Men of Steel – Page 31 – HeartQuest 101

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 02

Posted on April 2, 2009 by Scott Chafee

Day Two: A happy heart makes the face cheerful. Proverbs 15:13

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” George Bernard Shaw

How did you do with your list of things you admire about your wife? Did you start off slow and gain momentum? Did you find it hard to come up with even one thing to be thankful for? I certainly hope not!

As a husband and wife live together on a daily basis, taking care of the kids, the house, the pets, the bills, and everything else that goes into daily life, we tend to forget to have fun together – to play.

Ask your wife to join you outside to play frisbee or go for a walk or look at the stars. Take her out for coffee and enjoy the drive. Do something together that you enjoyed while you were dating.

I know you love your kids and you love spending time with them, but you need to take time to spend time with each other without the kids to remember what it feels like to be Bill and Nancy or Ted and Alice, not just Mom and Dad.

Sure the bills and the dishes and the tax forms all need your attention, but take time to enjoy being friends, not just husband and wife or Mom and Dad.

Today’s assignment for encouraging your wife is to do something fun together today that will make you forget the cares of the world and make you feel like young lovers again.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 01

Posted on April 1, 2009 by Scott Chafee

I found something interesting that the Men of Steel can do over the next 30-day period. This 30-day challenge might take you down paths you haven’t been before. It will require contemplation, vulnerability, and action. Some steps along the way may be scary because you haven’t thought these thoughts or spoken these words in a long time, but the thoughts and feelings are there and both you and your wife need to hear and experience them.

For the next 30 days, these two ground rules will be the basis of your relationship with your wife:

You can’t say anything negative about your wife… to your wife… or to anyone else about your wife.
Say something that you admire or appreciate about your wife… to your wife… or to someone else about your wife every day.

Keep track, mentally if not in written form, of the changes that you see take place in your wife, your marriage, and your home as you take part in this 30 Day Wife Encouragement Challenge.

Day One: The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ Genesis 2:18

As a Christian, you must know that men and women bring to the marriage different strengths, gifts, and outlooks on life and love. Think about some ways that your wife is “good for you,” ways in which she makes you and/or your life better. Is she the one that brings color to your life by decorating the home and making it enjoyable to come home? Does she inspire you to try new things that you wouldn’t have tried otherwise? Do you still get that warm, gushy feeling when she looks at you and smiles to tell you that she is glad you chose her?

Make a list of ways your life is better because of your wife.
Share the list with your wife and tell her how good it is that she is your helper and that you are not alone.

These words, coming from the most important man in her life, will bring great joy and encouragement to your wife.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

Discipleship is Caught, Not Taught

Posted on April 1, 2009 by Scott Chafee

I suppose that from the very beginning of my spiritual life, back in high school, I have been fascinated with the process of growing into the image of Christ (2 Peter 1:3-11, 1 Thessalonians 1:5-6, 2:8, Ephesians 4:11-16, Philippians 1:6). It is a long process and I know I have not arrived (no one can do it in this life) but our goal is to get closer each week. Going to church can help, but it’s one thing to study the Bible and learn from it. It’s another to take that knowledge and translate it into life change. How often do we simply go through the motions of being people of faith? We believe the right stuff but have no clue on how to put it into practice.

How does one even hear God, much less become obedient to Him? Would it not make sense to be around people who are what you want to become? There’s biblical precedence (2 Timothy 2:2). Timothy had a “Paul” to help him grow up in the faith. Another example is the relationship between Elijah and Elisha (1 Kings 19:20).

Elijah had defeated the prophets of Baal in an historic victory on Mt. Carmel (1 Kings 18:21-22, 38-39). Then for some reason he tucked his tail and ran away from Jezebel (1 Kings 19:2-4) fearing for his life. He was discouraged to say the least, and felt so alone; but was he alone? God was with him through it all. God spoke through the still small voice (1 Kings 19:12-13) and reassured him that he was not alone (1 Kings 19:18). Then the very next story is the appointment of Elisha to be the prophet’s helper and successor (1 Kings 19:19).

