HeartQuest 101

I discovered a wealth of information from the leadership seminar notes of the Norfolk Area Baptist Association Minister’s Conference on May 13, 2010. This is pretty intriguing information about the relevance of the church in today’s culture.

The Church in America is in desperate need of a new model for the local church. We currently develop churches based on a model of ministry that was developed several hundred years ago, rejecting the fact that the society for which that model was designed no longer exists.

“The constant cry of the unchurched, ‘The church is irrelevant to the way I live’ cannot be addressed until the model itself is renewed to acknowledge that the times have changed. Our approach to meeting people’s needs with the unchanging truths of the gospel must reflect our sensitivity to that change.” — George Barna

Why don’t you go to church?

1. Churches are always asking for money
2. Services are boring and lifeless
3. Services are predictable and repetitive
4. Sermons are irrelevant to daily life as it’s lived in the real world
5. The pastor makes me feel guilty and ignorant, so I leave church feeling worse than when I came

“There is much to be said for people feeling that they are part of a winning team. Adults these days are too busy and under too much pressure to cheerfully and willingly offer their free time to activities that continually fail.” – George Barna

False Assumptions in Church Leadership

Here is an excerpt from an article by Dave Travis. The article challenges us on several fronts and I think it merits your attention. Travis writes, “These false assumptions lead to misguided ministry, out of touch with those who need to be reached.” He shares the false assumptions and then contrasts them with his view of reality:

Assumption – We live in a church culture.
Reality – There are far more people out there with no connection to the church than we care to admit. Kennon Callahan said it best in his book, Effective Church Leadership, “The day of the churched culture is over. The day of the mission field has come.” Leaders need to do a gut check in order to see the persons in their neighborhoods as persons that we can reach. Leaders should represent the unchurched to the churches’ teams and committees, helping to keep focused on the need to reach them for Christ.

Assumption – People will be committed to a cause or a group.
Reality – In days like these, you can’t count on anything. Too often, the members of church leadership teams don’t show up. Some of our leaders are committed to too many ways of making a difference. When congregations have too many focus points, everything looks diluted. What are the one or two ministries where you can have an impact?

Assumption – People know reality is not what they see on TV or movies.
Reality – The media is defining what is real for many people. Frequent stories of violence and decay distort reality for many. In the movies and on TV we see sin without consequences leading many persons to believe that there should be no consequences in real life. Church leaders need to be able to communicate both sides of reality. No, there is not as much crime as some media portray but yes there are consequences to bad choices.

Assumption – We assume that our culture is word-oriented.
Reality – It is visual. Computers have revived writing as a skill but it is not a pen-and-paper effect. It is actually a visual effect. Bookstores are expanding, but profits are found in readers over 40 who buy for themselves and their children. The emerging generations respond to visual stimulation. We need to consider our communication styles and media within the church and to the larger community.

Assumption – We assumed the solutions to our life situations and problems are passed from an older generation to a younger.
Reality – The present culture is extremely mosaic and eclectic. With the half-life of technical and specialized education now lasting under five years, older generations are learning from younger people, not vice versa. We must be willing as individuals, in our committees and teams, and as a larger organization to seek out solutions from the best providers.

Assumption – We need to bring people into the church to make disciples.
Reality – We need to equip people to go out to make disciples in the world. It’s not what happens inside the four walls, but what happens outside that counts. We must equip leaders to be equippers of others who minister in the marketplace, in the neighborhood, and on the mission field.

Assumption – Eventually we will learn what we need and return to a stable state.
Reality – There is no stable state, and there probably never was one. Everyone, church leaders and church members, must be constantly learning to handle the changes in our culture. Change will only increase in the next decade. We must not build hope for a false utopia. A life lesson for all of us: when you find yourself in white water you’d better learn to row and keep on rowing.

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The Jews were by law separatists. You are likely familiar with many passages of Scripture where Jews had no dealings with Samaritans (John 4:9) or were forbidden to enter the house of a Gentile (Matthew 8:8, John 18:28) so these events in the life of Peter are best understood when we understand the culture of Peter’s day. There was sometimes a volatile religious mix that required strong leaders like Peter and Paul to break down barriers. God blessed them with strength, faith, revelation, and lots of grace–because sorting out the truth among so many competing beliefs would usually lead to some mistakes and misjudgments. Peter, well familiar with all sorts of social missteps, would play a key role.

A Course Correction: Acts 10:1-11:18 (Primarily Acts 10:1-19, 44-48)
Peter will later be known as the apostle to the Jews, while Paul will become famous as the apostle to the Gentiles (Galatians 2:7). But it’s through Peter that God first chooses to swing open the door of salvation to the Gentiles. This vision on a rooftop is a radical departure for the early church and gives it a straight path to reaching Greeks and Romans with the gospel.

Cornelius was a man of considerable means, power, and authority. As a centurion, he was in charge of a fighting force of one hundred Roman soldiers. He was also what the Jews call a God-fearer, a Gentile who had accepted the Jewish God and faith but stopped short of adopting the practices, like circumcision and dietary laws, necessary to become an authentic Jew.

