Resolving Old Conflicts

David was strongly attached to Absalom and he has been absent for three years, but the fear of public opinion made him hesitant to grant him a full pardon. Joab, David’s general, had obviously witnessed David’s irresponsibility toward Absalom long enough and he devised a plan to get David’s attention.

Think about these questions:

  1. How could David long for Absalom. Absalom had killed his other son, Amnon. Why isn’t he mad at him? (2 Samuel 14:1)
  2. What do we learn about God from 2 Samuel 14:14?
  3. What do you think about the whole ruse orchestrated by Joab. What was the point?
  4. How did David know Joab was involved? (2 Samuel 14:19)
  5. If David longed for Absalom, why did he have to be talked into taking him back? (2 Samuel 14:1, 21)
  6. How is the relationship between father and son now? (2 Samuel 14:21, 24, 28, 33)
  7. If you were casting Absalom in a movie, what actor might you choose? (2 Samuel 14:25)
  8. Tamar, we have heard that name before. Who was Tamar? (2 Samuel 14:27)
    There used to be a song called, “We didn’t start the fire.” Who did start the fire? (2 Samuel 14:30) What is the fire about?
  9. Have you heard the adage, “negative attention is better than no attention”? How do you see that demonstrated here? Where have you seen this demonstrated in real life?
  10. Is all better now? (2 Samuel 14:33). There may be forgiveness and reconciliation, but is it all sealed with a kiss?

Let’s look at some details in this chapter:

Joab sets up a story about a woman and her prodigal son (2 Samuel 14:2, 3). It could work; after all, he saw Nathan use a story to get David’s attention back in 2 Samuel 12:1-7.

The woman tells the story (2 Samuel 14:4-7) and David tries to blow her off (2 Samuel 14:8), perhaps David doesn’t want to be blamed for defending a guilty son!

She says that she will take any blame from sparing the son (2 Samuel 14:9). David tells the woman to bring her persecutors before him (2 Samuel 14:10).

The avenger of blood (2 Samuel 14:11) is a specific term identifying the nearest relative of the deceased who would seek to put to death the murderer (Numbers 35:6–28; Deuteronomy 19:1–13; Matthew 27:25).

She mentions that death is irreversible and that God acts in accordance with mercy (2 Samuel 14:14) as in David’s own experience (2 Samuel 12:13), and the king should do the same.

Those who were wanting to kill the woman and her son were like the people David feared whom resented what Absalom had done and would have stood against a pardon for him (2 Samuel 14:15, 16).

David finally gets it (2 Samuel 14:19), that Joab is behind this woman and her story.
Joab is excited that Absalom is coming back, as selfish as his motives really were (2 Samuel 14:22).

While Absalom returned to Jerusalem, the estrangement continued (2 Samuel 14:24, 28). Everything looked good on the outside, but none of it came form the heart. David summoned Absalom to appease him, not to accept him. Absalom wanted David to look him in the eye rather than to beg for forgiveness. He requests an audience with the king, but nothing, he finally sets fire to Joab’s field to get his attention… like acting out, or manipulation of others. It was like Absalom was saying, “accept me or kill me.” By the time David finally received Absalom, (2 Samuel 14:33) his son’s heart had already grown cold and bitter (see chapter 15).

Application Questions:

  1. This story is a story about resolving old conflicts. What could David or Joab or Absalom done to make this better?
  2. Have you known anyone who kept a fire of conflict stoked for decades?
  3. How can we settle old conflicts?

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