Living in the Tombs

In Mark 5, we are told a story about a man living among the tombs, with an unclean spirit (Mark 5:2). He was a danger to himself and others, no one could bind him (Mark 5:3). No one was able to subdue him or bring him under control (Mark 5:4). He was day and night in the tombs, constantly crying out and gashing himself Mark 5:5). This guy was in a mess. No one cared about him; just chain him up somewhere out of sight. Out of sight, out of mind.

When you really think about it, we are not much different. We are all bound by something that’s killing us. We drink too much, smoke too much, eat too much, play to much, are entertained too much… name your vice. Men today have all the toys they can afford (and lot of stuff they can’t afford) and often play games with their lives and families. I’m convinced that countless men today are living in the “tombs” and need to be set free. I’m talking about living in an inner world that leads to death; the world that is just behind the mask that we put on.

You can kill a person with your words, your attitude, and even your absence. You can kill a relationship without any other weapon than your mouth. You can destroy it without exploding a bomb; you can destroy relationships by neglect.

If we are a people living among the tombs, then we are surrounded by death, and much of it is death that we have inflicted upon ourselves (Mark 5:5). We have made poor choices and have not invested our time into our families. We have pulled back from our wives and sought for intimacy online. We have gotten into the habit of gambling, or drinking, or pornography, or spending… thinking these are what real life is all about.

How many women are in counseling offices every week because of what husbands have said or something they did; broken promises, betrayed trust, devastated dreams, broken lives?

  1. How many men do you know who are out of control?
  2. How many chains have you broken (Mark 5:4)?
  3. How many people are bleeding from wounds that you inflicted?
  4. How many of your children are going to need serious pastoral counseling?
  5. How many people are suicidal or messed up in their minds because of the lies you told?
  6. How much death and destruction have you caused in your own life?
  7. What tombs are you living in?
  8. What steps can you take to make things right?
  9. Commitments with which are you finally going to follow through?

The only way to combat death is to bring something back to life; resurrection. Just as it happened with Jesus, it can happen with every area in your life. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6). In Christ we can have the life Jesus promised (John 10:10). Trust Him to bring you back under control and restore your life, your family, your kids, your marriage.

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Models of Effective Mentoring

I’d like to share three models that illustrate what mentoring is all about (2 Timothy 2:1-2, 3-4, 5-6). I see this in the lives of three people in the Bible:

Barnabas:

The first model is that of Barnabas. He was the guy named Joseph, a Levite born in Cyprus (Acts 4:36) but everyone called him Barnabas, the son of encouragement. Of course his father was not named “encouragement” but rather it is a figure of speech that indicates he embodied the characteristic of encouragement.

At first, he sold his property and gave the proceeds to the Jerusalem church (Acts 4:36-37). He introduced Saul to the Jerusalem church (Acts 9:26-27). The church chose Barnabas to go to Syrian Antioch to investigate the unrestricted preaching to the Gentiles there (Acts 11:19-24). He became the leader to the work and secured Saul as his assistant (Acts 11:25-26). They took famine relief to the Jerusalem church (Acts 11:27-30). On Paul’s first missionary journey, Barnabas at first seems to have been the leader (Acts 13-14). Paul and Barnabas were later sent to Jerusalem to try to settle the questions of how Gentiles could be saved and how Jewish Christians could have fellowship with them (Acts 15:1-21). They agreed to go on another missionary journey but separated over whether to take John Mark with them again (Acts 15:36-41).

In Galatians 2:1-10, Paul recalled how he went with Barnabas to Jerusalem and how the apostles approved of their Gentile mission (probably the same event as Acts 15). In Galatians 2:13, however, Paul indicated that on one occasion Barnabas wavered on the issue of full acceptance of Gentile Christians. In 1 Corinthians 9:6-7, Paul commended Barnabas for following his practice of supporting himself rather than depending upon the churches. Colossians 4:10 simply states that Mark was Barnabas’ cousin.

Related to mentoring, think about it, every person needs encouragement, and who better to give that encouragement than a follower of Jesus? The life of Barnabas was one of service to others, encouraging others, investing of himself into others. This model sets the example for others, puts in a good word for Jesus and brings others into a community of faith. Every Christian mentor needs a Barnabas to receive encouragement.

