Author: Scott Chafee

Scott serves on staff at King’s Grant Baptist Church in Virginia Beach.

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 23

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Day Twenty-three:

Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Psalm 126:2

If a woman is honest, she will likely tell you that it was her husband’s sense of humor that won her over. Sure you have lots of wonderful, endearing qualities, but your sense of humor probably played a major role in winning your wife’s heart.

Joanne Woodward, wife of actor Paul Newman, said Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that’s a real treat.

When was the last time you and your wife laughed, really laughed together? Hopefully, it was yesterday or earlier today, but chances are good you haven’t heard a real good belly laugh from your wife in a long while.

Today’s challenge is to make your wife’s heart cheerful by making her laugh.

A cheerful heart is good medicine. Proverbs 17:22

Did something funny happen to you that you haven’t shared with her? Does she have a favorite comedian or funny show that makes her laugh? Is there something that you do or say that makes her laugh every time you do it? Make your wife laugh today, whatever it takes.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 22

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Day Twenty-two: I haven’t reminded you in a while, so here are the basic guidelines you should be following. If you do nothing else during these 30 days, not that I recommend that, commit to not saying anything negative about your wife to her or to anyone else and do say something that you admire or appreciate about your wife to her and/or to someone else about her every day.

Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone. Proverbs 23:5

According to many, the root of most of the arguments in marriage is money. How much you make, how much you spend, how to spend it, who should decide how to spend it, who has spent too much, how can we afford what we want, etc.

By and large, financial decisions fall to the husband. He may not be the one that writes the checks or balances the checkbook, but he is usually the one who makes investment decisions and takes care of long-term financial issues such as life insurance and retirement planning.

Even if you know that your financial future is secure, at least as far as any of us can know, convey that to your wife. A woman looks to her husband for security, and she needs to know that you are aware of the needs for the future, whether they are concerns for house payments, college, or even next week’s groceries.

If your finances are in disarray because of overspending or hard economic times, sit down with your wife and work out a plan together to get back on track. Ask God how you should spend your money and how to get out of debt. Find a Christian man to help you with budgeting if needed.

Make sure that God is in your financial decisions, but don’t neglect your wife. She needs to know that your financial future is as secure as it can be.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

Being a Real Man

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There is a lot of confusion among men these days. Just look at the commercials we see on TV. I saw one about a guy commenting on his wife’s breakfast cereal choice. The box mentioned “low fat” or something like that so he asked if she’s trying to loose weight. He’s a good husband desiring to engage in communication with his wife, but she slams him, “Are you saying I need to be on a diet?”  She asks, “What else does the box say?” Caught in a trap he tries to say the right thing until the clams up after telling her the box says “Shut up, Steve.” 

Or how about dads in TV shows: What sort of dads do we find on Family Guy, Jimmy Neutron, The Fairly Odd Parents, Married With Children, or The Simpsons. The cool guys are usually the single men; married guys are idiots, irresponsible dopes, certainly not worth imitating, leaving us to wonder why she married him in the first place (or did she turn him that way?). 

I remember when I was younger; there was a book that made fun of masculine stereotypes called, “Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche” (another was “Real Men Don’t Bond” and “Real Men Don’t Say Splendid: a Lexicon of Unmanliness”). Humorous, but I sort of LIKE quiche… eggs in a pie crust, throw in some Italian sausage, bacon, onions… anyway. I also remember Christians came out with their own “real men” statements, like, “Real Men Love Jesus.” 

In thinking about men, marriages and family life, I thought I’d post this short list of what it means to be a real man: 

  1. A real man includes his wife in looking toward the future.
  2. A real man accepts spiritual responsibility for his family.
  3. A real man is willing to say, “I’m sorry” and “forgive me” to his family.
  4. A real man discusses household responsibilities with his wife to make sure he is pulling weight.
  5. A real man consults with his wife on all major financial purchases.
  6. A real man follows through on the commitments he has made to his wife.
  7. A real man frequently tells his wife what he likes about her.
  8. A real man provides for his family’s basic living needs.
  9. A real man deals with outside distractions so that he can be together with his wife and family.
  10. A real man prays with his wife on a regular basis.
  11. A real man initiates meaningful family traditions.
  12. A real man initiates family outings on a regular basis.
  13. A real man takes time to give his kids practical instruction about life.
  14. A real man helps manage the schedule in the home.
  15. A real man keeps his family financially sound and out of harmful debt.
  16. A real man draws up a will in case of his untimely death.
  17. A real man lets his wife and kids into the interior of his life.
  18. A real man honors his wife in public.
  19. A real man encourages his wife to grow as an individual.
  20. A real man provides time for his wife to pursue her own personal interests. 

Not a bad list. Seems we all can continue to work on our marriages… none of us has arrived. Share the wealth… what other items would you add to the list?

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 21

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Day Twenty-one:

Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. I Thessalonians 5:11

God’s word makes it clear that we are to encourage one another and build each other up daily. Encouragement keeps us from being hardened by sin’s deceitfulness (Hebrews 3:14) and prepares us for the day of Christ’s return (Hebrews 10:26).