God gave Cornelius and Peter complementary visions. He told Cornelius to send men to bring Peter to his house, and he showed Peter that keeping one’s distance from Gentiles for dietary and other reasons is no longer necessary. Salvation is for the Gentiles too, and the church will generate a few gatherings where Jews and Gentiles fellowship together, work alongside each other, and eat together. They can’t do this while thinking a fellow believer is unclean. No walls should separate Jews and Gentiles, slave or free, male or female. The body of Christ should be a united whole.

At Cornelius’s house, Peter explained the gospel, and as he was speaking, the Spirit fell on everyone there. I see this as evidence that God is making no distinction between Jew and Gentile, and the only reasonable response is praise.

1. How would you respond if God told you to do something that would violate one of your long-held personal values?
2. If the Spirit dramatically manifested himself among people who had never been to church or read the Bible, would you be more likely to feel jealous or praise God? Why?

A Council Convened: Acts 15:1-35 (Primarily Acts 15:4-21)
Some Pharisees who had become Christians were finding the Gentile mission very difficult to accept. It was clear in the Law that circumcision was to be a sign God’s people (Exodus 12:48-49; Leviticus 12:3). Actually, all of the laws of God were to be a sign that set his people apart from the rest of the world. It isn’t possible for the Spirit to contradict himself, so, Gentiles who accept the Jewish Messiah should be circumcised and observe the Law of Moses.

But salvation is by grace through faith alone, and neither circumcision nor any other work is a prerequisite of God’s grace, which was hard for the Jews to understand. So a council of church leaders convened in Jerusalem to settle the issue. Jew and Gentile believers, apostles, and elders offered their views. And then after much discussion, Peter stood up and laid out his simple, evidence-based argument: “God, who knows the heart, showed that he accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as he did to us. He made no distinction between us and them, for he purified their hearts by faith” (Acts 15:8-9). In other words, if the Spirit isn’t keeping his distance from uncircumcised Gentiles, why should we?

In the end, James, the leader of the Jerusalem church, spoke up declaring new believers need not become Jewish before they come to Christ. He then added that the council strongly urges Gentiles to reject the rituals of paganism, like eating meat sacrificed to idols and rites of sexual immorality (Acts 15:29). Basically, the Holy Spirit will conform Gentile believers into the image of Christ and the character of God. This new freedom is not a license to sin, but the liberty to believe, worship and be filled with the Holy Spirit apart from Jewish rites becomes official church policy.

1. How difficult do you think it was for Peter to advocate for Gentiles among his Jewish brothers?
2. How difficult do you think it might have been for him to endorse the ministry of Paul, who was once an enemy of the disciples?
3. How well do you think Christians today affirm ministries that employ unfamiliar methods? Why?

A Confrontation Commences: Galatians 2:1-21 (Primarily Galatians 2:11-21)
Peter’s conviction on the issue of accepting Gentile believers had wavered since the Jerusalem council. He had been accepting invitations to dine with Greek friends in Antioch, but when some disciples of James come to visit, he began to distance himself from the Gentile believers in order to appease the Jewish believers (Galatians 2:12).

The change in Peter’s behavior was noticeable; he had suddenly allowed the pressure of Jewish guests to intimidate him. Even Barnabas, Paul’s companion, joined in this “hypocrisy” (Galatians 2:13). Since it had become a public issue, Paul confronted Peter publicly. There is no evidence in the New Testament that Peter ever rejected the criticism. I suppose in his maturity, he had become correctable.

1. How do we know where to draw the line between the absolutes of our faith and the freedom we’re given in Christ?
2. When is it right to confront others who may be abusing their freedom in Christ?
3. Paul was adamant that Peter shouldn’t avoid eating with Gentiles just to appease Jewish believers. However, he also taught that we shouldn’t use our freedom to offend others (Romans 14:19-20; 1 Corinthians 10:31-33). Why do you think Paul was less concerned about offending strict Jewish Christians in this particular case?

Think About It:
Suppose you grew up in a very conservative Christian area that discouraged all forms of interaction with the secular world except the most unavoidable. But new people within your community had recently begun preaching a new interpretation of the group’s principles, saying that the only way to impact the world is to mix and mingle with it (to get involved in secular organizations and to try to understand secular culture, including its media and entertainment and ideologies). Needless to say, there’s quite a conflict between the traditional faction and the contemporary one. Your concept of holiness is being stretched beyond your comfort level.

1. Why is change, especially in matters of faith, so controversial and contested?
2. How is it possible to know when a new direction is initiated by God and when it isn’t?
3. How do we balance our faithfulness to long-held values with our willingness to be moved by God’s Spirit?
4. What was Paul’s answer to this tension between old and new perspectives? What was Peter’s?

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My Sunday morning Bible study is taking a fresh look at Peter and how his life often mirrors our own at various times in life. This week we are looking at the denials during of Peter on that dreadful Good Friday, and the restoration that took place after the resurrection.