Timothy:

Another model of mentoring is taken from the life of Paul and Timothy. Timothy was the young man who grew up in a faithful and devout home (2 Timothy 1:5, 3:15). Paul invests much of his life into Timothy, and refers to him as a child in the faith (1 Corinthians 4:17, 1 Timothy 1:2, 2 Timothy 1:2). Perhaps Paul was instrumental in Timothy’s conversion, when he came to Lystra on the second missionary journey. Timothy was a disciple who was well respected (Acts 16:1-2). Paul also sent Timothy on several missions (Acts 17:14-15, 18:5, 19:22, 20:4, Romans 16:21, 1 Corinthians 16:10, 2 Corinthians. 1:19, 1 Thessalonians 3:2, 6).

When Paul was unable to go to Corinth, he sent Timothy to represent Paul and his teachings (1 Corinthians 4:17). Later when Paul was in prison, he sent Timothy to Philippi (Philippians. 2:19). Timothy was a man of commitment and compassion (Philippians 2:20-22) and as Paul’s ministry neared the end, he challenged Timothy to remain true to his calling (1 Timothy 1:18).

As Paul faced death, he asked Timothy to come to be with him (2 Timothy 4:9). At some point in his life, Timothy was imprisoned; but he was released (Hebrews 13:23). Paul wrote letters to Timothy because he is unable to visit in person (1 Timothy 3:14-15). The point is that Paul took this young disciple and challenged him to be all he could be for the kingdom of God. How can we multiply our efforts to reach the world? Every Christian mentor needs a Timothy to guide as a protégé.

Epaphroditus:

This is a not-so-well-known character in the New Testament. He was a friend and fellow worker of Paul (Philippians 2:25-26). He had delivered to Paul a gift from the church at Philippi while the apostle was in prison. While he was with Paul, Epaphroditus became seriously ill. After his recovery, Paul sent him back to Philippi, urging the church there to receive him “with all gladness” (Philippians 2:29-30). I read that the name Epaphroditus was common in the first century Greek-speaking world, meaning “favored by Aphrodite.”

In regard to mentoring, all of us need to make difficult decisions and struggle with life issues, but having someone upon whom you may trust and depend is quite valuable. Having an Epaphroditus in your life (at work, leisure or worship) allows your heart to be knit together with others in the bond of Christ. It is a true statement that the mentor receives as much personal benefit from the mentoring relationship as does the protégé. For the protégé, personal satisfaction and professional development are natural outcomes of fulfilling one’s potential. For the mentor, he receives significant satisfaction from having assisted another person on a long-term permanent basis.

The Ephaphroditus relationship cannot be forced, but should come natural. Sometimes members want the staff to teach, or mentor or reach people they know; after all, they’re “professional” ministers. But in many ways it is not good for the staff to do it. For one, it’s not biblical. The staff is called to equip the saints for the work of service (Ephesians 4:11-12). On a practical level, the average member in the pew has already built the relationship of trust with those who need to be mentored or reached. It makes more sense for a pastor to say, “I am able to see your friend once a week, but you see him every day for lunch. Wouldn’t it make a better strategy for me to train you so that you could mentor your friend or lead him to Christ?” So, every Christian mentor needs an Epaphroditus to enjoy on a peer level.

Three models, with a recurring theme: relationships. We are to encourage others, and seek one who is an encouragement to us; find a protégé into whom you can pour your life and invest in the future; and have a peer relationship whereby your hearts are knit together in Christ.

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Portrait of a Mentor

As I think about mentoring, Barnabas is a name that pops into my mind. We read a little about his life and ministry and I sense that putting his story into a mentoring context is not doing him injustice.

Imagine the scene at Pentecost, in the upper room, with a group of believers impacted by the resurrection were gathered together (Acts 1:13). They gathered primarily for prayer (Acts 1:14), but one item on the agenda was to find a replacement for Judas (Acts 1:21-22). Two names are put in the hopper; Joseph (who is called Barsabbas or Justus, in Latin) and Matthias.

