Author: Scott Chafee

Scott serves on staff at King’s Grant Baptist Church in Virginia Beach.

Responding to Criticism

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Charles Swindoll, speaking on criticism, shared a lesson he learned from his father. “When a mule kicks you, consider the source.” His point: Mules aren’t good for much more than plowing and kicking. Similarly, not all of our critics are a source of helpful criticism.

Any leader worth their salt will, inevitably, attract criticism. Aristotle wisely suggested the only sure way to avoid criticism is “by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” Being on the receiving end of criticism is not one of the more enjoyable parts of being a leader. Still, we shouldn’t be surprised that every action we take or each new idea we propose isn’t immediately met with a standing ovation. In fact, some criticism can even be helpful, insuring that we are communicating well and at the top of our game.

So, how should we respond to criticism? Just some thoughts.

  1. Catch your breath: avoid the tendency to immediately respond. Give yourself time to cool off. It’s your choice when and how to respond. “You’ve given me something to think about. Let’s talk later.”
  2. Is there any truth here? Accept the fact there may be some truth in the criticism and something you should adjust. Criticism from some people is really meant to be constructive, not personal or hurtful.
  3. Pray for wisdom as you respond. Does the criticism merit a response at all? If it does, check your motives going in – Am I intent on “winning,” eager to prove I’m right? Will I respond publicly or in private, by phone or in person? As much as possible, avoid email responses. There’s too much possibility for miscommunication. And, once your response is online, it’s out there forever!
  4. Am I responding to the real issue? When you do respond, be sure you’re responding to the real issue and not a surface complaint.
  5. Focus on the issue, not people. As much as possible, don’t let people become the issue. Don’t allow your emotions to overload.
  6. It’s not intentional. Assume that even the cruelest criticism is not intentional. Always respond with love and grace. Out love your critics! Have you prayed for your critics hurt/need?
  7. Move from problems to solutions: Don’t allow your critics to focus only on the problem or issue without moving toward a solution. “How would you handle this?”
  8. At times, ignore it: Don’t give another thought to anonymous criticism.
  9. Accountability: Who tells you what you really need to hear? Give them permission to do so.

[print_link] [email_link] the Gary Chapman Newsletter, March 2014

Human Trafficking Still Exists

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Women are not the only victims of human trafficking, tens of thousands of men and children are forced or coerced into the sex industry, labor, begging or criminal activity. Even migrants with high hopes of obtaining a respectable income to support their impoverished families back home are tricked upon arrival or are subjected to debt bondage, abuse, or have their passports confiscated by their employer leaving them without freedom of travel or escape.

Learn more about what’s happening and what you can do to #endit.

[More Info on Asia] [End It Movement] [Human Exploitation]

[print_link] [email_link] Taken from IMB Commission Stories

How to Love Your Wife

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The Bible commands men to love their wives as Christ loves the church. This is a very difficult command to obey because Christ gave His own life for the church. In fact He died for it.

  • The church is spoken of as the Bride of Christ and Jesus is the Bridegroom and the two are engaged to one another.
  • The marriage feast of the Lamb of God will take place after the consummation of the marriage at His return.

The kind of love that Christ has for the church is the divine kind of love; a self sacrificing and unconditional love that humans can only hope to experience. So, how are husbands to love their wives the way that Jesus loves the church? There is no better marriage advice for husbands given anywhere, by anyone, at anytime, than in the Bible.

Two Become One: The very first marriage ceremony was done so by God himself in Genesis 2:23. When a man marries a woman, the two become one. The fact that Adam said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” is important. That means when she feels pain, then he should feel it. When the wife rejoices, then the husband should rejoice. They are sharing everything in life; the ups and the downs.

The one flesh teaching also has a literal sense in that this new family unit produces children. Also, one flesh teaches that each should person in the couple may share in the benefits of this new marital consummation. Sexual activity produces an intimacy that is not to be fulfilled in any other relationship or activity.

