’re allowing God to speak to you personally through His Word. That will deepen your relationship with Him like nothing else can.

When Life Goes Unscripted

Posted on December 17, 2008 by Scott Chafee

In my Bible study class at King’s Grant we are taking a fresh look at the life of Mary. Not a very manly thing to do but the life lessons are very relevant. The first session looked at the topic of “unexpected,” which was certainly what happened to Mary when the angel visited her. The question for each of us is, “How do you respond when unexpected things in life happen to you?” The choices can be as few as two: do you respond in faith or in fear? What’s your story? Loss of a job, marital strife, rebellious kids, health concerns, failure of some kind, home foreclosure, victim of a crime?

Now, think about your favorite reality TV show. What do you like best about it? Why are these shows so popular? Answers will obviously vary, but for the most part, we like these shows because they are unpredictable. I read a story about a stage actress who realized no one was watching her perform; their attention was drawn to a cat that wondered onto the stage. Why was the cat suddenly the star of the show? Because no one knew what the cat would do next!

Mary had her plans in life; marriage to Joseph, raise a family, influence the community, be a part of the best carpentry shop in Nazareth, who knows? She had her life all scripted out. What happens when we lose the script of our own lives? What are your feelings when life goes unscripted?

Take an index card and write out the major events in your life so far: marriage, kids, graduation, career, maybe even some crisis you had to face. Look at your list. Did everything turn out just life you had planned? How did you deal with the surprises? How often did things turn out better than what you had planned?

Turn the card over and write out your plans for the next ten years: marriage, children, graduation, a promotion, a new house, retirement? This is act two of your life. When God intervenes, life becomes unscripted. We are moving along at His pace and in His direction rather than our own.

What did this unscripted life mean for Mary? She faced divorce, shame, public humiliation, reputation. Nothing was going according to her plans. What did Mary do? She worshiped.

Margaret Feinberg writes, “When we make God the center of our lives, we can’t help but worship, no matter what the circumstance. When we don’t worship, we tend to worry. Worship or worry – which do you choose when you’re in a tough situation?”

But how can you worship when life is falling apart around you? Margaret says, “Worship is about proclaiming that God is worth more than you. As long as you are able to script your own life, you really don’t need to worship. You are trusting that certain events will give your life meaning. But when those things get taken away … you are forced to acknowledge that God is calling the shots.”

Hang in there. God does not promise an easy life, but a guided one! Turn your act two over to God. Verses of encouragement are Proverbs 3:5-6, Matthew 6:33 and Philippians 4:6.