Category: Men of Steel

Seems there are Ten Commandments for most any organization, which obviously started in the Old Testament, but I found these two lists of the top 10 relating to mentoring. The first is a classic list of “do’s” and “don’ts” for effective mentoring, written by John C Crosby of the Uncommon Individual Foundation.

1. Thou shalt not play God.
2. Thou shalt not play teacher.
3. Thou shalt not play mother or father.
4. Thou shalt not lie with your body.
5. Active listening is the holy time and shalt practice it at every session.
6. Thou shalt not be judgmental.
7. Thou shalt not lose heart because of repeated disappointments.
8. Thou shalt practice empathy, not sympathy.
9. Thou shalt not believe that thou can move mountains.
10. Thou shalt not envy thy neighbor’s protégé, nor they neighbor’s success.

This second list of questions is designed to evaluate the mentoring relationship, written by Paul Stanley and J. Robert Clinton from Christianity Today. Ask the question and rate yourself with: Fully, Partially, or Didn’t.

1. Establish a strong relationship. The stronger the relationship, the greater the empowerment. As you look for potential protégés, keep compatibility and chemistry in mind.
2. Agree on purpose. A basic rule in planning is “begin with the end in mind.” When mentoring proves disappointing, the problem usually points back to differing or unfulfilled expectations. So at the very beginning, agree on what you’re both hoping to achieve.
3. Determine contact frequency. Intensive mentoring works best with at least once-a-week contact, either face-to-face or by phone.
4. Decide on the type of accountability. Will you use written reports, scheduled phone calls, probing questions during meetings, or a planned evaluation time?
5. Set up communication mechanisms. As mentors, we have always asked our protégés, “If I see or learn of an area of concern, how and when do you want me to communicate it to you?”
6. Clarify the confidentiality level. Make it clear when something you share should be treated as confidential.
7. Set the relationship’s life cycle. It’s best to avoid open-ended mentorships. Better to have short periods, evaluation, and closure points with the possibility of reentry than have a sour relationship for a long time that each fears terminating.
8. Evaluate regularly. See where progress has been made, where there are problems, and what should be done to improve the mentoring. Joint evaluation is always best
9. Modify expectations as necessary. After a time of mentoring, bring expectations down to what is more likely going to happen—and give thanks for it.
10. Bring closure at the right time. Vertical mentoring that has no clear end in mind will usually dwindle to nothing with uneasy feelings on the part of both people. A happy ending requires that both parties be involved in evaluating and mutually ending the mentoring relationship.

The Bible challenges us to make every moment count (James 4:14), so taking steps toward becoming more effective are positive ones. If you want to enjoy the mentoring experience, consider these steps:

1. Select a mentor or protégé whose philosophy of life you share. The greatest mentors are also our role models. In the church, who is it that you sense has a close walk with God? What qualities does this person possess that makes them a hero in the faith for you?
2. Choose a protégé with potential, someone you generally believe in. Then you help that person get to where he wants to go. Sports scouts do this all the time.
3. Evaluate the protégé’s progress constantly. Remain objective and correct when necessary or encourage him to stay on course.
4. Be committed, serious and available to your protégé. This person desires to learn from your life, not just your information.

Every mentor should also have a mentor. Mentors are not just wise older people passing on a lifetime of knowledge and experience to a younger person. It looks that way on the outside but after a closer look, the mentor also should have his own mentor from whom life, knowledge and experience have come. In the past is one thing, but it is also good to maintain a mentoring relationship of their own, someone to whom they are currently accountable.

Part of the mentoring process is to help your protégé ask the right questions, search in the right places and stay interested in the right answers. Sometimes the protégé has no clue where he needs to go much less how to get there. But you’ve been there and know where they need to go. Ask the right questions and help the protégé ask the right questions to discover their next steps.

Decide on the level of excellence or perfection you expect. Remember the goal of mentoring is improvement, not perfection. How many of us would step into a mentoring relationship if perfection was required!? We would not even seek a mentor since no one is perfect. If we expect perfection in a protégé, we will be very disappointed.

As a protégé, accept a subordinate, learning position and keep your ego in check; don’t let it get in the way of learning. Don’t try to impress the mentor with your knowledge or abilities; you could be setting up a mental barrier against learning new ideas. When we have a proud, know-it-all attitude, we are not teachable. This should not be like a teacher assigning homework that the student doesn’t want to do. In teaching, it is frustrating to assign a task and the student not do it. There are some students who do the assignment for more than just a grade; they do it with an eagerness to learn. It’s like a person voluntarily going back to school after a lifetime in the business world. These people tend to be much better students than those who are there just for the degree. When you know the outcome or benefit, it is much easier to accept a learning position.