BTW, have you ever considered why that day is called “Good Friday,” knowing what happened to Jesus, the crucifixion and all? Long ago I saw a B.C. cartoon that put is perfectly. BC and Grog were pondering the meaning of the term: “Why do you call Good Friday, “good” — a term oft misunderstood. You who were saved by the blood of his cross — you can call Good Friday good.”

There are important times in our lives when we either stand up for what we believe or cave in to the pressure around us. Peter saw himself as the kind of man who stands firm, but he overestimated his commitment on at least one occasion where he denied even knowing Jesus.

Though there is often a heavy price to pay for being uncompromising about our faith, the price of caving in is heavier. The good news is that even when we fail, God doesn’t give up on us. In fact, those who fail are exactly the kind of people Jesus came to redeem and restore.

Pledge: Matthew 26:17-35
The disciples were as human as anyone, and one night they got proud and jealous. When Peter declared that he would never deny Jesus, even if everyone else in the room did, he probably didn’t cultivate many warm, fuzzy feelings among the disciples. In fact, the text implies he was saying he was more faithful than the other disciples, which was likely quite offensive.

Peter could have simply said, “I will never forsake you,” but he didn’t. He compared himself with all the others and affirmed that he would be the strongest and most faithful of the disciples. As Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” And Peter would soon land hard.

In 1 Peter 5:5, Peter quotes an Old Testament passage about God opposing the proud but giving grace to the humble (Proverbs 3:34). He then urges his readers to humble themselves under God’s hand in order that they might be lifted up at the proper time (1 Peter 5:6).

1. In what ways did Peter experience the realities of this passage? In what ways have you?
2. How have you seen spiritual pride manifested in Christianity in general? In our church? In your life?

Denial: Luke 22:54-62
In a time of trouble and fear, Simon the Rock denies ever knowing Jesus, three times. Fear of people’s opinions or their swords tend to do that. It diminishes God’s power and messes with our perspective, and then makes us unwise.

Luke records an interesting detail of Peter’s three denials. When the rooster crowed, “the Lord turned and looked straight at Peter” (Luke 22:61). Remember the first time Jesus gazed at Peter was when they first met (John 1:42) when followers were gathering around this Messiah. Jesus saw Peter’s potential underneath his rough exterior and called him a rock. Now, on a cold night years later, as disciples are scattering and abandoning this Messiah, Jesus again gazes into Peter’s soul. And Peter leaves and weeps bitterly (Luke 22:62).

1. If Jesus stood before you right now and gazed into your eyes, what do you think he would see?
2. Knowing that your heart is laid completely bare before him, how would you feel about being in his presence? Why?

Restoration: Mark 16:7; 1 Corinthians 15:5; John 21:15-17
Peter’s denial of Jesus was dramatic and devastating. Perhaps more than any other disciple besides Judas, he failed. Not only did he abandon Jesus in a crisis moment, he vocally disowned him. His confidence in his complete faithfulness had proven unfounded.

In at least three instances, Scripture provides a glimpse of God’s mercy toward Peter after his failure.

First, there is a small but important mention of Peter in Mark 16:7. When three women arrive at the tomb to anoint Jesus’ body, an angel tells them Jesus has risen and then gives them instruction: “Go, tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.’” Clearly, God had plans.

Next, Peter is apparently the first disciple to see Jesus after the resurrection, alone. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 15:5 that Jesus first met with Peter before meeting with the rest of the disciples, as though the two of them had an important matter to discuss apart from the group.

Finally, toward the end of John’s gospel, Jesus appears to the disciples on the shore of the Sea of Galilee. Three times (John 21:15, 16, 17), perhaps once for each denial, he asks Peter if he loves him. Peter takes advantage of the opportunity to counter each of his denials with a confession of love and loyalty. He is not only forgiven but fully restored.

I wonder if Jesus is asking Peter if he loves him enough. I suppose it is one thing to love Jesus enough to believe in him, but it is a whole new level of commitment to love Jesus and do something about it. Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love me?” and the response is affirmative, but if loving him is true, a command follows, “Then tend my lambs, shepherd my sheep and tend my sheep.”

1. What’s the difference between forgiveness and restoration?
2. Have any of your failures caused you to doubt God’s willingness to restore you? Why or why not?
3. Under what conditions do you normally forgive someone? Is there any failure too great for you to forgive?
4. Do you love God enough? I mean enough to risk getting out of your comfort zone and do something great for his kingdom?
5. What might Jesus be asking you to do to demonstrate your love for him?

See you Sunday…

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Mentoring requires people to be in communication, to be connected, in order for it to work. Perhaps an obvious fact, but I suppose many people feel that they can be mentored by remote control. It is true that we can be mentored through reading books, because there is a lot of information that we can learn from authors that we respect or have been in business for a long time, or model the type of spirituality or theology that we want to become more like them. But if we want real life transformation, we need to become accountable to another person that will keep us focused on our goals, and get in our face when we fall short.

I imagine that most Christians have no argument about being accountable to God. After all, He is our heavenly Father, He is perfect and He has the right to check up on us to see if we are on course. But these same people think being accountable to someone on earth is, to say the least, a touchy matter.