Tangent alert… we don’t read anything else about these two guys in the NT, except perhaps this is the same Justus of Colossians 4:11, or he’s Joseph (Joses) the brother of James in Mark 6:3 (see also Mark 15:40 – this James became the leader of the Jerusalem church – Galatians 1:19, 1 Corinthians 15:7, Acts 15:13). This is not to be confused with the Joseph of Acts 4:36, who is Barnabas (son of encouragement). I discovered that Barsabbas means “son of the Sabbath.” I found the name also in Acts 15:22, and that he was a prophet (Acts 15:32).

The church grows and soon has many financial needs, who is the one who steps up? It is a guy named Joseph, who is called Barnabas, the son of encouragement. The church had one heart and soul and all things were in common (Acts 4:32). There was great power and they gave witness to the resurrection (Acts 4:33). There was no needy person among them, needs being met through the community (Acts 4:34). Barnabas is singled out as the one named person to sell land and give the price to the church, laying the money at the feet of the apostles. The bottom line, if you want to be a mentor, be generous (Acts 4:36-37).

Saul is breathing threats and murder on the believers in the new church, persecuting and imprisoning all the followers of the Way (Acts 9:1-2). He has an encounter with the resurrected Jesus (Acts 9:3-4, 5-6). Ananias is told to minister to Saul, whose name is later changed to Paul (Acts 9:10, 11-12, 13-16, 17, 13:9). No one trusts him in the early church or the Jews (Acts 9:26, 29), the church must have thought it was a trick. So, Barnabas takes him to the apostles and describes how Paul is a changed man. If you want to be a mentor, believe in people (Acts 9:26, 27).

John Mark went with Paul and Barnabas on the first missionary journey (Acts 13:2, 13). He turned out to be a quitter, and Paul did not want to take him on the second missionary journey (Acts 15:38). There was such a disagreement that the team split (Acts 15:39-40). Barnabas saw beyond the failure and saw John Mark’s potential; he needed a second chance. If you want to be a mentor, stand up for your friends. Since Barnabas took this chance, Mark became a valued person later in Paul’s life (Colossians 4:10).

Barnabas was sent with Paul to the Jerusalem Council to relay what God had been doing among the Greeks; that they were coming to faith (Acts 15:2). The decision was that Greeks need not become Jews before coming to Christ. Then Barnabas and Paul are sent to Antioch (Acts 15:22) and later continue to teach the people (Acts 15:35). If you want to be a mentor, get excited about what is happening in the lives of other (Acts 15:1-21).

Barnabas was not selected as 12th apostle, but we see in his life that he held no grudge, did not seek power or position. He did not sulk because he was not chosen in the upper room. If you want to be a mentor, seek to affirm others and encourage their walk (Acts 1:23-26). I also discovered that Clement of Alexandria mentions Barnabas was one of the 70 sent out on the preaching journey (Luke 10:1); Tertullian wrote that Barnabas was the writer of Hebrews and the Clementine Reflections claims Barnabas was actually the Matthias mentioned in Acts 1:23-26. That last one is a stretch!

Mentoring is life investment. These are only a few characteristics in the life of Barnabas from which a mentor could learn.

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What Mentoring is, and is Not

In Christian circles, mentoring is really a subset of discipleship. A disciple is one who would sit at the feet of a teacher and learn of his/her wisdom. The disciple in essence became a follower of the rabbi or teacher. I can imagine that the student was so tied to the teacher that when the student spoke, the hearers would be able to recognize who the student’s teacher had been.

I had a campus minister from college that was (and is) well known in many state conventions. I am able to say that “I am a disciple of …” simply because I was able to learn from him as he invested his life into me.

The world describes what a mentor usually is:

  1. The mentor has achieved superior rank in the organization.
  2. The mentor is an authority in his field or discipline.
  3. The mentor has a certain measure of influence in his field.
  4. The mentor is interested in the protégé’s growth.
  5. The mentor is willing to commit time and energy into a relationship.

But also, a mentor is not many things:

  1. He is not a buddy or pal; to be invited to the family reunion; to become your new best friend.
  2. He is not “on call” for grievances or frustrations.
  3. He is not to be dismissed when the protégé decides the relationship is no longer useful.

