Category: Men of Steel

Men and Accountability, Part 5

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I thought I was done with this Bible passage, but wait; there are more things to glean from this passage of Scripture… this story in the life of Moses and Joshua offers a lot of information concerning accountability and men. (see also Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4)

“So it came about when Moses held his hand up, that Israel prevailed, and when he let his hand down, Amalek prevailed. But Moses’ hands were heavy. Then they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it; and Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other.” (Exodus 17:11-12)

When it comes to life, no one ever said it was going to be easy; even in the Christian life. In our discussion the other Saturday, Derrick brought up the fact that living the life God intends is never easy. I remember telling my son years ago (when accused of not being fair) that life isn’t fair, in fact I would say, “Life is hard, and then you die.” At the risk of sounding cold and unfeeling, you get my point. Those of you who are dads, you understand.

Who ever came to Christ believing that once someone becomes a Christian, problems will cease and blessings will begin to overflow in life? (Perhaps if someone is looking through rose-colored glasses). Take another look at Moses and Joshua in this story. They are free from the slavery in Egypt, expecting to soon be in the Promised Land, but the path will be complicated, long and hard. While on their way through the region, these Amalekites began wreaking havoc on the children of Israel.

There was an assault on the battlefield (Exodus 17:8, 10) and the Amalekites were even using guerilla warfare as God’s people traveled through the area (Deuteronomy 25:18)… definitely not an easy commute to the Promised Land. The battle was fierce, and it did not end quickly. The strategy God used was this mysterious raising of the hands (Exodus 17:11), and Moses became weary and needed to rest. Victory was in jeopardy if he lowered his hands. At this point I must point out that victory never comes easy.

As a man in this culture, you are daily bombarded with so much trash that will bring you down spiritually, relationally, physically and even emotionally. It’s hard living the life that God intends. You read His Word, you know what you are supposed to be doing, but just like the Apostle Paul, you find yourself doing the exact opposite, the very thing you said you would not do (Romans 7:19). The enemy doesn’t want you to be faithful to your wife, or sober, or in church, or growing in godliness. He wants your soul, your heart, your time, your marriage, your kids; basically he wants you to be trapped in (or enslaved to) pornography, alcohol, work, sports, consumerism, foul language, you name it… anything that will keep you from living a victorious and virtuous life.

It comes down to accountability. When Moses was weary and tired, he had Aaron and Hur, two other men who were there to help hold him up. Aaron and Hur did not need to plan an intervention on Moses… notice Moses didn’t call these other men over to help him when he got tired, they were already there (Exodus 17:10). He didn’t even tell them how to help him; they knew exactly what needed to be done in order to help him during this trying time, they took the stone and placed it under him (Exodus 17:12). Men need to allow other men into there lives, and we all need someone like Aaron and Hur to be with us during these rough times. Lets not wait until the times are that tough to develop relationships with other men; at that point it just might be too late.

Men and Accountability, Part 4

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Hold on one more time… I have revisited this story in the life of Moses and Joshua a few times but this lesson is key to accountability and men. (see Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)

“Moses, Aaron and Hur went up to the top of the hill, so it came about when Moses held his hand up that Israel prevailed, and when he let his hand down, Amalek prevailed.” (Exodus 17:10-11).

Men of today are engaged in a battle. Another item related to our Bible story is how Moses and the Israelites were able to win this battle in Exodus 17:12. Get this… if Moses was able to keep his hands up, the Israelites were winning. But, when Moses was tired and lowered his hands, the enemy began to win. So, Moses had two other men with him to help support his hands. When Moses was without strength, there was another man on each side to support him and hold him up. Our common enemy is battling for your soul, family, marriage, your children, your integrity and your reputation, your finances, your health, your thoughts. There is often a temptation to let our hands down because we are just plain tired, but don’t, that is when the enemy begins to prevail.

