From the movie Fireproof, Casting Crowns captures the essence of how a man slowly drifts away from his wife and family. Men, it is gradual, so what are you doing to fight for your family?
Tag: Marriage
Don’t Say to Your Wife…
This is one of the funniest guys I’ve ever heard, and so creative with his lyrics:
Related Images:
As Christ Loves the Church
I’ve been leading a study through the book of First Peter, and we recently took a look at 1 Peter 3:1-7, some pretty interesting words for wives and husbands. Paul sums up pretty well in his letter to the Christians at Ephesus:
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her. — Ephesians 5:25
Men, it looks like we have it easy. After all, our wives have to “submit” (Ephesians 5:22), whatever that means, but we just have to “love” them. What could be simpler? Flowers from time to time. Chocolates on special occasions. Perhaps even a power tool or two she can claim as her own even though we store it on our work bench. We might even manage to mumble “I love you” just to make it clear. Submission sounds hard. It involves yielding to someone else. That someone would be the husband. Does that mean what it seems like it means? We’re in charge? We call all the shots? We give the orders? Let me know how that goes for you.
The movie, My Big fat Greek Wedding, had an interesting analogy about who’s the head in the marriage or family. The bride’s mother says that the husband is the head, but the wife is the neck who is able to turn the head in any direction she chooses. I thought that was too funny.
Let’s go back to Ephesians 5:21. Wait a minute, there’s something here about “submit to one another.” Seems like that could be a problem. Ephesians 5:22 tells her to submit, and Ephesians 5:25 tells me to love.
Take a look at that little phrase “just as Christ loved the church.” It tells us that my examples of loving (in my paragraph above) don’t really apply. Jesus never sent flowers to the church. He never picked up a box of chocolates on the way home from the carpentry shop as a peace offering. He never mumbled “I love you” through a mouthful of hamburger. Jesus loved by dying. He loved by suffering, hurting, and sacrificing. His kind of love sounds hard–almost as hard as submitting. Maybe even harder.
Loving that way might just take everything we’ve got, but here’s the deal. I believe that one of the primary reasons our wives struggle with submission is that they often have little real confidence in our love. Genuine love paves the way for submission (not the other way around). Jesus died for the church before the church was around to submit.
Real dying love doesn’t come naturally for men, face it, we’re selfish. If you figure out how to love your wife, you probably won’t have to bring up the issue of submission.
Related Images:
Do Men Have Emotional Needs?
First off, let’s check out what King David wrote in Psalm 22:14 that his heart melted like wax in the most inner places of his body / soul.
Have you ever asked yourself, “What’s the harm in keeping my fears and my emotional needs to myself?” Well, it’s because that which you use to hide your fears and emotional needs from others will eventually become your prison. It will lock you up, freeze you up, bottle you up… the bottom line is that it will keep you from moving toward possessing all that God has for you in your life.
- Some men turn to alcohol or drugs—in an effort to hide themselves from their fears and emotional needs.
- Some turn to porn or prostitutes—they won’t trust their wives with their emotions, but they’ll trust a total stranger with their bodies, their potential, and their reputations.
- Some turn to overwork—putting all of their energy into the job and “burning the midnight oil”—in an effort to avoid the need to relate to people.
Eventually, each of these “escapes” becomes a prison. It traps you even further into a cycle of secrecy, because once men are trapped by their particular escape mechanism, they won’t tell anybody about that trap either. Your fear only grows greater as your silence grows deeper.
The fact is, God created men with emotions. He created men with a need to feel, to touch, to express, to have an emotional outlet and release. Look at most any little boy… he is free to express himself, to vent his feelings, to hug and kiss and be hugged and kissed in return. He hasn’t yet learned to hide. Adam was hiding when God called to him; which turned out to be a learned response (Genesis 3:10).
- What happened to you on your way to becoming a man?
- Where are you?
- What caused you to feel that you need to run and hide?
There’s another man behind the mask we put up.
- He needs to be touched just as much as the next guy.
- He needs to be held.
- He needs to hear loving words, spoken in a gentle way.
Don’t deny your emotional needs. David wasn’t afraid to admit to himself and to God that he was weak, afraid, sorrowful, angry, or in need of love. He even said that his heart melted like wax (see Psalm 22:14). In fact, the entire twenty-second psalm is filled with emotion. It is a psalm of David, but it mirrors the experience of Christ’s crucifixion.
The Bible says Jesus was a man “who in the days of his flesh … offered up prayers and supplications with strong crying and tears” (Hebrews 5:7.) Jesus was a man who knew how to express His emotions.
- Tell God you need Him.
- Tell Him you love Him.
- Tell Him you are in trouble in your life.
- Tell Him where you ARE.
Related Images:
30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 30
Day Thirty:
I was filled with delight day after day. (Proverbs 8:30)
Today is the final day of the challenge! How did it go? Was it harder than you expected or easier? Did you see fruit for your labor? I certainly hope so.
Now that you’ve completed the 30 days, don’t stop there. Take what you have learned and apply it to the next 30 days and the 30 days after that and the 30 days after that until you have applied it for 10 or 20 or 50 years.
