My sweet daughter is almost 16 years old, and boys have already taken an interest in her, so on this Valentine’s Day I thought I would be proactive and begin the application process for permission to date my daughter.
Author Unknown
Category: Parenting
A Father’s Love
Saw this just today; if you are a father, you’ll understand. There is a much larger illustration of God’s love for us. I barely understood the love of God until I became a father.
Dad-Daughter Date Night
Men, we need to date our daughters. Think about it, if we want them to be respected on dates when they get into high school, we need to take them out on dates to show them what to expect out of a boy who wants to date her. If he doesn’t measure up, she needs to know that she has the freedom to dump him. She will respect herself enough to insist that the young man respect her.
Bethany and I recently traveled back from Alabama and we stopped at a Chick-fil-a in South Carolina; her choice. I love spending time with her, and wish I had more opportunities to be with her. But on the whole, I feel we spend a lot more time together than most dads and daughters. She is beginning to get interested in boys, and even has a fellow pursuing her, but I insist that he talk to me and get to know me (and I want to know him) before he expects to go out with my daughter (when she turns 17 or 18).
The restaurant company as a whole gets a lot of respect from me because of their stance on being closed on Sundays, and the extraordinary work they do in the community (such as the Winshape Foundation, the Chick-fil-a Bowl on December 31, and the recently attended Chick-fil-a Leadercast).
In the near future, I intend to post many of the notes I took while at the leadercast back on May 6, 2011.
A Father’s Day Prayer
May this Father’s Day be the best. Leadership is influence, so men, lead your children to love God and follow in your example. Pursue Christ and allow him to change you into the dad you need to be for your kids, and the kingdom’s sake.
Preparation for Father’s Day
This Sunday is Father’s Day, so plan ahead accordingly. You may have seen this video but it puts the focus on all the things dad’s do, for no credit at all. Take pride in being the dad God has called you to be, faithful, available and teachable.
The Secret of Healthy Fathers
I always want to offer helpful ideas, stories and suggestions to help us all become better husbands and fathers. Check out this story I read about this week.
A young man once told about an unusual present he received from his father. As a young boy, he peeled back the layers of wrapping paper from a tiny box. Inside the box he found a small, hand-written note from his father. “Son,” it read, “this year I will give you 365 hours, an hour every day after dinner.”
“This simple present became the greatest gift I ever had in my life,” explained the boy as an adult. “My dad not only kept his promise, but every year he renewed it. I am the result of his time.”
One hour after dinner is all it took to change this boy’s life forever. One hour of leading, loving, and learning. It is such a simple idea, an obvious one. Time for our family is like oxygen to our bodies–there’s a minimum necessary for survival. And it takes quantity as well as quality to develop warm and caring relationships.
What can Dads do?
- Determine balanced priorities. Ask God to help you order your life according to his priorities.
- Think through your promotions. Often promotions come with a corresponding increase in workload and hours.
- Consider changing jobs. No job is worth sacrificing your spouse or children.
- Stop gift-wrapping the garbage. In other words, look beyond the attractive “wrappings” of anything that will drive you to perfection and sacrifice valuable time with your family.
- Slow down and live. For many of us, the pace of our lives is self-imposed. We do have a choice about what we do and the schedule we keep.
A man whose family was so infatuated with time that he could rarely enjoy a quiet moment of reflection said, “My Dad was an expert at hurrying. And he inflicted it on our family. We would hurry to go on vacation, hurry to enjoy it, and hurry to drive home, so we could hurry on to something else!”
The misuse of time might be the most pervasive enemy the healthy family has. Dads, determine to make the most of the time you have with your children.
Making Responsible Choices
I was a part of the student group last night; Craig Goodmurphy led a presentation about teenagers making responsible choices during these developmental years. While a lot of the information probably went in one ear and out the other, he presented scientific details about the development of neural pathways. Drugs and alcohol have a significant effect on the brain (and therefore decision-making), because nerves need to wire and fire properly. When we ask the kids “what were you thinking?” they have an imagination that honestly tells them that what they are doing is safe, responsible and logical. They are convinced they can handle it, and they are doing a good job… while observation from the outside shows they are wasted and reckless.
During this season of proms and ring dances, there will be teens all over this city making poor choices that will effect the rest of their lives. What is a parent to do? Check out this verse:
Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. (Proverbs 22:6)
Every year I approach May and June with mixed emotions. I know how exciting it is to be finished with teachers, classes, and homework and to look forward to a summer of fun. And for high school graduates, the future seems exciting, filled with potential. But I also know of the shipwrecked lives, kids who never even make it to summer because of careless celebrations at proms and other parties. It seems like every year we read of carloads of kids who are killed through drinking and driving, and other tragedies.
