Category: Men of Steel

An Island in the Storm

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The shipwreck story in the life of Paul lands him and the crew on the island of Malta (Acts 28:1).  The men made their way from sinking ship to safety on shore, and perhaps they wondered what they would find. Remember Gilligan’s Island? They encountered head hunters from time to time! But Paul and his buds encountered six discoveries:

  1. Unusual Kindness (Acts 28:2): there could have been unhappy natives, head-hunters or cannibals, instead, God prepared a safe haven for them. Luke tells us they were unusually kind. When was the last time that you were shipwrecked in a storm and found unusual kindness?
  2. Warmth (Acts 28:2): the water was cold and a fire was kindled. The fact is that we cannot really experience and appreciate warmth until we have experience the cold. What I like is that God was meeting their physical needs first. Another fact I like is that Paul gathered a pile of wood. A man who deserved a break after all his hardship was exercising his servant’s heart. This wood gathering brought his third discovery.
  3. Snakes (Acts 28:3): a viper is quite a poisonous snake; generally take three steps and fall down. It sort of looked like one of the sticks, and as Paul placed the pile on the fire, the snake grabbed at his only way out of the fire, Paul’s hand. Read 2 Corinthians 11:24, 25, and Paul might have thought, “and now this.” But God used this creature to reveal the beliefs of the islanders.
  4. Limited Knowledge (Acts 28:4): Paul must have been a murderer and God was not allowing him to live. While their assumption was not correct, they revealed a limited knowledge of the true God. The NIV capitalizes the word, Justice, meaning it is a proper noun. They must have believed in a judge who executes justice. Even though they were unevangelized, they had an awareness of a divine judge. God makes himself known in the most remote parts of the planet and men are without excuse (Romans 1:20). But God does not just want people to be without excuse, he doesn’t want them to be without a Savior.
  5. Spiritual Need (Acts 28:5, 6): they believed in justice and equity but their knowledge was incomplete. Paul shook of the snake and they waited for Paul to drop dead. When he didn’t, they thought he was a god. While they believed in a divine judge, they also believed in other gods. God is light who doesn’t want us to walk in darkness.
  6. Physical Need (Acts 28:8, 9-10): Paul was able to heal their sick.
    1. He prayed for the chief’s father; praying to God redirected their attention from Paul’s “divinity” to the real God, Jesus Christ.
    2. The means of the healing: it was through Paul, not the physician Luke. I think that’s too cool. Our Father wanted the people to recognize God for the miracle, not some well educated professional doctor. There was no room for doubt here.
    3. God was also up to a wholesale healing (Acts 28:9). While God’s servants seem to heal many individuals, seldom in Scripture do we read about a servant bringing healing to entire land. Their attention was drawn to the only one who could bring spiritual healing as well.
    4. Then they supplied Paul and the rest with physical supplies (Acts 28:10).

Application: it is essential that whatever we do, that God is the one who gets the glory for it. If we lead someone to the Lord, it’s all about God. When he works through you, it’s all about God. When you exercise a spiritual gift, it’s all about God. The group was able to spend three months on the island (Acts 28:11), so these people may have heard more preaching of the gospel in three months than most people hear in a lifetime. When Paul told the crew they must run aground on some island (Acts 27:26), little did they know it would be Malta where God had so much cool stuff planned for them.

For you, which discovery above is the most pressing on you right now? How you ever found unusual kindness in the midst of a storm? Or discovering warmth after a cold or chilling experience? What about the snakes in your life that are biting and just might be the death of you? How are you combating your limited spiritual knowledge and growing in the Lord? Do you recognize your spiritual need and have the courage to seek out help to meet that need in Christ? What area of physical need do you have or area in which you need healing?

An Umbrella in the Storm

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Paul is still in the midst of a storm, clinging to life and encouraging those around him to have faith. God spoke to Paul and told him that he would testify of God’s grace before the Roman Emperor (Acts 27:24). Paul did not have an easy life after he become a follower of Jesus. The Bible mentions he was shipwrecked three times (2 Corinthians 11:25), but this on in Acts 27 is the only one we get any details.

While one man’s foolishness (Acts 27:1, 10, 11) put everyone’s lives in peril, the faithfulness of one man will keep the people alive (Acts 27:24, 25-26). Think of the umbrella effect; when one person holds the umbrella, several others are effected when they are near. One holds the umbrella while others are touched by its influence. Paul had an umbrella of protection because of his obedience in ministry.

