Category: Men of Steel

Live a Courageous Life

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The word pandemic describes a disease outbreak that is larger in scale than expected and covers a large geographical area, often crossing international borders. It is broader in scope than an epidemic and often more threatening. The influenza outbreak of 1918 claimed in excess of 20 million lives worldwide and could easily be described as pandemic.

The is a father factor in America: Studies today prove that children living without fathers are more likely to be poor and to endure significant emotional, educational, medical, and psychological problems. Similar studies reveal that more than 24 million American children currently live without their biological fathers. That statistic is in excess of 36 percent of American children, making fatherlessness a problem of pandemic proportions.

The only solution to this widespread problem is a return to biblical fatherhood: men of courage taking a powerful stand in their homes and communities to love, lead, and protect their children and thereby eliminating the problems associated with fatherlessness.

In the Courageous movie, four men recognize this need and boldly answer the call to be better fathers. While Adam Mitchell and fellow law-enforcement officers Nathan Hayes, David Thomson, and Shane Fuller consistently give their best on their job, “good enough” seems to be all they can muster as dads. But they’re quickly discovering that their standard is missing the mark. They know that God desires to turn the hearts of fathers to their children, but their children are beginning to drift further and further away from them.

As is the case with these four dads, taking the principles outlined in the Bible and applying them to your life as a believer will take courage.

The Men of Steel want to pass the baton of faith to the next generation, so in 2012, we will take seriously the call to be godly husbands, fathers and leaders of our families.

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The Verse for 11/11/11

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This past Saturday (November 12) the Men of Steel had a men’s breakfast, about 25 guys came to fellowship and eat together. We discussed the Manger Build and make plans. I was also able to share a verse that I read in November 11, 2011.

So now the Lord said to him, “Since you have not kept my covenant and have disobeyed my decrees, I will surely tear the kingdom away from you…” (1 Kings 11:11)

I see a challenge and a warning in this verse: On the positive side, God was speaking to Solomon even though he was not being obedient (that tells me there is hope for us, since none of us is perfect).

Look at what God says: there is a principle at work here. All Solomon had to do was stay faithful, but he was disobedient instead. The consequence was that the kingdom would be taken away from him and split in two.

As men, husbands and fathers, it is important to allow this verse to permeate our soul. It causes me to ask the question of myself: have I been obedient to what God has called me to do, as a husband and a father? The Courageous movie challenged us to resolve to be all that God wants for us to be, and that “good enough” is not acceptable.

The consequence? Could it be that our disobedience and failure to lead our families will bring about the destruction of our families? Our own little kingdom can be torn away simply because we choose to walk in disobedience. Let’s avoid this unhappy ending by walking in obedience. Be the men of God that He desires for us to be, and our wives and kids deserve. We are in this together. We do not have to walk this path alone.

Stay tuned for a re-launching of the Men of Steel.

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Our Wedding Celebration

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Saturday November 5, 2011 was one of the most joyful and proud days of my life: our son Stephen married the love of his life, Alicia Ingram.

Stephen and Alicia Chafee, November 5, 2011

Words can’t express the joy I have in my heart that Stephen has such a wonderful young woman who loves him, perhaps more than Kim and I do. Alicia is a joy and a treasure, and Stephen knows it. One thing that makes their relationship so strong is the fact that they were best friends before they became a couple.

I also can’t express in words the pride I have in Stephen for the man he has become. Last Saturday I heard person after person, friends we had known from our Woolridge Road Church days, tell me what a fine young man Stephen is. It is one thing for me to have these feelings, but it is quite another for other people to affirm what I already know.

Maybe all of us married men need to look back at our wedding day and remember all the reasons that we got married in the first place. Remember the anticipation, the fun, the fear, and the joy of journeying together as best friends and partners. Reflect on and rejoice in the wife of your youth (Proverbs 5:18), and then go tell her what she means to you.

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Why the Steve Jobs Biography?