As I watch seniors walk across the stage to receive their diplomas, I know that they will be headed for the whole range of ups and downs as they make the difficult transition into adulthood. Our future as a nation truly does rest with this generation, and I wonder what that future will hold.
I also wonder about the kind of world we are giving them. My generation has made a few contributions, but we have also formed a society based on self-centeredness, materialism, and greed. It’s a violent world, filled with guns, gangs, crime, abortion, and abuse. Despite the progress and the optimism of the ’60s and ’70s, racism is on the rise again. Personal freedom and choice have come to mean that a person should have the right to do almost anything he or she wants, with no restraints. Families are falling apart. Alternate lifestyles are being taught as normal, and this generation has been trying its best to purge public life of every trace of biblical faith.
It’s not a pretty sight, but it’s not hopeless. There is time to change the direction, but it must begin with our children.
This is a good time to think about our kids, of all ages. We need to reach them now; we dare not wait until graduation.
- What are we doing to teach them the right values?
- What are we doing to motivate them to serve others?
- What are we doing to heal their pain and meet their needs?
- What are we doing to lead them to Christ?
The Bible verse above is not a guarantee of raising successful kids, but if we don’t raise them right, we can nearly guarantee they won’t turn out right. Think of what you can do to reach this generation. There is no better investment of your life.
For Dads with Daughters
Protecting our daughters is an important task of all fathers. This Christmas Bethany received a “True Love Waits” purity ring, but I have discovered another deterrent for boys who might have other ideas; the trunk monkey:
Worshiping with Children
We are building a dynamic children’s ministry at King’s Grant, and have a creative, passionate and gifted Director of Children’s Ministries, Katie Goodmurphy. Since we have introduced our children into the corporate cross-generational worship experience, sometimes adults and parents don’t know how to help our kids connect to what is going on. Years ago I discovered these ABC’s of worshiping with children; information we all can use.
Arrive in time to allow children to choose a good place to sit. Encourage them to sit up front where they can see the pastor, musicians, choir etc.Looking at the back of someone’s head does not help them to connect.
Bring your child’s worship bag to church. Make sure it has colored pencils or crayons with a coloring book for younger children to use. For older children have them bring a notebook: to write down unfamiliar words, draw a picture about something they hear in the sermon, take notes during the sermon…
Clue your child into what will happen next in worship. Children who like to read will want to read the words in the Bible, on the screen or in the hymnal. They like to be ready. Keep a bookmark in their bag/notebook so they can find the Scripture text for the day.
Discuss worship when you get home. Take time to answer question about their worship experiences.
Express your joy at having children in worship. After the service, be sure to welcome the children sitting near you. Encourage your children to greet other members of the congregation. When you make introductions, always introduce your children and introduce yourself to other people’s children. Include them in your conversations to let them know they belong.
Firm and consistent. Apply the same discipline used for other important matters. Make the boundaries as wide a you can make them (say yes as much as you can), but the boundaries are FIRM.
Guide young readers to read the hymnal, Bible, the words on the screen, or the bulletin
- Look together for familiar words
- Follow the lines with a bookmark or bulletin on it its side
- Use the large print hymnal
Holy hugs. Use a gentle touch – an arm around your child’s shoulder or your hand in his or hers gives reassurance and appropriate attention.
In and out. Children come in and out of participation. When they can’t keep their focus on the service they can engage in a related activity.
Jesus – to whom our worship is directed.
Keep any activity sheets for the sermon time. Being still and quiet is highly valued by parents and others during this time.
Let your children print their name on the Connection Card.
Make it a rule not to sit with friends. This can become a habit by the time they get to the youth group.
Notice when your child ministers to someone else or is touched in some way by God. Praise him when he’s listening well.
Offering. When we give a tithe to God it shows that we know God is the giver of all good things. You may want to allow your child to put some of his own money in the offering plate as his worship to God.
Participate. Children learn to be passionate about worship by watching you worship in spirit and truth. Let your child see you celebrate before the Lord, maybe even like King David (2 Samuel 6:21-22)
Questions. Whisper questions to your child during the sermon/Scripture readings.
- “How do you think Jesus looked and sounded when he said that?”
- “What does this say about how you felt yesterday?”
- Wondering questions – these keep the Scriptures open by dealing with a child’s experience and understanding of the story. Wondering brings us to the knowledge of God, ourselves and others in a deep and convincing way.