There is a relationship of trust. The mentor sees potential in the protégé and does what he is able to help the protégé reach his personal, professional or spiritual goals. The mentor will often not be able to take an unwilling person anywhere, since the mentor then turns into a parent, policeman or judge. One might start that was but the protégé must be able to see past the desire of the mentor to see the protégé succeed, to the protégé having his own desire to succeed.

I’ll post more information on mentoring as the days go by. King’s Grant is embarking on a new strategy in 2010 that involves mentoring, so these articles are the beginnings of our mentoring training that will begin in the fall 2009.

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Mentoring 101

Mentoring is not really a new idea. It was a way of life between generations; passing on information, history, stories and a legacy to the next generation. In the past, there was not much talk about mentoring because it was expected, assumed, and therefore unnoticed.

As I study the Bible, I notice that nearly all training of people in Scripture was through mentoring. One of my favorite examples was the relationship between Elijah and Elisha (1 Kings 19:19, 20, 21); I’ll share more about them at a later date. The point is that he followed Elijah, forsaking everything he had come to know.

In the New Testament, Jesus spent more time developing a few people than dazzling the multitudes or crowds with sermons and authoritative teaching. He invested himself into the Twelve; He spent time with them. One of my favorite Bible passages is Mark 3:13-14, where Jesus called His closest men to himself. Did you catch what He called them to do? Our attention generally goes to “sending them out to preach” because that was the task given to them. We often overlook the phrase just before that, “He appointed the Twelve, that they might be with Him.” I call it the “with Him” principle, and it is the same call that Jesus gives to us.

I once heard a story about a turtle perched on top of a fence pole. An inquisitive mind would wonder how it would have gotten up there (where many people might just let it go unnoticed). The answer is, that someone else put him up there. This is a simple truth in life about success. Successful people never reach their goals alone. Mentoring will help people get to where they want and need to go.

Have you heard about the origin of the word “mentor?” In Homer’s Odyssey, Mentor was a friend of Odysseus. When Odysseus left for the Trojan War he placed Mentor in charge of his son, Telemachus, and of his palace. He was to teach Telemachus not only book learning but the wiles of the world. When Athena visited Telemachus she took the disguise of Mentor to hide herself from the suitors of Telemachus’ mother, Penelope. As Mentor, the goddess encourages Telemachus to stand up against the suitors and go abroad to find out what happened to his father.

The modern use of the word mentor refers to a trusted friend, counselor or teacher, usually a more experienced person. Some professions have “mentoring programs” in which newcomers are paired with more experienced people, who advise them and serve as examples as they advance. Schools sometimes offer mentoring programs to new students, or students having difficulties. I have in my office a certificate of appreciation from the Virginia Beach school system for “dedicated service and commitment” as a mentor.

Why cannot this concept exist in the church today? In the next few months, King’s Grant Baptist Church is working on a mentoring strategy to help our guests and new members to discover the life about which Jesus spoke (John 10:10). This life is caught more than it is taught. It’s time to step out of the comfort zone into real life! I trust you’ll want to be involved.

How to Guide Your Destiny

When I taught at Hargrave Military Academy, I remember the chaplain had a great saying regarding character and destiny (a quote from Frank Outlaw):

  1. Watch your thoughts, they become words.
  2. Watch your words, they become actions.
  3. Watch your actions, they become habits.
  4. Watch your habits, they become character.
  5. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

These are not only wise words for developing strong character and leadership in young men and women, but also for anyone desiring to make a difference in business, school, marriage, and life.

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Essential Elements for Men’s Ministry

It’s important to know the reason(s) the Men of Steel group exists, so here are eight biblically-balanced benchmarks for a healthy ministry to men. Let me know what you think, what we could add, or how to implement these.

FILLING – God’s man is able to feed himself. Consistently studying and applying God’s Word independent of the church or small group is essential. To do this, a man must be taught how to study the Bible. (1 Peter 2:1-3; Psalm 1:1-3).

TRAINING – God’s man receives regular biblical instruction (1 Thessalonians 2:13). This can be achieved through a weekly small-group Bible study.

