This is a story of a dysfunctional family, passive parenting, sexual sin and cover up, revenge and murder; all the great stuff movies are made of, but this is real life for the family of David, found in 2 Samuel 13. Amnon rapes his half-sister, Tamar. Absalom avenges Tamar (his full sister) and flees to his maternal grandfather’s home. Then later, David permits Absalom to return to Jerusalem but bars him from the palace. David eventually meets with Absalom and is reconciled to him for a time.
Here are a few points or lessons that men are able to take away…
- We need to keep our sons away from, or at least discourage them from choosing “friends” that are no good for them, or will offer them poor advice (2 Samuel 13:3, 5).
- We need to walk the walk, because Absalom followed in his father’s footsteps; ploting to kill another person, and even bringing in other people to do our dirty work (2 Samuel 13:28).
- We need to protect out daughters from worthless men, and stand up for them when they have been wronged (2 Samuel 13:7, 20, 21).
- We need to spend time with our sons to get to know them and guide them in life (2 Samuel 13:5, 6), perhaps David did not spend much time even when he seemed to visit Amnon regularly.
Questions for your Consideration:
- Whom did you consult regarding your love life back in school?
- What was some of the worst advice, or best advice?
- From what you know of blended families, what complicated love-hate relationships could occur?
- How are blood ties stronger than anything else that binds a family?
The Main Characters in Our Story:
Tamar – A daughter of David raped by her half brother, Amnon (2 Samuel 13:14). The act was avenged by her full brother, Absalom, when he had Amnon murdered (2 Samuel 13:28, 29). These acts were part of Nathan’s prophecy that the sword would never depart from David’s house (2 Samuel 12:10).
Amnon – meaning, “trustworthy, faithful.” He was the firstborn son of King David (2 Samuel 3:2). He raped his half-sister Tamar. Tamar’s brother Absalom avenged this outrage by killing Amnon (2 Samuel 13:1-20). This incident marked the beginning of the decline of David’s family following his adulterous relationship with Bathsheba and the murder of Uriah.
Absalom – meaning, “father of peace.” He was the third son of King David, who rebelled against his father and was murdered by Joab, David’s commander (2 Samuel 3:3; 13–19). Absalom apparently resented being ignored by his father and resented his brother Ammon going unpunished for raping Tamar, Absalom’s full sister. Being overindulged and ambitious, Absalom became the spokesman for the people (2 Samuel 15:1-6). They, in turn, gladly proclaimed him king in Hebron (2 Samuel 15:10), where David was first crowned (2 Samuel 2:4). Battle ensued. David left Jerusalem and sent his army to find Absalom but not to hurt him (2 Samuel 18:5), but Joab murdered him (2 Samuel 18:14). David’s lament over Absalom shows the depth of a father’s love over the loss of a son as well as regret for personal failures which led to family and national tragedies.
A few chapters from now, we will be reading of Absalom’s rebellion, civil war, and eventual death. As you read this passage look for how it all started.
Questions for Class This Sunday:
- How were Amnon, Tamar and Absalom related?
- How do you account for Amnon’s “lovesickness” regarding Tamar (2 Samuel 13:1-4)?
- At first blush, does this strike you as innocent “puppy love,” perverted, or what?
- Did Amnon have a choice as to whether or not to fall in love with Tamar?
- What advice does Jonadab offer to woo Tamar (2 Samuel 13:5)? Summarize Amnon’s scheme for getting Tamar?
- What was he thinking? What kind of good out come could he have possibly imagined?
- How does David unknowingly collaborate in the charade (2 Samuel 13:6-7)?
- Had David been visiting with Amnon regularly (2 Samuel 13:5)?
- Why did Amnon seek to deceive his father? How was Tamar’s statement about David (2 Samuel 13:13) a rebuke to this?
- What was Tamar’s suggestion? Was it a good one?
- How did attraction turn to hatred so quickly (2 Samuel 13:15)?
- Why does Tamar refuse to be banished (2 Samuel 13:16)? What greater wrong has she just experienced (Deuteronomy 22:28, 29)?
- How do you think Absalom knew (2 Samuel 13:20)?
- How does Absalom react to his sister’s rape, now (2 Samuel13:20) and two years later (2 Samuel 13:23, 28)?
- How does David respond? What did he feel? What did he do (2 Samuel 13:21)?
- Why does he not do what any self-respecting king and father would have done? Why did David do nothing but get angry? What should he have done (Leviticus 20:17)?
- Was it right what Absalom did?
- What did David do about what Absalom did?
- What character flaw in David do you see from this story? How might David’s character and credibility have been compromised (2 Samuel 11:4, 15, 12:9, 10, 11)?
- What can hyper-passivity cost us?
- Why do we sometimes slip into passivity when we need to take action?
Personal Meaning from This Lesson:
- When someone wrongs you or someone close to you, what is your typical reaction? Does your reaction look more like that of David, Tamar or Absalom?
- In what ways have you been impacted by sexual sins in the past (yours or another’s)?
- How have you managed to control the damage? Forgive the sinner? To be forgiven?
- Who have you ended up hating when you started out loving? How do we account for this total and sudden reversal in the relationship?
- How can you be more reconciled with this person in your past?
- As a parent, how do you evaluate your present example for future generations?
- How do you identify with “David the dad” in this passage?
If We Have Time:
- How did Absalom arrange for Amnon’s death?
- Why does Absalom ask David, his officials and his sons to join him (2 Samuel 13:23, 24, 25)?
- Why was sheep-shearing a big event (1 Samuel 25:7, 8)?
- If you were David or Amnon, would you be suspicious of Absalom’s invitation (2 Samuel 13:26, 27)?
- Why is revenge still on Absalom’s mind? What is significant about the timing (“two years later” or when “he was in high spirits”)?
- What do you think of his tactics? How parallel are these tactics like Amnon and Jonadab two years earlier?
- Over whom was David mourning after the first report (2 Samuel 13:30)? The second report (2 Samuel 13:32, 33)? The third report (2 Samuel 13:35)?
- Where does Absalom go (2 Samuel 13:37, 3:3)? What might he get from his grandfather that he dare not ask for from his father?
Application:
- How has conflict affected your family and relatives? What long-term grudges have taken their toll on your family?
- With whom are you not on good speaking terms right now?
- How can you bury the hatchet instead of using one?
- From what hurts do you feel like running away? Where would you go?
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