Another important thing in this verse is the addition of a man leaving his father and mother to be united to his wife. These two separate humans now form a new family unit where the previous family will not have influence or authority. Think of the problems a young couple has when this principle is violated.

Love Your Wife Through Action: Few people understand a little known command for husbands is given in Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” After a long day of work, a husband has the potential to come home and be harsh to the one he loves. His actions will speak louder than his words.

Love is a verb – it’s an action, its something we do. Saying “I love you” is important, but showing it by demonstrating kindness, consideration, and a soft spoken tone is more important. Husbands, don’t wait for her to show kindness first. Romans 5:8 tells us that while WE were yet sinners, Christ died for US. Love your wife by demonstrating that love through actions.

Wives and Husbands – Co-Heirs and Co-Equals: This tends to be hotly debated, male-headship or egalitarian? Bottom line here is that a wife needs for her husband to be considerate. Tell her thank you for making dinner, cleaning the litter box, washing your clothes, or making the bed. Modify your expectations and roles. Why not take some of this heavy load off of her shoulders? Listen to what the Apostle Peter tells husbands in 1 Peter 3:7, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” This is a pretty strong verse; the way you treat your wife affects your spiritual life!

Loving Her As You Love Yourself: Ephesians five is regarded as the biblical marriage instruction manual. No amount of human reasoning can match the wisdom of the Holy Spirit and since the Bible is the inspired Word of God, we should listen to God’s advice for marriage. Ephesians 5:28 says, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” In what same way is Paul talking about?

Reading the previous verses tells us in Ephesians 5:25-28, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

This “same way” is how Christ treats His church. Paul equates loving the wife as we love ourselves. If the husband runs all the hot water out of the hot water tank by taking a long shower, he is not loving his wife the way he loves himself. A husband is to look out for her best interests. If we are cold, we turn up the heat; if we are hungry, we eat; if we are tired, we rest. So, with this same regard that husbands have for themselves in taking care of themselves, husbands should treat their wives.

Redeeming Your Time Together: The wisest man who ever lived shared some wisdom about marriage. In Ecclesiastes 9:9 Solomon writes,“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.”

A man’s wife ought to be his best friend. Before marriage, they are usually friends first, and God intends that we enjoy each other after the ceremony. Have fun together and spend time together. What about sex? Well, sex was God’s idea, and was created not just for procreation, but for marital recreation. God doesn’t make mistakes.

The Faithful Husband: Husbands made a vow before God and family to love their wives until death. God does not take that lightly because adultery is a very serious sin. Husbands will pay severely for marital infidelity. There is no room for compromise in moral purity. The lesson for husbands is to remain forever faithful to their wives. Adultery, or even flirting with another woman which can lead to adultery in the heart, can shatter families, wreck a home, cause bankruptcy, destroy children’s faith in marriage, and can bring down any man.

  • Ephesians 5:3 has Paul’s warning to husbands, as well as wives: “But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints;”
  • Exodus 20:14 is the seventh commandment where God warns couples to not commit adultery.
  • Ephesians 5:5 says: “For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.”
  • Colossians 3:6, we are told that fornication, uncleanness, and inordinate affection will cause “the wrath of God to come upon the children of disobedience.”
  • Adultery can come from the heart as Jesus declares in Matthew 5:28, “Whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her, has committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

Loving Your Wife Like Christ: Ephesians 5:25-28 shows what type of love husbands ought to show their wives; “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” This is something that husbands can not do in their own strength. It takes a supernatural empowerment by the Holy Spirit. It is not within human strength, power or capacity to love someone like Christ loves the church.

Christ was also forgiving, even while they were crucifying him. He told the Father to forgive them because they didn’t know what they were doing. Husbands can not hold onto past grievances only to bring them up at a later date. To bring up old issues is not loving their wives as Christ loved the church. He gave himself up for us and so husbands must give up themselves – including their own interests – for their wives.

