Author: Scott Chafee

Scott serves on staff at King’s Grant Baptist Church in Virginia Beach.

Balance and/or Priorities in Life

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I trust the week has gone well for you all. Our list of men has increased by five this week. Remember that the topics are not sequential, so coming back after missing a Saturday is quite easy, no catching up!

Last Saturday I was challenged to find something on “balance.” Generally this could mean balancing all the demands we have as men…family, work, play, sports, hobbies, you name it. One thing is for sure, when it comes to balance, setting priorities is the way to go! Ever notice that we will DO the stuff that is important to us. We make time, don’t we? We must remember the difference between the urgent and the important. How can you tell the difference?

Check out this teaching video, about 30 minutes or so, from Pat Morley, the author of the Man in the Mirror book. The video Bible study is on priorities, likely the root cause of our need for balance. Then think about these questions:

  1. How do your dreams and hopes for your children reflect your priorities? Do they reveal weak spots or blind spots?
  2. Read Matthew 22:36-38 and think about the significance of this command on the way we prioritize our time and money.
  3. Read John 14:15, 21, 23 and think about the relationship between obedience and loving God. What is something that you have done for God even though it was unpleasant?
  4. Name an area in your relationship with God that you are not doing all you should. What are you willing to do to improve?
  5. Read John 15:12-14 and think about who you are willing to die for.
  6. Read Genesis 2:15 and think about ways your vocation might contribute to God’s agenda.
  7. What good work might God be calling you to do?
  8. Is rest a priority with you, or do you feel guilty when you are relaxing? What is the Jesus position on relaxing (Matthew 11:28-30)?
  9. Think about how the world competes with biblical priorities. Any examples in your life?

Remember this is not homework! But try to view the priorities video and think about some of these questions. I have a conference all day on Saturday but will be at the KGBC pavilion 7:30-8:30, and then will have to take off!

Proverbs 27 for the Common Man

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As you heard, the 12 of us came to the pavilion that day with various expectations and needs. The group may not be exactly what every man is seeking, but perhaps we will address concerns that affect us all.

The format for Men of Steel at this point is developing, but I am convinced that we should not start a Bible study series that will cause men to think they will get behind if they miss a Saturday. Perhaps we should explore a new topic each Saturday, announced ahead of time (like by e-mail) so we can gather with a similar idea of what to expect. Maybe even prepare to contribute to the discussion. We can then come to the devotional time with ideas about a Scripture. Remember, this is not a requirement like homework!

So, at the pavilion on Saturday October 11, how about really diving in to Proverbs 27? Consider this as you read the chapter this week:

  1. God is the One who controls the future – Proverbs 27:1
  2. Jealousy destroys human relationships – Proverbs 27:4
  3. God wants us to trust friends and correct one another – Proverbs 27:5-6
  4. We need a sense of “home” and a “people” who can give support and counsel – Proverbs 27:7-10
  5. The danger of listening to the wrong people – Proverbs 27:10
  6. The foolishness of conceit – Proverbs 27:5, 12, 16
  7. We need to learn from friends – Proverbs 27:17
  8. God knows us because He knows our hearts – Proverbs 27:19

Ask yourself:

  1. How does our relationship with God affect our relationships with family and friends? (Proverbs 27:2, 4-6, 8-11, 14-17)
  2. How does your relationship with God affect foolish people? (Proverbs 27:3, 12, 15-16, 20, 22)
  3. How does your relationship with God affect your business dealings or planning for the future? (Proverbs 27:18, 23-27)

From John Maxwell, regarding leadership and relationships:

  1. Don’t brag (Proverbs 27:1-2) – leaders understand how little they get from self-promotion.
  2. Don’t envy (Proverbs 27:4) – leaders sabotage themselves if their motive is to keep up with others.
  3. Be up-front (Proverbs 27:5-6) – leaders don’t fear confrontation, but speak the truth in love.
  4. Don’t forsake your roots (Proverbs 27:8) – leaders understand the power of heritage.
  5. Stay close (Proverbs 27:9-10) – leaders work at maintaining relationships and meeting needs.
  6. Add value (Proverbs 27:17) – leaders sharpen those with whom they come in contact.
  7. Don’t be moved by flattery or praise (Proverbs 27:21) – stay humble or you’ll stumble.