Solomon wisely wrote that we should not be alone (Ecclesiastes 4:12) and from the beginning God recognized that particular weakness in men (Genesis 2:18). So, where do you stand in regard to accountability with other men? We’re not suggesting that “Big Brother” invade your life, but we are stating the fact that without others to support us, challenge us, correct us, or even get in our face every once in a while when we do stupid things, we will go the way of the stragglers (Deuteronomy 25:18).

The Men of Steel is a gathering of men for Motivation, Encouragement and Instruction; and yes, there is an element of informal accountability. Accountability cannot be forced, manufactured or assigned, but it will be found once you make the commitment to God and a connection to another man (realizing that he’s got your back and you’ve got his). There is strength in numbers. Be aware of your kryptonite, and don’t let it destroy you.

Men and Accountability, Part 3

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For the third time I want to revisit the story in the life of Moses and Joshua that encourages accountability between men. (see Part 1 and Part 2)

“And he named the place Massah and Meribah… and Amalek came and fought against Israel at Rephidim.” (Exodus 17:7, 8).

Where are they? Rephidim. “So what” you say? I discovered that Rephidim in Hebrew has different meanings. It could mean “supports” which is a convenient definition since it is here that Moses’ hands were supported by Aaron and Hur, which led to the Israelite victory (Exodus 17:11). Another definition I found is “rests” or “stays” or “resting places.” I see how these two definitions might be similar, since “rests” and “supports” appear to be the same idea.

But the idea of “resting places” intrigues me because it is here, at Rephidim, where the people of Israel were doing anything but resting.

First they were fussing about the lack of drinking water. So much were they ticked off at Moses that they intended to stone him and go back to Egypt (Exodus 17:3, 4). Leave it to the people of God to forsake all they know to be true… that God loves them, that Moses was God’s deliverer, that God provided for them… like the Red Sea crossing (Exodus 14:21), quail for dinner (Exodus 16:13), manna for breakfast (Exodus 16:14, 15, 31)… and then complain. Not much has changed in 3500 years. When life gets hard we tend to blame God rather than the enemy. Think about it, how many swear words do you know that include the name of or reference to Satan (the adversary) or Lucifer or the devil?

They were also fighting for their very existence. Rather than a honorable adversary who fought on the battlefield, they had an enemy that attacked the weak and weary (Deuteronomy 25:18). Remember that it was here at Rephidim that the people grumbled about having no water and turned against Moses (Exodus 17:1, 3). After the water came from the rock, perhaps Rephidim could be a “resting place” but they named the place Massah (from the root word “to test”) and Meribah (meaning strife or argument) (see Exodus 17:7).

My point here is that in a location called, “resting places” the enemy came to attack. After they received the refreshing waters from the rock (Exodus 17:6) and a full tummy of manna each morning, there was an enemy ready to fight against them. Our enemy comes to us when we are most comfortable and vulnerable. At times we have a false sense of security, believing that since everything is going our way, we are not in danger. I used to tell my teenagers, if you don’t bump into the devil every once in a while, you might just be travelling in the same direction.

Accountability and men… when you are comfortable, you will often compromise or slide into places that you never thought you’d be. Moses told the people they should not test God (Exodus 17:2, 7), so let us not test him by pushing ourselves up to the line we said we would never cross. In a moment of weakness we can cross that line and have enormous regrets. We are accountable to God, so let’s not fuss and fight with God or His leaders on earth because there is a real enemy out there who seeks to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). Come to the place of rest and keep watch. Allow God to bless your life while you offer thanksgiving and obedience to Him each day.

Men and Accountability, Part 2

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In Part 1, I wrote about Moses and the Staff of God; emphasizing that we each are accountable to God to use that which He has given us to further His kingdom. Today I want to revisit this story in the life of Moses and Joshua that encourages accountability between men.

“Then Amalek came and fought against Israel at Rephidim.” (Exodus 17:8).

Remember who they are fighting, the Amalekites, perhaps the most savage and inhumane of the Canaanites.

