HeartQuest 101

First off, let’s check out what King David wrote in Psalm 22:14 that his heart melted like wax in the most inner places of his body / soul.

Have you ever asked yourself, “What’s the harm in keeping my fears and my emotional needs to myself?” Well, it’s because that which you use to hide your fears and emotional needs from others will eventually become your prison. It will lock you up, freeze you up, bottle you up… the bottom line is that it will keep you from moving toward possessing all that God has for you in your life.

• Some men turn to alcohol or drugs—in an effort to hide themselves from their fears and emotional needs.
• Some turn to porn or prostitutes—they won’t trust their wives with their emotions, but they’ll trust a total stranger with their bodies, their potential, and their reputations.
• Some turn to overwork—putting all of their energy into the job and “burning the midnight oil”—in an effort to avoid the need to relate to people.

Eventually, each of these “escapes” becomes a prison. It traps you even further into a cycle of secrecy, because once men are trapped by their particular escape mechanism, they won’t tell anybody about that trap either. Your fear only grows greater as your silence grows deeper.

The fact is, God created men with emotions. He created men with a need to feel, to touch, to express, to have an emotional outlet and release. Look at most any little boy… he is free to express himself, to vent his feelings, to hug and kiss and be hugged and kissed in return. He hasn’t yet learned to hide. Adam was hiding when God called to him; which turned out to be a learned response (Genesis 3:10).

• What happened to you on your way to becoming a man?
• Where are you?
• What caused you to feel that you need to run and hide?

There’s another man behind the mask we put up.

• He needs to be touched just as much as the next guy.
• He needs to be held.
• He needs to hear loving words, spoken in a gentle way.

Don’t deny your emotional needs. David wasn’t afraid to admit to himself and to God that he was weak, afraid, sorrowful, angry, or in need of love. He even said that his heart melted like wax (see Psalm 22:14). In fact, the entire twenty-second psalm is filled with emotion. It is a psalm of David, but it mirrors the experience of Christ’s crucifixion.

The Bible says Jesus was a man “who in the days of his flesh … offered up prayers and supplications with strong crying and tears” (Hebrews 5:7.) Jesus was a man who knew how to express His emotions.

• Tell God you need Him.
• Tell Him you love Him.
• Tell Him you are in trouble in your life.
• Tell Him where you ARE.

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God called to Adam and asked him, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9) and here’s how the first man answered the first question that God had asked him: “I heard… I was afraid… I was naked… I hid.” (Genesis 3:10).

Most men don’t like open confrontation. I have known some physically big and powerful men who were afraid to go home to their five-foot-two-inch wife because they knew they would be facing a confrontation with her the minute they walked in the door.

Many men come across to their wives and children as being fearless, but the fact is, men are very afraid of themselves and of being confronted with who they really are. We know what is deep down inside. Men rarely face themselves because they really don’t know who they are or where they are—and I think they are afraid that somebody might discover the darkness that they secretly know is inside them.

Men tend to talk very easily about things that don’t really matter; seems most of us clam up when the talk turns to the things that matter the most. So we hide.

Here is the nature of relationships: you can’t have a relationship with someone if you are hiding from them.

• Not a relationship with God.
• Not a relationship with your wife.
• Not a relationship with your child.
• Not a relationship with the guy who stands next to you in the church service.

Relationships are built when we stop hiding and honestly face ourselves, and then allow ourselves to become vulnerable and open with other men. It doesn’t happen in a large group like a church service, but in small groups. That is why our small group ministry is so important.

A man sometimes acts as if he can’t hear, or as if he hasn’t heard, but the fact is, he heard—he what was said but just didn’t like what he heard.

• He heard his wife when she said she needed more time, attention, or consideration.
• He heard his kids when they complained that Dad wasn’t around very much.
• He heard his daughter when she said, “I love you, Daddy,” and he heard her sigh when Daddy didn’t say anything back.