[print_link] [email_link] Adapted from Jack Wellman

Asking Jesus Into Your Heart?

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There has been some controversy recently about whether Christian salvation is a matter of asking Jesus to come in to your heart. The problem with this phrase is that it is not  biblical.

  • The Bible doesn’t mention Jesus coming into a person’s heart.
  • The idea of Jesus entering a person’s heart is nowhere used in any gospel presentation in the Bible.

The Scripture verse from which the “ask Jesus into your heart” concept is usually taken (Revelation 3:20) does not mention the heart or our asking Jesus to do anything. In context, Revelation 3:20 is speaking about the church fellowshipping with Jesus, not an individual person getting saved.

When the Bible gives a gospel presentation, there are certain things happening:

  • The Bible says we are to believe in Jesus (John 3:16; Acts 16:31)
  • The Bible says we are to receive Jesus (John 1:12)
  • The Bible says we are to change their minds, or repent (Acts 3:19).

These are the proper response to the authentic gospel.

  • We are to change our minds about our sin and about who Christ is.
  • We are to believe Jesus died and rose again.
  • We are to by faith receive the gift of everlasting life.
  • We are to recognize that we are all sinners (Romans 3:23)
  • We are to understand that we deserve to be eternally separated from God (Romans 6:23)
  • We are to trust that Jesus died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins (2 Corinthians 5:21; 1 Peter 2:24)
  • We are to receive the gift of salvation that God offers us out of his grace (Ephesians 2:8–9).

All of this is done in faith, with God’s enabling (John 6:44). Salvation is not something we do or earn. Salvation is something we receive from God due to His mercy and grace.

While asking Jesus to come into your heart, or to enter your life, is not explicitly biblical, it is also not necessarily anti-biblical, if it is done in the context of a presentation of the biblical gospel. If a person understands sin and its penalty, understands the payment Christ made on the cross, and is ready to trust Jesus alone for salvation, an invitation to “receive Jesus” is not wrong (John 1:12). It may be a matter of semantics to say “receive Christ” or to “ask Jesus into your heart.” It could help a person understand that the Spirit of Christ comes to indwell the human soul (John 14:17). It is best to use the terminology the Bible uses, so “Ask Jesus into your heart” does not fully communicate what is actually occurring.

When we are sharing the gospel, we should be careful what we say and how we say it. Even the word believe can be misleading if it is presented as intellectual assent (agreeing that certain facts are true) instead of as trust (relying on those true facts).

  • Salvation is not about believing a list of facts.
  • Salvation is not about asking Jesus to come into your heart.
  • Salvation is not about asking God to forgive you.

Salvation is about trusting in Jesus as your Savior, receiving the forgiveness he offers, by grace through faith. Salvation is about being made new through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit (Titus 3:5).

I discovered one passage that deals with God’s message and the heart… When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is the one on whom seed was sown beside the road. (Matthew 13:19 NASB)

The gospel is sown in the heart, the goal is to be the good, receptive soil that produces a bountiful crop.

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Do Believers Have Two Natures?

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Wow, I’ve been reading a lot this week in preparation for the Wednesday evening Bible study, on Christ giving us a NEW NATURE. Let’s discuss the concept of NATURE, which is defined as, the essential character of something, inborn character, or disposition.

OK, what is the difference between these two statements:

  1. Living in order to become a certain kind of person
  2. Living in light of the fact that you already ARE a certain kind of person

It is the difference between position and practice. Which of these two are FIXED (Position), and which is a work in PROGRESS (Practice)? So, when it comes to our nature… our new nature in Christ and POSITION before God are fixed. We are also a work in progress (because we must renew our minds and be transformed into the image of Christ), which covers our PRACTICE (sanctification).

Consider this: PIGS enjoy filth because it is their nature. FISH swim because it is their nature. TWO NATURE believers say Christians sin because it is our nature to sin.

