For a number of reasons, most abused children never share “the secret” of their abuse. And when they do … it’s usually many years later! They protect their perpetrators because:
- They feel guilty (false guilt), assuming the sexual encounter is their fault.
- They feel love and loyalty for the abuser.
- They fear the one they tell may respond with disbelief and denial, or horror and judgment.
- They feel no need to tell because the trauma caused dissociation, resulting in no memory of abuse.
- They fear the abuser’s authority and power.
- They feel threatened by the abuser.
- They fear what will happen to the abuser.
- They feel obligated to the abuser.
- They feel no one cares because no one asks!
“The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out.” (Proverbs 18:15)
After an act of sexual abuse, the villain fears being found out. He seeks to shift the blame to the victim by unloading a truck full of guilt. This strategy is a perverted game.
Most games are fun, and most games require some level of strategy. In the case of child abuse, perpetrators use one of the most powerful strategies in existence—guilt. In fact, most perpetrators possess an expertise at playing the guilt game … a game of deceit. For victims, this game is not fun—it is evil.
“Deceit [is] in the hearts of those who plot evil.” (Proverbs 12:20)
- “If you share our secret, it will break my heart.”
- “If you share our secret, Mother’s feelings will be so hurt.”
- “If you share our secret, they won’t let me see you again.”
- “If you share our secret, Mommy won’t understand and will leave us.”
- “If you share our secret, your mother will divorce me.”
- “If you share our secret, our family will be destroyed.”
- “If you share our secret, I’ll tell them you wanted it.”
- “If you share our secret, I’ll say you started it … it’s your fault.”
- “If you share our secret, I won’t love you any more.”
- “If you share our secret, I’ll kill you … I’ll kill myself.”
Hunt, J. (2008). Biblical Counseling Keys on Childhood Sexual Abuse: The Secret Storm. Dallas, TX: Hope For The Heart.