He ran and hid emotionally because he didn’t know how to give to other people what they needed. It is a cruel fact of life that we cannot pass on that which we do not possess: not leadership, compassion, integrity, confidence, love or peace.

A man who is afraid and doesn’t know what to do is a man who feels exposed, naked if you will. He will go to great lengths to hide himself…

• To bury himself in his work
• To get involved in an affair that doesn’t require any vulnerability on his part
• To put up a brick-wall facade around his heart to hide his true emotions.

So men end up afraid, frustrated, whimpering inside, locked up, and impotent. And all the while, they are doing everything they can to cover up their inner feelings and emotional inadequacies.

Truth requires that you open up and share who your really are and where you really are. It requires an honest answer to God’s question, “Where are you?” rather than an excuse rooted in our own fear.

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Men, if you’re like me, you catch the news fairly regularly.  Then perhaps you’ve heard about or seen Kanye West’s wildly inappropriate outburst at the MTV Video Music Awards. This is not what you would call a great career move, but I guess the silver lining for Kanye is his honorable mention in the Urban Dictionary for September 17 (be warned that the language on that site is appalling):

Imma let you finish [eye-ma-let-yoo-fin-ish]:

1. Obnoxious way to interrupt someone and steal their moment, while wryly mocking that media train wreck that is Kanye West.

Based on West’s instantly infamous interruption of Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards for Best Female Video with his insane microphone-stealing shout out to Beyonce.

Bob: Thank you Mr. Brown for having us in to give this sales presentation. We’d like to talk to you today about…

Alfred: Yo, Bob, I’m really happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but I just got to say our product is one of the best products there is!

I guess West did let Taylor finish…sort of, but the cool part was the moment Beyonce recognized Swift and gave her a chance to have her moment of glory.

Have you ever been completely and rudely interrupted? I’m thinking that most of us can relate, but how about being interrupted during an extremely important moment in your life by someone who obviously doesn’t care about you or your mission at that moment?

Think about it…have you ever stopped to take time to pray, and suddenly your thoughts are bombarded with anxiety or unpleasant memories? Or have you planned your devotional time to read the Bible, and suddenly the phone rings, or you remember something you just have to take care of first? What about sharing the gospel with someone and then other people start cutting into the conversation which distracts this person from hearing the best message on earth?

This is not a coincidence…we have an enemy (Satan, meaning, the adversary) who is completely dedicated to stopping any efforts on your part to connect with God, like through prayer and reading the Bible, and he is literally hell-bent on halting even a single word about Jesus Christ from escaping your lips.

Just check out a few descriptions of this from God’s Word:

• Satan, who leads the whole world astray… (Revelation 12:9).
• Satan disguises himself as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14).
• We wanted very much to come to you, and I, Paul, tried again and again, but Satan prevented us (1 Thessalonians 2:18).

See what I mean? Satan just sits back and waits until you try to take the stage for Jesus Christ, then he jumps in and steals your microphone and your chance to glorify God.

Oh get this - Satan doesn’t let you finish.

Here’s the great news though. If you can see an interruption coming, you can usually prevent it or ignore it. When you know that spiritual disturbances are headed your way whenever you try to connect with God or share the gospel of Jesus Christ, you can be more prepared.

First, recognize the interruption for what it is and take it to God. That way, what Satan meant for evil will actually focus your thoughts more on God! Pray something like: “Father, I know that what’s happening right now is an attempt to keep me from connecting with you. Please help me keep my thoughts and spiritual eyes focused only on You.”

Second, resist Satan, and you can be sure of this promise: Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you (James 4:7-8).

Here’s the way The Message version of the Bible puts it: Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time.

Finally, refuse to give up. When you stop praying, you miss out on God’s peace and blessing. When you stop reading the Bible, you lose out on God’s truth and strength. And when you stop sharing the gospel, you trash the opportunity to lead someone to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Bottom line: stay the course, connect with God, read His word, and share your faith. Refuse to be interrupted and never give up. On Judgment Day, God will call you back on stage and you’ll hear the words from Jesus that are more valuable than any earthly praise: “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master” (Matthew 25:21). Now that is how you should finish.