Look at what happened. When Elijah handpicked Elisha as his successor, Elisha immediately killed his twelve set of oxen and ran after Elijah just to be with him (1 Kings 19:21). No doubt he knew what a great privilege it was to be selected by the great prophet. Killing the oxen meant there was no turning back. He chose what he wanted and took dramatic steps to follow though on his commitment. But, it was not enough for Elisha to be handpicked. He also wanted a double portion of Elijah’s anointing (2 Kings 2:9). As we read the miraculous activity of Elisha, it appears that God answered this prayer.

If you want to grow in your Christian life, ask God to lead you to another man who is far ahead of you spiritually and simply start hanging out with them. As you walk alongside him you will begin to catch what he has. You will begin appropriating the anointing that is on his life that will mix perfectly with your unique gifting and talents.

We need more people today who are willing to run after their “Paul” or “Elijah.”

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Kingdom Economics

Posted on April 1, 2009 by Scott Chafee

I was reading Os Hillman today, who wrote an interesting piece on the economy we find in Kingdom living. On the heels of my writing about Moses, his excuses and obedience, Hillman’s key verse is Joshua 24:13 – “So I gave you a land on which you did not toil and cities you did not build; and you live in them and eat from vineyards and olive groves that you did not plant.”

In the world of business we are taught to do whatever it takes to produce a desired outcome. Competitive forces can drive companies to go beyond the limits of ethics and integrity to achieve a desired outcome. Men and women can become work-a-holics as the need for competitive advantage is passed down the various management levels in order to meet sales and marketing goals. This sweat and toil mentality contradicts God’s Kingdom Economy.

The Kingdom Economy is found in the above verse in Joshua. When the people of Israel were coming out of Egypt, a place of sweat and toil and slavery, God was trying to teach them a new economy of receiving. Instead of sweat and toil, He wanted them to learn obedience. Now their income would be based on their obedience, not their skill or their sweat and toil.

This new Kingdom Economy meant that there would be times when what you receive from your efforts might be less than the commensurate time invested. Yet, there would also be times when you would receive more compared to your time invested.

I used to determine whether I would meet with a person based on my perceived return on that investment. I justified that behavior as being a good steward. God says we are to determine if He wants us to meet with that person or be involved with an endeavor based on His leading alone, not based on the perceived outcome. It is His responsibility to bring fruit from the activity.

This will result in a new freedom in your work life. Stay vertical with God and let Him determine your next activity.

The very next verse goes on to emphasize service – Joshua 24:14 (obedience if you will). The interesting part about this is that we are given a choice (Joshua 24:15). We can look at this Kingdom Economy and still choose to live as if we are in slavery, back in Egypt. Keith Green wrote a song 30 years ago with that same title, So You Wanna Go Back to Egypt. We conclude that the wandering Israelites are foolish for desiring the familiarity of Egypt (along with it’s slavery) rather than to embrace the next great adventure that God had in store for them. Are we that much different than them?

Joshua encouraged the people to make a choice. If it is disagreeable to follow God (like you can still weigh the pros and cons and choose not to) you still need to choose this day whom you will serve. Bob Dylan penned the words… You gotta serve somebody, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord, but you gotta serve somebody. Let’s choose to embrace the Kingdom Economy; serve God, follow in obedience, receive His guidance, and desire the best that He has in store for us.

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Give Me Revelation

Posted on March 31, 2009 by Scott Chafee

I am a fan of listening to Christian radio, and the station in town for me is 90.7 FM. I often hear a group called Third Day who has a new song out entitled Revelation, which is on target regarding the topic of seeking direction from God. Check out these lyrics:

My life has led me down the road that’s so uncertain,
And now I am left alone and I am broken,
Trying to find my way, trying to find the faith that’s gone.
This time I know that you are holding all the answers,
I’m tired of losing hope and taking chances,
On roads that never seem to be the ones that bring me home.

(Chorus)
Give me a revelation, show me what to do,
Cause I’ve been trying to find my way, I haven’t got a clue.
Tell me should I stay here, or do I need to move?
Give me a revelation,
I’ve got nothing without You,
I’ve got nothing without You.