When you think about it, calling someone to account is an act of love. Forcing a protégé to open his life to a confidant who has earned the right to be heard can save marriages from divorce, churches from division, organizations from financial distress, and careers from ruin.

Mentors are also accountable to themselves. It requires that they become vulnerable, not hesitate to show weakness, admit when they are wrong, respond quickly to reproof, and even set an example to those on the outside who are watching.

What about accountability in the Bible? Take a look…

• Joseph was accountable to Potiphar.
• King Saul was accountable to Samuel the prophet.
• King David was accountable to Nathan the prophet.
• Daniel was accountable to God before his accountability to the king.
• Nehemiah was accountable to Artaxerxes the king.
• Jesus was accountable to the Father, and demonstrated it by submitting to the Father’s will.
• The Twelve were accountable to Jesus and also to each other.
• Paul and Silas were accountable to the church at Antioch.

When I think about accountability, I believe that we all need (at times) someone close enough to get in our faces and tell us what we need to hear. It may not be what we want to hear, but we need it to get back on track. Sometimes the truth hurts, but the truth in love is what we are called to do (Ephesians 4:15). A mentor’s wounds are those of a faithful friend. Not everyone has the right to climb into your life and offer rebuke; it is for those who have built this love relationship ahead of time.

I believe that people who are accountable to a mentor are serious about changing their behavior. I read about a study showing that employees who know they are being observed demonstrate a higher quality and quantity of work, knowing they will be held to account.

It’s not easy, mentors need wisdom in dealing with a variety of issues and problems. Remember that you don’t mentor alone. A mentor who sees his protégé stumble must invade that person’s private world.

• One to guide and encourage.
• One to also get in your face when you mess up.
• One who loves you too much to let you play with fire.
• Wisdom from the Proverbs 13:10, 13:14, 13:18, 13:20, 15:31

[ Here's more on mentoring ]

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Seems there are Ten Commandments for most any organization, which obviously started in the Old Testament, but I found these two lists of the top 10 relating to mentoring. The first is a classic list of “do’s” and “don’ts” for effective mentoring, written by John C Crosby of the Uncommon Individual Foundation.

1. Thou shalt not play God.
2. Thou shalt not play teacher.
3. Thou shalt not play mother or father.
4. Thou shalt not lie with your body.
5. Active listening is the holy time and shalt practice it at every session.
6. Thou shalt not be judgmental.
7. Thou shalt not lose heart because of repeated disappointments.
8. Thou shalt practice empathy, not sympathy.
9. Thou shalt not believe that thou can move mountains.
10. Thou shalt not envy thy neighbor’s protégé, nor they neighbor’s success.

This second list of questions is designed to evaluate the mentoring relationship, written by Paul Stanley and J. Robert Clinton from Christianity Today. Ask the question and rate yourself with: Fully, Partially, or Didn’t.

1. Establish a strong relationship. The stronger the relationship, the greater the empowerment. As you look for potential protégés, keep compatibility and chemistry in mind.
2. Agree on purpose. A basic rule in planning is “begin with the end in mind.” When mentoring proves disappointing, the problem usually points back to differing or unfulfilled expectations. So at the very beginning, agree on what you’re both hoping to achieve.
3. Determine contact frequency. Intensive mentoring works best with at least once-a-week contact, either face-to-face or by phone.
4. Decide on the type of accountability. Will you use written reports, scheduled phone calls, probing questions during meetings, or a planned evaluation time?
5. Set up communication mechanisms. As mentors, we have always asked our protégés, “If I see or learn of an area of concern, how and when do you want me to communicate it to you?”
6. Clarify the confidentiality level. Make it clear when something you share should be treated as confidential.
7. Set the relationship’s life cycle. It’s best to avoid open-ended mentorships. Better to have short periods, evaluation, and closure points with the possibility of reentry than have a sour relationship for a long time that each fears terminating.
8. Evaluate regularly. See where progress has been made, where there are problems, and what should be done to improve the mentoring. Joint evaluation is always best 
9. Modify expectations as necessary. After a time of mentoring, bring expectations down to what is more likely going to happen—and give thanks for it.
10. Bring closure at the right time. Vertical mentoring that has no clear end in mind will usually dwindle to nothing with uneasy feelings on the part of both people. A happy ending requires that both parties be involved in evaluating and mutually ending the mentoring relationship.

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The Bible challenges us to make every moment count (James 4:14), so taking steps toward becoming more effective are positive ones. If you want to enjoy the mentoring experience, consider these steps:

• Select a mentor or protégé whose philosophy of life you share. The greatest mentors are also our role models. In the church, who is it that you sense has a close walk with God? What qualities does this person possess that makes them a hero in the faith for you?
• Choose a protégé with potential, someone you generally believe in. Then you help that person get to where he wants to go. Sports scouts do this all the time.
• Evaluate the protégé’s progress constantly. Remain objective and correct when necessary or encourage him to stay on course.
• Be committed, serious and available to your protégé. This person desires to learn from your life, not just your information.