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After hearing the Game Plan for Life conference on September 12, I could not help but think about the overall underlying issue that permeated the event… do men of today really know who they are? So let’s get personal. Are you in touch with where you are? How you feel? Have you faced your faults? Do you know your great assets?

In Genesis 3:9, we find God asking an interesting question. When God called to Adam in the Garden of Eden, He wasn’t trying to find Adam. God knew where Adam was because no one can hide from God. I think that God wanted Adam to admit where he was. He wanted Adam to recognize fully who he was and what he had done.

One of the most important questions you can ever ask yourself is, “Where am I in my life?” Men get into trouble when they don’t know where they are.

When we hide, we turn phony. We act out a charade and put on a mask and participate in our own masquerade. Only two things are worse than being phony with other people; it’s being phony with yourself and being phony with God.

If you haven’t faced up to who you are and what you have done, you will find it very difficult to enter into genuine praise and worship. I suspect that you’ll also find it very difficult to relate to other men, or to your wife and children.

Until you face up to your flaws and failures (openly admitting them to yourself and to God, accepting the fact that you aren’t perfect) you’ll never be able to allow other people to know, much less accept, your imperfections. If you aren’t open to that kind of accountability, you will always feel cut off, estranged, isolated, lonely, deprived, and alienated from other people.

Many men spend a lot of time and energy asking about the other men around them, “Where are they?”

• What does that man have that I don’t have to get that kind of woman?
• What does that man do to be able to afford that kind of car and live in that kind of house?
• How is it that HE has that kind of job and authority and power?
• Why does God bless HIS ministry since he is really not that impressive?

These are all variations of asking, “Where are they?” The answer to that question leads to a dead end. It results in jealousy, competition, hatred, distrust and suspicion, all of which result in a murderous attitude (remember what happened in the story of Cain and Able – Genesis 4:3, 4, 5, 8). Peter had a similar jealousy with John. After hearing about a difficult destiny for himself, Peter asks Jesus, “Lord, and what about this man?” (John 21:21-22).

Instead, ask yourself, “Where am I?” That’s the question that can lead to life. That’s the question that will lead us all to repentance before God, to an ability to get close to other people, and to fulfillment and true satisfaction in life.

Joe Gibbs challenged us to be in touch with the Head Coach, to interact with other players, and to get to know the Playbook. You might be in the first half, or at halftime, or maybe late in the fourth quarter, but it’s time to know who you are and where you stand in the game of life.

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Over the past month, I have come across a couple of articles written by pastors reacting to a moral failure in a fellow pastor. My first reaction was disbelief. Leaving the theological and moral arguments aside, what pastor who is doing his job even has time for adultery?

I read Chuck Swindoll just this morning, regarding occupational hazards in the ministry. He warns against four “occupational hazards” that can easily bring down people who serve the public as God’s representatives… silver, sloth, self and sex.

Trace the reasons great men and women have fallen… search for the common threads in the tapestry of tragedies. You will find most often a breakdown in the realm of personal morality.

It’s important for us to remember that a moral breakdown never occurs suddenly. It comes about slowly, almost imperceptibly, like a slow leak in one of your tires. Some things are tolerated that were once not allowed. We lose the edge… we begin to slip… we shrug it off and smile instead of facing the truth. Time passes. By and by, sneaky acts of disobedience slip in, but because they are hidden and rationalized, we deny how far we’ve drifted.

It’s a slow fade into darkness. None of us would have this destination on our itinerary. Swindoll continues:

Some time back I came across an excellent list of questions a small group of men regularly asked one another. Read the questions slowly. I think you’ll agree that they are on target.