My life has led me down this path that’s ever winding,
Through every twist and turn I’m always finding,
That I am lost again,
Tell me when this road will ever end.

(Chorus)

I don’t know where I can turn, tell me when will I learn?
Won’t You show me where I need to go?
Let me follow Your lead,
I know that it’s the only way that I can get back home.

Do you ever feel like that? These are powerful words of a man in desperate need to hear from God; one who desires to make the right choice. You might notice that the theme verse for my site is Jeremiah 29:13… I like that, “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” He’s not in a cosmic hide and seek game, but He will only be found by those who earnestly seek Him. If one only wants to casually look for God, no wonder He can’t be found.

So, just how do we find direction in life? Psalm 119:105 is a good starting point. Get into God’s Word, it helps us develop a heart like His and gives us wisdom to make good choices.

How often do we pray for direction and wonder if God ever heard our prayers? At times I pour out my heart to God in prayer seeking His will for some area in my life. Then I hear nothing; just silence, like my prayer never made it past the ceiling. So, not wanting to wait, I press on ahead in my own strength, failing to sit and wait. After all, there’s no time to wait, because I need to act now, someone needs an answer.

Yet, when I examine Scripture, God consistently teaches us to sit, pray, and wait.

Jesus began His ministry by fasting forty days alone in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-11).
He spent an entire night alone in prayer before choosing His twelve disciples (Luke 6:12).
Esther fasted and prayed for three days before she took the bold and courageous step of going before the king on behalf of her people, knowing it could mean her death (Esther 4:8-16).
Elijah went into the wilderness for forty days to hear the “still small voice” (1 Kings 19:11-18).

What do these great people of faith teach us? In order to know God’s leading and to hear His voice, we must listen and wait. Maybe we think God is silent because we never take the time to sit in God’s Word and simply wait.

Do you need direction right now? Try following these steps:

Read God’s Word: 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says that Scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. The Spirit of God was actively involved in the writing of Scripture. It is the authoritative Word of God written to speak truth into your life.

Study God’s Word: 2 Timothy 2:15 says that we are to correctly handle the word of truth. When you study the Bible, He plants His Word deep within your heart. His Spirit then takes the Word and bends your heart in His direction, enabling you to hear His Voice.

Pray God’s Word: Isaiah 55:11 says that God’s Word will not return to Him empty, but will accomplish what He desires, and it achieves the purposes for which He sent it. When you pray in faith, you hold God’s Word back up to Him in prayer. You put Him in remembrance of His Word, and His promise is that Word will not return void, accomplishing that which He purposes and pleases. George Muller taught me to pray the Scripture back to God. He spoke the Scripture back to God in prayer with boldness. You must be using the right words when you quote God’s own words back to Him!

How does God want to move in your life? Are you seeking revelation? Tell God that you haven’t got a clue and you need His intervention.

Search His Word for verses that speak to your situation. Write them down on a card, commit them to memory, and pray them back to God. Wait and watch for God to do a mighty work. Share your with the Men of Steel. We can celebrate God’s faithfulness with you.

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How to Build and Maintain Integrity

Posted on March 26, 2009 by Scott Chafee

This week I was thinking about Craig’s comments about the honor code at the medical college and it made me consider the quality of integrity. People always talk about it but we can’t always get a handle on just what it is. John Maxwell has some wise words on the topic:

Integrity is important in building relationships: It is the foundation upon which success is built, along with respect, dignity and trust. If integrity is weak, success is impossible. I believe integrity is about the small things, often when no one is watching. Sort of like king David talking about the kind of shepherd he was when no one was looking (1 Samuel 17:34-37). We would not even have this story had David not revealed it! He was alone, and his true character was shining. It might have been too easy to say, “It’s only one sheep, why risk my life over one stinkin’ sheep?” David had integrity.