Hope to see you on Saturday!

Seven Ways to Help Your Teen in School

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Today I read an article by Will Snipes that I wanted to pass along:

The middle school and high school years represent some of the most challenging years for a teen. Not only are academics in play, but all the other areas of teen development. These seven tips can help you stay connected to your teen both academically and socially.  

  1. Spend intentional time together. This could be as simple as turning off the radio in favor of some conversation in the car or making sure family meals still happen. Either way, try to ask questions without prying. Creating intentional moments to connect will pay off in truly understanding your teen.
  2. Check assignments. Although middle school creates a growing sense of independence, students still need accountability. Look through notebooks and ask questions about directions and due dates. Do your homework by signing papers and returning parental correspondence on time.
  3. Encourage organization. Teens juggle multiple classes, assignments, and a multitude of paperwork. If you have a disorganized teen, help them get organized by purchasing an organization system to fit his needs. Help them learn which papers need to be saved and which can be discarded. 
  4. Know your teen’s friends. Transition years bring new friends into the mix. Take the time to get to know these new friends and their families. Invite them over and always make your home a place where kids can feel comfortable hanging out. Look for opportunities to minister to new friends and new families.
  5. Get involved at school. There is a big drop-off in parent involvement from elementary school to middle school and especially at the high school level. Suddenly, it’s no longer quite so “cool” to have your mom or dad around. At the same time, parents need to be a visible presence, so find a way to volunteer. Get to know your teen’s teachers. Let them know that you want to be informed and involved.
  6. Increase responsibility. Teens are certainly busy with school and extra-curricular activities, but they need to also help out at home. By giving your teen responsibilities at home, you will help grow a stronger sense of independence. Give your teen some options and then stress “working together toward a goal as a family” when it comes to completing duties or tasks.
  7. Promote student involvement. Encourage your teen to stay involved in church activities and to try to get involved with a sport or hobby. Help them find a healthy place to connect with peers and adults who can push them in the right direction.  

–Will Snipes spends his summer speaking at various youth camps and events. He then returns each fall to his full-time job as a middle school teacher and coach in Traveler’s Rest, South Carolina.

Marriage Glue: Ways to Stick Together

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There is a lot of good stuff in the August HomeLife magazine, especially on nurturing our marriages.

·     Keep dreaming together: When you share your hopes and dreams with your spouse, and when you dream about your future together, you are solidifying your commitment to each other.

·     Express your commitment in words: Write out your covenant to each other, frame it, and display it in a place where each of you will see it often.

·     Learn new things about your spouse: You are both works in progress, and God will continue to refine you. Continually study your spouse and learn about his or her interests, feelings and gifts.

·     Pray with and for your spouse: The Bible tells us that a cord of three strands in not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). When you are both focused on God and each other, your marriage will be strong enough to face the storms of life.   

“Genuine love is honor put into action regardless of the cost.” – Gary Smalley, Love is a Decision.

Ten Ways to Seal Your Marriage

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Marriage is a pretty important institution, ordained and blessed by God in the very beginning. But life is hard and many marriages and families fall apart. How can the church address the issue of making stronger families? By making stronger marriages! With the movie recent release of Fireproof, I thought that we all could use a little encouragement on developing our marriages! 