  1. When UNBELIEVERS sin, it is because it is in their nature to sin (They don’t have the nature of Christ, so how can we expect them to behave like Christ?).
  2. When BELIEVERS sin, it is NOT because they are bound by their sinful nature, they are rather living according to the PATTERNS of their old nature.

For those saved at an early age, and those patterns had not yet developed, how does one account for lust or anger issues that one did not have prior to salvation (at let’s say age 8)? A friend in my Sunday School class had a good response, “Have you ever seen an 8-year-old have a temper tantrum? Or be fascinated by seeing picture of naked women?” Perhaps these patterns (or vestiges or leftovers from the old sin nature) had not yet turned into behaviors, but were still there even if they were not fully awakened (as we would recognize in adulthood).

Biblical Support, Please:

Consider this: When a person comes to faith in Christ there is an immediate change; they have died to the old nature (Romans 6:1-11) and have become a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). The old person no longer exists (Galatians 2:20)… God does NOT give an ADDITIONAL nature, but gives a NEW nature.

Our OLD position is one being separated from God (which was all of us through Adam, so we are all born with a sin nature, separated from God). When Christ saves a person…

  • He does not intend to join his Spirit to an old sin nature.
  • He does not intend to birth a set of spiritual Siamese Twins, half a child of Satan (through Adam) and half a child of God (through Christ).

It appears that we CANNOT be IN Adam and IN Christ at the same time. Do I sense a little push-back yet?

WHY does any of this matter? Practicality. If Christians think they are still IN Adam, they will LIVE, SPEAK, and THINK from the position of the old nature. Believers will do all they can to conquer their sinfulness and make excuses for why they fail.

HOWEVER, the Bible does NOT teach us to DEAL with our sin nature. WHY? Because Christ has already dealt with our sin nature at our salvation.

Have you noticed that we are never commanded to crucify the old person? WHY? Because it has ALREADY happened. The old man was crucified with Christ on the cross (Galatians 2:20). So, if we are saved, the old nature is ALREADY gone, the new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17).

BUT, the Bible does command us to 1) renew our mind and 2) stop living according to the flesh, those old patterns of behavior and thought (Romans 12:2, 7:18, Galatians 5:16-26). Christians must see themselves as God sees them.

I will continue this article in a separate post, but know that Charles Stanley and John MacArthur hold to this view, hardly theological lightweights. I have been for a long time a Two Natures guy (think, Survival Kit for New Christians, 1979), so this new understanding or interpretation has just come to me recently.

Knowledge is a life-long pursuit and I love to wrestle with concepts and with Scripture, but this doctrine is what I call a NON-essential. People can take this or leave this; it is not a grounds for heresy! It very well may be a matter of semantics (Check out Got Questions on the topic).

One last thought here, even though I am saved, possessing a new nature, I always have the potential to commit ANY sin (even murder, adultery, or theft). It would be heresy to claim that we can realize perfection in this life, because there was only ONE sinless God-Man. When I DO sin, I can legitimately say, “That is not who I am.”

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Complete in Christ

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What does it mean when Paul says he aims to present every man complete in Christ?

We proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all (B)wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ. (Colossians 1:28)

Sanctification is not something described as an automatic process. Believers need instruction to promote their growth in godliness. This instruction focuses on Jesus Christ, not some counterfeit theology. The authentic Jesus with the doctrines we call Christology and Soteriology… these are truths about who Jesus is, and what he accomplished in his life, death, resurrection, and ascension.

There are two things we NEED:

  1. Teaching – instruction from others. (positive)
  2. Warning – help in order to avoid wrong behavior and attitudes. (negative)

Think about it… WHICH of these do you prefer to hear?

WHAT should be the ratio in each sermon you’ve heard or Bible study your attended? The KEY is WISDOM, in order to be effective. We need to pray for teachers and preachers, leaders given by God to help mature believers in their faith.

The PURPOSE of all of this Paul writes about is to present every man complete in Christ. This is what Paul mentions in passages like in Colossians 1:22.

