Enemies of Relationship Building

We may agree that building relationships is essential to the mission of Christ and the evangelization of the world, but what are the barriers to our building relationships? Jay Dennis suggests these six “enemies” and I challenge authentic followers of Christ to find ways to overcome them:

1. Past hurts – Everyone has been hurt in a relationship before. How will we overcome that hurt and risk getting involved with others in a meaningful way?

2. Pride – How often do you tell yourself that you will not make the first move in relationship toward someone?

3. Prejudice – There is a hidden enemy that creeps in to all of us that says, “I’m not going to build a relationship with that person” for whatever reason.

4. Guilt – Perhaps you have said something or done something wrong against a person and that holds you back.

5. Busyness – We all have 24 hours in a day and need just a little bit more time to build relationships. We make time for what is important to us.

6. Selfishness – If I am going to take the time to build relationships, I’ll have to give up something else. Choices can be tough. We must decide what is important and what is urgent.

So, which enemy is holding you back?

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Building Relationships Jesus’ Way

If Christianity is nothing else, it is about relationships; with God and with others. Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, and the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. It’s pretty direct yet ambiguous as to how to do it, but a great foundation.

Jay Dennis gives some good insight in his book, The Jesus Habits: Exercising the Spiritual Disciplines of Jesus:

1. Jesus took the initiative to build relationships – the woman at the well (in John 4) is a great example of taking the initiative.

2. Jesus didn’t allow prejudice to affect his building a relationship, (her being a lower-class Samaritan). This tells me that He was cross-cultural in His mission.

3. Jesus demonstrated that sharing a meal is one of the best relationship builders – like the invitation of Zaccheus (in Luke 19). Hospitality is such a great way to serve others in the name of Christ.

4. Jesus didn’t give up on building a relationship with someone – like the woman caught in adultery (in John 8). It’s as if He’s telling her that He will not give up on her.

5. Jesus confirmed that relationships are more important than structures and organizations – like when Jesus healed someone on the Sabbath Day and took grief for it (in John 5).

6. Jesus even built relationships in the last moments before His death – like the thief on the cross next to Him (in Luke 23).

If authentic Christianity is going to spread throughout our city and the rest of the world, it will be done through relationships. I’m not against religious broadcasting, but adding people to the kingdom will not reach the world in time – multiplication is needed. We need to teach people how to become disciples of Jesus, yes, but it is more important to develop people into disciple-makers.

Disciple-makers are able to take the good news they received and invest it into the lives of others, who in turn will invest their lives into others. Paul set the example in his letter to his younger disciple, Timothy (2 Timothy 2:2). Let’s start small by finding a few people who have potential to become disciple-makers, and then invest time and effort into them!

How? I like this quote from Dale Carnegie, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” People are not notches on your belt! Your interest must be genuine.

How Important is Jesus?

While more than 72% of Americans claim they’ve made a personal commitment to Jesus Christ that’s important in their lives today, they’re not quite so dedicated in related commitments:

  1. 17% say a person’s faith is meant to be developed mainly by involvement in a local church.
  2. 44% say they committed to personally make the world and other people’s lives better.
  3. 54% say they’re so committed to having a deeper connection with God that they’d do whatever it takes to get and maintain that deeper relationship.

    Source: The Barna Group

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