  1. They were a nomadic tribe of formidable people that first attacked the Israelites after the Exodus at Rephidim (Exodus 17:8).
  2. They were descendants of Amalek, the grandson of Esau (Genesis 36:12) and they inhabited the desolate wasteland of the northeast Sinai peninsula and the Negev Desert.
  3. They were the first to attack Israel after the Exodus (Numbers 24:20). Israel won the initial battle (Exodus 17:8-16), but later was driven back into the Sinai wilderness by a coalition of Amalekites and Canaanites (Numbers 14:43, 45).
  4. From then on, the Amalekites waged a successful guerrilla war against Israel (Deuteronomy 25:17-19). Fighting even continued after Israel settled in the Promised Land.
  5. Because of their atrocities, God commanded Saul to exterminate the Amalekites (1 Samuel 15:2-3), but Saul disobeyed, and the Amalekites were not defeated completely until late in the eighth century B.C. (1 Chronicles 4:43). Interestingly, no archaeological data concerning the Amalekites has been discovered. Talk about God wiping them out (1 Samuel 15:3).

Now with the history lesson over, notice what is happening. According to Deuteronomy 25:18, they would attack the stragglers, those who were weak and weary. Think about how many men get attacked by the enemy simply because they are not keeping up with the right crowd.

Straggling behind is really all that most men need to do in order to have the enemy harass, capture, control and destroy them right before their (and their family’s) eyes. Stragglers don’t have their eyes on the prize, or their minds on the task before them. They wander through life underestimating the mission, tactics, power and the patience of the enemy. These enemies don’t come at you with a frontal assault, but will subtlety grab you when you least expect it; perhaps a moment of weakness at the computer late at night or on a business trip, or maybe joking with that attractive co-worker in the office break room. The stragglers were faint and weary (Deuteronomy 25:18). We need strength to defeat this enemy.

So what? Do we not see the importance of accountability for men? We need other men to keep us moving forward, to keep us from straggling, to keep us focused on the important areas of our lives. Men, please don’t be caught straggling behind!

Men and Accountability, Part 1

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This is a topic that many men don’t want to discuss, accountability. We are ruggedly independent and often run from any outside accountability to others. We like being our own boss, at work, at home and in our private lives as well. This just might be the reason for the downfall of so many men today. If we are not accountable to another man who will get in our face when we go astray, we will likely find ourselves in a hole that keeps getting deeper and deeper.

We will look toward God and understand that we must be accountable to Him, knowing that one day we will all give an account for what we have done with the life He has given to us (Matthew 12:36, Luke 16:2, Romans 14:12, Hebrews 13:17). But that will usually not transfer to an earthly relationship. Our spiritual lives (or lack of one) can be hidden from others.

I was reminded of a story in the life of Moses and Joshua that encourages accountability between men. In the next few posts, I want to address various lessons we can learn from this interesting passage of Scripture.

“Moses said to Joshua, ‘Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands'” (Exodus 17:9).

Moses’ staff represented his vocation as a shepherd. When God first met Moses in the desert at the burning bush (Exodus 3:2), he told him that he was going to use his staff to perform miracles and bring a people out of slavery (Exodus 4:17). God related to Moses through his vocation as a shepherd. Think about how God uses your vocation to allow you to bring glory to Him. There are things you can do, and people you will meet, that no one else can do. God has uniquely positioned you where you are to work through you, no matter what your vocation happens to be.

Moses later faced one of his enemies in the new land, the Amalekites (Exodus 17:8-16). Isn’t it just like real life to run into an old enemy not too long after a great victory (like the Hebrews leaving Egypt just two chapters earlier, Exodus 15:21). Back to the Amalekites, God told Moses to go to the top of the mountain and hold his staff up to heaven. As long as his staff was outstretched to heaven, Israel would win the battle. But if it was not uplifted, they would suffer defeat (Exodus 17:11).

Isn’t this an interesting picture? When we raise our “staff” up to the Lord, He becomes our protector. He is our defender. As long we offer up our staff before the Lord, He can work through it. He works on our behalf. When we lower it, we lose the blessing of God.