Does Paul mean that EVERY person will be presented complete, saved, and transformed? Meaning, does Paul preach Universalism? Here he means everyone (Jew as well as Gentile) rather than everyone, like everybody. The issue of the day meant that Gentiles did not have to become Jews in order to be Christians.

WHAT were Paul’s means of accomplishing his goal?

  1. Proclaiming Christ (Colossians 1:28)
  2. Preaching God’s Word (Colossians 1:25).

Of all the topics that can be taught in a class or from the pulpit, it is worth nothing without the proclamation of the gospel. If someone is not saved, a good “how-to” or encouraging message is like putting a new suit on a corpse (think about Joel Osteen’s messages). The gospel is what transforms a person from death to life, from the kingdom of darkness into his kingdom of light.

And what IS the gospel? Remember 1 Corinthians 15:3-4.

What IS the Gospel Slide

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The Mystery of God

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What danger might you see in this passage of Scripture?

25 Of this church I was made a minister according to the stewardship from God bestowed on me for your benefit, so that I might fully carry out the preaching of the word of God, 26 that is, the mystery which has been hidden from the past ages and generations, but has now been manifested to His saints, 27 to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. (Colossians 1:25-27)

The danger is assuming one biblical word is the same as what we use today. What does the word MYSTERY mean today? Often we think it is something unknown to most people, or a puzzle, or a genre of literature.

In Paul’s day, MYSTERY had to do with mystery religions that practiced secret rites and ceremonies known only to those who have been initiated. I tend to think about a fraternity handshake or Masonic rites.

In the Old Testament, MYSTERY refers to those parts of God’s plan for the future that are known only to God unless he chooses to reveal them to humans. Paul is talking about God’s plan for the Messiah, hidden in the past, but now revealed to Paul and proclaimed by him to others.

Now God was revealing his plan to include the Gentiles in his plan of redemption. They were not “recipients” of this mysterious revelation, but they WERE the mystery itself (a parallel is Ephesians 3:1-7). The mystery was not made known to people of other generations but it is now revealed to the apostles and prophets by his Spirit (Ephesians 3:5). Gentiles were to become a part of the same body of Christ (Ephesians 3:6).

  1. The riches of this glory is the focus of this divine mystery, which is “Christ in you, the hope of glory.”
  2. This gospel will transform people from the inside out, which people then will display God’s glory.
  3. God’s Spirit would be placed inside of people (Ezekiel 36:26-27) and they will be able to keep God’s laws.
  4. This truth is made clear in Paul’s Damascus Road experience (Acts 9:4), “why are you persecuting ME?” Persecuting the church was persecuting Christ.

People live in a fallen world, and God’s image is marred due to sin. God’s desire is found in Romans 8:29, to conform to the image of his Son (Colossians 3:10).

So, mystery is not so much information that is secret but a person who is IN you.

Let’s look at today. When does Christianity become a mystery religion? Perhaps when there is a lack of welcome to a guest, using terms and stories known only to those on the inside. Let’s understand the mystery and help others to know and understand that they can become part of God family, body, flock, fellowship, and building!

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Lacking in Christ’s Afflications

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Have you ever thought about BIBLICAL ILLITERACY in our day? People just don’t seem to know their Bible, even people who attend church. There are 98% of people who claim to be Christian, but…

  • 80% believe people are basically good and can become good enough to keep the Law on their own
  • 59% believe that faith in Jesus is not necessary for salvation
  • 40% cannot identify what new birth means on a multiple-choice test (half thought it meant reincarnation)
  • 33% did not affirm the trinity or the deity of Christ
  • 23% do not know that Christianity affirms the bodily resurrection of Jesus Christ

Here is why sound doctrine doctrine is important: If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. Check out this passage in Colossians 1:24:

Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I do my share on behalf of His body, which is the church, in filling up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions.