There is another umbrella during a storm, a familiar character from the Old Testament, Jonah. You might recall how God called him to speak to the people of Nineveh, but he tucked tail and fled in the other direction. He booked passage on a ship that ran into a different storm. Consider Paul and Jonah:

  1. Both were men.
  2. Both were Hebrew.
  3. Both were preachers.
  4. Both were called to preach unpopular messages in powerful pagan cities.
  5. Both boarded a ship.
  6. Both experience a terrible life-threatening storm.
  7. Both men impacted the rest of the crew.
  8. Both men knew the key to the crew’s survival.

Now we need to see the contrast between these two men:

  1. Paul was compelled by his calling to go to Rome; Jonah was repelled by his calling to Nineveh.
  2. Paul faced obstacles on his way to Rome: prison, beatings, bad weather; while Jonah’s only obstacle was himself.
  3. Paul had to sit and wait for the Lord; Jonah stood and ran from the Lord.
  4. Paul felt the burden of responsibility for the crew (while the storm was not Paul’s fault); Jonah slept while the crew worked hard to survive the hardship that Jonah brought.
  5. Although both men were afraid and probably felt hopeless, Paul received a message form God. Jonah proved to be a coward. Why? Because he said that they needed to pick him up and throw him in the sea (Jonah 1:12). He never offered to jump in by himself. Sadly the pagan crew showed more godly character than God’s prophet (Jonah 1:13) because they still tried to save him and row back to land.

I believe that we all can relate to both men. Sometimes we respond in obedience like Paul; other times we tuck tail and run. The call of Jesus is to obey his commands (John 15:10-11). Notice that Jonah got a second change (Jonah 3:1-2) and although Jonah was ultimately obedient and surprisingly successful (Jonah 3:5), we don’t really see any hint of joy in his life. Paul seemed to suffer at every turn and he had more to say about joy than any other messenger of God.

Application: Under Jonah’s umbrella in the storm many people experienced calamity and hardship. Under Paul’s umbrella man found safety. So, is your sky rumbling? Are dark clouds gathering? Is there a storm on the horizon? If you are a child of God, you are called to hold the umbrella for those around you… your family, wife, kids, co-workers, neighbors. Are you listening to the commands of Christ and seeking ways to be obedient, or are you seeking ways to run? God has given the lives of those around you (Acts 27:24), how will you respond?

The Christian Life is to be Shared

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I love the stories found in the book of Nehemiah. He was a brilliant example of leadership, devotion, prayer and faith. In the midst of difficult times he was able to motivate people in the direction that led to peace, strength and security. After inspecting the situation and seeing the city of Jerusalem in ruins, Nehemiah addressed the people:

But now I said to them, “You know very well what trouble we are in. Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been destroyed by fire. Let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem and end this disgrace!” (Nehemiah 2:17)

Did you notice the words we and us in this verse? In order to motivate the people of Jerusalem to rebuild the wall, Nehemiah had to personally identify with their problem, their need, and their future. It was no longer their problem;  Nehemiah saw the broken wall as our problem. Imagine the kind of response Nehemiah would have received if he had said, “You folks have gotten yourselves into a bad mess. You know what you need to do? You need to rebuild that wall. If you need me, I’ll be in my office. After all, I wasn’t part of the problem. You people will have to get busy and do the work. Let me know how it turns out.”

Identifying with the problem encourages motivation.

When Lee Iacocca became chairman and CEO of Chrysler at the height of the auto giant’s problems in 1979, he knew he would have to ask employees to take a pay cut to keep the company out of bankruptcy. Although he persuaded Congress to guarantee the company loans, he was still deeply distrusted by Chrysler’s union members. He knew that he had to find a way to persuade these workers that he had Chrysler’s best interests at heart.

Iacocca called a meeting of key management and union executives. He announced that for the next year his salary would be $1. The plan worked. By sacrificing his own salary, Iacocca proved that he placed the welfare of the company over personal gain. He identified with the workers. He was saying, “We are in this together, and together we can make it through.” He knew that people will accept a lot of pain when everybody is going through the trial together. If the followers know that the leader is in with them, together they can move a mountain or, in Nehemiah’s case, rebuild a wall.

So Nehemiah did it right. Did you know the meaning of his name? Nehemiah means, “Yah (or God) comforts or encourages.” I see that the best leaders are not the ones who tell others what they need to do for the leader, but are able to inspire others to get done what is best for the people.

