Tag: Communication

Help Your Kids Pick Good Friends

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I was reading the Lifeway magazine “Living with Teenagers” (Feb 2009) and it’s full of great information this month. One article on finding friends I find exceptionally noteworthy today:

 

Your teenager may have a couple hundred friends on his Facebook page, but how does s/he find real friends? How can parents help?

 

  • Reflect on your own friends when you were a teen.
  • Understand it takes some time.
  • Get to know your teenager’s friends and pray for them.
  • Help them to see that God is relational and created us to connect with others (Matthew 22:37-39).
  • Help them think through the qualities of a good friend; perhaps define the word “friend.”
  • Share examples of poor friends:
    • Shallow friends (Proverbs 18:24),
    • Foolish friends (Proverbs 13:20, Proverbs 14:17),
    • Mean girls – and boys (Proverbs 12:26),
    • Gossiping friends (Proverbs 16:28, Proverbs 20:19),
    • Volatile friends (Proverbs 22:24-25),
    • Fair weather friends (Proverbs 17:17).

 

Measure how good a friend you are (each question is worth 10 points):

 

  1. ____ I haven’t passed on any gossip this week; I keep things to myself.
  2. ____ I am a good listener; I make eye contact and ask follow-up questions.
  3. ____ I am even-tempered; I don’t explode or withdraw when upset.
  4. ____ I am happy for people, not threatened, when they succeed.
  5. ____ I feel sad when others (including those I don’t like) fail.
  6. ____ I have the skills to be honest about things that bother me in a relationship; when I’m honest the problem is usually resolved.
  7. ____ I appreciate someone who is honest with me; I receive it gracefully.
  8. ____ I take appropriate responsibility for my behavior.
  9. ____ One of my strengths is picking the right kind of friends.
  10. ____ I can avoid foolish and wicked people without creating a scene.

 

How’d you do? The closer to 100 you are, the better friend you are! Ask your friends to take the test with you in mind and see how the two compare.

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Communication Skills for Men

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Ok, I’m definitely no expert but I have done research and have a desire to help men (including myself) to become the best husbands they can be. This post is about learning to communicate, because without good communication, our wives will feel isolated and misunderstood.

 

There is a problem when men use “guy-to-guy” communication on our wives, we just see things differently! Here are four things we can do to better communicate at home:

 

Learn to Listen

Generally, a lot of men decide what they think before they talk, while many women decide what they think while they are talking. So, for this reason, women need to know that they have been heard. So the wise husband will…

 

  • Seek out his wife when he comes home
  • Ask her about her day
  • Not take it personally if she’s upset
  • Ask questions they let her know that he is engaged

 

Do you hear her, but rarely listen? Do you listen carefully rather than superficially? Think about the things that you hear and can identify. Don’t allow the obligations of everyday life interfere with the treasure you have in your wife.

 

Refuse to Be Mr. Fix-It

When the women shares feelings, most husbands see this as a call to action (drop everything and come to the rescue). But she really just wants to be understood, and problem-solving is a secondary issue. She often wants to talk about the problem rather than solve the problem.

 

Give Reassurance

Silence and withdrawal are often seen as rejection, so stop it! If you have to leave for an appointment, give her a word of reassurance, like, “I’m going out for a while and will be back soon to pick up where we left off.” Simple acts of kindness, like holding her hand in the car or opening the door for her can communicate reassurance.

 

Ask For Her Input

This will definitely help her to stay connected. What do you think about…? How do you feel about…? She is a valued part of your life and she needs to feel that she is important to you.

 

Now, when she’s upset, do not fan the flames! How often is it that she is upset, so you also become upset? Resist the temptation. Keep your cool, allow her to vent. A great verse to follow is James 1:19.

 

Face it, husbands are far less communicative than wives, so it is important that men understand that the strong silent type is not the role model we need. Also, wives connect by sharing feelings, so don’t just seek to find solutions, try to give some understanding and reassurance.

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Harmony in Your Marriage

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Take a look at 2 Timothy 2:24. Basically we are refrain from quarreling, and be kind to people. Sometimes it’s hard to do that! But in reality, who said the Christian life was easy? What about living this out in your marriage?

 

Quarreling in a marriage can become a problem; I’m not just talking about disagreements. I recently read this observation and illustration:

 

“Women look at the world through pink sun­glasses, while men look at that same world through blue sunglasses—and, believe me, they do not necessarily see the same thing!

 

“My favorite illustration of this is when a wife says, ‘I have nothing to wear,’ she means she has nothing new to wear. When her husband says, ‘I have nothing to wear,’ he means he has nothing clean to wear. Each uses the same words but means something differ­ent based on pink and blue views!”  —Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Cracking the Communication Code.

 

Avoid a Bad Connection

Breakdowns in communication between men and women are not exactly rare. Imagine this, a husband leaving the house may yell in his wife, “Honey, I’m going out to buy a hammer.” Harmless, right? Well, it depends. If it comes after a week of late nights at the office and compounding emotional separa­tion, the wife may actually hear, “Hey, what’s-your-face, I’d rather roam the hardware store instead of be with you.”

 

Conversely, a well-meaning wife may offer her time to spruce up the yard, but the husband hears her words as a backhanded attack on his ability to get things done.

 

Communication between the genders can be com­plex. Men and women process life differently, and our understanding of the conversa­tion or action will often differ dramatically. Most of this meaning-seeking is harmless, but if there are any lingering grudges based on real or imagined prior offenses, the next conversation can go in the wrong direction in a hurry.

 

Strive to Live in Harmony

In 1 Peter 3:8-9, Peter encourages husbands and wives to “be compassionate and humble, not paying back evil for evil or insult for insult but, on the contrary, giving a blessing.” What great advice! Rather than simply fly off the handle at anything that even sounds like it might be the least bit critical, we husbands need to exercise self-control and seek to listen and understand before anything else.

 

Overreacting often leads to marital conflict.

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