Jesus mentions in Luke 14:26 that a disciple of Christ will hate his family. Teenagers today don’t need any more incentive for breaking the fifth commandment (Exodus 20:12), so last time I suggested that Jesus was using a literary form called hyperbole (the use of exaggeration). Jesus does not want us to literally hate our closest relatives, but he does want us to be shaken up so that we might see him in new ways and discover what it means to be his disciples. This can lead to new ways of relating to people, including our own family members.
One general barrier to Christian discipleship is sometimes we have too much attachment to family. I think of my own career development (and of my friends who heard the call of God) to serve in a pastoral ministry or when I answered the call to international missionary service. Family can often use whatever means possible to get their loved ones back on a more suitable or profitable career path (perhaps using intimidation, money, shame). Those called by God will find the courage to be faithful to Christ in spite of parents’ disapproval or lack of support. In a sense, we have to “hate” parents in order to be an obedient disciple of Jesus.
I have seen good church-going parents use the “priority of family time” rationale to get in the way of their teenagers’ spiritual growth. Family time would prevent regular involvement of their kids in Sunday School or youth group. Family vacations kept their teenagers from being part of life-changing mission trips. In some cases, the parents who prized family time so much were the same ones who later blamed the church when their children wandered away from Christ while in college. They graduated high school and graduated God at the same time.
I realize that there are times when parents rightly choose to have their children involved in family events rather than church events. But as a parent, I know how easy it is to choose what feels best for me without considering what’s best for my kids and their spiritual growth. I want to encourage parents to take a fresh look at family relationships in light of their primary commitment to Christ.
Parents can often help their children grow in their discipleship, rather than stand in the way of it. If we model sold out commitment to Christ in our lives, our children will be encouraged to imitate our example. No matter what we say, our actions will speak loudly and clearly of what authentic discipleship is all about.
Application: Can you think of adults whose example of faithfulness to Christ has influenced you? Are there people in your life who are being influenced by your discipleship? Do you ever find a tension between your personal discipleship and your family relationships? Recognize that there may be times when we feel torn. Other times, we know what discipleship requires, but we may not be sure we want to do it. Seek to set an example of faithfulness for your children. Live in such a way that they are encouraged to pursue Jesus above everything else in life.
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