Not everyone was happy. Trouble arose from without and from within. Sanballat and his friends tried to stop the work, but without success (Nehemiah 4:1, 2, 7, 8, 16, 17, 20). Trouble from within was economic. Building the walls caused a labor shortage; farms were mortgaged, and high rates of interest were charged (Nehemiah 5:2, 3, 4, 5). Nehemiah said, “The thing you are doing is not good” (Nehemiah 5:9). He corrected the problem and even gave financial aid to those in need (Nehemiah 5:10, 11, 12, 1518, 19). Again Sanballat and other non-Jews made several attempts to lure Nehemiah away from the job and shut it down, but they failed (Nehemiah 6:2, 5, 6, 8, 10, 14). Nehemiah proved to be a person of strong will and unusual boldness. “So the wall was finished… in fifty and two days” (Nehemiah 6:15).

Application: In what ways can you identify with the people you lead? How can you say to them, “We are in this together?” Have you come to terms that not everyone will be happy and excited about your leadership? But notice that Nehemiah remained connected to God in the midst of trouble (Nehemiah 1:5-7, 8-11, 2:4, 4:4-5, 9, 15, 6:9, 12). He was a man of prayer and faith. The Christian life is to be shared, all of us are in this together. Leaders and followers are in this together. That is what the Bible calls koinonia, which is fellowship, or sharing a common life.

I like the model of leadership that Ken Blanchard has promoted all over the country, the Lead Like Jesus model, he says, “Great leaders lead like Jesus.” The essence of this style of leadership is servanthood; we are to be servant-leaders. I will be leading a small group on this in the spring of 2011.

Leadership is an influence process – any time you influence the thinking, behavior or development of another person, you are demonstrating leadership behavior. So if you are a parent, CEO, pastor, Sunday School leader, electrician, accountant, then you are a leader and following the greatest leadership role model only makes sense. We should desire to be a Jesus-like leader, where God is glorified, people are served, and organizations are more effective in impacting the world for the Kingdom of God.

Commercial: Over the next eight weeks, Skip and I will facilitate a John Maxwell video series called, “Developing the Leader Within You.” It is designed for all of us to become the leader that God intends for his children. We all have influence over others at some point throughout the day, let’s become the best leaders we can be. Click Here to get more information.

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Reflecting on Valentine’s Day

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Today is Valentine’s Day. A young lady asked me at church yesterday if Valentine’s Day is for girls or for guys. I said I thought that it was for girls because they need to hear how much they are loved by the ones who love them. Men are rocks and don’t need to be on the receiving end of flowers, chocolates, cards and hearts. My wife and daughter are the treasured women in my life, so my goal is to let them know how much they are loved. But men also need to hear how much they are loved, in spite of their faults, failures and denials. I am reminded of the words of Jesus in Luke 6:27-36 regarding that we are to love our enemies. Here is the key portion of Scripture for me:

“If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them!” (Luke 6:32)

Valentine’s Day is a day set apart for celebrations of romantic love, but let me offer my thoughts on this passage that focuses on love.

The origins of this holiday are somewhat unsure. Several men named “Valentine” (Valentinus) were recognized as martyred saints by the church. One of these was buried near Rome on February 14. Medieval tradition held that this particular Valentine, a priest, was marrying Christian couples in a time when the Roman emperor prohibited young men from marrying. For this crime, he was arrested and killed by the Roman government. In recent times, an addition to this story claims that Valentine, before his death, sent a love note to a young girl whom he loved, signing it, “From your Valentine.”

Unfortunately, there is little reason to believe that any of the historical saints named Valentine actually did any of these actions that might be associated with romantic love. Apparently, the connection between St. Valentine and romance was popularized by Geoffrey Chaucer, the 14th-century English writer and poet. Later writers on the saints embellished Chaucer’s story, leaving us with the Christian saint who honored marriage and sent the first Valentine’s Day card.

I grew up hearing very little about St. Valentine. February 14 was simply a day when we did special things to express affection for our friends and family members. The “big event” happened at school, when we would exchange valentines with our classmates. As soon as I got home after school, I’d dump out my pile of valentines to see if any of them included special notes from any of the girls in my class or perhaps finding those little candy hearts.

At this point, you may be wondering what any of this has to do with Jesus’ call to love. Our Valentine’s Day traditions seem to be completely disconnected from what we read in Luke 6:32: “If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them.”

