Tag: Marriage

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 04

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Day Four: May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

How are you doing with your commitment to say only good things about your wife and to others about your wife? Did you catch yourself starting to say something negative and then stopping? Did you falter and let something slip? Did you have a thought about your wife’s actions or attitude that would not be pleasing to her or to God?

Recommit yourself to the ground rules of the 30 Day Challenge:

You can’t say anything negative about your wife… to your wife… or to anyone else about your wife.
Say something that you admire or appreciate about your wife… to your wife… or to someone else about your wife every day.

In fact, let’s go one step beyond recommitting to the ground rules and intentionally say something positive about your wife to someone else while she is listening. I am not talking about mere flattery; I mean a real, honest compliment that will tell someone else and your wife how much you appreciate her.

You do not have to come up with something new that you’ve never thought of, although there’s nothing wrong with that. You can choose one of the items from Day One or from the list of chores that your wife normally takes care of and tell someone how your wife makes your home and your life special when she can conveniently “overhear” what you are saying.

After she gets over the surprise, you will see a smile on her face you haven’t seen in a long time.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 03

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Day Three: And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17

OK, you’ve done some talking and you’ve done some playing, now it’s time to put your words into action.

What can you do to help your wife today? Do the dishes need washed? Does the laundry need folded and put away? Do the kids need baths? Can you cook?

Even just a few minutes of your time to help your wife complete the tasks before her will go a long way to encourage her and make her feel loved.

Let your wife know how much you appreciate all that she does and ask her what she needs help with the most today – and do it as unto the Lord, giving thanks and without grumbling.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 02

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Day Two: A happy heart makes the face cheerful. Proverbs 15:13

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” George Bernard Shaw

How did you do with your list of things you admire about your wife? Did you start off slow and gain momentum? Did you find it hard to come up with even one thing to be thankful for? I certainly hope not!

As a husband and wife live together on a daily basis, taking care of the kids, the house, the pets, the bills, and everything else that goes into daily life, we tend to forget to have fun together – to play.

Ask your wife to join you outside to play frisbee or go for a walk or look at the stars. Take her out for coffee and enjoy the drive. Do something together that you enjoyed while you were dating.

I know you love your kids and you love spending time with them, but you need to take time to spend time with each other without the kids to remember what it feels like to be Bill and Nancy or Ted and Alice, not just Mom and Dad.

Sure the bills and the dishes and the tax forms all need your attention, but take time to enjoy being friends, not just husband and wife or Mom and Dad.

Today’s assignment for encouraging your wife is to do something fun together today that will make you forget the cares of the world and make you feel like young lovers again.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

30-Day Husband Challenge – Day 01

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I found something interesting that the Men of Steel can do over the next 30-day period. This 30-day challenge might take you down paths you haven’t been before. It will require contemplation, vulnerability, and action. Some steps along the way may be scary because you haven’t thought these thoughts or spoken these words in a long time, but the thoughts and feelings are there and both you and your wife need to hear and experience them.

For the next 30 days, these two ground rules will be the basis of your relationship with your wife:

  1. You can’t say anything negative about your wife… to your wife… or to anyone else about your wife.
  2. Say something that you admire or appreciate about your wife… to your wife… or to someone else about your wife every day.

Keep track, mentally if not in written form, of the changes that you see take place in your wife, your marriage, and your home as you take part in this 30 Day Wife Encouragement Challenge.

Day One: The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ Genesis 2:18

As a Christian, you must know that men and women bring to the marriage different strengths, gifts, and outlooks on life and love. Think about some ways that your wife is “good for you,” ways in which she makes you and/or your life better. Is she the one that brings color to your life by decorating the home and making it enjoyable to come home? Does she inspire you to try new things that you wouldn’t have tried otherwise? Do you still get that warm, gushy feeling when she looks at you and smiles to tell you that she is glad you chose her?

  1. Make a list of ways your life is better because of your wife.
  2. Share the list with your wife and tell her how good it is that she is your helper and that you are not alone.

These words, coming from the most important man in her life, will bring great joy and encouragement to your wife.

* Written and distributed by Claudia J. Pate, www.theanniversaryshop.wordpress.com

 

Harmony in Your Marriage

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Take a look at 2 Timothy 2:24. Basically we are refrain from quarreling, and be kind to people. Sometimes it’s hard to do that! But in reality, who said the Christian life was easy? What about living this out in your marriage?

 

Quarreling in a marriage can become a problem; I’m not just talking about disagreements. I recently read this observation and illustration:

 

“Women look at the world through pink sun­glasses, while men look at that same world through blue sunglasses—and, believe me, they do not necessarily see the same thing!

 

“My favorite illustration of this is when a wife says, ‘I have nothing to wear,’ she means she has nothing new to wear. When her husband says, ‘I have nothing to wear,’ he means he has nothing clean to wear. Each uses the same words but means something differ­ent based on pink and blue views!”  —Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Cracking the Communication Code.