In our modern-day language, the word encourage means to “inspire with courage, spirit, or confidence; to stimulate by assistance or approval.”

As Christians, there is nothing that encourages us more than the promises found in God’s word.

Today’s challenge is to share with your wife a Bible passage or verse that encourages you the most. Tell her why this passage “gives you courage,” keeps you from sin’s deceitfulness, and/or prepares you for the day of His return.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

The Urgency of God's Purpose

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Here’s a great verse… Time after time I sent you prophets, who told you, “Turn from your wicked ways, and start doing things right. Stop worshiping other gods so that you might live in peace here in the land I have given to you and your ancestors.” But you would not listen to me or obey me. – Jeremiah 35:15. 

I remember an illustration from back in college, which came from a little booklet called, Tyranny of the Urgent. The point was that in life there are many urgent things that come up. We can spend our entire lives stamping out fires, dealing with those things that are most urgent. Then at the end of the day we wonder what we have done with our time. We must look at the important items in life and take care of those things, because no one else will do it for us. Spiritual growth is just one of those important things. God will wrestle with us because it’s important. Part of spiritual growth is getting rid of sin that has enslaved us. 

There is urgency in God’s call for us to repent of our sin and to return to Him, as well as persistence when God wrestles with us. Other people will tell us what they think, but they will eventually abandon us. God doesn’t give up. He wrestles with us until the end and isn’t distracted from His purpose. 

I wonder if there is an appointed time for each of us, where the wrestling match in life would finally come to an end. God wrestled with Jacob “until the breaking of the day” (Genesis 32:24). God wrestled with urgency, with insistence, with greater and greater strength. He knew that if Jacob didn’t confront who he was in that night, he was going to miss the prime opportunity to become who he was created to be. Each of us may be running out of time, too. 

God’s urgency must not be ignored. He knows something about our lives that we don’t know. He knows when the enemy is coming after us. He knows our areas of weakness. He knows when Jesus is coming again, and when it will be too late. 

Return to Him … 

  • Before you lose your life …
  • Before you lose your integrity …
  • Before you lose your wife …
  • Before you lose your son or daughter …
  • Before you lose what God has given to you …

God’s urgency is for a purpose. Don’t ignore Him. 

  • We don’t have time to fool around.
  • We don’t have time for detours.
  • We don’t have time for childish things.
  • We don’t have time for rebellion.
  • We don’t have time to play games.
  • We don’t have time for an affair.
  • We don’t have time for meetings and committees that really aren’t important. 

Look at your watch right now and say to yourself, “NOW is the appointed time for me to serve God so that I might live in peace here in the land He have given to me!” 

I hope to see you all at the Welcome Center on Saturday, April 25.

 

Why is Sanctification Needed?

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A simple yet profound definition of sanctification is the life-long process of becoming more and more like Jesus. Some pseudo-Christian groups teach that believers will actually becomes like Jesus… like a god to rule over your own world, but I’m talking about becoming more and more Christ-like in our thoughts, attitudes, actions, and habits. 

Salvation comes to a person is multiple ways. Notice I did not say that there are multiple ways to be saved! When someone decides to commit themselves to Jesus and become a follower of Christ, he is saved from every sin he has ever committed, and will ever commit. This is justification (becoming just as if I’d never sinned). Sanctification is the process of becoming more like Christ and then glorification occurs when we finally see Jesus face to face, basically when we make it to heaven. There, we will finally be able to not sin! Three facets of one salvation. So in answering the question of my salvation, I can honestly say, “Yes, partly and no.” 

So what biblical support can I give that growing in faith and godliness is the right thing for a follower of Christ to do? 

  • Peter tells us to keep growing in the grace and knowledge of Christ – 2 Peter 3:18
  • We should not be content to remain immature in the faith, which was the case for many early believers – Hebrews 5:12-14
  • God works in us (through His word) to bring us to spiritual maturity (to sanctify us) – John 17:17, Colossians 3:16, 1 Peter 2:2-3, Psalm 119:11, 119:105
  • The Bible is the source of our faith and practice, to correct us, train us and equip us for every good work – 2 Timothy 3:16-17
  • The Holy Spirit teaches us and reminds us of the word of God – John 14:25-26
  • The word of God is immeasurable effective in bringing growth – Hebrew 4:12
  • We are to be like a runner in a race, pressing on and continuing toward our goal – Philippians 3:12-14
  • We are to rid ourselves of everything that hinders us from movement toward the goal – Hebrews 12:1
  • We are to fix out eyes on Jesus because of what He has done for us – Hebrew s12:2
  • We are to train ourselves to be godly, like an athlete trains for his sport – 1 Timothy 4:7-8
  • We are encouraged to put much effort into living a godly life – 2 Peter 3:14
  • We are to abide in Christ so that we may bear much fruit – John 15:5
  • We are to become imitators of Christ – 1 John 2:6
  • Peter tells us many Christ-like virtues – 2 Peter 1:5-9
  • We should be motivated to grow in our faith, after all Christ did for us – 1 Corinthians 15:57-58, 2 Corinthians 7:1, Romans 12:1-2
  • God uses His word to revive our soul, make us wise, give us joy, and much more – Psalm 19:7-8
  • God requires that we keep working toward our salvation (not to earn grace but to demonstrate faith), and He works in us by His word and His Spirit – Philippians 2:12-13
  • God is graciously transforming every Christian into the likeness of His Son – 2 Corinthians 3:18 