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I recently discovered that Steve Jobs, founder and CEO of the Apple empire, spent a lot of time toward the end of his life allowing research for his own biography. Why you might ask? Check out this article, re-posted here:

When Steve Jobs official biography was announced, everyone wondered why the notoriously private Steve Jobs would let Walter Isaacson interview him over 40 times, let Isaacson talk to family and friends and pretty much have unprecedented access to Jobs’ entire life. Turns out Jobs had a very personal reason.

Isaacson saw him a few weeks before Jobs passed and finally asked him that very question, “Why had he been so eager, during close to 50 interviews and conversations over the course of two years, to open up so much for a book when he was usually so private?” Steve Jobs responded:

“I wanted my kids to know me,” he said. “I wasn’t always there for them, and I wanted them to know why and to understand what I did.”

With all the things Jobs did in his life, it’s nice to see his heart was in the right place at the end.

Another writer in the Daily Mail (from the UK) goes on to say that the book is ultimately a love letter to his family. He wasn’t there for his family, but now his children will be able to read all about him in this posthumous biography in order to get to know their dad.

Steve Jobs left behind over $6 billion in personal assets. That’s more money than many of us will ever see in our lifetimes combined, but none of his huge fortune will buy a relationship with his children now. Steve Jobs made choices which earned him a lot of money, but apparently he alienated his family in the process. How sad.

Can you imagine the regret you would feel if you spent your last days apologizing to your family for not being there? With all of the advanced technology, Steve Jobs never created an app that would build a relationship with his children.

This story is shared for only one reason: don’t buy into the lie that your job, hobbies, money, financial success, business, fame, pleasure or prestige are worth sacrificing your relationships with your wife and children.

Too many of us fathers make these same poor choices. Maybe your father made poor choices as well, so you are merely passing on the family tradition.

Steve Job’s position at work has already been replaced, and Apple will continue to grow and develop new products for our enjoyment and productivity, but his family lost an irreplaceable person. Don’t be that guy.

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Courageous Movie Trailer

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King’s Grant Baptist Church has a license to show the feature film Courageous. It is free, and space is limited. Join us on Friday, January 20, 2012, at 7:00 pm. This film can be a significant event in the lives of our men and families in the Little Neck community. It will challenge men to strive to be more than “just good enough” as fathers and husbands.

Here is the movie trailer:

God’s Covenant of Marriage

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How does one go from a good marriage to a great marriage? A husband and wife must never lose their commitment to each other. This commitment to both your mate and your marriage goes deeper than romantic love. It empowers you to keep an unbreakable covenant with your marriage partner regardless of unexpected circumstances. Our covenant God says to us, “I will make you my wife forever,  showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion.” (Hosea 2:19).

My Covenant Commitment

C = Commit to working through problems and not walking away (1 Corinthians 7:27).

  1. Decide together that divorce is not an option.
  2. Agree to communicate feelings honestly and lovingly.

O = Offer love to your mate even when you don’t feel like it (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

  1. Evaluate how your love compares to that described in 1 Corinthians 13. Substitute your name in the place of the word “love” in verses 4-8.
  2. Pray daily for those who have hurt you—forgive and forgive again, refusing to keep a record of wrongs.

V = View your marriage as God’s setting for spiritual growth (Proverbs 15:13).

  1. Realize that God did not create any one person to meet all your needs.
  2. While God is your ultimate need-meeter, see your mate as God’s gift to meet some of those needs.

E = Eliminate any emphasis on your rights (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

  1. Identify what makes you angry.
  2. Sensitively express your honest desires—”It would mean a lot to me if you would take out the trash.”

N = Nurture your identity in Christ (Philippians 4:13).

  1. Evaluate if your sense of self-worth is based on how your mate treats you.
  2. Acknow1edge that your true identity is in Christ, not in your mate.

A = Ask God to change you (Psalm 51:10).

  1. Evaluate what areas in your life need changing.
  2. Ask your mate, “Would you name one area in my life where you feel I need the most change?”

N = Nourish your extended family relationships (Exodus 20:12).