Use the knowledge and insight you have gained to keep your marriage fresh. The vows you made to your wife before God are too valuable to let crumble without doing everything in your power to keep it together.
Pray without ceasing that God will continue to show you how to encourage your wife. Look at your wife with fresh eyes every day. See who she is and who she is becoming. Notice how your love and affection toward her are returned to you tenfold.
Find joy in each day that you have together. When you start to falter in your commitment, pick up this challenge and work through it again. You have the blueprint; it is up to you to build the house.
Your challenge for today and forever: Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love. Ecclesiastes 9:9
* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com
Related Images:
30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 29
Day Twenty-nine:
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30
Just as your marriage has undergone changes since your wedding day, you and your wife will continue to change physically, spiritually, and emotionally as the years bring new joys and new challenges.
As you age, the beauty and vigor of youth will be replaced by grace and strength of character unknown to younger generations. Do not be deceived by the beauty and charm of youth; there is no fountain of youth except for the renewal that only God can give (Isaiah 40:31).
Just as Moses’ face glowed when he met with God face to face (Exodus 34:35), your wife’s countenance will take on a new glow as she walks with God, feels your love in new ways, and trusts you as the spiritual leader of your home. Your love will take on new dimensions and praise will pour forth from your lips without working at it.
Commit to the ground rules of this 30 day challenge for the rest of your life. Let nothing and no one deceive you and cause you to doubt the vows of marriage that you have spoken. The road may be long and it may be hard at times, but the prize is a life of no regrets and a love that knows no end.
You’ve had some serious days recently. It’s time again to have some fun and make playing together an integral part of your marriage. Get outside, ride a bike, go out for ice cream, put together a puzzle, play a game. Find something that both you and your wife enjoy doing and take time to do it together.
If this time of play takes away from other things your wife wants/needs to get done, help her complete her tasks either before or after your play so she can feel more relaxed and enjoy your time together.
* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com
Related Images:
30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 28
Day Twenty-eight:
The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ Genesis 2:18
Some men and women have a very narrow view of what a “helper” is. A helper can be someone who cooks meals and washes the dishes, or someone who takes care of the children. A helper can be someone who stands by to hand over tools when they are needed to complete a project.
A helper can be someone who stands by to take care of anything that might have been left undone. A helper can also be someone who has strengths in areas in which you have weaknesses. She can be an extrovert to your introvert; she can have a sense of color and style to your T-shirt and blue jeans; she can make lists and carry out tasks while you see the big picture and are already looking past this project to the next one.
Sometimes husbands and wives get annoyed by their differences, but quite often God brings together two people who are very different so they can work together to be whole, to be one (Genesis 2:24).
In what ways does your helper, your wife, “complete” you? How do your strengths and weaknesses work together to make an unbeatable team?
Rejoice in the differences that make your marriage work. Ask your wife how she sees the strengths and weaknesses that you each have working together. Talk about how you and your marriage are stronger because she is your helper who completes you.
* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com
Related Images:
30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 27
Day Twenty-seven:
As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17
For reasons that women often find hard to understand, very few men have close friends – especially friends that will hold them accountable and help them grow in the Lord.
Pray that God will bring such a man into your life and that you can be that kind of man to someone else.
Reach out to a godly man and ask him to be your accountability partner. Meet together regularly to encourage one another in your walk with Christ, your marriage, and the many other responsibilities that you have.
You will glorify God and gain spiritual, emotional, and even physical strength by meeting together with another godly man regularly.
* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com
Related Images:
30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 26
Day Twenty-six:
A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17
I once heard someone say that a friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway.
Does this describe your relationship with your wife? Does she know all about you? What are you holding back from her for fear that she will not love you?
Most women know when a man is holding out on her: there is an emotional barrier that never seems to come down even if the ax is swung close to the root.
Vulnerability is hard and trust is risky, but it might be time to trust in your friend, the wife of your youth (Proverbs 5:18).
Pray about an issue that you are holding back from your wife. Seek Godly counsel and wait for an answer from the Lord. As your marriage grows stronger and you learn that you can and want to trust your wife with who you are as a man, you will know when the time is right to let that barrier down.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work … But pity the man who falls down and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9,10.
* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com
Related Images:
30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 25
Day Twenty-five:
If we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 1 John 4:12
It’s time for a little self-examination. You’ve come a long way, and the end of the 30 days is in sight. What changes have you seen in your wife? What changes have you seen in yourself? Is your home a little quieter and peace more abundant? Do your wife and children seem more at ease and loving?
Today, think of how you can show love to your wife through the pattern of love in I Corinthians 13:1-8a. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Choose one characteristic that you want to make abundant in your wife’s life today and ask God to help you follow through.
Read the I Corinthians passage again. Underline those characteristics of love that you do pretty well and circle those that need some work. Don’t be too hard on yourself; none of us will get a perfect score.
This exercise is not meant to point out where you’ve failed or need more work, but to point out where you have succeeded and how your demonstration of love to your wife has changed over the past 24 days.
There is still room for improvement, there always is, but you are well on your way to living out I Corinthians 13 every day.
* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com