Yet, in a way, my childhood Valentine’s Day practice did express love like that of Jesus. I did not give valentines only to my friends or to the girls I hoped would like me in return. My fellow students and I were expected to give valentines to every person in the class, including those whom we didn’t care for, those whom we judged to be “weird,” and those we might have considered to be our “enemies” on the playground. We even gave cards to the kids who did not participate. Ironically, our valentine exchange was more a reflection of the kind of love Jesus commends in Luke 6 than it was a celebration of exclusive, romantic love.

I think it’s fine to be reminded to express love to those who are most special to us. If Valentine’s Day encourages spouses to say “I love you” to each other and friends to celebrate their friendship, that’s great. Certainly the world would be a better place if people expressed their love more often. But Jesus encourages us to love, not just those who love us back, but also those who do not love us at all. We all have people in our lives, at work, in the store, perhaps even in our families or our church. Our calling, as followers of Jesus, is to love them and do good to them, not in order that they might respond, but so that we might live each day in obedience to our Savior who loves us.

God help us to express our love for those who are closest to us, but, even more pray that God help us to love others as he has loved us.

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Is Your Life in Balance?

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I read a book by a physician named Richard Swenson, The Overload Syndrome: Learning to Live Within Your Limits. Years ago I actually was able to be a part of a corporate retreat where Dr. Sewnsen was the speaker, talking about Margin in life. Perhaps you’re tired of running around wondering about what ever happened to your “spare time?” Do you dread going to work? Are your relationships strained from stress? Do you wish you could check into a hospital just to get some sleep?

Busyness. Stress. Overload. We all know the struggle of trying to handle the load of life in the American context. You don’t have enough time to do the things you have to, let alone those things you’d like to do. You feel tired, worn out, and burned out. These symptoms are signs that you’re suffering from a disease that affects millions of people, he calls it, The Overload Syndrome.

What can be done? A few of Swenson’s suggestions include:

  1. Make solitude a priority for resting and thinking.
  2. Deal correctly with possessions so they do not possess you.
  3. Combat media overload.
  4. Deal with information overload.
  5. Make wise choices.
  6. Lower expectations.
  7. Slow down and enjoy life.

I see much of our problem as being out of balance. Notice in this verse how Jesus grew in several ways:

Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people. (Luke 2:52)

A balanced life is characterized by order, peace, and wholeness. The parts of our life are as they should be and where they should be. Each part of the balanced life gets the right amount of time and effort at the right time. It’s not giving each part of life the same amount of time that makes life balanced; it’s giving each part the necessary amount of time.

The life of Jesus is a great example concerning balance. Throughout his life, Jesus was under constant pressure. Friends and enemies pursued him, yet when examining his life as recorded in the Bible, we see that he never hurried, that he never had to play catch up, and that he was never taken by surprise. He managed time well, bringing it under control, because he knew the importance of balance. Jesus’ life was well rounded. According to the Luke passage, he grew intellectually, physically, spiritually, and socially.

  1. Does your life reflect balance?
  2. Do you make time for intellectual growth? If you are too busy to read a book or engage in study that stimulates your mind, you are too busy.
  3. Do you make time for physical health? Many people burn out because of improper personal maintenance. Don’t be another fatality on the emotional highway. Take care of your physical self.
  4. Do you make time for your relationship with God? You always spend time with the ones you love. 
  5. Do you feel too busy for prayer, Bible study, meditation, or personal devotion? Psalm 46:10 can be translated, “Take time and know that I am God.” The question is, “Will we do it?”
  6. Do you make time for primary relationships? Is adequate time provided for your spouse, family, and friends?

Only you can answer those questions honestly, and only you can take the necessary steps to bring order, harmony, and balance back in your life. Why not start today?

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The Guidance of God

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This month we have been looking at the topic of “Hearing the Voice of God.” As we strive to hear God’s voice, we can be assured that he will be asking something of us. If we have the faith to seek him, actively listen, and then actually follow through and obey, life is then aligning itself with kingdom purposes.

Today I believe it is extremely important to make sure we emphasize the proper words in the theme for the month. Most of us will tend to emphasize HEARING the voice of God. Others might emphasize hearing the VOICE of God, but I submit to you that our emphasis needs to be on hearing the voice of GOD.

The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring. — Isaiah 58:11

While the Bible never uses the word guidance, it does speak of a Guide. We may seek guidance, but God provides something better than guidance, he provides himself.

Many of us struggle to understand and discern God’s guidance for our lives. We ask questions like:

  1. Should I marry or not?
  2. Should I marry this person or that person?
  3. Should I have another child?
  4. Should I join this church or that one?
  5. Which profession should I follow?
  6. What job should I take?
  7. Is my present line of work the one to stay in?