When God told Moses He was going to use his staff to bring a people out of bondage, he first had to lay his staff down on the ground (Exodus 4:3). God changed it into a snake and then God told Moses to pick it up by the tail. God was telling Moses to take authority over the snake. When Moses picked up the staff, the scripture tells us it is no longer Moses’ staff, but it is now the staff of God (Exodus 4:20, 17:9).

The lesson for us is to continually offer up our work lives to the Lord and see His protection and blessing upon us as we continually raise our work to the Lord for His use. You are not in your current place of employment or in your vocation for no reason. You are in the place where you can influence others for the kingdom’s sake, if we all look at that vocation as God’s opportunity for service toward others. Once we change our perspective on the work we do, we just might find better purpose, meaning, joy and significance in the task. Be accountable to God, and use the “staff of God” to live life victoriously.

Always on Call

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Christianity is about being “others oriented.” It’s relational. When Jesus called his closest men, they came out of the everyday work life, fishermen, tax collectors, political activists, rather than the religious community. The problem is that not many people in a local church are called to full time vocational Christian service. Men have their careers and need to make a living, and time is valuable to take care of business, family, chores and relaxation. Who has time for people or anything else?

I remember my younger days and looking forward to the future. Automation and machines would make life so much easier that Americans would have shorter work weeks and lots more free time. With the emergence of the computer and the simpler life we’d enjoy from our modern conveniences, our biggest challenge was supposed to be choosing how to spend all this extra time we’d have on our hands.

I look at life today and think, “What a cruel joke.”

Have you ever seen a day when people were this strung out with work demands, longer hours, tighter deadlines, breakneck schedules, and higher expectations? Whatever little time and energy is left at the end of earning a paycheck, running errands, and keeping our homes in working order usually ends up stretched out on the sofa with a cold drink; and then hope that no one will bother us. At this pace, we just don’t have time for people.

Check out what Jesus said to the disciples in Mark 10:35-45. I believe they may have had their own ideas on theology and what pleased God, and basically wanted to follow God on their own terms, as long as Jesus did what they wanted Him to do (Mark 10:35). When we try the same thing, Jesus reminds us that we just don’t know what we are asking for (Mark 10:38). We don’t get it, just like the Twelve. We always think we know best. In our ignorance and selfishness we would never expect the same answer (Mark 10:39). We don’t expect to be treated in the same fashion as Jesus Himself; abused, beaten, misunderstood, homeless, poor and eventually executed. These never make our to-do lists. We (as did the disciples) want to sit at the left and right hand of God, to have a place of honor and comfort, were we belong (Mark 10:37). Problem is that if Jesus did not spare his closest men from hardship, why should we expect anything less?

So what was the specific instruction of Jesus for the disciples? Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve (Mark 10:45). To me, this means that we are to be “others oriented” and always looking for opportunities to serve people. While men are in a vocation in the real world, we have to realize that we are always “on call.” An opportunity arises and the pager goes off, we must decide to do the right thing or to ignore the page. When you’re on call, ignoring a page is not an option.

What an opportunity, then, for men to make the love of Christ stand out in a crowd—every time you forsake the sofa in order to meet a need, serve a brother, or help a neighbor. The sky light is open for us to “shine like stars in the universe” (Philippians 2:15) and see God’s face light up.

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Resolving Old Conflicts

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David was strongly attached to Absalom and he has been absent for three years, but the fear of public opinion made him hesitant to grant him a full pardon. Joab, David’s general, had obviously witnessed David’s irresponsibility toward Absalom long enough and he devised a plan to get David’s attention.