A protégé should respect the mentor but should not idolize him. This is a practical issue: respect helps us to accept what the mentor teaches, but idolizing him removes our critical ability to fit their teaching into ourselves. With an idol, we see no faults and are not objective.

Put into effect immediately what you are learning. People don’t remember much of what we say, a little more of what is read, even more of what we hear, read and talk about; but if we want real life change, we need to put learning into practice. Learn, practice and assimilate new ideas and strategies.

Set up a discipline for relating to your mentor; a time schedule, subject matter, homework. It must be more than “we’ll get together sometime” or “we will make time.” There are goals set, calendars are brought out and dates set, assignments are made and the protégé is held accountable and encouraged in them. The protégé will reward the mentor with his own progress, which is the highest reward.

Don’t threaten to give up; you have made a decision for progress and quitting is not in the best interest in the protégé. We cannot mentor only during the good times, but we should hold on to the commitments we make, and guide and direct the protégé through times of difficulty.

Make every effort to make your time on this earth count. Life is a vapor and time is short, then it vanishes away. When we get to the other side, everything but the kingdom will be irrelevant.

I’d like to share three models that illustrate what mentoring is all about (2 Timothy 2:1-2, 3-4, 5-6). I see this in the lives of three people in the Bible:

Barnabas:

The first model is that of Barnabas. He was the guy named Joseph, a Levite born in Cyprus (Acts 4:36) but everyone called him Barnabas, the son of encouragement. Of course his father was not named “encouragement” but rather it is a figure of speech that indicates he embodied the characteristic of encouragement.

At first, he sold his property and gave the proceeds to the Jerusalem church (Acts 4:36-37). He introduced Saul to the Jerusalem church (Acts 9:26-27). The church chose Barnabas to go to Syrian Antioch to investigate the unrestricted preaching to the Gentiles there (Acts 11:19-24). He became the leader to the work and secured Saul as his assistant (Acts 11:25-26). They took famine relief to the Jerusalem church (Acts 11:27-30). On Paul’s first missionary journey, Barnabas at first seems to have been the leader (Acts 13-14). Paul and Barnabas were later sent to Jerusalem to try to settle the questions of how Gentiles could be saved and how Jewish Christians could have fellowship with them (Acts 15:1-21). They agreed to go on another missionary journey but separated over whether to take John Mark with them again (Acts 15:36-41).

In Galatians 2:1-10, Paul recalled how he went with Barnabas to Jerusalem and how the apostles approved of their Gentile mission (probably the same event as Acts 15). In Galatians 2:13, however, Paul indicated that on one occasion Barnabas wavered on the issue of full acceptance of Gentile Christians. In 1 Corinthians 9:6-7, Paul commended Barnabas for following his practice of supporting himself rather than depending upon the churches. Colossians 4:10 simply states that Mark was Barnabas’ cousin.

Related to mentoring, think about it, every person needs encouragement, and who better to give that encouragement than a follower of Jesus? The life of Barnabas was one of service to others, encouraging others, investing of himself into others. This model sets the example for others, puts in a good word for Jesus and brings others into a community of faith. Every Christian mentor needs a Barnabas to receive encouragement.

Timothy:

Another model of mentoring is taken from the life of Paul and Timothy. Timothy was the young man who grew up in a faithful and devout home (2 Timothy 1:5, 3:15). Paul invests much of his life into Timothy, and refers to him as a child in the faith (1 Corinthians 4:17, 1 Timothy 1:2, 2 Timothy 1:2). Perhaps Paul was instrumental in Timothy’s conversion, when he came to Lystra on the second missionary journey. Timothy was a disciple who was well respected (Acts 16:1-2). Paul also sent Timothy on several missions (Acts 17:14-15, 18:5, 19:22, 20:4, Romans 16:21, 1 Corinthians 16:10, 2 Corinthians. 1:19, 1 Thessalonians 3:2, 6).

When Paul was unable to go to Corinth, he sent Timothy to represent Paul and his teachings (1 Corinthians 4:17). Later when Paul was in prison, he sent Timothy to Philippi (Philippians. 2:19). Timothy was a man of commitment and compassion (Philippians 2:20-22) and as Paul’s ministry neared the end, he challenged Timothy to remain true to his calling (1 Timothy 1:18).

As Paul faced death, he asked Timothy to come to be with him (2 Timothy 4:9). At some point in his life, Timothy was imprisoned; but he was released (Hebrews 13:23). Paul wrote letters to Timothy because he is unable to visit in person (1 Timothy 3:14-15). The point is that Paul took this young disciple and challenged him to be all he could be for the kingdom of God. How can we multiply our efforts to reach the world? Every Christian mentor needs a Timothy to guide as a protégé.