 

Avoid a Bad Connection

Breakdowns in communication between men and women are not exactly rare. Imagine this, a husband leaving the house may yell in his wife, “Honey, I’m going out to buy a hammer.” Harmless, right? Well, it depends. If it comes after a week of late nights at the office and compounding emotional separa­tion, the wife may actually hear, “Hey, what’s-your-face, I’d rather roam the hardware store instead of be with you.”

 

Conversely, a well-meaning wife may offer her time to spruce up the yard, but the husband hears her words as a backhanded attack on his ability to get things done.

 

Communication between the genders can be com­plex. Men and women process life differently, and our understanding of the conversa­tion or action will often differ dramatically. Most of this meaning-seeking is harmless, but if there are any lingering grudges based on real or imagined prior offenses, the next conversation can go in the wrong direction in a hurry.

 

Strive to Live in Harmony

In 1 Peter 3:8-9, Peter encourages husbands and wives to “be compassionate and humble, not paying back evil for evil or insult for insult but, on the contrary, giving a blessing.” What great advice! Rather than simply fly off the handle at anything that even sounds like it might be the least bit critical, we husbands need to exercise self-control and seek to listen and understand before anything else.

 

Overreacting often leads to marital conflict.

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Ten Questions to Ask Your Wife

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Do an Internet search on the “ten questions” and you can find them listed, but here I can add some commentary! I was working at the home office of the International Mission Board when Dr. Tom Elliff came to be the Special Assistant to the President for Spiritual Formation (I doubt that title will even fit on a business card). Tom Elliff  is now former president of the IMB. Tom’s original position was a rewarding one for the staff. I remember hearing quality teaching, not only out of the Bible but also flowing out of his extensive life experiences as a missionary, pastor and teacher. On one occasion, during our Spiritual Emphasis Week, Tom shared these ten questions.

Since the Men of Steel are “in it to win it,” we intend to be the best husbands and fathers we can be, not working in our own strength but in the strength found only through our connection with Christ. The base line challenge today comes out of 1 Peter 3:7 where Peter says,

“…husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

Did you get that? Our relationship with God can be hindered by the way we treat our wives! You know, the Bible records that Jesus asked a lot of questions. So, it might be good for us to ask a few questions as well. These are the 10 questions we should ask our wives every year. Ask, and let her respond. The goal is to know her heart:

  1. What could I do to make you feel more loved and cherished? The emphasis is on feeling and not knowing. Think about verbal affirmation of your love. She knows you love her, but does she feel that you love her?
  2. How can I best demonstrate my appreciation for you, your ideas, and your role as my wife? We may speak to others about our wives being the “better half,” but do they feel that their ideas, concerns and input is really up to half in the relationship? Do you brag about her to others? What do her friends tell her about what they heard you say about her?
  3. What could I do to assure you that I hear and understand your heart? Maybe her answer might be, “Asking me these questions is a good start!” A lot of couples have very little understanding of the other. Often times we build walls around us to protect ourselves from pain or shame. We don’t want our wives to know the truth because deep down we believe they will respect or love us less if they only knew the truth.
  4. What could I do to make you feel absolutely secure? How do you protect your wife? Physically is one way, providing a safe place to live without fear, but how about emotionally, spiritually or even morally? Tom told us a story about a husband who was watching TV and the wife watched him watch TV. The point was, watching a television program is one thing, watching TV (flipping channels looking for stuff) is something else. Can our wives see our moral integrity and the marriage relationship going down for the count?
  5. What can I do to ensure that you have confidence and joy in our future direction? The key word in this question is “our.” Does your wife feel that you are both together looking forward to and building the future, or is she just following you? Each cannot be just “doing their own thing” and living under the same roof.
  6. What attribute or practice would you like me to develop or improve? Is there something in my life you would prefer I eliminated? Face it, life means always seeing the opportunity for improvement.
  7. What attribute would you like me to help you develop in yourself? How can I help you in the best possible way? Not all problems can be solved with words. She can now help you to get the picture! How can you be a true partner with your wife?
  8. What achievement in my life would bring you greatest joy to your heart? The Bible is filled with examples of people whose lives were not over until it was over; like Caleb and Joshua, the spies and the Promised Land. The goal kept these two going through 40 years of wandering. A husband needs clear and positive objectives for the second half of life. Nothing encourages a man more than the privilege of accomplishment.
  9. What would indicate to you that I really desire to be more like Christ? Perhaps a deeper prayer life, full commitment to learning the Word of God, sensitivity to sinful activity, elimination of bad habits, friends, practices, a life marked by the Holy Spirit (bearing fruit – Galatians 5:22-23), that Christ is running the show rather than you.
  10. What mutual goal would you like to see us accomplish? Marriage is not about me, it’s about us. How can we make the most of our time spent on this earth?

Tom and his wife set aside a weekend retreat each year. Will you commit to ask these questions of your wife?

PS: if wives are looking for ten questions to ask her husband, check out what Tom’s wife asks him every year.