PRACTICING – God’s man learns how to apply God’s Word to all areas of life. It is essential to allowing room for accountability within the men’s ministry for the purpose of consistency and obedience to God’s Word (James 1:22-25; Ezekiel 33:30-32).

UNITING – God’s man makes it a priority to connect with other men (at least two times a month) for the purpose of community, accountability, confession, and prayer (Galatians 6:1-3; James 5:16; Hebrews 10:23-24).

SURVIVING – God’s man learns to address major life temptations and/or crises according to his need and life-stage. Support and encouragement from the small group is essential (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

REACHING – God’s man gets involved in some form of men’s ministry based on his gifts and talents. God has called each of us to pour out to others what He has poured into us (1 Peter 4:10-11; Ephesians 4:11-13)

IMPACTING – God’s man invests time and resources into the lives of other men; through shared activities, spiritual mentoring, and modeling (2 Timothy 2:22; Proverbs 27:17; Mark 3:13-14).

SHARING – God’s man learns to actively share his faith in order to lead others into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ (Acts 1:8; 1 Peter 3:15; Matthew 28:18-20).

Keeping a Clear Conscience

I had always been suspect of allowing one’s heart to guide them. It always sounds like such good advice until we look into the Scripture (Jeremiah 17:9). So, don’t let your heart guide you! We trust in God alone, as revealed in the Bible, for our guidance.

The next axiom is for our conscience to be our guide, like the talking cricket in the story of Pinocchio. (BTW, the cricket was unnamed in the original story and was given the name Jiminy Cricket in the 1940 Disney film). But the point is, can your conscience really be your guide?

I found this while reading Oswald Chambers this morning… (Acts 24:16)

God’s commands to us are actually given to the life of His Son in us. Consequently, to our human nature in which God’s Son has been formed (see Galatians 4:19), His commands are difficult. But they become divinely easy once we obey.

Conscience is that ability within me that attaches itself to the highest standard I know, and then continually reminds me of what that standard demands that I do. It is the eye of the soul which looks out either toward God or toward what we regard as the highest standard. This explains why conscience is different in different people. If I am in the habit of continually holding God’s standard in front of me, my conscience will always direct me to God’s perfect law and indicate what I should do. The question is, “will I obey?” I have to make an effort to keep my conscience so sensitive that I can live without any offense toward anyone. I should be living in such perfect harmony with God’s Son that the spirit of my mind is being renewed through every circumstance of life, and that I may be able to quickly “prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God” (Romans 12:2; also see Ephesians 4:23).

God always instructs us down to the last detail. Is my ear sensitive enough to hear even the softest whisper of the Spirit, so that I know what I should do? “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God . . .” (Ephesians 4:30). He does not speak with a voice like thunder— His voice is so gentle that it is easy for us to ignore. And the only thing that keeps our conscience sensitive to Him is the habit of being open to God on the inside. When you begin to debate, stop immediately. Don’t ask, “Why can’t I do this?” You are on the wrong track. There is no debating possible once your conscience speaks. Whatever it is— drop it, and see that you keep your inner vision clear.

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Who is in Control?

Part of the Lord’s Prayer mentions, lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil (Matthew 6:13).

It’s amazing to think about the fact that every act of your life is motivated by a spiritual force. So, the question for today is, “Who is controlling you?” Or we might ask, “What is motivating you?”

I am a lover of cake! Old classic cake flavors are “Devil’s Food” and “Angel’s Food.” So, aside from the dessert, which sort of food are you feeding your body? What spirit is being satisfied through your soul?

If the spirit of the enemy is allowed to work in you, then you are grieving the Holy Spirit; something the Bible tells us not to do (Ephesians 4:30, 1 Thessalonians 5:19). Any time you allow the enemy to work his will through your mind or body, you grieve the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit also desires to use you; He wants to use you for God’s glory and God’s service. The Spirit provides a gift for you to use in the service of God. The Holy Spirit’s purpose is not to dominate you or crush you, but to fulfill you.

Satan desires to use you for his own purpose, as a pawn in his hand to laugh in God’s face. He desires to use you, abuse you, and then refuse you. You are in a state of living death when you give in to the enemy’s purpose.