1.  Make Christ the center of your lives (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

2.  Remain sexually and emotionally faithful (1 Corinthians 7:2-5)

3.  Keep no secrets from your spouse (1 Corinthians 13:6)

4.  Love and respect your spouse (Ephesians 5:33)

5.  Pray for your marriage (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

6.  Be kind and forgive (Ephesians 4:32)

7.  Follow God’s instructions for money management (1 Timothy 6:10)

8.  Don’t go to bed angry (Ephesians 4:26-27)

9.  Honor each other’s parents (Exodus 20:12)

10.  Always strive to make your marriage better (Philippians 3:12)  

All sound biblical guidance, right? But will we commit to it. How can we make our marriages better… starting this week? Have you taken the Love Dare? This list was taken from HomeLife magazine.

Sarah Palin and Women in Leadership

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Texas pastor Voddie Baucham participated in a CNN interview with Margaret Feinberg. Is he serious about female leadership in the community? Notice, it’s not just spiritual leadership within the church, but for a woman to be in leadership at all.

So, the woman’s place is in the home (Titus 2:4-5)? And one could assume a woman should keep her head covered, at least keep her hair long (1 Corinthians 11:6) but not braided, nor should she adorn herself with gold or pearls (1 Timothy 2:9)! Do the women of his congregation take the Bible that literally? For fear of sounding liberal, I have a problem with his interpretation. 

For one, if Sarah Palin is going to lead spiritually, Voddie Baucham might have a point, but since she has the potential to lead politically, I don’t get it.

Secondly, if women can’t lead in the church based solely upon their gender, those who agree with that position must logically take women out of all leadership positions, like even with children and youth. If women are not to have authority over “a man” (singular in 1 Timothy 2:12, like a husband, not necessarily over the community at large) support for male-only senior pastors might be legitimate. If they are not to have authority over a man because Eve was deceived first (like women may be more prone to heresy) why would we allow women to be in charge of our smallest and most vulnerable community members who can’t discern truth from error?

Third, it seems to me that Rev. Baucham should not have women in any leadership positions in his church. I’m thinking that is not the case. I would argue that his position applied politically might mean we remove women from most any community leadership… military, police, judges, the PTA, high school teachers, college professors. I tend to see God gifting all of His children with abilities to be used in His service. Heaven forbid that women would use the excuse of gender for not “stepping out of the boat” to do what they sense God calling them to do.

I cannot tell my daughter that although God has given her certain gifts of leadership and a passion to make a difference in the world, but she cannot do certain tasks because she did not get the right private parts.

The Real Cause of Global Warming?

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Amazing information from the scientific community in the UK… this is from an article in the Chicago Tribune, which informs us that having kids promotes global climate change!

Family planning as a means to reduce climate change has been little talked about in international climate forums, largely because it is so politically sensitive. China’s leaders, however, regularly argue that their country should get emission reduction credits because of their one-child policy, and many environmentalists—and even a growing number of religious and ethics scholars—say the biblical command to “be fruitful and multiply” needs to be balanced against Scripture calling for stewardship of the Earth.

Who knew the only commandment that mankind has never broken would be the cause of so much catastrophe? — Genesis 1:28

In a nation where Texas’ 23 million people account for more greenhouse gas emissions than all 720 million Sub-Saharan Africans, even small rates of U.S. population growth may have a disproportionate impact on global warming, said the UN’s Haug.

So it’s not just having kids, but having American kids!

Lowering the Legal Drinking Age?

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Have you heard this argument regarding under-age drinking? “The law only makes youth want to drink because it’s a ‘forbidden fruit.’ If drinking alcohol was legal at 18, it wouldn’t be a big deal and those under 21 would be less likely to drink.”

Consider this response: When the “forbidden fruit” is no longer forbidden, youth simply drink more. According to www.why21.org:

In states where the drinking age was 18, those under 21 drank more than youth in states where the minimum drinking age was 21 and they continued to drink more as adults in their early 20s. In states where the drinking age was 21, teenagers drank less than youth in states where the minimum drinking age was 21 and continued to drink less through their early 20s.

But drinking more is not the only issue. Because alcohol impairs decision-making capabilities, young people who drink are more likely to engage in risk-taking behavior. And this risky behavior can lead to unintentional deaths and injuries associated with driving or engaging in other activities that lead to homicide and violence, suicide attempts, sexual assault, risky sexual behavior, and vandalism and property damage.