Epaphroditus:

This is a not-so-well-known character in the New Testament. He was a friend and fellow worker of Paul (Philippians 2:25-26). He had delivered to Paul a gift from the church at Philippi while the apostle was in prison. While he was with Paul, Epaphroditus became seriously ill. After his recovery, Paul sent him back to Philippi, urging the church there to receive him “with all gladness” (Philippians 2:29-30). I read that the name Epaphroditus was common in the first century Greek-speaking world, meaning “favored by Aphrodite.”

In regard to mentoring, all of us need to make difficult decisions and struggle with life issues, but having someone upon whom you may trust and depend is quite valuable. Having an Epaphroditus in your life (at work, leisure or worship) allows your heart to be knit together with others in the bond of Christ. It is a true statement that the mentor receives as much personal benefit from the mentoring relationship as does the protégé. For the protégé, personal satisfaction and professional development are natural outcomes of fulfilling one’s potential. For the mentor, he receives significant satisfaction from having assisted another person on a long-term permanent basis.

The Ephaphroditus relationship cannot be forced, but should come natural. Sometimes members want the staff to teach, or mentor or reach people they know; after all, they’re “professional” ministers. But in many ways it is not good for the staff to do it. For one, it’s not biblical. The staff is called to equip the saints for the work of service (Ephesians 4:11-12). On a practical level, the average member in the pew has already built the relationship of trust with those who need to be mentored or reached. It makes more sense for a pastor to say, “I am able to see your friend once a week, but you see him every day for lunch. Wouldn’t it make a better strategy for me to train you so that you could mentor your friend or lead him to Christ?” So, every Christian mentor needs an Epaphroditus to enjoy on a peer level.

Three models, with a recurring theme: relationships. We are to encourage others, and seek one who is an encouragement to us; find a protégé into whom you can pour your life and invest in the future; and have a peer relationship whereby your hearts are knit together in Christ.

As I think about mentoring, Barnabas is a name that pops into my mind. We read a little about his life and ministry and I sense that putting his story into a mentoring context is not doing him injustice.

Imagine the scene at Pentecost, in the upper room, with a group of believers impacted by the resurrection were gathered together (Acts 1:13). They gathered primarily for prayer (Acts 1:14), but one item on the agenda was to find a replacement for Judas (Acts 1:21-22). Two names are put in the hopper; Joseph (who is called Barsabbas or Justus, in Latin) and Matthias.

Tangent alert… we don’t read anything else about these two guys in the NT, except perhaps this is the same Justus of Colossians 4:11, or he’s Joseph (Joses) the brother of James in Mark 6:3 (see also Mark 15:40 – this James became the leader of the Jerusalem church – Galatians 1:19, 1 Corinthians 15:7, Acts 15:13). This is not to be confused with the Joseph of Acts 4:36, who is Barnabas (son of encouragement). I discovered that Barsabbas means “son of the Sabbath.” I found the name also in Acts 15:22, and that he was a prophet (Acts 15:32).

The church grows and soon has many financial needs, who is the one who steps up? It is a guy named Joseph, who is called Barnabas, the son of encouragement. The church had one heart and soul and all things were in common (Acts 4:32). There was great power and they gave witness to the resurrection (Acts 4:33). There was no needy person among them, needs being met through the community (Acts 4:34). Barnabas is singled out as the one named person to sell land and give the price to the church, laying the money at the feet of the apostles. The bottom line, if you want to be a mentor, be generous (Acts 4:36-37).

Saul is breathing threats and murder on the believers in the new church, persecuting and imprisoning all the followers of the Way (Acts 9:1-2). He has an encounter with the resurrected Jesus (Acts 9:3-4, 5-6). Ananias is told to minister to Saul, whose name is later changed to Paul (Acts 9:10, 11-12, 13-16, 17, 13:9). No one trusts him in the early church or the Jews (Acts 9:26, 29), the church must have thought it was a trick. So, Barnabas takes him to the apostles and describes how Paul is a changed man. If you want to be a mentor, believe in people (Acts 9:26, 27).

John Mark went with Paul and Barnabas on the first missionary journey (Acts 13:2, 13). He turned out to be a quitter, and Paul did not want to take him on the second missionary journey (Acts 15:38). There was such a disagreement that the team split (Acts 15:39-40). Barnabas saw beyond the failure and saw John Mark’s potential; he needed a second chance. If you want to be a mentor, stand up for your friends. Since Barnabas took this chance, Mark became a valued person later in Paul’s life (Colossians 4:10).

Barnabas was sent with Paul to the Jerusalem Council to relay what God had been doing among the Greeks; that they were coming to faith (Acts 15:2). The decision was that Greeks need not become Jews before coming to Christ. Then Barnabas and Paul are sent to Antioch (Acts 15:22) and later continue to teach the people (Acts 15:35). If you want to be a mentor, get excited about what is happening in the lives of other (Acts 15:1-21).