1. Have you been with a person of the opposite sex this week in an inappropriate way?
2. Have you been completely above reproach in all your financial dealings this week?
3. Have you exposed yourself to any sexually explicit material this week?
4. Have you spent time daily in prayer and in the Scriptures this week?
5. Have you fulfilled the mandate of your calling this week?
6. Have you taken time off to be with your family this week?
7. Have you just lied to me?

Before you pass over it too quickly, answer each one for yourself. If you do it often, it will help you avoid the four pitfalls. All of them are addressed in those questions.

Men of Steel, the statistics are against us; in America…

• Ten out of ten of us are struggling with how to balance work and family.
• Nine will have children that will leave the church.
• Five will have a serious problem with pornography.
• Four will get divorced; affecting over one million children.
• Only one has a biblical worldview.

We are in a battle for our souls, for our marriages, for our purity, for our children, for our integrity, for our witness in the world. Don’t let the enemy have a foothold in your life and don’t give the devil an opportunity (Ephesians 4:27). Don’t allow Psalm 69:2 to become a reality in your life.

My Sunday Bible study lesson from this past week was about David and how he walked down the pathway of heartache with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11). So on Saturday, let’s discuss where David went wrong.

1. He was not where he was expected to be – 2 Samuel 11:1 (he was at home rather than in battle)
2. He put himself in a vulnerable position – 2 Samuel 11:2 (he got up from his bed, opening himself to boredom and temptation).
3. He failed to protect himself with a network of accountability – 2 Samuel 11:1, 4 (answering to no one; he grew accustomed to wanting and getting).
4. He was lonely and made a plan, rather than falling into sin.
   • Sinned in thought – 2 Samuel 11:2
   • Sinned in word – 2 Samuel 11:3
   • Sinned in deed – 2 Samuel 11:4
5. Could Bathsheba have prevented this from happening? This is a moot point to a man who is out of control.

I look forward to seeing you all on Saturday at 7:30 in the Welcome Center, and then several of us are going to the Game Plan for Life with Joes Gibbs, randy Alcorn, Tony Evans and Ravi Zacharias, leaving at 8:30.

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This Sunday we continue in the life of David with this somewhat humorous episode of what happens to David’s servants as they deliver condolences to the Ammonite king; then we will look at the wages of sin from the Bathsheba era in his life. 

