Have you ever heard, “We just don’t communicate!” Message sent, and message received, DONE. But we often forget the messages are filtered through individual experience and interpretation, so the message they receive may NOT be the message you sent. It’s not just what you say, but the way you say it, the way you listen to others, and the way you look at others; all of these are means of communication. It’s not a matter of whether you will communicate, but a matter of WHAT you will communicate. Ultimately, the thing that determines whether you encourage or discourage others, whether you help or hurt others, is your heart. Your communication originates not in your mind but in your heart. “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34).
What Is Communication?
Unfortunately, many conversations can be compared to a tennis match: two players stand on opposite ends of the court preparing to send the ball across the net in such a way that the other has little or no chance of a successful return. The goal is not to keep the ball going back and forth between them, but to deliver the ball so as to prevent a response.
Good relational conversations can be better characterized as a game of “catch.” Both people attempt to deliver the ball to the other in such a way that it can be received and then successfully returned. The goal is not to win but to keep the ball going back and forth between them.
Satisfying relational communication is a process of verbal and nonverbal interaction with others in which thoughts and feelings are shared and understood; the receiver of the communication hears what is said and understands what is MEANT by the sender.
- Verbal communication conveys thoughts and feelings with the spoken word (both choice of words and tone of voice).
- Nonverbal communication expresses thoughts and feelings without words (facial expressions, body posture, hand gestures, direct or indirect eye contact, patient or impatient listening, gentle or rough touch, style of dress and clothing, apathetic or silent responses, platonic or romantic kisses, style of discipline, use of money or gifts).
Biblical Languages:
The Hebrew word dabar, which means “word,” is used in the Old Testament to express the concept of communication. It implies speaking about something. The Bible speaks to us about God and is one of the ways God speaks to us on matters pertaining to life. Old Testament language also speaks about the life-giving power of God’s Word. “He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave” (Psalm 107:20).
In New Testament Greek, logos (word) is not just “the expression of a thought, concept or idea,” but refers also to the name of an object. In the first chapter of John, “the Word” (logos) signifies the Divine Expression, Christ. “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” (John 1:14)
An Initial Question:
“How can I communicate with others in a way that is most pleasing to God?” The method of communication most pleasing to God is one that reflects Jesus Christ in all you say and do. That means allowing Jesus Christ to be Lord of your life, allowing Him to express His words and actions through you.
“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Colossians 3:16–17)
This series is largely based on my reading of Hunt, J. (2008). Biblical Counseling Keys on Communication: The Heart of the Matter. Dallas, TX: Hope For The Heart