Think about these questions:

  1. How could David long for Absalom. Absalom had killed his other son, Amnon. Why isn’t he mad at him? (2 Samuel 14:1)
  2. What do we learn about God from 2 Samuel 14:14?
  3. What do you think about the whole ruse orchestrated by Joab. What was the point?
  4. How did David know Joab was involved? (2 Samuel 14:19)
  5. If David longed for Absalom, why did he have to be talked into taking him back? (2 Samuel 14:1, 21)
  6. How is the relationship between father and son now? (2 Samuel 14:21, 24, 28, 33)
  7. If you were casting Absalom in a movie, what actor might you choose? (2 Samuel 14:25)
  8. Tamar, we have heard that name before. Who was Tamar? (2 Samuel 14:27)
    There used to be a song called, “We didn’t start the fire.” Who did start the fire? (2 Samuel 14:30) What is the fire about?
  9. Have you heard the adage, “negative attention is better than no attention”? How do you see that demonstrated here? Where have you seen this demonstrated in real life?
  10. Is all better now? (2 Samuel 14:33). There may be forgiveness and reconciliation, but is it all sealed with a kiss?

Let’s look at some details in this chapter:

Joab sets up a story about a woman and her prodigal son (2 Samuel 14:2, 3). It could work; after all, he saw Nathan use a story to get David’s attention back in 2 Samuel 12:1-7.

The woman tells the story (2 Samuel 14:4-7) and David tries to blow her off (2 Samuel 14:8), perhaps David doesn’t want to be blamed for defending a guilty son!

She says that she will take any blame from sparing the son (2 Samuel 14:9). David tells the woman to bring her persecutors before him (2 Samuel 14:10).

The avenger of blood (2 Samuel 14:11) is a specific term identifying the nearest relative of the deceased who would seek to put to death the murderer (Numbers 35:6–28; Deuteronomy 19:1–13; Matthew 27:25).

She mentions that death is irreversible and that God acts in accordance with mercy (2 Samuel 14:14) as in David’s own experience (2 Samuel 12:13), and the king should do the same.

Those who were wanting to kill the woman and her son were like the people David feared whom resented what Absalom had done and would have stood against a pardon for him (2 Samuel 14:15, 16).

David finally gets it (2 Samuel 14:19), that Joab is behind this woman and her story.
Joab is excited that Absalom is coming back, as selfish as his motives really were (2 Samuel 14:22).

While Absalom returned to Jerusalem, the estrangement continued (2 Samuel 14:24, 28). Everything looked good on the outside, but none of it came form the heart. David summoned Absalom to appease him, not to accept him. Absalom wanted David to look him in the eye rather than to beg for forgiveness. He requests an audience with the king, but nothing, he finally sets fire to Joab’s field to get his attention… like acting out, or manipulation of others. It was like Absalom was saying, “accept me or kill me.” By the time David finally received Absalom, (2 Samuel 14:33) his son’s heart had already grown cold and bitter (see chapter 15).

Application Questions:

  1. This story is a story about resolving old conflicts. What could David or Joab or Absalom done to make this better?
  2. Have you known anyone who kept a fire of conflict stoked for decades?
  3. How can we settle old conflicts?

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Ten Leadership Lessons

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I recently read from Chuck Swindoll, and he shared ten life and leadership lessons woth passing on.

  1. It’s lonely to lead.
  2. It’s dangerous to succeed.
  3. It’s hardest at home.
  4. It’s essential to be real.
  5. It’s painful to obey.
  6. Brokenness and failure are necessary.
  7. My attitude is more important than my actions.
  8. Integrity eclipse image.
  9. God’s way is always better than my way.
  10. Christlikeness begins and ends with humility.

God Making Mistakes?

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I was reading a blog recently and the author posed this question, “Have you ever felt like God made a mistake?”

Well, the Bible does record that He was sorry for ever creating mankind in the first place (Genesis 6:6-7, see also Exodus 32:14, 1 Samuel 15:11, Jeremiah 26:3). Sin sorrows God who is holy, blameless and without sin (Ephesians 4:30), so don’t sorrow Him by the way we live. The Lord’s sorrow does not indicate an arbitrary change of mind, though it seems that way to man. Rather, it indicates a different attitude on God’s part in response to some change in man’s behavior. Because He is holy, He must react against sin. The description “was sorry” expresses God’s change of action (Genesis 6:7) in terms understandable to man. God would no longer be longsuffering with such widespread wickedness. Sin impacts the work which the Spirit does (Ephesians 4:30).