- “I wonder why Jesus enjoyed being in the temple so much?”
- “I wonder what Bartimaeus is seeing Jesus do now?”
Relax! God put the “wiggle” in children.People in the congregation should also enjoy the freshness of families worshiping together.
Stand “short people” on the pew to “read the hymnal/screen with a “tall person.”
- Let them hum or la la along before able to read the words or
- Help them sing repeated words or choruses.
- During special music have a young child squeeze your hand every time they hear the word Jesus, Glory, etc.
- During music without words, children can be asked to listen closely and picture what is going on in the music. Have them think of a Bible story that seems to go along with the music.
Talk about the sermon when you get home and encourage children to share what they learned in the service. Ask them questions and let them ask you questions about what you learned.
Understand their need to move around. Accept them and care for them in the worship setting. Be appreciative of their presence and always be ready to cuddle.
Visit the sanctuary when a service is not going on. Let your child go up front and explore and ask questions.
Whisper instructions.
- “Now is the time we tell God about how sorry we are. Remember our talk this morning about being selfish?” Tell Jesus about this right now, and ask him to help you share the last doughnut next time.”
- “Listen to this story. It’s a good one.”
EXit when necessary. In certain cases, an exit is desirable: a teething baby, a hurt/distressed child, loud & rambunctious behavior, a toileting emergency, or if a child has set up a distracting pattern of play with another child. Exit relieves tension. Teach your child what behavior is acceptable in worship. When the cause of the child’s complaint is resolved, return. Exiting without reentry is counterproductive.
You are your child’s best worship teacher. Call her attention to the minister, choir, worship leaders, flowers, banners, seasonal colors etc.
Zzzzz: there is no sleeping in God’s presence.
These ideas and quotes taken from Parenting in the Pew by Robbie Castleman.
The Son of a Pharisee
It’s probably a verse you have come to know over the course of your Christian life. We quote it around Mother’s Day and Father’s Day and use it to remind parents of their responsibility to raise godly children; it does not happen just because we take our kids to church.
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. – Proverbs 22:6
For the parents of the apostle Paul, these were not simply words of a short verse worth memorizing; they were the foundation of family life. In a Jewish home, it was not the job of the mother to teach spiritual things to the kids, it was the father’s responsibility, who learned it from his own father.
Philippians 3:5 tells us a bit of Paul’s early childhood: circumcised on the eighth day, a part of the children of Israel, the tribe of Benjamin, and even a “Hebrew of Hebrews.” The readers understood that Paul meant nothing but Jewish influence surrounded him in those early years.
The Code of Jewish Law states that “it is the duty of every father to train his children in the practice of all the precepts, whether biblical or rabbinical” and “to guard his children against any forbidden act.” Paul’s father took this responsibility very seriously.
Looking back through New Testament eyes, we tend to put Pharisees in a negative light, since Jesus had so much conflict with them and they ultimately schemed the crucifixion of Christ, but in the first century the Pharisees held a position of great honor. I wonder if Paul spoke from experience when he penned the words to the Ephesian church that fathers must not exasperate their children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).
The Jewish historian Josephus (under contract with the Roman Empire) wrote the Jews lay greater stress on the training of children than on anything else; as one of the most important duties.
Being a Hebrew was not just about religion, or a way of life, but it defined who you were, how you thought and how you felt about life. It affected how you dressed (even the wearing of phylacteries – Exodus 13:9) to what you celebrated (the regular ritual and feasts).
So men, has there been a time in your life when you delegated the task of spiritual instruction to your wife, thinking that religious stuff was for women, or raising the kids is primarily woman’s work? I challenge you to make sure you rethink that position and learn from the life of Paul that religious instruction is the father’s role in the family. There is a phrase that should haunt each of us, “Like father, like son.”
While I don’t want to discount a miracle of God working in our kids lives, but how can we expect our children to mysteriously be right with God one day, or stand up for godly principles, if we ourselves are not right with God? We must model what a relationship with God is all about and train our kids in the way they should go. They might choose another path later on, but it won’t be for a lack of instruction on the father’s part when they were young.
So, what do you need to do to better model what a relationship with Jesus is all about? How well do you know the Bible and the teachings of Christ? Can you pass on the stories and teachings at appropriate times throughout the day, helping your kids know that Christianity is not just something we do on Sundays? Can you quote Scripture in front of your kids, and challenge them to memorize verses as well? How can you relate the teaching of the Bible to the struggles and situations in their daily lives? Have you set up a time each day to read Scripture, a devotional thought and pray? It’s never too late to get on the right path.