Here lies the major distortion of knowing and doing God’s will. Does God lead and direct in these areas? Yes. Does he come out and overtly tell us what to do? Rarely.

So how does God guide us? Consider these principles:

  1. God’s guidance concerns itself more with our steps than our overall journey.
  2. God’s guidance is more preoccupied with the present than with the future.
  3. God’s guidance has less to do with geography and more to do with morality.
  4. God’s guidance is more interested in our character than our comfort.
  5. God’s guidance is not insider information.
  6. God’s guidance is that we pursue the Guide more than guidance.

In seeking God, his plan will be revealed. His way will be known through his Word. We need to know the Bible, but more importantly we need to know the Guide. God does not guide us magically; he guides us relationally. The Bible must be studied so we may become acquainted with the ways and thoughts of God. God’s aim is that we become his companions who walk with him on a journey. He already knows us. Now he wants us to understand and know him. The more we understand him, the more real our relationship will be with him and the more likely we are to keep in step with him in the direction he is taking us.

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An Anchor in the Storm

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Paul is now getting ready to head to Rome. With his history, we cannot expect this to be smooth sailing. Notice in Acts 27:2 that Luke must have joined him, the terminology changes from “they” to “we.” There was this centurion named Julius that appears to show great kindness to Paul during his trip to Rome (Acts 27:3). While we primarily know that Paul was a spiritual man, this story reminds us that he was also a practical man. He spent time on the sea and knew the time was not right for travelling (Acts 27:9, 10).

Like a good disaster movie, the owners put profits before safety. They disregard sound judgment and set sail anyway; we can almost predict that things were not going to progress as planned. There came a tremendous storm, a northeaster that swept down from the island (Acts 27:13, 14, 15).

The spiritual lesson I see is that many times we can suffer because of someone else’s poor decisions. While is it true that we often find difficulty and create storms as a direct result of our own rebellion, or through some form of spiritual warfare, the most difficult storms can be those that result from poor judgment of others. If this happens, we will in all likelihood get stuck in bitterness and unforgiveness.

So what can we do when the storms of life are upon us?

Don’t pull up the anchor (Acts 27:13): the crew was ill advised to set sail but weighed anchor anyway. Christ is our anchor (Hebrews 6:19, 20). When sailing is calm and peaceful, we become less attentive to him. We are not as aware of our need until the storm rage. Don’t let calm breezes and smooth sailing give you a false sense of security; stay anchored in Christ.

Don’t give way to the storm (Acts 27:15): when we are suffering due to the poor decisions of someone else, we tend to feel helpless. Don’t give way to the storm in your life, but give way to our Master.

Do throw some cargo overboard (Acts 27:18): the storm got worse and they threw cargo overboard to keep the ship afloat. Raging storms have a way of identifying a lot of unneeded old stuff we are hanging on to. When upset by someone else, we tend to bring up old hurts and memories of times we were wronged. Storms are complicated enough; get rid of some old cargo.

Do throw the tackle overboard (Acts 27:19): after the cargo the necessary gear was being tossed overboard, stuff like ropes, pulleys, oars, masts and planks. These are all man-made provisions to weather a storm. Storms are not pleasant but they can serve a purpose. They can help us see which provisions we are trusting for our relief.

Never give up hope (Acts 27:20): Luke uses the word “we” identifying those who had lost all hope. He wrote one of the gospels, he witnessed miracles, so how could he give up hope? For me, this is a reminder that even the strongest believer can lose hope when the storm rages. The word “gave up” is the same as “cutting lose” in Acts 27:40. Psalm 62:5 is a word of comfort during these times. God is our ultimate security.

Listen for God to speak (Acts 27:23, 24): listen for the Master during the storm; God will not be silent. When the passengers lost hope, Paul stood to testify to God’s faithfulness. God may not send an angel to speak audibly, but he may send a friend, neighbor, pastor of other believer. Always remember the words of Job 40:6, “then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm.”

Leaders Must Guard Their Integrity

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As men, we must constantly be on guard in walking with integrity. People are looking even when we think they are not. More than likely, all of us have broken some sacred trust, perhaps to our wife, kids, or close friend. It’s not easy to live up to the expectations of others, but we break trust by not living up to the standard we have set for others. Hypocrisy might be an accurate word. King David is one of my favorite men in the Bible; he was so great in the eyes of God and men, but he was also so stupid at times.