What do you think Paul means here? Could it be that the sufferings of Jesus were not sufficient to reconcile believers to God? Is there something lacking in that which Christ has done for us? That is exactly what false teachers today will proclaim, and often the founder of that group/cult has the divine answer, or is the fulfillment of the mission of Christ (basically Jesus failed in his mission and they are here to set the record straight).

Paul was likely pointing out that Jesus’ sufferings on the cross do not accomplish the salvation of sinners UNLESS they hear and believe the gospel (Colossians 1:25). Paul’s faithfulness to his mission, including his willingness to suffer on his missionary journeys, had to be ADDED to the sufferings of Jesus in order to bring salvation to the Gentiles throughout the Roman Empire.

Jesus’ suffering on the cross was all that was necessary for their salvation, but Paul’s sufferings were necessary to proclaim the message of salvation to the lost world.

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Protecting Our Children

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Many children do not know they have permission to take action to protect themselves. They don’t realize what is happening, and they become too frightened to react quickly. Since most children are taught to obey authority figures, they need to be empowered to protect themselves. The following statements can instill confidence and build assertiveness in a young heart and help the child to resist inappropriate sexual advances.

Permission to Say NO!

  • “God loves you and made your body with a special plan and purpose.”
  • “If you are asked to do something you think is wrong, I expect you to say NO even to an older relative or friend of the family.” (Role-play saying no in a firm assertive voice.)
  • “Your body belongs to you, and you decide who touches it.”
  • “The parts of your body covered by a bathing suit are private.”
  • “Never allow anyone other than your doctor to touch your private parts, and then only for medical reasons.”
  • “If someone tries to touch your private parts, scream and run to a safe place.”
  • “If someone touches your private parts and says that it’s okay, they are wrong! You must tell me or someone you trust.”
  • “If a person does not stop touching you, say, ‘I’ll tell if you don’t stop!’ Then tell me or someone else when you are safe.”
  • “If someone threatens you, do not be afraid, tell anyway.”
  • “If you are asked to keep the touching a secret, tell anyway.”
  • “If the person you tell does not believe you, keep telling no matter how embarrassed you feel … keep telling until someone believes you.”
  • “Pray for a safe adult you can trust—someone to help you who is not a member of your family.”

“If sinners entice you, do not give in to them.” (Proverbs 1:10)

Hunt, J. (2008). Biblical Counseling Keys on Childhood Sexual Abuse: The Secret Storm. Dallas, TX: Hope For The Heart.

Solutions to Childhood Sexual Abuse

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Many victims have experienced an emotional block, but the Bible offers this promise to all who have suffered such a heartbreaking travesty: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

Key Verse to Memorize: “Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.” (Isaiah 12:2)

Key Passage to Read and Reread: Psalm 55

Key Prayers for Developing Trust (Psalm 55)

  • God, I appeal to You. Psalm 55:1
  • I am troubled and distraught. Psalm 55:2
  • I suffer at the voice and the stares of my abuser. Psalm 55:3
  • My heart is in anguish, and I am terrified. Psalm 55:4
  • Fear and horror have overwhelmed me. Psalm 55:5
  • How I long to escape far from the tempest and storm! Psalm 55:6-8
  • I see the violence and strife. Psalm 55:9
  • I know the malice and abuse. Psalm 55:10
  • I hear the threats and lies. Psalm 55:11
  • I feel absolutely betrayed. Psalm 55:12-14
  • Deal with my betrayer as his evil demands. Psalm 55:15
  • I call upon You, and You save me. Psalm 55:16
  • I am distressed, and You hear me. Psalm 55:17
  • I am opposed, and You ransom me. Psalm 55:18
  • You know all about my abuser and will punish him. Psalm 55:19
  • My betrayer attacks those close to him. Psalm 55:20
  • He is a smooth talker whose words can’t be trusted. Psalm 55:21
  • I cast my cares on You, Lord, for You will sustain me. Psalm 55:22
  • You won’t let me fall. Psalm 55:22
  • You will bring judgment upon my betrayer. Psalm 55:23
  • I choose to put my trust in You! Psalm 55:23

Do’s and Don’ts of Awareness

Don’t be like an ostrich, hiding your head in the sands of denial. Although it is terribly hard to do, facing the truth that child abuse is taking place is the first step to healing.