Back to the question, “Have you ever felt like God made a mistake?” That is how the Israelites felt with the Egyptian army breathing down their necks and the Red Sea staring them in the face (Exodus 14:2, 3, 9, 10). Here’s the kicker: God led them there. From a military standpoint, they should not have been there. They have no escape route. They couldn’t retreat or advance. It seems like God has made a mistake, and the Israelites let Moses know about it. But God had them right where he wanted them.

Sometimes God leads us to a place where we have nowhere to turn but to Him, and that is often the last place we want to be. But it’s the best place to be. Here is the great irony: all of us want to experience a miracle, we just don’t want to be in a situation where it is needed. Sometimes you need to be between the Pharaoh and the Deep Red Sea so God can reveal more of His glory (Exodus 14:4).

We often know what to do, but we cry out to God anyway. God’s response to Moses was, “Why are you crying out to Me? Tell the people to get moving.” (Exodus 14:15). Just when you think God has made a mistake, He parts the water (Exodus 14:16).

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Family Secrets

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This is a story of a dysfunctional family, passive parenting, sexual sin and cover up, revenge and murder; all the great stuff movies are made of, but this is real life for the family of David, found in 2 Samuel 13. Amnon rapes his half-sister, Tamar. Absalom avenges Tamar (his full sister) and flees to his maternal grandfather’s home. Then later, David permits Absalom to return to Jerusalem but bars him from the palace. David eventually meets with Absalom and is reconciled to him for a time.

Here are a few points or lessons that men are able to take away…

  1. We need to keep our sons away from, or at least discourage them from choosing “friends” that are no good for them, or will offer them poor advice (2 Samuel 13:3, 5).
  2. We need to walk the walk, because Absalom followed in his father’s footsteps; ploting to kill another person, and even bringing in other people to do our dirty work (2 Samuel 13:28).
  3. We need to protect out daughters from worthless men, and stand up for them when they have been wronged (2 Samuel 13:7, 20, 21).
  4. We need to spend time with our sons to get to know them and guide them in life (2 Samuel 13:5, 6), perhaps David did not spend much time even when he seemed to visit Amnon regularly.

Questions for your Consideration:

  • Whom did you consult regarding your love life back in school?
  • What was some of the worst advice, or best advice?
  • From what you know of blended families, what complicated love-hate relationships could occur?
  • How are blood ties stronger than anything else that binds a family?

The Main Characters in Our Story:

Tamar – A daughter of David raped by her half brother, Amnon (2 Samuel 13:14). The act was avenged by her full brother, Absalom, when he had Amnon murdered (2 Samuel 13:28, 29). These acts were part of Nathan’s prophecy that the sword would never depart from David’s house (2 Samuel 12:10).

Amnon – meaning, “trustworthy, faithful.” He was the firstborn son of King David (2 Samuel 3:2). He raped his half-sister Tamar. Tamar’s brother Absalom avenged this outrage by killing Amnon (2 Samuel 13:1-20). This incident marked the beginning of the decline of David’s family following his adulterous relationship with Bathsheba and the murder of Uriah.

Absalom – meaning, “father of peace.” He was the third son of King David, who rebelled against his father and was murdered by Joab, David’s commander (2 Samuel 3:3; 13–19). Absalom apparently resented being ignored by his father and resented his brother Ammon going unpunished for raping Tamar, Absalom’s full sister. Being overindulged and ambitious, Absalom became the spokesman for the people (2 Samuel 15:1-6). They, in turn, gladly proclaimed him king in Hebron (2 Samuel 15:10), where David was first crowned (2 Samuel 2:4). Battle ensued. David left Jerusalem and sent his army to find Absalom but not to hurt him (2 Samuel 18:5), but Joab murdered him (2 Samuel 18:14). David’s lament over Absalom shows the depth of a father’s love over the loss of a son as well as regret for personal failures which led to family and national tragedies.