The life of King David was filled with numerous triumphs, conquests, and successes. He took down Goliath all by himself with a sling and a stone. He wrote many of the psalms from which we find comfort in our times of difficulty. He led the nation of Israel and was considered by many to be its greatest leader. But he had a darker side that was eventually exposed by the prophet Nathan. Surely the sins of David would find him out.

I gave you your master’s house and his wives and the kingdoms of Israel and Judah. And if that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more. Why, then, have you despised the word of the LORD and done this horrible deed? For you have murdered Uriah the Hittite with the sword of the Ammonites and stolen his wife. — 2 Samuel 12:8-9

David also learned a harsh lesson about the importance of trust. While sitting on his rooftop one day (2 Samuel 11:2) when he should have been at war (2 Samuel 11:1), he saw Bathsheba bathing and sent for her. This act led to adultery, the murder of Uriah the Hittite, and a cover-up of the whole situation (2 Samuel 11:14-15). Only when the prophet Nathan confronted David about his actions did the king ask God for forgiveness (2 Samuel 12:7, 8, 9, 13). However, the Lord did not let David off easy. The child he fathered with Bathsheba died (2 Samuel 12:14), there was a constant threat of murder in his family (2 Samuel 12:11-12), and his son Absalom caused David problems until he was killed in battle (2 Samuel 18:9, 14-15).

When someone is trusted with a leadership role, they are given the opportunity to use their talents, time, and influence for causes bigger than themselves. As they make good decisions while showing integrity and concern for others, they earn trust. John Maxwell says this is like putting change in your pocket. When a man betrays that trust, it becomes difficult to regain. The leader has to pay some of their change back to the people. When someone runs out of change, trust is gone. When trust is gone, the leader ceases to be a leader.

King David’s story should serve as a reminder of the importance of trust and how quickly it can disappear. Men, allow God to mold and refine your character so that your decisions will inspire others to trust your abilities.

What Makes a Happy Marriage?

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I Love my wife, I guess you already knew that. Kim and I have been married for almost 29 years, and one thing I have realized is that words like commitment, security, friendship and shared values are much more influential in a marriage than outward appearance and sexual activity. I’m surprised she stays with me because I’m not much to look at, a bit overweight, don’t make a whole lot of money, spend too much time at work and am physically broken which limits some of my activity. We have something that the world does not understand. When I think about love, this verse comes to mind:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Love is not just all things erotic as we see in our culture. Love is not really that warm fuzzy feeling when she walks in the room. Love is a verb. All that Paul describes in this love passage involves action.

In our culture, marriages are falling apart. In fact, according to recent statistics, one out of two marriages will end in divorce. The magazine, Psychology Today (June, 1985) had an article called “Marriages Made to Last,” which gave the results of a survey by Jeanette and Robert Lauer of 300 couples with successful marriages. Here are the top reasons, in order of frequency, that the respondents gave when asked what kept them together.

Remarkably, the top seven were identical for men and women:

  1. My spouse is my best friend.
  2. I like my spouse as a person.
  3. Marriage is a long-term commitment.
  4. Marriage is sacred.
  5. We agree on aims and goals.
  6. My spouse has grown more interesting.
  7. I want the relationship to succeed.

Other reasons included “We laugh together,” “We agree on a philosophy of life,” “An enduring marriage is important to social stability,” and others.

I couldn’t help but notice that these reasons are totally consistent with biblical principles and opposite to the message of our culture. Popular songs, books, and shows emphasize superficiality and sexual stamina (notice any Cealis commercials lately?), but these successful couples spoke about liking the other person and about being friends. Society implies that relationships happen quickly, but these folks said that love takes time, and that there must be a long-term commitment.

Contemporary views of love are self-centered, expecting the other person to meet my needs, but these couples say that real, lasting love involves work and the desire to make the marriage succeed. For many, divorce is not even on the table.

Years ago (and today in other cultures) parents would arrange their children’s marriages. In those situations, both bride and groom knew that they would have to learn to love the person they married. I think we have turned it around. Instead of “loving the person we marry,” with our self-centered emphasis, we say we must “marry the person we love.” So we look and date and try relationships to find our romantic ideal, the one “just right” for us.

Let’s not return to the days of arranged marriages, but we must return to the truth that love means commitment,  that it must be learned, that it is a verb and means action. Check out 1 Corinthians 13 for a vivid description of true love. Let’s learn from these successful couples and dedicate ourselves to real love based on commitment and unselfish action.

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