Temptation is Satan’s tool for getting you to do things that you really don’t want to do. Deep inside your spirit, you know that what he is tempting you to do is wrong. The worst and most hardened criminals in our world today know they have done wrong, and they often blame others for their actions. They may act as if they don’t care about the fact that they’ve done wrong, been caught, or are facing serious consequences, but deep inside, they have to know. They knew when they were doing wrong that what they were doing was wrong.

Satan’s lie is that you have a right to do wrong. Society is at fault. You have a right to get even with society. Your daddy is at fault. You have a right to rebel against him. Your boss is at fault. You have a right to steal from him or cheat him. God is at fault. He made you this way. You have a right to act the way you do because He made you with this temper, this anger, this lust, this desire.

God’s Word says that you have a right to choose. Joshua said to the Israelites, “Choose you this day whom ye will serve … as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15). You have a right to choose, a free will, a mind that can make a conscious decision. But none of us have a right to sin.

My challenge today, is to make sure that you are yielding the control of your life only to God. Eat a bit more “angel’s food” and see how your life can change. Imagine how our lives, marriages and families can be different if we totally yield to the will of God.

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The Reality of the Spirit Realm

The Men of Steel looked into this topic; how often do we wrestle with God?

  1. The Enemy within Me
  2. God Sparing Your Life
  3. Refuse to be a Target
  4. God Wrestles with You… Alone
  5. Why Does God Wrestle with Men?
  6. The Reality of the Spirit Realm

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. — Ephesians 6:12

I’m doing a funeral this Saturday morning at 11:00 and so I began thinking about life and death issues this week. Just what is man, and why is God mindful of him? (Psalm 8:4) This world is not all there is.

There is a world about which many of us know nothing about or of which are even aware, but it’s real, and I’m not talking about the Matrix. While skeptics may doubt it, it is more real than the world we can see, touch, taste, hear, or feel. It is the realm of the spirit.

The most real part of a person is the spirit inside. Men often seem to think the real part of them is their body, but no matter how much you build it up, dress it, or feed it, you are not first and foremost a body. You have a body, but you are a spirit. Your body is a temporary home.

Men also have a soul. From my research, the soul area of man is where most of the problems occur; this is the area of the mind, the emotions, memories, appetites, and desires. The mind of man, including the mind of the Christian, is often trapped between the physical and the spiritual—flashbacks to memories of the former life in the flesh can fill the mind. The result can be a tremendous wrestling match with each force, spirit and flesh, trying to dominate the other. In fact, it is only when a man receives the Word of God and allows it to transform his mind that he is able to save his mind from the shackles of the flesh.

There’s more to the spirit realm. Demons are disembodied spirits. They don’t have a body, and they don’t have a soul—they have no mind or will of their own. Their will is totally subjected to the enemy. They are vessels and carriers of Satan’s nature. They are filled with his desires, his lusts, his passions, and his unclean thoughts.

Because demons don’t have bodies, they are seeking one to inhabit. They are seeking a vehicle through which they can express their lusts and passions for evil.

Jesus once said to Peter, “Behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat” (Luke 22:31). The King James Version says that “Satan desires to have you…” He was basically saying to Peter, “Satan desires to possess you, to have you, to dominate you.” Men know what it means to lust after a woman in order to have her. I think that’s the way Satan looked at Peter. He lusted after him, that he might completely take Peter’s mind and body—to satisfy his cravings through him. Satan’s demons desire the same thing regarding you…

  • To use your body, your temper, your lust, your passions.
  • To work through the broken places of your childhood to fulfill your starved desires.
  • To possess you so that he might sift you.

I would guess that before Satan makes a move to have you, he studies you. He learns all he can about you—your moods, your attitudes, your background, your past hurts and painful memories, your private desires.

He’s like a stalker. You’re under surveillance, and he’s watching for an opportunity to move in to take you. He longs to possess, dominate, control, rule over, and act through you.

That’s the reason you must walk closely with Jesus. Cling to Him. Become a disciple of Him. Never believe that you can make it on your own strength. David—one of the bravest and most capable men who ever lived—cried out to God, “Hide me under the shadow of your wings.” (Psalm 17:8.) Ask God to tuck you under His wings… which is the only place you will ever feel fully secure.

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