Every mentor should also have a mentor. Mentors are not just wise older people passing on a lifetime of knowledge and experience to a younger person. It looks that way on the outside but after a closer look, the mentor also should have his own mentor from whom life, knowledge and experience have come. In the past is one thing, but it is also good to maintain a mentoring relationship of their own, someone to whom they are currently accountable.

Part of the mentoring process is to help your protégé ask the right questions, search in the right places and stay interested in the right answers. Sometimes the protégé has no clue where he needs to go much less how to get there. But you’ve been there and know where they need to go. Ask the right questions and help the protégé ask the right questions to discover their next steps.

Decide on the level of excellence or perfection you expect. Remember the goal of mentoring is improvement, not perfection. How many of us would step into a mentoring relationship if perfection was required!? We would not even seek a mentor since no one is perfect. If we expect perfection in a protégé, we will be very disappointed.

As a protégé, accept a subordinate, learning position and keep your ego in check; don’t let it get in the way of learning. Don’t try to impress the mentor with your knowledge or abilities; you could be setting up a mental barrier against learning new ideas. When we have a proud, know-it-all attitude, we are not teachable. This should not be like a teacher assigning homework that the student doesn’t want to do. In teaching, it is frustrating to assign a task and the student not do it. There are some students who do the assignment for more than just a grade; they do it with an eagerness to learn. It’s like a person voluntarily going back to school after a lifetime in the business world. These people tend to be much better students than those who are there just for the degree. When you know the outcome or benefit, it is much easier to accept a learning position.

A protégé should respect the mentor but should not idolize him. This is a practical issue: respect helps us to accept what the mentor teaches, but idolizing him removes our critical ability to fit their teaching into ourselves. With an idol, we see no faults and are not objective.

Put into effect immediately what you are learning. People don’t remember much of what we say, a little more of what is read, even more of what we hear, read and talk about; but if we want real life change, we need to put learning into practice. Learn, practice and assimilate new ideas and strategies.

Set up a discipline for relating to your mentor; a time schedule, subject matter, homework. It must be more than “we’ll get together sometime” or “we will make time.” There are goals set, calendars are brought out and dates set, assignments are made and the protégé is held accountable and encouraged in them. The protégé will reward the mentor with his own progress, which is the highest reward.

Don’t threaten to give up; you have made a decision for progress and quitting is not in the best interest in the protégé. We cannot mentor only during the good times, but we should hold on to the commitments we make, and guide and direct the protégé through times of difficulty.

Make every effort to make your time on this earth count. Life is a vapor and time is short, then it vanishes away. When we get to the other side, everything but the kingdom will be irrelevant.

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I was reading about the new Barna research that indicated Americans are exploring new ways of experiencing God, and the results are interesting. Since I am passionate about men’s ministry, I wondered how this information might be applied to our situation at King’s Grant, and the Men of Steel in particular.

88% of American adults say that “my religious faith is very important in my life.”

Faith is not going away despite the prolific media attention devoted to the demise of traditional faith practices and beliefs. Nine out of ten adults admit that their faith plays a meaningful role in their life. There is nothing on the horizon to suggest that this is likely to change in the foreseeable future.

If this is so, and that KGBC might be considered average, we would also have a high percentage of people understanding that faith is an important aspect of life (at least ideologically). For those who have responded to the call of Christ, I would hope that belief would manifest itself in an active pursuit of godliness, turning from vices that enslave, and understanding the need for authentic community in the development of one’s faith.

75% say they sense that “God is motivating people to stay connected with Him, but in different ways and through different types of experiences than in the past.”

There is a growing sense of release from traditional religious practices in this country. People are suggesting that they want more of God and less of the stuff that gets between them and their relationship with God.

There is talk and evidence that the church might not be the place to find God, so people are seeking out alternative experiences and expressions of spirituality, (I’ve also read that while people may love Jesus many hate the church). The church might be one of those issues that get between God and them. My concern is that without the community of faith (the church), just what do people get involved with, and what do they believe? The Bible warns about false doctrine (2 Peter 2:1). It is not just an archaic notion of controlling the masses, but if we really believe that God has “given us everything pertaining to life and godliness” (through the true knowledge of God – 2 Peter 1:3), then we have a solid standard for belief, faith and practice. The Bible was written for a purpose (1 John 5:13), that we might know that we have life. If God was going to reveal new information at a later time, the New Testament writers would have made a mistake… primarily that they were not given everything pertaining to life.

45% say they are “willing to try a new church.”

A staggering number of Americans – almost half of the nation’s 230 million adults – are open to changing their church home, demonstrating their lack of connection with their present community of faith and their desire to have a more significant connection. It may also be a reflection of people’s increasing lack of loyalty to both organizations and personal relationships, and the growing sense that there is always something better available if you can simply find it.

I read this statistic as people seeking faith yet lacking connection to the community of faith. They don’t trust the organized church. Christian leaders have moral failures. Role models have let us down. People are skeptical about this whole church thing so they stay at a distance.