  1. Evaluate the tangible and emotional needs of your in-laws.
  2. Consistently look for the positive in your mate’s family.

T = Turn your expectations over to God (Psalm 62:1).

  1. Evaluate the unrealistic expectations you’ve had of marriage and your mate.
  2. Realize God can bring complete fulfillment to you regardless of your marriage partner.

Your Scripture Prayer Project: Ephesians 5:21, 1 Corinthians 7:3-4, I Corinthians 13:4-5, 1 Corinthians 13:6-7, Philippians 2:2-4, 1 Peter 3:7, Ephesians 5:25, Mark 10:9

 This covenant acrostic come from June Hunt

Desires of Husbands & Wives

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Although everyone has three God-given inner needs (for love, significance, and security), God designed the husband to have a greater need for significance, while the wife is uniquely created with a deeper need for security. A crucial element in the marriage relationship is becoming aware of your partner’s desires and learning to meet them creatively. Philippians 2:4 says, “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

How Wives Fulfill Their Husbands’ Desires:

  1. Admiration (Proverbs 31:23)
    1. Praise his positive character traits.
    2. Respect his burden of responsibility.
  2. Domestic Support (Proverbs 31:27)
    1. Provide a peaceful home atmosphere.
    2. Manage the home efficiently.
  3. Companionship (Mark 10:8)
    1. Develop mutual interests together.
    2. Learn to talk knowledgeably about your husband’s occupation.
  4. Attractiveness (Proverbs 31:25)
    1. Develop inner beauty that earns respect.
    2. Display inner strength regardless of outward circumstances.
  5. Sexual Fulfillment (1 Corinthians 7:4-5)
    1. Communicate your sexual desires.
    2. Give assurance that your husband is sexually adequate.

How Husbands Fulfill Their Wives’ Desires:

  1. Affection (Song of Solomon 1:2; 2:6)
    1. Give hugs, kisses, cards, flowers, and gifts.
    2. Tell her how much you care for her.
  2. Communication (Ephesians 4:29)
    1. Listen with concern and interest.
    2. Encourage and praise her positive character traits.
  3. Honesty (Proverbs 24:26)
    1. Commit to total truthfulness.
    2. Share your true thoughts, feelings, and desires.
  4. Financial Security (1 Timothy 5:8)
    1. Shoulder the financial responsibility.
    2. Prepare a budget together to plan for the future.
  5. Commitment (Hebrews 13:4)
    1. Schedule quality and quantity time alone with her.
    2. Make your wife and family your highest earthly priority.

This is information I discovered from June Hunt, the founder and CEO of Hope for the Heart.

Causes of a Broken Marriage

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Many people enter marriage expecting “personal payoffs.” Eventually, these unrealistic expectations become lost hopes and dreams that grow a root of bitterness. Hebrews 12:15 states, “See to it that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”

Couples expect marriage will always provide:

  1. Love and acceptance
  2. Affection and sexual intimacy
  3. A loving family
  4. Rescue from present circumstances
  5. Financial security
  6. Social acceptance
  7. Protection from loneliness
  8. Time to change a mate’s behavior

When these unrealistic expectations are unfulfilled, many spouses say:

  1. “Life is too short to live like this. We’ll both be happier apart.”
  2. “This was not a marriage made in heaven. We should never have married.”
  3. “I’ve tried everything—our situation is hopeless.”
  4. “You’re wrong. You’ll never change!”
  5. “Everybody’s getting divorced—marriage doesn’t matter anymore.”
  6. “It’s better for the children if I leave, to protect them from the arguing.”
  7. “I’ll never be happy here, but I’ll try to stay until the children are grown.”

Instead of living with unrealistic expectations regarding what you don’t have, be grateful to God for what you do have. First Thessalonians 5:18 says, “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

The Key to a Biblical Marriage?

Mutual submission is based on your love for the Lord and your desire to do His will. Because of your love for God, you both must learn to defer to the desires of each other. Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

This is information I discovered from June Hunt, the founder and CEO of Hope for the Heart.