Barnabas was not selected as 12th apostle, but we see in his life that he held no grudge, did not seek power or position. He did not sulk because he was not chosen in the upper room. If you want to be a mentor, seek to affirm others and encourage their walk (Acts 1:23-26). I also discovered that Clement of Alexandria mentions Barnabas was one of the 70 sent out on the preaching journey (Luke 10:1); Tertullian wrote that Barnabas was the writer of Hebrews and the Clementine Reflections claims Barnabas was actually the Matthias mentioned in Acts 1:23-26. That last one is a stretch!

Mentoring is life investment. These are only a few characteristics in the life of Barnabas from which a mentor could learn.

In Christian circles, mentoring is really a subset of discipleship. A disciple is one who would sit at the feet of a teacher and learn of his/her wisdom. The disciple in essence became a follower of the rabbi or teacher. I can imagine that the student was so tied to the teacher that when the student spoke, the hearers would be able to recognize who the student’s teacher had been.

I had a campus minister from college that was (and is) well known in many state conventions. I am able to say that “I am a disciple of …” simply because I was able to learn from him as he invested his life into me.

The world describes what a mentor usually is:

1. The mentor has achieved superior rank in the organization.
2. The mentor is an authority in his field or discipline.
3. The mentor has a certain measure of influence in his field.
4. The mentor is interested in the protégé’s growth.
5. The mentor is willing to commit time and energy into a relationship.

But also, a mentor is not many things:

1. He is not a buddy or pal; to be invited to the family reunion; to become your new best friend.
2. He is not “on call” for grievances or frustrations.
3. He is not to be dismissed when the protégé decides the relationship is no longer useful.

There is a relationship of trust. The mentor sees potential in the protégé and does what he is able to help the protégé reach his personal, professional or spiritual goals. The mentor will often not be able to take an unwilling person anywhere, since the mentor then turns into a parent, policeman or judge. One might start that was but the protégé must be able to see past the desire of the mentor to see the protégé succeed, to the protégé having his own desire to succeed.

I’ll post more information on mentoring as the days go by. King’s Grant is embarking on a new strategy in 2010 that involves mentoring, so these articles are the beginnings of our mentoring training that will begin in the fall 2009.

Mentoring is not really a new idea. It was a way of life between generations; passing on information, history, stories and a legacy to the next generation. In the past, there was not much talk about mentoring because it was expected, assumed, and therefore unnoticed.

As I study the Bible, I notice that nearly all training of people in Scripture was through mentoring. One of my favorite examples was the relationship between Elijah and Elisha (1 Kings 19:19, 20, 21); I’ll share more about them at a later date. The point is that he followed Elijah, forsaking everything he had come to know.

In the New Testament, Jesus spent more time developing a few people than dazzling the multitudes or crowds with sermons and authoritative teaching. He invested himself into the Twelve; He spent time with them. One of my favorite Bible passages is Mark 3:13-14, where Jesus called His closest men to himself. Did you catch what He called them to do? Our attention generally goes to “sending them out to preach” because that was the task given to them. We often overlook the phrase just before that, “He appointed the Twelve, that they might be with Him.” I call it the “with Him” principle, and it is the same call that Jesus gives to us.

I once heard a story about a turtle perched on top of a fence pole. An inquisitive mind would wonder how it would have gotten up there (where many people might just let it go unnoticed). The answer is, that someone else put him up there. This is a simple truth in life about success. Successful people never reach their goals alone. Mentoring will help people get to where they want and need to go.

Have you heard about the origin of the word “mentor?” In Homer’s Odyssey, Mentor was a friend of Odysseus. When Odysseus left for the Trojan War he placed Mentor in charge of his son, Telemachus, and of his palace. He was to teach Telemachus not only book learning but the wiles of the world. When Athena visited Telemachus she took the disguise of Mentor to hide herself from the suitors of Telemachus’ mother, Penelope. As Mentor, the goddess encourages Telemachus to stand up against the suitors and go abroad to find out what happened to his father.

The modern use of the word mentor refers to a trusted friend, counselor or teacher, usually a more experienced person. Some professions have “mentoring programs” in which newcomers are paired with more experienced people, who advise them and serve as examples as they advance. Schools sometimes offer mentoring programs to new students, or students having difficulties. I have in my office a certificate of appreciation from the Virginia Beach school system for “dedicated service and commitment” as a mentor.

Why cannot this concept exist in the church today? In the next few months, King’s Grant Baptist Church is working on a mentoring strategy to help our guests and new members to discover the life about which Jesus spoke (John 10:10). This life is caught more than it is taught. It’s time to step out of the comfort zone into real life! I trust you’ll want to be involved.