I understand the lack of loyalty in this generation: if it gets hard, quit; if you no longer love her or she doesn’t meet your needs, divorce; if I deserve a pay raise but don’t get it, steal; if my church does not go in this direction, leave and look for another one. Some people change churches for completely legitimate reasons, but often the main reason is less than noble. If the church is “all about me and what I want” rather than “all about God and what He deserves,” we’ve lost focus.

Lack of loyalty to a church also manifests itself by lacking personal relationships within the organization. The churchy word for this is fellowship. We are so busy in the business world that we think we don’t have time for developing spiritual connections that will help us grow in Christ, be a better husband, a better father, neighbor, boss, employee, you name it. Spending time with the Men of Steel may not get you connected to the people who can give you that promotion, but it will help develop your character by connecting to other men who also desire spiritual and relational connection and growth. We don’t have to go through our spiritual lives alone. Life transformation takes place in community, not in a cocoon.

50% say “a growing number of people I know are tired of the usual type of church experience.”

It is not just the survey respondents who indicated their willingness to change churches or to consider different forms of church experience. Half of all adults said they are aware of such a willingness to experiment on the part of people they know because those individuals are tired of the common church experience.

If the church is not what we are looking for (socially, relationally, professionally, spiritually) we tend to bail out or simply not participate. Why participate in something you don’t feel is a benefit to your life goals and personal vision? But as a believer, what better life goal and vision than to prepare yourself and your family for eternity? How are you the spiritual leader of your home? What behaviors are you modeling for your children? How does your wife know that you love her as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25)? How does all that you do at home, at work or in the community reflect your love for God (Colossians 3:17)?

How many men do you know who are totally “satisfied” with the status quo? I put satisfied in quotes because I believe that men are never satisfied with being mediocre. Men are conquerors and hunters and are never satisfied with a measly existence. Men want their lives to count for something. Men want to be a part of something bigger than themselves. How can a man do that and be satisfied with the status quo? How many men come to church only because the wife brings him? Maybe if more women got on board with men’s ministry, they would see the benefit of the Men of Steel and push their husbands out of the house on Saturday mornings! (See Barna’s quote below). Get a man tired of the common church experience and he’s the one who is going to make a difference in life, the family and the workplace.

71% say they are “more likely to develop my religious beliefs on my own, rather than to accept an entire set of beliefs that a particular church teaches.”

Levels of distrust toward churches, church leaders and organized Christianity have been growing over the past two decades. That concern – along with the heightened independence of Americans and the profound access to information that has characterized the past decade – may have led to the emergence of a large majority of adults feeling responsible for their own theological and spiritual development. Other studies have shown an inclination for people to view a local church as a supplier of useful guidance and support, but not necessarily a reliable source of a comprehensive slate of beliefs that they must adopt.

Across the board, the research showed that women are driving these changes. This is particularly significant given prior research from Barna showing that women are more spiritually inclined, are the primary shapers of family faith experiences, and are the backbone of activity in the typical conventional church. Specifically, Barna discovered that women were more likely than men to pursue their faith in a different type of structure or environment (68% of women, 59% of men); to sense that God is motivating people to experience faith in different ways (79% vs. 60%, respectively); and to be willing try a new church (50% vs. 40%).

It’s great that people want to take control of their own spiritual development, but how often does this lead to spiritual syncretism, a blending of beliefs, (sometimes contradictory beliefs) to form one’s own theology. This is a product of our post-modern society that emphasizes truth is relative. What is true for one person may not be true for another. So we develop an Oprah-styled theology mixing in what we like and eliminating that which we don’t. The positive side is that people are taking responsibility for their spiritual growth, which is a sign of spiritual maturity. It’s not necessarily the responsibility of the church, the pastor or the Sunday school teacher, but it’s up to the believer to work out their salvation (Philippians 2:13). But remember that we don’t do this alone, God is the one who will bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6), and He uses the church to help people grow in godliness (Hebrews 10:24-25).

This post is certainly long enough (and I’m concluding) but I see men’s ministry in the context of the local church. I am not seeking a group to replace the Sunday school hour. It’s not about adding another Bible study during the week. It’s not about numbers or starting new groups. I ask myself, “How many men have simply told God that all He gets is one or two hours a week on Sunday mornings, and it’s unreasonable to think about being involved any more?” It’s about growth, development, and sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:17). I value the Men of Steel… manly fellowship, commons struggles, open dialogue, becoming what God intended from the beginning and passing it on to the next generation.

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I’d like to share three models that illustrate what mentoring is all about (2 Timothy 2:1-2, 3-4, 5-6). I see this in the lives of three people in the Bible: 

Barnabas:

The first model is that of Barnabas. He was the guy named Joseph, a Levite born in Cyprus (Acts 4:36) but everyone called him Barnabas, the son of encouragement.  Of course his father was not named “encouragement” but rather it is a figure of speech that indicates he embodied the characteristic of encouragement. 