Consider these thoughts on integrity:

Integrity is not determined by circumstance: like your household or your upbringing. Circumstances are as responsible for your character as a mirror is for your looks… who you see only reflects who you are.
Integrity is not based on credentials: some people want to be judged not on who they really are but on some status they have achieved. These guys want to lead out of their credentials rather than the strength of their character. No title, degree, award or license can be a substitute for one’s character.
Integrity is not to be confused with reputation: Solomon once said that a good name is more desirable than great riches (Proverbs 22:1). D. L Moody once said that if I take care of my character, my reputation will take care of itself. We will struggle with maintaining our integrity if we do all the right things from the outside (without a changed inner strength).

Questions to help measure your integrity:

How well do I treat people if I gain nothing?
Am I transparent to others?
Do I role-play based on the person I’m with?
Am I the same person in the spotlight as I am when I’m alone?
Do I quickly admit to wrongdoing without being forced to do so?
Do I put people ahead of my personal agenda?
Do I have an unchanging standard for moral decisions, or do circumstances determine my choices?
Do I make difficult decisions, even when they have a personal cost attached to them?
When I have something to say about people, do I talk to them or about them?
Am I accountable to at least one other person for what I think, say or do?

Do what you should before you do what you want: Zig Ziglar once said, “When you do the things you have to do when you have to do them, the day will come when you can do the things you want to do when you want to do them.” If you know what you stand for and act accordingly, people will trust you! Great advice from a visionary leader.

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Why Does God Wrestle With Men?

Posted on March 25, 2009 by Scott Chafee

The Men of Steel looked into this topic; how often do we wrestle with God?

Last time I wrote about Jacob wrestling with God (Genesis 32:24) because wrestling is a man thing, lots of testosterone. I regularly listen to a syndicated Christian radio station called K-Love, and they play a song called By Your Side by a group named Tenth Avenue North. Here are the lyrics:

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying, let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough
To where will you go child, tell me where will you run
To where will you run
‘Cause I’ll be by your side, wherever you fall
In the dead of night, whenever you call
And please don’t fight, these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world’s sin, so I could carry you in
And give you life, I want to give you life

What does this have to do with wrestling? I sense this song pictures us wrestling against God, while He wrestles with us to help us realize that we need Him more than we could ever imagine. As men we are often striving, trying, and fighting the hands holding us.

I suppose that God also wrestles with us so that we will discover what we are made of. He already knows what He created us to be and He knows what we’ve done with His creation. He’s waiting for us to discover who we are, so He wrestles with us so we will know His power and our weakness, His wisdom and our error, His strength and our frailty.

God wrestles with us to make us realize that we are wasting our lives; that we are mistreating our wives; that we really aren’t the “greatest” or the center of the universe.

God wrestles with us to make us see that we need to persevere and not quit in life, our jobs, our marriages, our spiritual lives, or our church.

God wrestles with us until we face the facts. He doesn’t sugarcoat what He has to say. He wrestles with us until we admit, “Yes, I’m unstable. Yes, I’m making excuses. Yes, I was wrong.”

God wrestles with us so that we will start searching for Him and hunting for what He wants us to find. Man is a hunter by nature. God’s commands to the first man were to “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion … over every living thing that moves upon the earth” (Genesis 1:28).

To subdue means to control or conquer, to have dominion means to maintain one’s conquest. Deep inside of men is the need to subdue, the need to conquer, the need to track down and bring something into dominion. There’s a hunter inside every man.

We may be hunting for a contract or business deal.
We may be on the hunt for a woman.
We may be hunting for the perfect new house or car.

Sometimes we don’t even really want what we’re after; we’re just hunting because it is our nature to hunt. Fishermen often catch fish, unhook them, and throw them right back. They say, “Look what I caught,” and then they toss that fish back into the lake. That doesn’t make the man any less a fisherman. It means that he is merely fishing for the sport of it, not for dinner. He is just “hunting.”

Unless we allow God to step in and give us the right goals and guide our “hunting” instinct, we can spend our entire life hunting for the wrong things. Jesus said, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness” (Matthew 6:33). He promised that if you seek for it, you’ll find it. (Matthew 7:7). I hope that the Men of Steel can help each of us navigate through this thing called life.

Excuses or Obedience?