A few chapters from now, we will be reading of Absalom’s rebellion, civil war, and eventual death. As you read this passage look for how it all started.

Questions for Class This Sunday:

  1. How were Amnon, Tamar and Absalom related?
  2. How do you account for Amnon’s “lovesickness” regarding Tamar (2 Samuel 13:1-4)?
  3. At first blush, does this strike you as innocent “puppy love,” perverted, or what?
  4. Did Amnon have a choice as to whether or not to fall in love with Tamar?
  5. What advice does Jonadab offer to woo Tamar (2 Samuel 13:5)? Summarize Amnon’s scheme for getting Tamar?
  6. What was he thinking? What kind of good out come could he have possibly imagined?
  7. How does David unknowingly collaborate in the charade (2 Samuel 13:6-7)?
  8. Had David been visiting with Amnon regularly (2 Samuel 13:5)?
  9. Why did Amnon seek to deceive his father? How was Tamar’s statement about David (2 Samuel 13:13) a rebuke to this?
  10. What was Tamar’s suggestion? Was it a good one?
  11. How did attraction turn to hatred so quickly (2 Samuel 13:15)?
  12. Why does Tamar refuse to be banished (2 Samuel 13:16)? What greater wrong has she just experienced (Deuteronomy 22:28, 29)?
  13. How do you think Absalom knew (2 Samuel 13:20)?
  14. How does Absalom react to his sister’s rape, now (2 Samuel13:20) and two years later (2 Samuel 13:23, 28)?
  15. How does David respond? What did he feel? What did he do (2 Samuel 13:21)?
  16. Why does he not do what any self-respecting king and father would have done? Why did David do nothing but get angry? What should he have done (Leviticus 20:17)?
  17. Was it right what Absalom did?
  18. What did David do about what Absalom did?
  19. What character flaw in David do you see from this story? How might David’s character and credibility have been compromised (2 Samuel 11:4, 15, 12:9, 10, 11)?
  20. What can hyper-passivity cost us?
  21. Why do we sometimes slip into passivity when we need to take action?

Personal Meaning from This Lesson:

  • When someone wrongs you or someone close to you, what is your typical reaction? Does your reaction look more like that of David, Tamar or Absalom?
  • In what ways have you been impacted by sexual sins in the past (yours or another’s)?
  • How have you managed to control the damage? Forgive the sinner? To be forgiven?
  • Who have you ended up hating when you started out loving? How do we account for this total and sudden reversal in the relationship?
  • How can you be more reconciled with this person in your past?
  • As a parent, how do you evaluate your present example for future generations?
  • How do you identify with “David the dad” in this passage?

If We Have Time:

  1. How did Absalom arrange for Amnon’s death?
  2. Why does Absalom ask David, his officials and his sons to join him (2 Samuel 13:23, 24, 25)?
  3. Why was sheep-shearing a big event (1 Samuel 25:7, 8)?
  4. If you were David or Amnon, would you be suspicious of Absalom’s invitation (2 Samuel 13:26, 27)?
  5. Why is revenge still on Absalom’s mind? What is significant about the timing (“two years later” or when “he was in high spirits”)?
  6. What do you think of his tactics? How parallel are these tactics like Amnon and Jonadab two years earlier?
  7. Over whom was David mourning after the first report (2 Samuel 13:30)? The second report (2 Samuel 13:32, 33)? The third report (2 Samuel 13:35)?
  8. Where does Absalom go (2 Samuel 13:37, 3:3)? What might he get from his grandfather that he dare not ask for from his father?

Application:

  • How has conflict affected your family and relatives? What long-term grudges have taken their toll on your family?
  • With whom are you not on good speaking terms right now?
  • How can you bury the hatchet instead of using one?
  • From what hurts do you feel like running away? Where would you go?

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