At first, he sold his property and gave the proceeds to the Jerusalem church (Acts 4:36-37). He introduced Saul to the Jerusalem church (Acts 9:26-27). The church chose Barnabas to go to Syrian Antioch to investigate the unrestricted preaching to the Gentiles there (Acts 11:19-24). He became the leader to the work and secured Saul as his assistant (Acts 11:25-26). They took famine relief to the Jerusalem church (Acts 11:27-30). On Paul’s first missionary journey, Barnabas at first seems to have been the leader (Acts 13-14). Paul and Barnabas were later sent to Jerusalem to try to settle the questions of how Gentiles could be saved and how Jewish Christians could have fellowship with them (Acts 15:1-21). They agreed to go on another missionary journey but separated over whether to take John Mark with them again (Acts 15:36-41).

In Galatians 2:1-10, Paul recalled how he went with Barnabas to Jerusalem and how the apostles approved of their Gentile mission (probably the same event as Acts 15). In Galatians 2:13, however, Paul indicated that on one occasion Barnabas wavered on the issue of full acceptance of Gentile Christians. In 1 Corinthians 9:6-7, Paul commended Barnabas for following his practice of supporting himself rather than depending upon the churches. Colossians 4:10 simply states that Mark was Barnabas’ cousin.

Related to mentoring, think about it, every person needs encouragement, and who better to give that encouragement than a follower of Jesus? The life of Barnabas was one of service to others, encouraging others, investing of himself into others. This model sets the example for others, puts in a good word for Jesus and brings others into a community of faith. Every Christian mentor needs a Barnabas to receive encouragement.

Timothy:

Another model of mentoring is taken from the life of Paul and Timothy.  Timothy was the young man who grew up in a faithful and devout home (2 Timothy 1:5, 3:15).  Paul invests much of his life into Timothy, and refers to him as a child in the faith (1 Corinthians 4:17, 1 Timothy 1:2, 2 Timothy 1:2).  Perhaps Paul was instrumental in Timothy’s conversion, when he came to Lystra on the second missionary journey.  Timothy was a disciple who was well respected (Acts 16:1-2).  Paul also sent Timothy on several missions (Acts 17:14-15, 18:5, 19:22, 20:4, Romans 16:21, 1 Corinthians 16:10, 2 Corinthians. 1:19, 1 Thessalonians 3:2, 6).  

When Paul was unable to go to Corinth, he sent Timothy to represent Paul and his teachings (1 Corinthians 4:17). Later when Paul was in prison, he sent Timothy to Philippi (Philippians. 2:19).  Timothy was a man of commitment and compassion (Philippians 2:20-22) and as Paul’s ministry neared the end, he challenged Timothy to remain true to his calling (1 Timothy 1:18).  

As Paul faced death, he asked Timothy to come to be with him (2 Timothy 4:9). At some point in his life, Timothy was imprisoned; but he was released (Hebrews 13:23).  Paul wrote letters to Timothy because he is unable to visit in person (1 Timothy 3:14-15).  The point is that Paul took this young disciple and challenged him to be all he could be for the kingdom of God. How can we multiply our efforts to reach the world? Every Christian mentor needs a Timothy to guide as a protégé.

Epaphroditus:

This is a not-so-well-known character in the New Testament. He was a friend and fellow worker of Paul (Philippians 2:25-26). He had delivered to Paul a gift from the church at Philippi while the apostle was in prison. While he was with Paul, Epaphroditus became seriously ill. After his recovery, Paul sent him back to Philippi, urging the church there to receive him “with all gladness” (Philippians 2:29-30). I read that the name Epaphroditus was common in the first century Greek-speaking world, meaning “favored by Aphrodite.”

In regard to mentoring, all of us need to make difficult decisions and struggle with life issues, but having someone upon whom you may trust and depend is quite valuable.  Having an Epaphroditus in your life (at work, leisure or worship) allows your heart to be knit together with others in the bond of Christ. It is a true statement that the mentor receives as much personal benefit from the mentoring relationship as does the protégé. For the protégé, personal satisfaction and professional development are natural outcomes of fulfilling one’s potential. For the mentor, he receives significant satisfaction from having assisted another person on a long-term permanent basis.

The Ephaphroditus relationship cannot be forced, but should come natural. Sometimes members want the staff to teach, or mentor or reach people they know; after all, they’re “professional” ministers. But in many ways it is not good for the staff to do it. For one, it’s not biblical. The staff is called to equip the saints for the work of service (Ephesians 4:11-12). On a practical level, the average member in the pew has already built the relationship of trust with those who need to be mentored or reached. It makes more sense for a pastor to say, “I am able to see your friend once a week, but you see him every day for lunch. Wouldn’t it make a better strategy for me to train you so that you could mentor your friend or lead him to Christ?” So, every Christian mentor needs an Epaphroditus to enjoy on a peer level.

Three models, with a recurring theme: relationships. We are to encourage others, and seek one who is an encouragement to us; find a protégé into whom you can pour your life and invest in the future; and have a peer relationship whereby your hearts are knit together in Christ.

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As I think about mentoring, Barnabas is a name that pops into my mind. We read a little about his life and ministry and I sense that putting his story into a mentoring context is not doing him injustice.