Drinking at earlier ages is also associated with higher rates of drinking later in life. In fact, 40 percent of those who started drinking before 15 meet criteria for alcohol dependence at some time in their lives.

More info may be found at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.

Jesus and Peter on Loving, Caring, and Feeding

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In the last chapter of the Gospel of John, Jesus instructed Peter to care for the dearest object of His love—His sheep. Three times Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love Me?” and three times Peter answered, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” Jesus then instructed him to, “Feed My lambs, take care of my sheep, and feed my sheep.”

Was Jesus unaware of Peter’s love? Of course not. His threefold question was not for Himself, but for Peter. He asked His questions to underscore the essential truth that only love for Christ would sustain Peter in the work that lay ahead—that difficult and demanding work of caring for people’s souls—perhaps the hardest work of all.

I am fascinated by the fact that Jesus did not ask Peter if he loved His sheep, but if he loved Him. Love for God’s people in itself will not sustain us. His sheep can be unresponsive, unappreciative, and harshly critical of our efforts to love and to serve them. In the end, we will find ourselves defeated and discouraged.

Paul tells us that the “love of Christ controls us”—our love for Him—which is the only sufficient motivation that will enable us to remain faithful in our task, to continue to care for and feed the flock of God.

Our task as leaders in Sunday School and Discipleship Ministry is to primarily be a shepherd of people, not just a teacher of lessons. Everything the pastor is to the congregation, teachers are to their students! Shepherds lead, feed and protect their sheep. Wow, that is so much more that just preparing a lesson each week!

Dedicated volunteers are the backbone of the discipleship strategy of our church; without whom the Great Commission would be stalled in this place. Thank you for the many who have faithfully served our Lord and fed His sheep through the years, and for the many more who have stepped up to feed His lambs (preschoolers and children), feed His sheep (students and adults) and take care of His sheep (leading, feeding and protecting the people entrusted to us).

College Students and Church

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Virginia Tech is having freshman orientation this week and I have a friend’s son headed off to Tech this fall. It got me thinking about my own college days and the things that became important. While social networking is much different today, students will still seek out various organizations like fraternities or clubs on campus.

As a Christian student I became involved in Baptist Student Union, an organization that meets many needs of students away at college (fellowship, belonging, spiritual growth, community service, missionary efforts). A lot of students chose to make the BSU their church, choosing instead to sleep in on Sundays, but they missed out on many of the blessings they could have received by participating in a local church.

Besides the church being the only institution on earth that Jesus promised to build and to bless, here are a few great benefits of students getting out of the college bubble and participating in a local church:

  1. Steady spiritual growth
  2. Hear messages from God’s Word
  3. Exposure to older, wiser believers
  4. Exposure to career role models
  5. Exposure to marriage role models
  6. Exposure to parenting role models
  7. Opportunities for service using your spiritual gifts
  8. A chance to impact younger kids
  9. Participation in church ordinances
  10. Intergenerational worship and fellowship
  11. Doctrinal and moral accountability
  12. A safety net when times get tough
  13. A home/family away from your home/family
  14. Possible free meals from people who recognize you as a member of the family!

“The age-old question about joining a local church always comes up, “Why join the church if I know I’ll be gone during the summer and graduating in four years?” Membership has its privileges! When you are a part of the body of believers, it shows your commitment to the local church, and it allows the local church to be committed to you. If not membership, consider what is called “Watch Care.” It usually has all the benefits of membership without being allowed to vote in meetings! It still says that you are committing yourself, your gifts and your abilities into this particular congregation.

“The church is not a department store where you come and get the spiritual commodity you want, then go your way. To speak of loving Christ, while neglecting his body, the church, is hypocritical” – Donald Whitney

Remember that in your new freedom from your parents’ control, do the right thing and CHOOSE CHURCH!