Posted on March 18, 2009 by Scott Chafee

Terry Rae delivered a fantastic message on March 15 on Moses and obedience, After the initial shock of hearing God’s voice in a “burning” bush, I can imagine Moses listening to God (Exodus 3:6-9) and thinking, “right on, you know it’s tough back there, it’s about time You did something about it.” Then God adds one more phrase, “Therefore, come now, and I will send you to Pharaoh” (Exodus 3:10). Now it gets personal.

Then Moses asked some important questions about his mission, and he brought up some fairly reasonable concerns as to why God would want him to be the deliverer of God’s people. What’s the bottom line? God is calling Moses to obedience.

One of the problems I have constantly faced as a follower of Jesus is the mistake of believing God owes me some sort of an explanation every time He commands me to do something. This has caused me at times to expect God to explain Himself instead of me simply trusting Him enough to do exactly what He says.

I am learning that if I am to be the follower God wants me to be, then I need to be obsessed with obedience rather than expecting an explanation from Him! Imagine if there was an explanation every time God wanted you to do something. He could say, “You need to do this…and when you do it, the following will take place…”

But, I believe one of the reasons He doesn’t waste time with an explanation is because it would lead to negotiation on our part. We would hear His plan and try to “improve” it because, after all, we’re smarter than He is, right?

God’s plans are so much higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9, Ephesians 3:20) and if He were to try to explain Himself to us, our limited human minds could not handle it. There’s another misconception about God. That His work is all about us! In reality it is all about Him and His Kingdom. That’s why He owes me no explanation.

When we want an explanation, and try to enter into negotiation, it seems reasonable that it will always lead to frustration. There are lots of frustrated believers out there, and it could be because we refuse to obey His voice for no other reason than it doesn’t make sense.

God’s commands don’t always make sense, and we may never know why He asks us to do certain things, but, if we believe He is in charge, then we must believe that every single one of His commands are right. We must believe that He is holy, just and good; and whatever comes from my obedience must also be holy, just and good. God doesn’t owe us an explanation. The fact that He commands us at all or even uses us to do anything amazes me.

So, what is it that you have been putting off? Anything you’ve been asking God for an explanation about? What is it that you know He’s commanded you to do, but it absolutely makes no sense? Stop expecting an explanation. Listen to what He says and then do it!

Saddle up your horses for the great adventure! What a way to live!

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God Wrestles with You… Alone

Posted on March 16, 2009 by Scott Chafee

The Men of Steel looked into this topic; how often do we wrestle with God?

I am still fascinated and challenged by the wrestling match between God and Jacob, the father of the twelve sons of Israel (Genesis 32:22-28).

I feel that God encounters men in a lonely place where He can deal with us personally. He wants to be alone with us, rather than in the context of cliques and clubs that can keep us from hearing Him at all. When God gets a man to the point of dealing with the deep issues of life, He does so one-on-one. It’s just you and God.

Ask yourself, “Who are you really?” When nobody’s looking … when you aren’t “prepared,” when all the camouflage has been removed, when you don’t have an ego to defend or anything to prove, when you aren’t concerned about your status? Who are you?

When God is ready to do open-heart surgery, He brings you to an “alone” place. Nobody invites a guest into an operating room, and neither does God. His work on you will be done in private.

When God begins to move in your life, you may feel very uncomfortable. I believe the first response of any man at that time is to surround themselves with more people. We feel restless, frustrated, and lonely in our spirits. We feel a greater need to have somebody with us, to protect us, shield us, walk with us, and encourage us. We will soon discover that the presence of other people doesn’t meet the deep longing we have. The loneliness and restlessness we feel in our spirits is God’s call on our lives. He is reeling us in for our one-on-one encounter with Him.

You can be surrounded by people … and still be alone.
You can have sex with your wife … and still be alone.
You can have dozens of close friends … and still be alone.
You can have hundreds of friends on Facebook … and still be alone.

It’s like we finally admit that we are lonely and need something that other people can’t provide, and then we discover we need Someone to fill a part of us that nobody else seems to be able to fill—that’s when God steps in.