1. Why does David send his servants to Hanun, king of the Ammonites? 10:1-2
2. How does Hanun treat the servants? 10:4 (too funny, we can laugh now, such a picture), but we can learn…
   • Lesson 1 – David shows active sympathy for the suffering, 10:2
   • Lesson 2 – David’s intentions were misunderstood, 10:3, 5
   • Lesson 3 – David is fiercely loyal and protective to his people, 10:5
   • Lesson 4 – David took on their enemy himself, sending Joab and his mighty men, 10:7
3. What is the outcome of the inevitable battle? 10:13, 14
4. Introduction:
   • What is your favorite springtime activity?
   • How soon do you believe people begin sunbathing in Virginia Beach?
   • Who was your “girl next door” or “big man on campus?”
5. What significance do you see in the timing of David’s sin? 2 Samuel 11:1, 2
   • What was he supposed to be doing? 2 Samuel 11:1
   • What three specific actions did David take toward his sin? 2 Samuel 11:3, 4
6. Where did David go wrong?
   • Lesson 1 – He was in the wrong place at the wrong time 2 Samuel 11:1, 2 (he was at home rather than in battle, and he got up from his bed, open to boredom and temptation.
   • Lesson 2 – He failed to protect himself with a network of accountability, answering to no one, he grew accustomed to wanting and getting.
   • Lesson 3 – He was lonely and made a plan (note the three actions of #5. b.)
     • Sinned in thought – 2 Samuel 11:2
     • Sinned in word – 2 Samuel 11:3
     • Sinned in deed – 2 Samuel 11:4
7. Could Bathsheba have prevented this from happening?
8. What superior character qualities do you see in Uriah? 2 Samuel 11:9, 11, 13 (Deuteronomy 23:9-10).
   • What does this reveal about David?
   • Where do you see the first hint of fear in David? About Uriah? About Joab?
   • Have you ever felt someone was faking an interest in you for an ulterior motive?
   • How did David involve Joab in his sin?
   • How would you describe David’s heart at this point? 2 Samuel 11:25
9. How far away is David’s heart? God’s commentary is 2 Samuel 11:27
   • Lesson 1 – He resisted opportunities to repent, but chose to stay in this revolving door of deception. 
     • How could he have repented or acted with integrity?
     • Why did he NOT repent
   • Lesson 2 – He was unmoved by Uriah’s integrity.
   • Lesson 3 – He tried to cover his own sin, rather than confess it. (Psalm 32:1)
   • Lesson 4 – He involved a lot of others in his sin.
10. What is Bathsheba feeling as her identity changes from Uriah’s wife, to David’s lover, to Uriah’s widow, to David’s bride? 2 Samuel 11:26-27
11. Why does Nathan the prophet speak to David using a parable? 2 Samuel 12:1, 2, 3, 4
    • Why did he use a sheep in his story?
    • Why does the absence of justice and mercy in Nathan’s story enrage David? 2 Samuel 12:5-6
    • What is Nathan’s perspective on gratitude? 2 Samuel 12:7-9
    • What three sons will meet a violent death in this prophecy? 2 Samuel 12:10
      • 2 Samuel 13:28-29
      • 2 Samuel 18:14-15
      • 1 Kings 2:24-25
12. How did the prophecy of 2 Samuel 12:11, 12 come to pass? 2 Samuel 16:21, 22
13. What toll did this sin take on David? Psalm 32:3, 4, 5
14. How does David’s response to rebuke compare to Saul’s response in a similar situation? 2 Samuel 12:13, Psalm 51 (1 Samuel 13:11-12, 15:13-26).
15. How did David respond to the child’s sudden illness? 2 Samuel 12:15-25
16. Notice God did not do what David asked (2 Samuel 12:16) but died (2 Samuel 12:18). Since prayer did not change the child’s health, what did change?
    • Lesson 1 – David’s plea forced him to a place of dependence on God.
    • Lesson 2 – David’s plea satisfied his spirit (the child did not die because he did not ask God to spare him).
    • Lesson 3 – David’s plea ensured his survival through this tragedy he and his wife would suffer (enabling him to comfort his wife 2 Samuel 12:24-25).
    • Lesson 4 – David’s plea touched God’s heart, He disciplines those whom He loves (Hebrews 12:6). Solomon was called, Jedidiah, which means “beloved of the Lord,” the successor to the throne.
17. No relief like repentance – Psalm 51
    • Psalm 51:1 – have mercy, according to Your love and compassion
    • Psalm 51:2 – wash and cleanse from sin
    • Psalm 51:3 – I know my sin, you can live without it, give it up
    • Psalm 51:4 – sin is against God alone; the biggest heartbreak
    • Psalm 51:5 – sinful at birth; it is a part of me
    • Psalm 51:6 – God desires truth; even when we don’t want to believe it
    • Psalm 51:7 – cleanse me with hyssop (Exodus 12:22-23) I’ll be whiter than snow
    • Psalm 51:8 – let the bones You have crushed rejoice; the pain of confessing and repenting will bring healing
    • Psalm 51:9 – hide Your face from my sin; our total depravity keeps us from looking to God, shame, embarrassment, He wants to forgive
    • Psalm 51:10 – create in me a pure heart; create is bara, like in Genesis 1:1, which only God can do for us
    • Psalm 51:11 – don not take the Holy Spirit from me; a fate worse than death
    • Psalm 51:12 – restore the joy of Your salvation
    • Psalm 51:13 – I will teach others and they will return to God; the forgiven become evangelists to God’s goodness

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