Imagine the scene at Pentecost, in the upper room, with a group of believers impacted by the resurrection were gathered together (Acts 1:13). They gathered primarily for prayer (Acts 1:14), but one item on the agenda was to find a replacement for Judas (Acts 1:21-22). Two names are put in the hopper; Joseph (who is called Barsabbas or Justus, in Latin) and Matthias.

Tangent alert… we don’t read anything else about these two guys in the NT, except perhaps this is the same Justus of Colossians 4:11, or he’s Joseph (Joses) the brother of James in Mark 6:3 (see also Mark 15:40 – this James became the leader of the Jerusalem church – Galatians 1:19, 1 Corinthians 15:7, Acts 15:13). This is not to be confused with the Joseph of Acts 4:36, who is Barnabas (son of encouragement). I discovered that Barsabbas means “son of the Sabbath.” I found the name also in Acts 15:22, and that he was a prophet (Acts 15:32).

The church grows and soon has many financial needs, who is the one who steps up? It is a guy named Joseph, who is called Barnabas, the son of encouragement. The church had one heart and soul and all things were in common (Acts 4:32). There was great power and they gave witness to the resurrection (Acts 4:33). There was no needy person among them, needs being met through the community (Acts 4:34). Barnabas is singled out as the one named person to sell land and give the price to the church, laying the money at the feet of the apostles. The bottom line, if you want to be a mentor, be generous (Acts 4:36-37).

Saul is breathing threats and murder on the believers in the new church, persecuting and imprisoning all the followers of the Way (Acts 9:1-2). He has an encounter with the resurrected Jesus (Acts 9:3-4, 5-6). Ananias is told to minister to Saul, whose name is later changed to Paul (Acts 9:10, 11-12, 13-16, 17, 13:9). No one trusts him in the early church or the Jews (Acts 9:26, 29), the church must have thought it was a trick.  So, Barnabas takes him to the apostles and describes how Paul is a changed man. If you want to be a mentor, believe in people (Acts 9:26, 27).

John Mark went with Paul and Barnabas on the first missionary journey (Acts 13:2, 13). He turned out to be a quitter, and Paul did not want to take him on the second missionary journey (Acts 15:38). There was such a disagreement that the team split (Acts 15:39-40). Barnabas saw beyond the failure and saw John Mark’s potential; he needed a second chance. If you want to be a mentor, stand up for your friends. Since Barnabas took this chance, Mark became a valued person later in Paul’s life (Colossians 4:10).

Barnabas was sent with Paul to the Jerusalem Council to relay what God had been doing among the Greeks; that they were coming to faith (Acts 15:2).  The decision was that Greeks need not become Jews before coming to Christ. Then Barnabas and Paul are sent to Antioch (Acts 15:22) and later continue to teach the people (Acts 15:35). If you want to be a mentor, get excited about what is happening in the lives of other (Acts 15:1-21).

Barnabas was not selected as 12th apostle, but we see in his life that he held no grudge, did not seek power or position. He did not sulk because he was not chosen in the upper room. If you want to be a mentor, seek to affirm others and encourage their walk (Acts 1:23-26). I also discovered that Clement of Alexandria mentions Barnabas was one of the 70 sent out on the preaching journey (Luke 10:1); Tertullian wrote that Barnabas was the writer of Hebrews and the Clementine Reflections claims Barnabas was actually the Matthias mentioned in Acts 1:23-26. That last one is a stretch!

Mentoring is life investment. These are only a few characteristics in the life of Barnabas from which a mentor could learn.

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In Christian circles, mentoring is really a subset of discipleship. A disciple is one who would sit at the feet of a teacher and learn of his/her wisdom. The disciple in essence became a follower of the rabbi or teacher (more on a disciple). I can imagine that the student was so tied to the teacher that when the student spoke, the hearers would be able to recognize who the student’s teacher had been.

I had a campus minister from college that was (and is) well known in many state conventions. I am able to say that “I am a disciple of …” simply because I was able to learn from him as he invested his life into me.

The world describes what a mentor usually is:

• The mentor has achieved superior rank in the organization.
• The mentor is an authority in his field or discipline.
• The mentor has a certain measure of influence in his field.
• The mentor is interested in the protégé’s growth.
• The mentor is willing to commit time and energy into a relationship.

But also, a mentor is not many things:

• He is not a buddy or pal; to be invited to the family reunion; to become your new best friend.
• He is not “on call” for grievances or frustrations.
• He is not to be dismissed when the protégé decides the relationship is no longer useful.

There is a relationship of trust. The mentor sees potential in the protégé and does what he is able to help the protégé reach his personal, professional or spiritual goals. The mentor will often not be able to take an unwilling person anywhere, since the mentor then turns into a parent, policeman or judge. One might start that was but the protégé must be able to see past the desire of the mentor to see the protégé succeed, to the protégé having his own desire to succeed.

I’ll post more information on mentoring as the days go by. King’s Grant is embarking on a new strategy in 2010 that involves mentoring, so these articles are the beginnings of our mentoring training that will begin in the fall 2009.

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