It is amazing to me that someone could pray a prayer, come to Christ, receive His salvation and yet not commit to God wholeheartedly enough to eliminate sin and ungodliness from their life, and be content to remain a “baby” Christian until they die. To me, it seems like a situation of premature death. 

Discipleship is About Life Change

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A great word regarding this life change is transformation, like we read in Romans 12:2, “do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” The original word in the New Testament is metamorphoo, from which we get our word metamorphosis. According to Strong’s lexicon, it means “a permanent state to which a change takes place.” There is much biblical support for doing away with the old and bringing in the new: 

  • Tearing down the old altar and building a new one – Judges 6:25-26
  • The Spirit will come upon King Saul and he will become a different person – 1 Samuel 10:6
  • Your scarlet sins will become white as snow – Isaiah 1:18
  • Jeremiah saw the potter take the clay jar, smash it and start over – Jeremiah 18:4
  • God takes a stony, stubborn heart and replaces it with a tender, responsive heart – Ezekiel 11:19
  • Angels cleanse the High Priest, changing his clothing – Zechariah 3:3-4
  • Jesus said we all must be born again – John 3:3
  • The transformation of Paul is an illustration – Acts 9:1-18
  • Repentance put into action, burning the old books of magic – Acts 19:18-19
  • We are dead to sin and alive to God – Romans 6:11
  • We are not to be conformed to this world but transformed – Romans 12:2; 1 Peter 1:14.
  • We are to be a new creation in Christ – 2 Corinthians 5:17; Ephesians 4:22–24
  • We pass from darkness into light – Ephesians 5:8–10
  • Unbelievers will be surprised at your transformation – 1 Peter 4:4
  • Because of transformation, we now are able to do what is right – 1 John 2:29 

So, in looking at your own transformation, how are you continuing on the road of discipleship?

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 20

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Day Twenty:

You have stolen by heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes. Song of Songs 4:9

The eye is the window to the soul. A great deal can be conveyed with just your eyes: joy, sadness, hurt, disgust, confusion, love, playfulness, even desire.

A wink is usually meant only for the recipient, no one else. Across the dinner table or in a crowded room, a wink can say, “I’m over here talking to these people, but I’d rather be with you,” or it can convey romantic desire or say, “Honey, I’m glad you’re mine.”

Across a crowded room or at the dinner table, preferably when you might get caught by someone else but trying not to, wink at your wife and watch her reaction. Then, when you are alone together, tell her in words what you were conveying in a wink.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 19

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Day Nineteen:

Simply, let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes.’ Matthew 5:37

Today’s challenge is to say “yes” to your wife more times than you say “no.”

It is easy to get bogged down in the “I don’t want to’s” of life. With so many demands at work, in committees, and even at church, it is easy to think when you get home that “this is my time to do what I want.”

  • Has your wife been asking you take a walk or go for a bike ride? Say “yes.”
  • Has she been asking you to fix that leaky faucet? Say “yes.”
  • Does she want you to go with her to meet the new neighbors? Say “yes.”
  • Is she waiting for you to tell her if you will go to the office party next week? Say “yes.”
  • Does she want a new car? Well, you’ll have to decide for yourself on that one (and see Day 22).

What simple thing(s) has your wife asked you to do but you have denied her because “it’s my time to do what I want?”

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 18

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Day Eighteen:

Let the wise listen and add to their learning. Proverbs 1:5

How well do you listen to your wife?

When your wife is talking to you, do you give her your full attention or do you have one ear turned in her direction with your eyes focused on the TV or the computer? While multitasking might be necessary at work, it is seldom a good idea at home – especially when it comes to communicating with your wife.

Your wife has a deep need to connect with you in conversation. She wants to know your thoughts and your needs, and she wants you to know hers. She wants you to listen with an open heart, one that tells her you care and that you want to know her even better than you already do.

Sadly, communication in marriage often disintegrates into conversations that complete strangers might have – the weather, the problems with the car, who needs to get which child to the next event.

Who you are as husband and wife, man and woman, lovers and friends often gets lost in the day-to-day activities of life.

Today’s challenge is to truly listen to your wife. When you are together, do not turn on the TV or the computer, get out of the house together if you must, but give your full attention to your wife and what she has to say.

This might be awkward at first, for both you and your wife, but you stand to learn a great deal about the woman that you chose as your wife. How has she grown since you got married? What dreams does she have for the future? How can you pray for her?

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com