I suppose that when we feel alone, it means that somebody we thought we could count on for protection has disappeared. We feel isolated, separated, and alone. When we feel left alone, our hope is usually that someone will come along and comfort us. In fact, we expect that “comfort” is what a loving God would do to a man who is left alone. But God says that He is not coming to comfort us, but to confront us. God came to challenge Jacob, and to wrestle with him (Genesis 32:24). Jacob’s first reaction was, no doubt, “Oh, no, not You too!”

Everybody is wrestling me.
My wife is wrestling with me.
My children are wrestling with me.
My boss is wrestling with me.
My creditors are wrestling with me.
My co-workers are wrestling with me.
My church is wrestling with me.
My own mind is a wrestling match.
And now, You, too, God?

The Bible says that the wounds of a friend are faithful (Proverbs 27:6). A true friend is one who “wounds” you for a good reason. What he says may hurt you, but in the end, it helps you. What he does may seem painful to you, but in the end, you’ll thank him for doing it because it was for your own good.

A good friend doesn’t agree with you all the time. No matter how brutally you object, a good friend will stand right up in your face and say “You’re still wrong.”

You don’t have real help until you have someone who will confront you about what needs to be changed in your life. That’s why I feel strongly about Men of Steel. We each need other men to stand up to us, and to force us to face our sin, to confront us about our lies, to make us uncomfortable about our bad habits, to move us away from mediocrity, to challenge us toward excellence. I value your participation each Saturday! I pray that each of us will find another man in whom we can invest our lives, and that someone else will seek to invest their life in us.

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The Value of Listening

Posted on March 16, 2009 by Scott Chafee

According to John Maxwell, these are the benefits of listening to others:

Listening shows respect: It’s a mistake to try to impress others, trying to appear smart, witty or entertaining to the other person. If you want to impress others, focus on what they have to offer! Be impressed and interested rather than impressive and interesting.
Listening builds relationships: Dale Carnegie wrote that you can make more friends in two weeks by listening to people than you can in two years trying to get people interested in you (in How to Win Friends and Influence People). David Schwartz, in the Magic of Thinking Big, wrote that big people monopolize the listening while small people monopolize the talking.
Listening increases knowledge: It’s amazing how much you can learn by listening to others. Beware of thinking you have all the answers and being the expert. Continue growing and learning. None of us has arrived. Many people in authority begin to listen less and less.
Listening generates ideas: people love to contribute to the process, and have their leaders share the credit for ideas. Even if an idea doesn’t work, it might encourage other brainstorming ideas that will work.
Listening builds loyalty: if you don’t make it a practice to listen to people, they will find someone else who will: employees, spouses, children, friends, colleagues. Good listening will draw people toward you.

How to develop good listening habits:

Look at the speaker: you know how it works, undivided attention; don’t shuffle papers, type on the computer, watch TV, do the dishes, focus on the person.
Don’t interrupt: interruption shows disrespect. People generally interrupt because, 1) they don’t place value on what the other person has to say, 2) they want to impress others by showing how smart they are, or 3) they are too excited about the conversation to allow the other person to finish talking. Check your motives.
Focus on understanding: universities have studied information retention and we tend to forget 50% of what we hear, and retain only 25% the next day. Increase in understanding helps retention. It’s more than just hearing the words.
Determine the need at the moment: men want to fix things, so the need at the moment is resolution. Women tend to want to share information and discuss things.
Check your emotions: don’t make the unsuspecting person a recipient of your unvented emotions.
Suspend your judgment: you can’t jump to conclusions and be a good listener at the same time. Wait to hear the whole story.
Sum up at major intervals: comment on what you hear by summing up what you have heard. If you truly understand the situation, the person will let you know. If you don’t understand, this allows opportunity to get it right. Summarize one idea before going on to the next.
Ask questions for clarity: top reporters are great at asking questions to get to the bottom of the story. They focus on understanding, suspend judgment and sum up what the person has to say.
Make listening your priority: no matter how busy you are, this practice of listening is essential.

Good suggestions for effective leadership at home and the office!

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