“When justice is done, it brings joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers.” (Proverbs 21:15)

Do This

  • Be aware … child abuse is illegal, a crime, and must be reported.
  • Be aware … children are usually abused by people they know.
  • Be aware … children seldom lie about abuse.
  • Be aware … most often, physical abuse is violent, but sexual abuse may not be.
  • Be aware … children may deny or change their stories because of fear.
  • Be aware … sexual abuse is progressive and will get worse, if not stopped.

Don’t do This

  • Be in denial, no matter how difficult it is to believe.
  • Assume that if it happened only once, it is not serious.
  • Minimize the abuse.
  • Let the offender go without confrontation.
  • Blame other family members.
  • Keep abuse a “family secret.”
  • What Do You Do?

If You Suspect Child Abuse …

  • Seek the help of a professional who is trained to work with children.
  • To verify or to relieve your suspicions
  • Contact a child advocacy program to discuss your concerns privately.
  • Consider having someone there do an evaluation of the child and make recommendations as to a course of action.
  • To further inform yourself (not in the presence of the child)
  • Contact Child Protective Services.
  • Contact a Family Attorney.
  • Contact a shelter for women and children.
  • Contact a pastor or spiritual leader.
  • Contact the local police or a law enforcement agency.
  • Contact the local District Attorney’s office.

“A wise man has great power, and a man of knowledge increases strength; for waging war you need guidance, and for victory many advisers.” (Proverbs 24:5–6)

If a Child Discloses Abuse …

  • Stay calm.
  • Take time to sensitively answer any questions from the child.
  • Be available to the child at all times.
  • Remain with the child—leave the child only with another adult whom you and the child trust.
  • Respect the privacy of the child from those who have no need to know.
  • Make no promises you can’t keep—such as, “Your mom won’t be angry” or “He won’t get into trouble.”
  • Explain that the law enforcement agencies must be informed and what will happen next.
  • Be prepared to provide protection, arrange for a medical exam and obtain professional counseling.

“We urge you … encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

If You See Questionable Marks on a Child’s Body …

  • Take the child to a pediatrician or the local hospital emergency room for immediate examination and documentation.
  • Relate why you suspect possible child abuse, and state that a child abuse case should be turned over to a caseworker.
  • Ask for a copy of the medical report in writing and for copies of photographs if they are taken. (An attorney can subpoena them.)
  • Keep a paper trail of all contacts you make: calls, reports and photographs.
  • If a caseworker’s file disappears, supply duplicates of your copies of photographs and reports.
  • Follow up with caseworkers on a regular basis, asking about the status of the case and how you can be of assistance.
  • If the local services are not responsive, keep appealing to higher authorities by contacting a state agency or federal agency.

“Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men … who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right.” (1 Peter 2:13–14)

Surface the Secret

Victims of childhood sexual abuse are in bondage to “the secret.” Revealing the truth is the only strategy for breaking the power of the secret. To open the hearts of victims, give them loving care and compassion that springs from the Spirit of God.

  • Pray for supernatural wisdom from God.
  • Provide a safe atmosphere.
  • Ask if the child is experiencing something uncomfortable or confusing.
  • Listen, reflect and observe carefully.
  • Be cautious about asking “leading questions.” Let the authorities ask most of the questions to determine the truth.
  • Communicate that you believe the child.
  • Acknowledge that the offender is wrong.
  • Give assurance that the child is not to blame.
  • Confirm that “telling” is the right thing to do.
  • Provide a safe atmosphere by displaying genuine love and compassion.

“The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.” (Proverbs 20:5)

Hunt, J. (2008). Biblical Counseling Keys on Childhood Sexual Abuse: The Secret Storm. Dallas, TX: Hope For The Heart.